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Original poster

I'm on ADs, My dh has cancer, my work are trying to make me redundant, my dm's gone loopy and...... I'm pregnant!

150 replies

Wills · 03/11/2004 12:55

Do you think I could sell my life history to Eastenders or do you think they wouldn't believe me!

I'm 3 days late and it was on MTS's suggestion that because I'm on ADs that I really did need to know whether or not I'm pregnant. So now I have to come off the ADs. DH did not want another, I did but hadn't expected to have that conversation with him for at least another year. Now that life has been created I want to give it the best chance possible but I have to say I'm despondent. Between dd1 and dd2 I had a miscarriage and my gp felt it was because I wasn't physically fit. Well I certainly don't qualify as physically fit now either. I haven't been eating a lot, have lost 18 pounds in 6/8 weeks, no folic acid and tonnes of alcohol. I couldn't bare to loose another it hurts soooo much. I keep trying to "forget" that I'm pregnant. I also keep wondering if the tests (2) were wrong. Should I get a different brand.

I have just cornered (with my very expensive solicitors help) my work into giving me my old job back. I'm not in the clear yet but it was a small step of progress. The battle is most definitely continuing though but now I feel a little like a fraud.

Sorry if I'm boring anyone but I was lost in a sea of emotions before this mornings results, now I'm drowning. If a baby really is there then I passionately want it to be ok and for it to be the light on the horizon for me during this awful time but I'm very very scared to let myself care.

OP posts:
velcrobott · 03/11/2004 13:02

Gosh Wills.... yes send it to Eastenders........
Sorry to hear that it's all so difficult! The first step would be to confirm the pregnancy, get some antenatal supplement...
There are some AD that are copatible with pregnancy.... go see your GP!

Hugs to you..... seems like it is an emotional rollercoaster indeed ...{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

pinkmama · 03/11/2004 13:03

Wills, I don't know what to say. Not boring at all, just really feel for you, what a lot going on. Don't drown, there are lots of people here to help you float

motherinferior · 03/11/2004 13:03

I honestly don't know what to say, sweetheart, except to send my love. And that I personally - without enough knowledge, admittedly - wouldn't have thought that m/c was linked to your fitness levels; and that I conceived dd1 in a wash of booze and didn't take folic acid - or stop drinking till well beyond your point and she's FINE.

throckenholt · 03/11/2004 13:05

I think pregnancy tests rarely give false positives - so you are going to have to face the fact that you are pregnant. I think that in the first month you can't really do much damage - but if you carry on drinking a lot etc then you may get problems.

Start taking folic acid asap. Then talk things through with DH.

Re the job - you didn't plan to get pregnant so you can't blame yourself for bad timing.

I hope things work out ok for you.

pinkmama · 03/11/2004 13:06

I think you need to take it a step at a time and get the pregnancy confirmed. How pregnant do you think you might be?

Twigless · 03/11/2004 13:07

Gosh .. I also don't know what to say ..

would like to wish you congratulations on your pregnancy, start taking those vitamins now .. so many pregnancies start in a wash of alcohol I wouldn't worry

.. I have NEVER heard the lack of fitness can lead to miscarriage

.. good news on the job front though .. pregnancy does not make you a fraud .. that is why there is legislation there to protect pregnant women from scumbag employers

you are not boring .. I'm not surprised about the sea of emotions .. how is DH? how has he taken the news?

pamina3 · 03/11/2004 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkmama · 03/11/2004 13:07

sorry, just realised you said you were 3 days late

bundle · 03/11/2004 13:07

wills, i know absence of periods can just be due to rapid weight loss

sobernow · 03/11/2004 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thomcat · 03/11/2004 13:15

Blimey, right one thing and one day at a time.

Start taking folic acid today and don't worry about not having taken it before.
Cut down or if possible stop drinking.
What you do eat make it healthy
talk to your dh, have you told him yet?
Get your CV ready, decide what you want to do, sign up with some temp agncies incase and sort out a fat redundacy package if it comes to it.
Don't let it all get to you, deal with one thing at a time, keep calm, we're all here for you, it'll be okay.

What is happening with your DH and the C word, is it being treated etc?

Marina · 03/11/2004 13:16

Wills, if that is the same GP as before, remember she is NOT always right or reliable. You've been misinformed by her at least once...I am referring here to her assertion that you previously miscarried because you were not fit. I'm with MI on that one, I don't think your GP can say that is definitely the case.
Take your time with bonding with the baby, hopefully you have months and months ahead of you to get your head round all the conflicting emotions this unexpected pregnancy has brought you.
I don't know if this will help you or your dh AT ALL but on the BBC website there is a very truthful and touching diary slot for a journalist who has been living with a brain tumour for a couple of years now. He and his wife went ahead with another baby even though he was still being treated and is not yet free from cancer risk. Here is the link.
Sending you hugs. I have also CATed you. XXX

Nikkichik · 03/11/2004 13:17

Oh you poor thing, hang in there. Agree with motherinferior re. the not being physically fit thing. I wasn't before I conceived dd and she's now 2.75! What's physically fit anyway? My sil is the fittest person I know and she had an MC, so I think that's hogwash! MCs seem to be one of those frustratingly medically inexplicable things, which is so not helpful to those of you who've had them!
Go see your GP and explain your worries (is yours approachable), start taking the folic acid and eat something! - be kind to yourself!
how is dh taking the whole thing - is he being supportive?

