I'm on ADs, My dh has cancer, my work are trying to make me redundant, my dm's gone loopy and...... I'm pregnant!

[Wills]

Do you think I could sell my life history to Eastenders or do you think they wouldn't believe me!

I'm 3 days late and it was on MTS's suggestion that because I'm on ADs that I really did need to know whether or not I'm pregnant. So now I have to come off the ADs. DH did not want another, I did but hadn't expected to have that conversation with him for at least another year. Now that life has been created I want to give it the best chance possible but I have to say I'm despondent. Between dd1 and dd2 I had a miscarriage and my gp felt it was because I wasn't physically fit. Well I certainly don't qualify as physically fit now either. I haven't been eating a lot, have lost 18 pounds in 6/8 weeks, no folic acid and tonnes of alcohol. I couldn't bare to loose another it hurts soooo much. I keep trying to "forget" that I'm pregnant. I also keep wondering if the tests (2) were wrong. Should I get a different brand.

I have just cornered (with my very expensive solicitors help) my work into giving me my old job back. I'm not in the clear yet but it was a small step of progress. The battle is most definitely continuing though but now I feel a little like a fraud.

Sorry if I'm boring anyone but I was lost in a sea of emotions before this mornings results, now I'm drowning. If a baby really is there then I passionately want it to be ok and for it to be the light on the horizon for me during this awful time but I'm very very scared to let myself care.

Wills I am afraid I've nothing to add to the advice here but just wanted to send you hugs.

hi wills sorry that you are going through such a tough time atm.

can you see a different GP at the practice other than the one who gave such demoralising "advice" after your miscarriage? i think it would be useful to discuss the PG test results with a sympathetic GP.

re:ADs and PG. ADs such as SSRIs and Effexor are such recent drugs that there is no comprehensive research saying that they are 100% safe in PG. Bearing in mind the ultra cautious approach to prescribing in PG post thalidomide, no GP/psych will say that ADs are 100% safe or unsafe during PG - instead a decision would be taken on a case by case basis looking at the risks/benefits to the mum of continuing/discontinuing ADs. of the modern ADs, Prozac is the oldest and most researched, so is probably a good choice of modern AD to take during PG. I ended up on Prozac at 30 weeks PG, and this didn't cause any problems. If your GP is unhelpful/unknowledgeable on this issue, you may wish to push for a referral to a psychiatrist. At the very least I would push for a referral to a counsellor if your GP is unwilling to continue to prescribe ADs due to PG.

Would your HV be a useful person to discuss this with?

re:fitness etc. I lost 10 pounds in the six weeks prior to conceiving, went to the gym, lifted weights(!), had dental x-rays and took 7 days of citalopram prior to a BFP (and needless to say no folic acid). i suspect virtually every mum who has had an unplanned PG has moments of shuddering at what they did before their BFP.

take care
x

Thank you all. Coming home was the best thing I could do. Being with my kids has made me feel tonnes better. I'm still scared and I'm still finding that my emotions are flying all over the place. I go from adament that I'm loosing this little one to oh my gods how are we going to afford this one, back to how is my dh coping, off to how will work react and will they step up their attempts to get rid of me. I'm NOT telling my mother!

I've had a slight bleed today and to be honest it looks like a period starting. I quite often will spot for up to two days before going full flow, but I'm never ever late. I'm not questioning the pregnancy the tests I suppose confirm that but I am scared it wont last. I've started the trips to the toilet to check and bashing my boobs already .

People have asked how my dh is taking it. Actually he's being fantastic. Knowing that I had come home early he left his work an hour early to come home and hug me. He's shell shocked and I know that somewhere inside horrified. He adores his two daughters but during each ones pregnancy always falls apart at the increased responsibility that will be put on him. He didn't want a second even though he completely adores her now. I'm worried because he now needs to deal with this ontop of the pressure of his cancer. We hope to get a second pathologist's opinion at the end of this week/mid next. Then our consultant will be putting a team of professionals together to decide the best course. At this point we will go to see the consultant and ask the very many questions we need to ask (I have hundreds).

MARINA or pregnancy people
I know I know the answers somewhere inside but I could really do with hearing them again.

1. Can I lift relatively heavy things (had planned to clear out the loft at the weekend and at the moment really need to occupy myself)
2. I'm really struggling to eat. Today I've had two pieces of toast, a cracker (Matzos) and a very small baked potato. I know I need to start eating more but hope to build up slowly will this be ok? The thought of eating anything leaves me feeling sick so I'm really struggling but as I've said before I'm determined to do what I can to give this little one the best chance.
3. Is there anything I should be careful about?

Thanks for everyone's encouraging stories and the hugs, they are very much appreciated.

Wills, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you too sweetie.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I really don't think your m/c was due to not being physically fit - they can happen to anyone. And I really, really wouldn't bother with another tests. They aren't wrong, you know. Go and see your GP if you feel you need the ADs. It's not quite too late to take some folic acid and it sounds like good news on the job front - you are just as entitled to your pregnant as you were before. Try to relax (is that a totally stupid thing to say?) and get a decent dinner and a good night's sleep tonight.

