I'm on ADs, My dh has cancer, my work are trying to make me redundant, my dm's gone loopy and...... I'm pregnant!

[Wills]

Do you think I could sell my life history to Eastenders or do you think they wouldn't believe me!

I'm 3 days late and it was on MTS's suggestion that because I'm on ADs that I really did need to know whether or not I'm pregnant. So now I have to come off the ADs. DH did not want another, I did but hadn't expected to have that conversation with him for at least another year. Now that life has been created I want to give it the best chance possible but I have to say I'm despondent. Between dd1 and dd2 I had a miscarriage and my gp felt it was because I wasn't physically fit. Well I certainly don't qualify as physically fit now either. I haven't been eating a lot, have lost 18 pounds in 6/8 weeks, no folic acid and tonnes of alcohol. I couldn't bare to loose another it hurts soooo much. I keep trying to "forget" that I'm pregnant. I also keep wondering if the tests (2) were wrong. Should I get a different brand.

I have just cornered (with my very expensive solicitors help) my work into giving me my old job back. I'm not in the clear yet but it was a small step of progress. The battle is most definitely continuing though but now I feel a little like a fraud.

Sorry if I'm boring anyone but I was lost in a sea of emotions before this mornings results, now I'm drowning. If a baby really is there then I passionately want it to be ok and for it to be the light on the horizon for me during this awful time but I'm very very scared to let myself care.

{{{Hug}}} (My dm is rather annoying too!!!) Takwe care

Wills, I know you said you were hoping to get signed off work so you may not have access at home. You haven't posted for a few days and I was just wondering if you were ok. XX

Hi, Sorry Kayleigh I do have access at home but have been sticking my head in the sand. The news about my dh was not good and I've run away from it. Even writing about it on here felt too painful, never felt like this before.

Its a little difficult to explain, mainly because its complicated. Its a mixture of both good and bad. The good news is that he's not about to die, which although I'd never seriously thought was going to happen had worried me in the few days before last Friday. The bad news is that this is not likely to go away and that we are going to have to find a way to live with it. The first time they found the cancer it was felt that he would undergo treatment then be checked for 10 years and discharged to move on. This time round however it seems that although they are positive about this round of treatment they feel that it will come back. They feel that he has a genetic susceptibility to bladder cancer, possibly cancer in general. In terms of treatment for this round they have suggested using BCG rather than chemotherapy as they have found that this has better results than the chemo but if it doesn't work then he will have to go back to chemo. His cancer is Type 1, but grade 3. They are concerned that because its grade 3 there is a possibility that the BCG/Chemo wont work. According to the specialist cancer, like bacteria and viruses can become immune to chemo drugs (through mutation) and being grade 3 there will be a higher chance each time it returns so he also spoke about cutting out his bladder altogether although at the moment there is a reasonably good chance that this time round it wont come to that. Basically once his cancer has been eliminated he will have to be checked for the rest of his life as there is a very good chance it will come back. Each time it returns there is a good possibility that it will be harder to eliminate. Finally as he has a genetic susceptability to cancer there is also a reasonable chance that the cancer will appear elsewhere in his body. Given the grade of cancer if it ever does/when it does then treatment will be very difficult and with a fairly high chance of failure. Although we haven't been told that he has X number of years to live the odds of him reaching a ripe old age are not favourable. We are going to have to start living for the now. Also we now have to face the possibility that his genetic susceptability may have been passed to our children.

I'm finding that I simply cant compute all the possible implications at once so I simply don't do anything. Bits drip through daily. Like yesterday I had a panic about the kids and the BCG treatment and was on the phone to the GP asking if they needed to be immunised (dh will be asked to put bleech down the toilet every time he goes so as to prevent TB from getting out into the system). She didn't know so I've decided to write down all my questions over the next two weeks and phone up the consultant and ask him. Its weird normally I'm an ardent internet user and would have been looking things up but its almost as though I'm too scared to look.

We currently live north of London but both of us have always wanted to live by the sea (we met at a Uni by the sea). We are now looking at moving back down to the South coast. The two issues with this are a) we have a brill nanny setup and b) our friends. I know that friendships that mean something will last regardless but its great having friends round the corner so moving is scary. I also know that we would make new friends and at the same time have a much larger house, be by the sea and have a better lifestyle. Its just a thought at the moment but I no longer want to put things off, I want the pair of us to do them now.

Meanwhile the kids have had another bug, dd2 is doing some serious teething (all night) and I had a £400.00 bill from the tax office drop on my doorstep this morning. I'm actually starting to look forward to getting this year over and done with! I WANT SOME GOOD LUCK - please!

Oh Wills, love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wills I am so so sorry I didn't know what you were going through when I met you. Re end of your message, I just wanted to join in the sending of all luck I can, and the very best of wishes to you and all your family.

Wills I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine how you're dealing with all this. I have to say that the idea that your dh has a genetic susceptibility to bladder cancer and thus maybe other cancers sounds very strange to me. Most genetic predispositions to cancer give multiple tumour types from quite early on; I've never come across the notion of them manifesting just as bladder cancer. I'm assuming there's no real history of bladder cancer in your dh's family? If not then I would have thought the chances of your children inheriting it are remote. There are lots of cancers that can have a strong genetic predisposition, but bladder cancer is not normally thought to be among them.

I don't suppose any of this is of any possible comfort, all I can do is give you a virtual hug.
xxx

Wills - xxx

Wills, thinking of you and yours {{{{{hugs}}}}]

Wills, I feel that I can add nothing to what has already been said.
Please remember that people here love and care about you in a 'cyber-space' sort of way, but our feelings are sincere.
I can only send you my love and best wishes and say I will be thinking of you.
Please do not think that your post is boring anyone.....your post is so full of sincerity and sadness and well worth the few minutes it took me to read it. Please try and think of us as a place you can express all of your feelings and I for one will never find it boring. I feel rather helpless and so if there is anything that I can do to help just ask.
Thinking of you.
Bunglie XX

Oh so sorry to read this wills. xxx

oh Wills, what can I say
hugs X

Wills, so sorry to hear your news about dh. I had a sense you were braced for it not being brilliant.
I can't tell you how sorry I am to read your post and I think that, as ever, you are being strong, positive and resourceful. I take my hat off to you and send you lots of hugs. XXX
I saw your post on "our" other thread. Smashing nanny notwithstanding, I think you should give a move serious consideration. There are lots of great Mumsnetters points south of London you know! But I can understand your hesitation.
Wishing you some good luck for a change, you really do deserve it.

I'm so sorry to hear about the cr@p time you're having, Wills. If the collective thoughts of Mumsnetters have anything to do with it, you and your family will get through this awful episode.

Very sorry to read this wills.x

Wills .. sending you strength to deal with this .. and thinking of you ..

xxxxxxxxxxx

Have just caught up with this thread. My husband too has had cancer but his prognosis now looks okay but it does take it out of you and you have had so much else to cope with.
Can't offer you miracles or anything else just my sincere thoughts and lots and lots of hugs.

so sorry wills. have answered on our thread but wanted to respond here incase you check this one first. xxx

Wills I am so sorry to hear your news.
If you can't face googling for answers to your questions, could we do it for you? That way you can get specific answers to your queries without you having to trawl through lots of stuff that might just cause you to worry more.

Message withdrawn

OMG Wills you sound like you are really having a bad time of it. I hope things improve for you very soon xxxx

hugs.

Thinking of you Wills

Wills- thinking of you. ((hugs))