Batters · 03/11/2004 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prufrock · 03/11/2004 13:28

Oh Wills
You can't get a false positive. So if 2 tests say you are pregnant then you are. And don't worry about the alcohol, for the first couple of weeks the babe lives off itself anyway.
Have you told your dh yet? What was his reaction.
I'm so sorry there isn't anything I can do for you except be here to listen. If you do need any practical help then do CAT me.

shrub · 03/11/2004 13:28

hello there - all i can say is that i think your bloomin amazing for getting through all what you have done so far. i think we are all scared of losing control and it sounds from your post that is what you have been fighting to regain. try and stop fighting and start living gently - if you are feeling overwhelmed/guilty about news of baby and your health go to m & s and get some healthy ready meals to get you and your family through the next few days - there is folic acid in breads/cereals so you are probably fine, rest as much as you can?? i have 2 ds's and am 14 weeks and the only way i've got through the tiredness is to go to bed when they do. don't feel a fraud now you have your job back and your pregnant - they don't need to know for a few months and it sounds like they owe you plenty after the way they've treated you. no more feeling guilty/shame/worry about the past, the only way to live your life is to live in the present, moment by moment - let all the rest of the ifs/whys/buts fall by the wayside and get yourself to the chemist and get your folic acid. sounds weird but have found when i get anxious the main things that have helped are getting out as much as possible - woods/beach/park and having showers/baths/going swimming and drinking loads of water have really helped calm me down - its because they force you to take deep breaths, sort of like a meditation without you realising! i have learnt to meditate -if you want to know a way i could post the link. i would steer clear of your mum is she is being loopy - its part of their job description you know! try and be around people that don't press those buttons. my best friend had cancer, i handed my notice in on my old job so i could spend time with her and i was pregnant with my first. i imagine lots of people ask how your dh is (as they are too embarrased to ask him) and very few ask how you are coping. i just want you to know there is and are ways through this and the little baby inside will help and your dh to focus on what is really important is this weird weird world. i think i read somewhere the chinese symbol for 'crisis' is also the same for 'opportunity'. hugs and hope your day gets better xx

Kayleigh · 03/11/2004 13:33

Wills, you poor thing. You are getting some good advice here. Are you still coming out tomorrow night? Sounds like you could do with a good mumsnet night out. Hugs XXX

Original poster
Wills · 03/11/2004 13:36

Thanks to everyone, your messages are really helping. I've started to spot. If I hadn't taken the tests I'd be thinking "at long last" as its just like the start of my period. Can't cope at work any more today so am going home. Have taken folic acid.

OP posts:
Kayleigh · 03/11/2004 13:38

oh wills. I don't know what to say.

maomao · 03/11/2004 14:03

Oh Wills, poor you! You've got so much going on! Nothing to add to all the good advice here, but wanted to send you some hugs.

kizzie · 03/11/2004 14:07

Wills - thinking of you.

Just wanted to say too about your worries about being fit etc for pregnancy. I was so ill during my (twin pregnancy) that I lost 2 stone in the first 3 months and barely ate anything. I felt absolutely bloody awful and was convinced it must be affecting the babies but in fact when they popped out they were both over 5lbs. Its true what they say that the body makes sure that the baby gets nutrients even when the mum doesnt.

Good luck with everything.
Kizziex

mumwithnoname · 03/11/2004 14:23

Wills- {{{hug}}}

SenoraPostrophe · 03/11/2004 14:40

I really feel for you, Wills. It's all just too much at once by the sounds of it.

Listen to Thomcat. And when you get home, put your feet up, read, or watch rubbish on telly (or come on here!), make yourself a nice fruit salad then put your feet up some more.

But sod eastenders - time to think about writing your autobiography!

mears · 03/11/2004 14:59

Sorry to hear your problems Wills .

As far as pregnancy is concerned please do not worry about not being 'fit enough'. Your GP is talking pants when she says that is a reason for miscarriage. I see very 'unfit' women who have successful pregnancies such as intravenous drug users. They often have hardly any decent meals yet their pregnancies progress.

Many, many women become pregnant without advance preparation - try not to worry about that. You have done the right thing by starting your folic acid now. Spotting is very common when your period time is due.

Your pregnancy cannot be used to discriminate you as far as work in concerned so that should have no bearing on your case. I am sure your solicitor will tell you that.

You may find that you need AD treatment and that is possible while pregnant. Best to discuss with the obstetrician. As has been said already, try and deal with one thing at a time.

Hope you and DH are able to look at this as a positive thing happening in your lives. Thinking of you, mears.

Spacecadet · 03/11/2004 17:25

Wills just wanted so say that having been pregnant plenty of times if 2 tests are positive then you are, you can sometimes get a false positive if you are on fertility drugs but thats about it.
I conceived my 4th baby last year despite having a coil in and thought well she is meant to be.I was violently ill, lost weight in the first 3 months and I also had an uncontrolled thyroid problem and was certainly not in the best of health.Now she is a healthy 15 week old who weighed 8lb 3 oz 2 weeks early.Its rubbish that you misscarry because you are not in good health, I lost babies when I was in perfect health and did everything right,You need to see your gp asap and bet it confirmed, there are some ads which are safe to use in pregnancy, dont worry about the drinking, there are plenty of women who drank before they knew they were pregnant, it wont have harmed your baby, honestly, take care.