This day is so long already.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Woke up at 3:30am - pain and racing mind. I can't go back to bed because of see above and I have online work meetings anyway on and of until mid evening. Then its bed and another night of not sleeping. How are we only three hours into my day?

I can't settle long enough to focus on anything and I just cry instead. My poor poor family having to put up with me. I wish I could go away, so that I wasn't making things worse for them.

dh will be up soon and he will look all worried at me and I can't bear that.

Great, small steps, give the GP a call after your meeting and hopefully they can help you to start to feel better. Keep talking to us as much as you like and we'll try to help you through as well.

Thank you. I'd do the x thing, but I'd get shot but consider it happened.

Deep breaths. I can do today, can't I.
Then tomorrow I've not got anything critical arranged.

OYBBK, I can feel how tense you are. Please call your GP when you can. In the meantime here's a lithos breathing gif. Take care

You can do it! We're here and we'll help!

That's right. Just do today.

Pain is exhausting Kitten, so bear that in mind, it's only natural that you'll feel down and out. Once you get that under control, it will feel like the grey clouds are lifted (pun intended lol). Soon it will be 1/8ths with a few light whispy clouds overhead

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, please do ring the GP, you need that support.

Are there any forums or groups that support people with your pain-causing condition/illness?

I have chronic pain and I close down and turn inwards when it is at its worst, which makes no sense as I need to look for support and guidance from professionals and other people. Our minds do strange things.

I do hope you get some respite soon

I want t

How are you getting on OYBBK?

I took all your advice and the gp was lovely. Really kind and listened to me. I'm trying a different medication that should help with pain and sleep. Basically, until I can have surgery - delayed through covid - that I desperately need its a matter of trying to just cope. Apparently coping doesnt involve just trying to ignore it all and pretend I'm managing.

I'm not at all good with support groups - I end up hearing everyone, taking on everyone elses pain and not being able to share mine. I've tried to talk to friends in real life, but somehow I almost always end up unheard with them feeling much better at having unburdened themselves.

oh that came out wrong - he doesn't expect me to just cope, iyswim - hes going to try and help with it.

Oh that sounds like a step in the right direction and great that you have a lovely GP, I'm so pleased that something can be done to help. I've been thinking about you all morning, hopefully the possibility of snow will brighten things a little bit as well.

This is a success story for you today Kitten. Small steps at a time.

You've taken action that is right for you and whilst it doesn't eradicate your underlying health issue (that still needs to be resolved as soon as you can have the op) at least you have new meds for sleep and pain. Sleep is good!!

They often say you need to get to rock bottom to then bounce back up, so here's hoping this is a turning the corner day.

What's going on, it's now slashing it down with rain lol. I'm putting on my foul weather gear and going to get soaked, other wise I be grrr all afternoon thru lockdown brain. Take care.

You sound like a really empathic person. That can be so draining, so avoiding groups is wise.

I am in FB groups where you can just read people's experiences and advice. I find it useful.

So glad you spoke to the GP, I hope the medication helps soon.

Are you having a kind to yourself day?
I watch programmes about homesteading if I am in a bit of a state, cwtched up in the sofa, watching them living in the wild.
😊

💐💐💐

Chronic pain is so draining. I lived with it for years, thank god not at the moment. The pain and exhaustion is equivalent to say digging a trench, hod carrying up ladders, Iron person thingys. I am imagining a “Virtually Did” list for you with a bunch of extreme physical activities ticked off. Swimming the Channel all night followed by a Marathon in the morning.

I am self employed ”Many apologies, I won’t be able to do x due to family illness” truthful, covers it, not giving away a lot of personal information.

In these times people will make assumptions and (mostly) be tactful and sympathetic.

🌷🌷🌷🏡🌳🌳

Thank you so much everyone for being kind. I do feel a bit better for being able to vocalise it, both here and in real life. I've managed to rearrange meetings - so I can go out into the pouring rain and pick up my meds. I shouldn't,, but having someone else pick them up just makes me feel worse.

I've done a little weather model watching. all I can say is wrap up well and make sure you have emergency hot chocolate in.
I've also managed, miraculously to fix a software issue with my weather station after months of intermittently trying. Maybe that is a sign?

I do feel bad for sounding all worrying this morning People mustnt worry - I know that even though things are very very shit right now, I just need to get through it and one day things will be better.

Best head out to the pharmacy.

Don't worry about us worrying about you, Kittens! Zhou are far harder on yourself than anyone else would be- it's ok to accept help. I take it all these days, help and a listening ear, on the basis that I've been the helper and listener many times so it ok if I have a turn!

It's your turn. And that's ok.

Thank you Pickle. Perhaps I shouldn't read the thread while waiting outside the pharmacy. I'll make my mask wetter.

Its not raining now though. Thats good.

Last summer, when the rates felt low in my area, a trip to the pharmacy was a treat. I'd risk going in heron foods next door, and get chips. Everything else was delivered.

It feels a bit risky now, though. No browsing Heron foods for me!

Can I confess something?

I went into a shop for the first time since early december. Bought some of the missing items from tonight's delivery and some sherbet lemons for dd for 'thinking' while she does her uni work.

It felt rather naughty, slightly unwise and I'm so so tired and unpracticed I couldn't remember which end the basket goes on at self checkout. I had to stand there and logic it out.
But it also felt like I'd taken back a little bit of control when it feels like I've surrendered it all at the moment.

Haha I can relate to that! It's a bit overwhelming, all those people, all that behaving politely in public...

Also, the loo is always nearby and I only brush my hair when I feel like it.

I'm worried I'll forget how to behave in public, and haul my tights up or scratch under my arms like a monkey!

That made me giggle.
oh man, transitioning back into polite society is going to be so hard. I have had my first vaccine, so at some point that will happen again.

Yay! Great news!
I'm looking forward to things opening up again. Not because I'm hugely social and there are loads of people I want to see (I'm not, there aren't!), not to get back to the pubs and cinemas (not a regular), but to get a different view- so see a different town, walk a different walk, look at the sea or a mountain.

I have on my list of things to achieve each week 'go somewhere different'. I haven't managed it yet, but I'm working up to it!

Truth is, I have a sweet lockdown set up- a home that's big enough to get away from each other, two YA sons who pull their weight and play board games, and a DH who isn't as annoying as all that. Oh and a daft clown dog, for entertainment! Home is too comfy to miss 'out there' that much!

I would like to sit at a pub table, with a beer and a book and pretend to read, but really just observe. I love doing that.

People watching, fabulous. So fascinating.

Glad you've been able to get your meds.

I hope your DD enjoys the sweeties,they definitely help with thinking.

Sleep well.

How are you feeling today @Ohyoubadbadkitten?