Samaritans are engaged

[colouringindoors]

can someone please talk to me. all their volubteers are on the phone

I'm glad you're in a better place.

i don't know what I'm going to do thur and fri and have dd home as she's just finished yr11

It's so hard having to fight for everything isn't it? And when you're single parenting you're continually giving of yourself. And the situation with your ex. It's all draining you. It's no wonder that you feel as you do. There's only so much a person can take and you're at breaking point. I'd say that's absolutely understandable!
Well done for keeping on keeping on. As hard as it is, you're doing it.
I'm really pleased that you see work in a positive light, giving you something to distract you.
It was only when I changed my mindset towards my ex that I managed to start to move forwards. Little by little. It's the hardest thing ever but you've got this. You can do this.
Could your DD get a job? You could put it out on FB that she's looking for work. Has she got friends local to you that she can spend time with?
Deep breath. Push your waste of space ex out of your mind. You can only be responsible for your actions, not his.

dd has ASD so gettimg her to hand in cv to 2 cafes she kniws has been a challenge. Am encouraging her to do some voluntary work but it is a real challenge for her.

I could cope better with ex being rubbish if people could see it. But he talks the talk 😡 I know I need to get past this rage and hate but am v stuck at the moment. I can't do all the parenting and home schooling if ds on top of everythung else, it's too much. But if I don't do it it doesn't happen and I can't bear that either

i work in a sec school in a crap job that enables me to be available for my kids.

I hear exactly what you're saying. You've got it really bloody tough. We can't dress that up.
You're spread way too thinly. Your job, as crap as you say it is, means that you can be there for your kids. And that's so important. The job is a positive thing. And just think 6 more weeks of holding on and then you'll all be off. Hopefully that might relieve some pressure?
How good is the Senco at your DS school? Do you have a good relationship with them?
That's a really brave step for your DD. Fingers crossed that something comes of it.
I know you feel like you're drowning right now but you will get through this xx

hear exactly what you're saying. You've got it really bloody tough.

thank you x

Spoke to GP this pm who agreed with therapists suggestion to increase Sertraline for a while. She was sympathetic to my situation but didn't ask about suicidal thoughts or ideation which I was surprised by as I had said in email to her that I'd had them every day for weeks and ended up on phone to Samaritans. She said to get back in touch in 4 weeks

I'm sorry your GP chat didn't go as hoped. But keep on reaching out...you should feel proud of that!

Hi @colouringindoors I hope as thinking of you today. I’m glad you spoke to your GP and hopefully the increase in meds will help you. I know it’s way easier said than done but is there any way of trying not to let your ex affect you so much? He really has so much power over you 😞 It must’ve be infuriating that other people don’t seem to see what he’s really like but more often than not people who be up showing their true colours eventually. Sounds like you are so much better off without him living with you but he’s taking up too much headspace still. Sending you love and strength x

Sorry that should say I was thinking of you today

Gosh sorry my post doesn’t make much sense!

thanks. You're right, he is taking up too much headspace. I don't know how to really change that much at the moment. I am so full of anger. I can cope with him being shit towards me but when he's a crap dad it gives me the rage. I have to see him every day as he drives ds to school and is supposed to help with ds' education. It is something I'm looking at with my therapist. We need to get divorced, I had to delay it as I've been in so much pain and didn't have brain power.

It's a really hard situation. No one in the world would find that easy. I'd find your situation hard. Somehow though you are coping! Do you think you could soon start divorce? What would that feel like?

Have you got any hobbies? Anything that can distract you when you’re feeling at your worst? Maybe some reading or gardening?

Mountaingoatling thank you. I'm barely coping tbh. Permanently exhausted. Do want to start the divorce process soon. I have an injection re my sciatica in a couple of weeks which I'm hopimg will help reduce my pain levels so I can get my head round it. I'm very fearful of it too. I don't know what he will be like, I worry he'll be awful.

itsmeagainagain I would usually garden or walk but since back injury havent been able to do more than 20 mins. Trying to read a bit.

Yes you must get your pain sorted first. Its brilliant you've got an appointment. You don't strike me as a procrastinator...you're doing loads!!!! Tbh his scope to 'be awful' will be dealt with by the divorce. He will have to commit to certain things that are legally enforceable. Right now he has scope to be a knob...and if he is intimidating you not to divorce thats your massive clue that he knows it will reduce his ability to bully you!!!!! Ah...you're so close to getting through this. Don't give up! What are your favourite Spotify or music tracks to fire you up? I'm showing my age but Fleetwood Mac and Taylor Swift sometimes help me feel that my pain is a universal woman superhero experience!!!

ah thanks mountaingoatling your post made me smile. And I've just remembered i had a mountain goat nickname many years ago when scrambling up Scottish hills!

I find music really helpful and is my go to distraction/comfort/therapy. I listen to a lot of Coldplay! Also have playlists with great female strong songs like Titanium, Halo, Chandelier, Love Star is Born lady Gaga soundtrack. Some Killers, Script, Razorlight, Tom Walker. Old stuff a-ha ,Tears for Fears, 10,000 maniacs, Hue & Cry, Carly Simon, Crowded House, Simple Minds, Eva Cassidy. A mix! Yes to some Fleetwood Mac snd Taylor Swift too

Was doing better today but a "friends" stupid comment on my dds leaving school photo has knocked me this evening. It takes so little to send me back down into the pit. So, so tired.

I'm here if you want to talk.

Up a bit, and then down a bit is normal, it's never just up and up with moods.

Has anything good happened today that you'd like to share?

I got an excellent parking space at school pick up. This is my win of the day. Oh, and I had a lovely bath this morning and read some of my book. A peaceful 20 mins

thank you. I had nice Neros coffee and croissant this morning in the hour I had to myself. Been a demanding day with dds leavers day and home schooling ds.

yeah I'm frustrated that it's so easy to get derailed...

and feel dreadful again.

@colouringindoors am crap at advice am sorry, but wanted you to know I was thinking of you and didn’t want your posts to go unanswered. Hope you are sleeping and the morning is better.

thank you x. Had a bit of a chat with a friend this pm, inc about ex. I sounded a bit crazy and overreacting. Why does he get to me SOOOOOO much? Feel utterly exhausted again. Can't believe it's a week since I started this thread. Feels like yestrrday. Don't know what to do now. Vvvv hot here. Can't be bothered to cook but had takeaway pizza yesterday. Could do with a nap but then I'll struggle to get to sleep tonight. Lonely. Head feels utterly fried again.