Health Anxiety - Part two

[MrsWhites]

Hi everyone, it seems we have reached 1000 posts on our original thread which is amazing, just shows how much support we have been able to give each other.

I thought we would benefit from part two!

Tmh88 - I’m very sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how devastating it must feel and it must compound everything else. Sending virtual hugs.....thinking of you x

@Lib3rtine thank you, I’m really finding everything hard at the minute! Funeral organising makes me feel on edge too, deep down I think I know it’s anxiety causing these symptoms I’m just not very rational at the minute! Glad your therapy is going well! I’m really happy to hear that and hope it works for you! xx

@CCD7133 thank you! I’m trying to pull myself together but the anxiety just latches on stronger at the minute! Hope you are ok x x

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me jumping back in. I was on the original thread and started to pick up, then gave birth to DD2, then it was the run-up to Christmas and now we're in tier 4 lockdown and I've noticed my anxiety is back big time

I went for counselling at Mind back in 2019 and was diagnosed with health anxiety - at the time it was because I was obsessing over a lymph node on my neck that I've been able to feel for years. Got to the point I was prodding and poking it constantly so even when I wasn't touching it I would get a stingy pain through it because I'd aggravated it that much. Ultrasound showed it was completely fine. GP prescribed me sertraline (never taken but always carry it with me incase I need it). Stopped prodding it and never had any bother with it since.

Since then I've had 3 visits to the breast clinic (December 2019, February 2020 & June 2020). First visit an ultrasound showed a fatty lump and the sonographer was lovely and very funny and said some women just have fatty lumps. Visit number 2 nothing was found, GP thought it was a cyst but specialist said there was nothing there and what the GP felt was breast tissue, and the third visit the same - that my breasts are a lot more dense for my age (29 at the time, 30 now), that some women just have lumpy breasts and that pain isn't associated with cancer (Google tells me otherwise. Really trying to stay off it). He also said that some women get pain in their breast/s around their period, some due to hormones and that some women just have unexplained pain that isn't anything sinister. He also said that pregnancy could be a factor as I was pregnant at my June appointment. I should mention that on all occasions - especially my last visit, he had a good feel of both breasts, felt all areas where I'd convinced myself I'd found a lump, and said they felt just as they should be.

I do a monthly examination (I choose payday! My reward for doing my examination is being paid in my eyes haha) and for the last 10 months or so I've had intermittent pain in my left breast. It started with nipple itching/soreness in January, then this occasional pain - then I found out I was pregnant in March. Mentioned it at my June appointment at the clinic and was told the above. Even with the specialists reassurance, my health anxiety has been through the roof this weekend. I've constantly felt my breast tonight for lumps and I mean CONSTANTLY prodding and poking! I thought I'd found a lump but when I'm being rational it was one of the 'lumps' I'd found before my June visit that was muscle. Because my breasts are dense if I can't feel the same thing in both breasts I panic, but then I try and remind myself the dense-ness might be the reason for that.

Sorry I'm just rambling. The thing is, when I'm not thinking about it, the pain isn't there. Sometimes if I'm not thinking about it and the pain isn't there but I lean over and squash it or DD knocks it, it can feel sore, but then I press the other as though that's been knocked too, and that feels sore. I think because I've been three times to the clinic I'm obsessed incase I find anything else. I just wish the worrying would stop. I'm starting to think I should probably start taking the sertraline.

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend

Oh! I'm also on the depo injection - started it in October after I had DD2 so I have no idea if my period would be due or anything as I haven't really had a proper period since before being pg other than spotting and what was like a mini period

Happy new year everyone (a few days late, I hadn’t noticed you’d moved into a new thread!). I’ve been told in therapy to avoid the internet but I like popping in now and again to see how everyone is doing, it’s so helpful to know you’re not alone.

@RaeCJ82 I could have written your posts - I randomly started having these same issues back in March time when my anxiety had gotten really bad. I’m struggling with sleep at night as I can’t switch off from the noise of my own pulse in my ear and feeling my pulse through my whole body, and my carotid artery is also visible (at first I thought I had a lump in my neck that was pulsing!).I haven’t had any tests at all as I’ve been fobbed off and told it’s normal and just anxiety. I really didn’t believe it but I have to say it’s actually improving with therapy. Hopefully a little bit of reassurance.

