Health Anxiety - Part 4

[polkadotpixie]

I hope no-one minds me starting a follow up thread. I know some people were waiting for me to update so I thought I would but happy to ask MNHQ to delete if one of the long term posters wanted to start it 😊

@polkadotpixie are you on any medication? When I was taking sertraline I constantly needed a wee, even when I'd just been.

@polkadotpixie I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad, but I completely get it. It's so hard to quell the fears even though you will be fine. I think you will have to live through this nightmare until Thursday and then you will be sitting down with a cup of tea and able to sleep. I was the same in the two weeks to my breast appointment. Sending so much empathy. I've also had wee anxiety and so get that too. We're here for you 🧡

@AJ297 I also need a wee a lot and am on sertralibe.

@polkadotpixie you poor thing, this sounds v stressful for you indeed and sorry that you're struggling so much with this. In case this helps or reassures you I had a problem with frequent weeing too over the summer. I was very stressed and anxious and the more I worried the more I needed to pee. I felt like I constantly needed the loo and wasn't emptying bladder. I had the blood test for ovarian cancer, an investigation into my bladder emptying and also tons of urine tests but nothing came back. It eventually just stopped almost overnight and I'm fine now, well different HA worries, but just to say it could be any number of things so try not to panic as could be simple explanation or as others have said, stress and anxiety causing it

About to start this book...

Let me know if it’s good @Skyliner001 and I’ll get it! Might have a look at the app x

Also happy to report my lymph nodes feel normal sized again so I feel calm that anything sinister wouldn’t make them come up and down in size! Hopefully might get a few days peace before my next set of worries! dp is adamant it’s my ears causing them to swell up and down although when he feels he thinks they felt the same size they always did! Wishing everyone a good day!

@Blimeyoreilly2020 I did post a little about liver disease yesterday but it might be a couple of pages back now if you look for it! Any questions please ask so I can hopefully reassure you about it x

@tmh88 That is definitely the case, they would go up, and continue to go up, and up and up and up! Trust me you would know, that's great news so! You must be so relieved. They might come up again, and it might go back down again, but honestly I'm sure they are never anything to worry about.

I'll keep you posted about the book. I like the idea of reading a book, as it doesn't leave us much room to be distracted by things on the Internet.

Today I'm examining my addiction to the euphoria I get after a check reveals something is okay. It's like a physical sensation of relief. When I'm in a loop I can check and see that something's not there (in this case dimples in my breast) and I get a feeling of relief after checking but then the urge comes back to check again. I'm wondering if my brain is craving that relief because of the way the pattern is.

@Skyliner001 I think that's why it gets compared to OCD. It's like a compulsion.
psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-and-health-anxiety#3

I'm really struggling today too. Have had a little bit of the dizziness coming back and now I'm paranoid that that with my chest tightness means I'm dying ☹. I'm just so fed up of feeling like this all the time, I'm totally exhausted and irritable and feeling really down today. Even though my chest actually feels a bit better today and wasn't there at all when I woke up. Have also been clearing my throat a lot so maybe it is all connected with the sinus issues/mucus and its gone to my chest.

Also feel like I'm failing at the CBT as it's not helping and I feel like my therapist is annoyed at me because everything she tries doesn't work. I feel like I'm never going to get any better 😪

Oh thank you tmh88, I had a good day yesterday but after a call from the gp am feeling utterly terrified again today (no idea why they gave me an out of hours rather than get usuals to ring during the week - not complaining, just find it weird!) - gp just said test bloods again in 4 weeks and can take it from there if bilirubin still raised....not sure I can take 4 weeks of worry😩. polkadotpixie hope your day improves....it’s utterly horrible not being able to sleep for worry and then not being able to function properly from if either. Hope the book’s a good & helpful read Skyliner001!! God, I wish google didn’t exist😓

@KasparKat how many sessions have you had so far?
What kind of things do they get you to do?

Oh and KasparKat, I hope your day improves too 💐

I've had 10 sessions now. Before the 9th session she had me fill in a health anxiety questionnaire and my score had actually gone up rather than gone down, although my general anxiety score had gone down a lot. She seemed annoyed about this (I might be wrong as its online but that was the impression I got) and said that most people get 9 sessions but she has been given special permission to give me 12.

I just feel like most of the CBT is aimed at getting you to accept the logic that there is a very low chance of there actually being anything wrong with you. The problem for me is that I already accept that, for example the symptoms I'm getting at the moment such as chest tightness, dizziness etc, are highly likely to be anxiety and very unlikely to be something like heart failure or lung damage. But for me that doesn't take away any of the emotional response as there is still a chance that it could be something serious. I had a traumatic birth with my DD that led to her being disabled and there was maybe something like a 0.001% chance of that happening, but it still happened. So knowing that there is only a 1% chance of having a serious illness doesn't comfort me as I know that it could still happen. I don't know if that makes any sense?

I can't stop crying this afternoon. Have shut myself in the bedroom away from the DC and am watching TV but just can't stop crying. I feel like I'm never going to get better.

I'm also not having a great day. Keep digging my fingers up in my armpits, convincing myself I can feel lumps. I can't tell if they are muscle or lumps but I'm scared if I don't find them it will get missed at my appointment 🥺

I managed not to fall into a spiral when I got my cervical screening reminder today

Phew, how is it I could be dreading getting the letter even though it's just an invitation.

@polkadotpixie I've had that horrible fear before and understand. If it helps to know I basically need a pee any time I think about it. I can pee on demand too! I read about a thing called 'Scanxiety' where you get really anxious before a scan or test. I sympathise as I have a breast ultrasound on Monday and have been feeling positive for a while but now the date is looming I am totally shitting myself.

@Skyliner001 Glad the vag facts helped 😆 Looking forward to hearing your book review. I started 'help me I'm a hypochondriac' - thanks for the recommendation whoever suggested it - Amazon would only let me download a sample. So far I am loving it though!

@KasparKat sending hugs. I totally understand what you mean re the CBT and the chances. It helps me to a certain extent but then I think 'who's to say I won't be the rare case' xxx

@StooriMidori i've just bought that book help me as well. Can't wait to get it!

Good luck for the ultrasound on Monday let us know how it all goes.

Also any other information you glean from the specialist, it's always helpful for us breast anxiety health anxiety sufferers!! 😂

I find my ears turn off when I go to appointments though. I'm just so stressed. But yes any wisdom is good 😊

@KasparKat I totally understand. Everything I read about health anxiety says that people end up learning to "manage" the symptoms rather than it going away altogether 😔
I'm sat waiting for my MRI right now. I'm bricking it!

@ofwarren Good luck, let us know how it goes!

The scan is done. It's so loud on your head!!
I have to wait to hear from the doctor so I don't know what they could/couldn't see

Thank you all for the support today ❤️

I'm feeling a bit calmer and I've stepped away from Google as it makes me a million times worse

I think possibly I have a UTI after all . I've had a couple recently and the doctor gave me an extra box of antibiotics last time which I started taking last night and it seems to have calmed down a bit

DH has taken DS out for a bit to give me some time to myself to get my head straight and chill out a bit and I've had some sleep so I'm okay. It's the early hours that are the worst, I really struggle then

I'd talked myself into taking out a loan for surgery to remove my ovary earlier, even if the MRI shows it's benign but I'm not sure it's a good idea, I can't afford it at all so I'm just going to hope for good news and speak to the Gynaecologist on Thursday before I make any decisions