Just to say, I bled (brown and red spotting) most days from about six weeks to 13 weeks including one days with lots of bright red blood and my baby is still there, merrily kicking away at 25 weeks. I wish you lots of luck.

Wills sorry that you and dh have got so much to contend with at the moment. Like others have said try and take one thing at a time. Thinking of you and dh and dds.

Wills in answer to your questions

1. My gut says no - if only because I think if you do lift heavy stuff and go on to miscarry you will probably tell yourself that it was your fault.
2. Honestly, it doesn't matter what you eat. The baby will take all the nutrition it needs, if you don't eat enough it will only be you that suffers. (So you should try to eat for your own sake). I was so sick with ds (and dd) from 3 weeks - reduced to nothing but plain pasta and jacket potatoes for much of the first rimester - and he came out as a chubby 8lb-er 3 weeks early.
3. Yourself. Is tehre any way you can manage to et just a couple of hours away? Go for a facial or go to a park and kick leaves around?

pretty much agree with prufrock's answers to your questions.

re:food. could you stomach glasses of milk? when I didn't have much appetite when PG that was what the midwife recommended to me.

also no harm in taking a pregnacare multivit/folic acid thing - if nothing else so you don't feel guilty about not eating enough

best of luck to you, wills, sqxxx

Ohhhh, I've only just caught up with this.

Prufrock is right, as always, your body will be depleted by the needs of the bump.

I didn't know I was pregnant for over 6 weeks, was taking no folic acid (had never heard of it), was wearing nicotine patches and had a very heavy New Year's Eve. I was convinced my baby would suffer from the alcohol syndrome thing but she was fine.

Take care, big hugs & good luck xxxx

Wills, you've had some good advice and cheer here about eating in pregnancy and trying to be kind to yourself - agree with Prufrock and the others, don't do the lifting, there must be some other less arduous but satisfying tidying you can do . If solid food is cloying, try making yourself some smoothies and sipping them. Greek yogurt, honey and banana is good and packed with nutrients; so is avocado, tomato and carrot - use your blender if you don't have a juicer. Oranges are a rich source of folic acid by the way.
You know I was a bleeder last time - just like Aloha, off and on to about 20 weeks including a night of red blood. All was well in the end, as you also know.
Remember not to take nurofen or anything heavy on animal-derived vitamin A (retinol as opposed to beta carotene). Bung some Floradix in your juice/smoothies if you can bear to.
I'm more worried about what you are going through emotionally, tbh. Being emotionally unprepared and ambivalent about a pregnancy is such hard amd tiring work. Glad the dds are working their magic...and that your dh was there for you. I remember now how you both went through the mill during the 9 months. Hugs to you both.

Wills, lifting is not a good idea when you are pregnant, more from the point of view that it will hurt your back, as your ligaments will start to soften, BUT if you have had a bit of spotting it is agood idea not to do any thing strenuous until it settles down.That said it can be a normal occurance in early pregnany to have a bit of spotting (implantation bleeding) and its nothing to worry about.I bled through all of my healthy pregnancies and no omone knew why.If it doesnt settle ask your gp to refer you to the early preganancy unit at your hospital(same day) where you can have an early scan and be reassurred.If you cant eat much try not to worry, your unborn baby will get everything it needs from your own reserves and will not suffer.I had hyperemesis in my pregnancies and took some convincing that my baby wouldnt suffer, however with dd2 where I actually had to be hospitilised and put on a drip at 8 weeks, he weighed 9lb 7 oz!!plese try not to worry, you have found out v early and you are now doing all the right things, dont forget to avoid all the usual things like cat litter, soft cheese, liver and any undercooked meat( sorry got my nurses hat on !!!)
sending a big {{{ hug}}}

Oh well little one is going . I started to heavily bleed this morning and am now cramping. I've just been with a close friend crying round at her house and talking and its really helped. How can I be so upset already? I'd started (just slightly) to think that maybe this baby meant that my luck had finally changed and that although the pregnancy was not planned it could be a light on the horizon. But no! Feeling so very sorry for myself. The emotional part of my brain feels like I must have done something absolutely horrendous to have all this bad luck happening to me. The sensible voice keeps saying things like look how lucky I am to have such gorgeous dds, dh and friends etc.

Now I'm scared because why did I have another miscarriage. I do want a third one day but do I have the courage to go through the first few weeks again? Sorry feeling really screwed up at the moment.

none of this is your fault, but you may not lose the baby, please get in touch with thre gp as you need an early scan to establish what has happened

hi wills, sorry to hear about the bleeding. i agree with SC that it would be best to get checked out - do you need to go via GPs, or could you self refer to EPU - i think other MNetters (Aloha?) have mentioned one at Kings in London?

Oh sweetheart

Wills - so sorry to hear what you're going through

wills, i'm so sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment - big hugs XXX

Wills xxx

The walk-in EPU that I'm aware of in London is at St Thomas's on the South Bank, there may be others. Wills, hugs. What rotten, rotten luck. XXX

Wills {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

OH love
xxxxxxxxx

oh sweetheart, so so sorry to hear this {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}