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Hi everyone and welcome to the newbies.

@tmh88 I hope you're okay and the funeral organising is going smoothly. It would obviously be a difficult time for you regardless but in these times, being unable to reach out to family for hugs and long chats must make everything that much harder. I think it's pretty natural for your anxiety to be increased just now and I hope you're managing it okay.

@RaeCJ82 my anxiety is also centred around my heart and I've experienced most of the same symptoms as you and then some. Palpitations, chest pain, breathlessness, weird pulsating in various parts of my upper abdomen, chest, throat, head. I've had left arm pain, weakness and tingling, dizziness and the list never ends.

The cruelest thing about health anxiety is that it causes these symptoms and you go round in circles. Have you looked up somatic symptom disorder? I meet almost every criteria in the DSMIV. It may apply to some of you.

For a completely ridiculous example of how health anxiety eradicates all logic, take my current situation. Less than two weeks ago my blood pressure was 165/110 at the GP and he was a little concerned but did say that anxiety might be contributing and to monitor it at home. Later that night it was ever so slightly lower at home but not great at all. Since then I've been taking it morning and evening as advised and it's been steadily coming down to much healthier numbers and tonight it is a very healthy 115/68. Great right? No. Now I'm in bed, wide awake and panicking because fluctuations in BP are an indicator or all manner of scary things and obviously I must have one of them. A heart attack is imminent and I will die and leave my children motherless.

Of course the logical conclusion is that 2 weeks ago my anxiety was absolutely crippling me, I'd had all manner of crazy stress going on too with kids, work and family and Christmas. I've spent the last 10 days trying to relax and focussing on not much other than keeping myself nice and calm and enjoying Christmas with my DCs. A normal person would be pretty pleased with how they'd reduced their anxiety and stress levels but my crazy brain has to take a different route...

Morning fellow HA sufferers. Could have written your post @WitchSharkadder. My BP was that high just before Christmas and I had pulsatile tinnitus in one ear. I contacted the GP who also asked me to monitor at home and it came right down because I was calmer. You’re right, it’s your crazy brain which is telling you a story after all that googling. Try to be reassured by your excellent BP and the fact that it’s steadily come down. If you take it again and it’s high, I think you can safely say that it’s down to anxiety.

My anxiety is so bad today I’m not going to be able to go into work. I have a lot of time off, just single days here and there and longer periods. It all depends on how bad my HA is and whether I get reassured. Luckily my managers are supportive. I live alone and would love to have a partner/family member to just be able to hug me when I feel bad. I’ve had blood tests done before Christmas and the GP kindly texted me shortly after to let me know they’re all good. But I’m terrified he’s not telling me the truth so am phoning later today to get the actual results. It’s awful, am sick with fear and have convinced myself I have a particular type of blood cancer.
It’s no way to live and have been under the crisis team and am now on the waiting list to see a psychologist. Hoping everyone has a reasonable day.

@dillydallydollydaydream7 mine started with lymph nodes in my neck, bloods and ultrasound fine but I still don’t believe it for some reason, the therapist I spoke to on the phone thinks stress can cause them. I like the idea of a payday check I’m going to take that up myself! It’s awful the panic you feel when you find a lump and I completely get how terrifying it is I’m trusting a dr as they are the gatekeeper to your health!

@RaeCJ82 I have started doing this military technique thing to fall asleep it’s really helping I will post a link later today.

@WitchSharkadder it’s going as well as it can tricky telling people on the phone and then saying you can’t come as we are only allowed 15 people etc! Hope you are doing ok! I get the worry about your heart! Mine does stem around cancer but at the minute it’s around everything!

@HildegardeCrowe that sounds so difficult! Don’t feel bad for having time off work we all need it at times, it isn’t nice to live in fear and it does take its effect physically! The fear of having cancer is truly horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I really wouldn’t and I hope you hear from your parents about psychologist soon that will be a massive help!

Hope I haven’t missed anyone and you all have the best day you can! Still wish I had a magic wand for us all

@HildegardeCrowe should of proof read before posting no clue where parents cropped in I should of put Drs!

I guessed @tmh88! I hope you have a good day.

@Ashmarie I am starting CBT on Thursday but I really need some help with my breathing which is all over the place now and all I think about, leading to almost constant dizziness and very little sleep. My GP is looking to refer me to the respiratory team at the local hospital but isn't sure if he can and if he can, they are snowed under at the moment helping Covid patients.
Are you on any meds for anxiety or just having the therapy?

@WitchSharkadder I'm exactly the same with my blood pressure. Before all this kicked off and I was on the contraceptive pill my BP used to be bordering on high when I had my reviews. Now when I go to the GP feeling anxious it's pretty spot in 120/84 and when I take it at home it's around 108/65. I then worry that it's low, because I expect it to be higher with all my anxiety. Same with my heart rate which often drops to low 50s when I'm lying down.

My anxiety is round my vision at the moment. I’ve been experiencing some weird stuff - which I’m sure is down to anxiety.
I absolutely hate opticians. I can barely breath with the anxiety of it all. I took my daughter for an eye test at the weekend and was a mess.
However, I’ve been brave and made an appt for Thursday - I’ll not stop worrying unless I get it checked and I’m telling myself that if there is something wrong it’s best to get it sorted sooner.
The opticians rang me back and want me to go in today instead - I’m a quivering mess but it’s better than having it hanging over me for 3 days.

Hi, haven't posted on here fir a while but the anxiety hasn't gone away. Before I posted about problems with my son. This is still on going. Once again he's cut us all off for a stupid reason. We are in lock down. Unable to travel within 5km of our homes. This came in new years eve.
Anyway my son wants a birthday for his daughter in a few weeks, before restrictions are lifted. My older brother said we shouldn't be mixing, restrictions and all that. Cue my son getting all up set, saying we dont care, we've never shown any interest in the child etc.
He's blocked us all on socail media etc.
The thing is it seems to come in cycles. Christmas is over, he's got a lot of money and presents from us, New years day he cuts is off.
He'll start to make amends coming up to his birthday, get his presents, cut us off again.
He's become a selfish, self entitled brat. He has no sense or cop on what so ever. I swear the younger version of him had more sense in his little fingers than this attention seeking, drama creating adult.
My hands are shaking typing this, my heart is pounding.
When I ask him to clarify what we've done to upset him he wont answer. He wont answer phone calls.
I tried to call him 26 times on New years day when he cut us off because I was so worried about him.
He didn't answer me.
The thing is he never says anything. His partner posted a long winded message on the family group. I have young niece and nephew on that group who were very upset and confused. They couldn't link my brothers comment to the out bursts. They didn't understand because in their mind it's lock down.

The thing is, my son is an adult, a young adult granted almost 22. So I still see him as my little boy. So should I just stop and let him come back when he's ready.

I always try and keep in contact when he's like this because he accuses me of not caring but it's like hitting my head off a brick wall. I am always the one that bears the brunt, even though I didn't say anything. In fact I said I'd love to go if things stabilise and we come out of lockdown.

I am just wondering if I been a doormat.
We were extremely close, then he met this girl. At first I was delighted. Then she started sending me abusive message if I didnt let him stay over. She couldn't accept that although I gave DS a lot of freedom there were somethings I didn't like. Call it catholic guilt if you will. She decided early on that I didnt like her and so did her mother.
I do think the family is toxic, they dont seem to get on with anyone. They are in a little bubble where the are right and everyone else is wrong.
The mother agrees with them having a party as they have a big garden. The rules are no visitors to other households even garden visits.
My son is stuck in this negative cycle.
I was snooping on his Facebook page and he has posts up about not needing part time people in his life.
To me that is very juvenile, something a teen would put up.

We've always been a very close family. We have been blessed with our family growing, I've gained two sisters through marriage and I've even adopted my sister in laws niece as my own as we got on so well with her family too.
I want my DS to have that, to feel included. He has this jealously around my nieces and nephews, saying we see them more.
The truth is my younger brother or his wife would often bring the kids over for Sunday dinner when we had a bit of leeway with restrictions. My son expects everyone to go to him but he never physically invites us.

Oh God, so sorry about rambling. If you read all this good on you. Just need to get it down I think.

@Iblinkedandiamold that all sounds terribly stressful. Big hugs.

@Ethellsmum I am heart broken again. Around my family I pretend to be okay, then I come home, look at old photographs and cry. There's a hole left.

@tmh88 I keep telling myself too that it was the same GP and same specialist I saw each time. What it would be like not to worry!

@dillydallydollydaydream7 would be amazing wouldn’t it! I’ve had 2 different gps and the person doing the ultrasound look at and feel mine, also had those 2 gps tell me my bloods are fine so I really need to stop worrying but I just can’t

Therapy is Thursday so I will fill you all in on what I thought of it! Hoping it’s good! Going to bed now so I’ll check in tomorrow! Hope everyone sleeps well tonight

Morning all- hope everyone is doing ok, I’ve woken up determined I’m not going to prod and poke until payday (thanks to the poster above ha! ) think with this next lockdown, I’m going to really try and get myself in order as I have the time & I don’t want to spend the full thing worrying, well I’m going to try at least! Anyone want to join me in no prod January?

@tmh88 morning, hope you're doing ok. I would love to join your no prod club! I have prodded my neck til sore this morning, woken up very anxious with the changes from last night - upset stomach, twitchy eye and headache.
It will be good to have a no prod buddy as I have no need to prod anything, having checked my boobs around 20 times over the last few days!

Morning everyone, sorry I haven’t been around for the past few days, the stress of the schools situation really got to me and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. It made my anxiety so much worse too.

I’m due on my period this week which is my bad week anyway, breast pain is really bad too which is always a trigger for me.

Haven’t had a chance to catch up on everyone’s posts yet but hope you are all doing well, how is the prospect of the new lockdown affecting everyone?

@tmh88 hope you are ok. Funeral planning is so hard and can definitely make you feel more anxious. Your post about reflux really resonated with me, I get post nasal drip which my go says is reflux, I also get chest pain/uncomfortableness with it, which I feel sometimes in my left breast particularly. You can imagine the spiral that puts me in! So your symptoms do sound like reflux to me.

@Ethellsmum opticians make me so anxious too. My contact lenses aren’t siting well with me at the moment but I keep putting off going! Using lockdown as a bit of an excuse really!

@chorusline79 I also poked my neck senseless the other day! It still aches now glad your joining me on no prodding I promise I will confess on here if I do! As much as I’m struggling with my mums death it has put into perspective how much I need to relax and enjoy myself more!

@MrsWhites I’m at my worst before my period too not just with health but anxiety im general! I’m doing ok! Funerals aren’t nice whenever but at the moment quite tricky to get things in place! I did take some gaviscon but it didn’t seem to make a difference! I’m sure it’s just reflux but yes like you I went into a spiral about that too

@tmh88 gaviscon did nothing for me either, my gp gave me lansaprizol tablets. I don’t need to take them every day now only when it feels particularly uncomfortable. Still worried me though when it happens even though I know what it is 🙈

Hi everyone - I'm new here. HA for many years that has come and gone but lately its gotten a lot worse. I work in health so the exposure to other peoples illness makes it seem a lot more prevalent than it is. My big preoccupation is cancer and always has been. At the moment I am spiralling because I have some lumps on my tongue and bleeding. Likely bit it in my sleep a few nights ago as I grind my teeth (from anxiety!) In my sleep but am now on the two week pathway to see a specialist following a phone appt with my GP. Got a message today thay says my referral is being reviewed so might get sent back to GP. Convinced I have terminal oesophagus cancer thats spreading to my brain and lymph nodes, obviously .

At the weekend I had accepted my impending death/was crying hysterically thinking I would have to go through radical surgery. Have somewhat settled my brain but stomach is really painful and I've been quite shaky still.

Can absolutely relate to other posters checking obsessively, laying down, taking photos of moles/lumps/checking urine and stools/prodding my ribs etc so much I bruise.

I had citalopram and quetiapine a few years ago and some therapy but have just emailed some private therapists to see if I can get CBT/OCD specific therapy soon as its having such an impact on my life now. DH is so patient but clearly finds it stressful.

Anyway - hello everyone, I'm so glad I'm not alone!