Support/Chat thread for Panic Attacks, OCD, Obsessive Thinking, Depression, PND, come one come all!

[ibroughtcake]

Hi Everyone

I have been thinking of starting this thread for a while so here goes. I am hoping that it will turn into an ongoing thing where we can all get to know and support each other through whatever difficulties we are facing.

Firstly about me, I am mummy to DD 2 and DS 7wks. I have suffered with panic attacks and obsessive thinking for about 5 years now. There have been times when I have been free from it and times when it has been easier (ie when I was on fluoxetine!). I have tried CBT and SSRI's both with some success, but I am really in the midst of a bad time with it at the moment and noticed many other posts about similar things so thought we could all meet at the same place IFSWIM!

I finally went back to the GP to ask for some help yesterday and she has referred me to the Mental Health team and given me a script for Fluoxetine (Prozac). I haven't started taking them yet as I am breastfeeding. I know that they are safe to take whilst bfing but I have anxieties about that too!!

So please come and join, share your tale etc and hopefully we will be able to support each other and offer our own experiences to help some others.

Thank you Goosey. I am at the core belief stage and finding it very difficult coming to terms with some of my issues relating to my mum. It is hard questioning some of the things and also believing fact over feelings.

yes, from what I remember CBT was very draining - but that is all part of the process I guess. I can remember having to plunge my hands into the bins at the hospital and say on a scale of 1 to 10 how I was feeling ( and they used to dredge out manky cartons of ribena and other tut for me to touch). Actually, scavenging in hospital bins was dreadful and slightly scary I should think to anyone 'normal' - what if there'd been needles ? (I don't mean clinical waste bins btw, just litter bins).

Hiya folks - Didn't manage a chat last night. Was so tired i went to bed at 7 with DD. Don't feel any better for it though. Does anyone know how to go about finding a good CBT? Have looked on the internet but all that came up was this really strange looking woman!!

NBG What does this EFT involve and how much?

Ibroughtcake Have you thought about just bottle feeding? I know breast is best and all that but maybe you'd be better getting yourself well rather than beating yourself up about the feeding thing.

Lucyellensmum Here are some great menus for the whole week
Day 1 - MacDonalds
Day 2 - KFC
Day 3 - Chinese
Day 4 - Indian
Day 5 - Burger King
Day 6 - Kebab
Day 7 - Cod & Chips

Stop cooking before you poison someone!!!

Really bad day today - did not sleep well last night so tired and crabby to start with; work tricky - thought about taking a sickie as i felt very down; did go in (autopilot really) but couldn't really get involved in the meeting I had this morning. Had trouble concentrating but eventually did manage to get some work done when I concentrated hard.

Cannot decide whether to tell my boss - part of me wants to as I feel it is affecting my work (cetainly today was ) but another part feels this would take it out of my hands as he would have to tell HR and I really cannot deal with that now, or the potential long term repercussions ....

One bonus is that I have booked some counselling altho she cannot see me til next Thursday - not sure I'll make it that far

serendipity, was scanning this for something that sounded like me, I don't really like to talk about it(for fear of making it become reality) but I have similar fears. This started when I was pg although took a different form and now am mainly like this in the evenings. I don't have any suggestions but I sympathise, it is horrible. I often wonder how people live their lives without seeming to worry about this stuff but I guess its a case of putting things out of their minds? I am not good at that!

Hi all I have just got in after a really hectic day 6 months ago I started working as a volunteer for a charity that has helped me so much I have only just recognised how amazing an achievement this is as I haven't worked for 10 years and I have a social phobia but this is a lot better now.

I feel lightheaded because I feel so exhausted so I have only been able to have a quick look at today's posts will catch up properly tomorrow but I think its fantastic how everbodies helping each other.

AutumnMists your last post does worry me though especially your last comment when you said the counsellings next week then 'not sure I'll make it that far' it concerns me after reading your post last night as well. I would really urge you to talk to somebody in the real world if you mean you feel you may harm yourself before next week on the otherhand please accept my apologies if I've totally misunderstood what you were trying to say, I am knackered.

Please continue to post on here if you've got nobody you can talk to as other people may still be around, take care and try to hang on in there.

Hang in there AutumnMists - I've been v busy so feel bad that I haven't had time to properly read and consider these posts - but I keep checking in.

ibroughtcake - i hope i didnt offend you on the other thread, indirectly that is I was just having an honest to goodness leer, i am very happy with DP to be fair (and the guy would have pissed himself im sure if i had flirted with him, im a minger and no mistake!). I was going to tell him all about it actually, but something has happened to take the wind out of my sails ( a shame because i was feeling so positive as well). DP came home, the bank has stopped all of his debit cards, are about to take over a grand to clear an overdraft that he is supposed to be using to pay guys doing work for him, it also turns out he hasnt paid the mortgage for two months, so it looks as though we are about lose everything Im scared he is going to do something stupid, i know i have to keep it together and be strong for him but i know the slightest bit of stress is going to push him over the edge - that will teach me to feel happy wont it. I dont usually alllow myself that, because something usually goes wrong.

How's everyone doing today? I've had quite a good day today cause i've been really busy and not had time to think of some potentially fatal illness that i might have!! Took DD for a massive long walk today - seems exercise really does help.

Just popping in for a minute (starving got to get some dinner), will be back, just wanted to say lol lucyellensmum about offending me, of course you didn't I just logged off after I posted and only just came back

Will be back soon

Ok I am back

There are so many new messages and posters to hello to you all.

Well I got some of my list done, I brushed my hair and e-mailed the CBT centre. I haven't started the exposure work, but knew I would try and find a way out of doing that so will try to make myself tomorrow. Feeling ok, slightly anxious today but I just had a driving lesson and that was all fine.

Firstly, Autumnmists are you still there? Your last post made me very , perhaps you should speak with your HR department? and you really can make it until your appointment, you have made it this far. Please post again and let us know how you are doing

LEM, thanks for the receipe, I'm going to make in on Saturday, I will let you know how it goes (and will remember to turn the oven on!)

Elliemac, I always find that if I am busy then the thoughts come thick and fast I have been known to turn the music up and sing as loud as I can to tune them out. But I know they won't go until I can confront them so I am trying a new tactic this week. DD and I have been out walking too, we have a lovely wood near us and all the leaves are turning

Pinkranger, glad you managed to get yourself to the GP. I have had panic attacks in Tesco and they are not fun, especially when you have the DC with you. The ad's will kick in soon and you will start to feel like your old self again

Serendippity and Used2bthin, I know where you are both coming from I really do. I would never tell anybody some of the scary things that I worry about, but I know how you both feel. After the McCann thing I was checking DD's windows at night obsessively. I also panic alot if I see something on the news about a mother hurting her children, I then worry what made her do that? OMG what if I did that, it would be so awful, Even though I know in my rational mind that I would never ever hurt my DC it scares the hell out of me.

Sorry to anybody I haven't replied too but I am so tired and I am building up to visiting a friend tomorrow when I had a panic attack last time I was there so am really anxious about it. Wish me luck everyone, I will let you know how it goes

Elliemac, that was supposed to read, when I am busy the thoughts dont come thick and fast

Hi everyone it seems quiet on here today hopefully that means people are having a good day or have been busy. Yesterday was really hectic so had an early night to recharge my batteries been busy today as I'm going on holiday on friday the only problem I have is that I like to be organised and know exactly what is happening and when (I'm not controlling I just find taking things as they come hard to deal with) so started to feel stressed and anxious because eveytime I felt I was on top of things something else came into my head that I needed to do, think I just need to chill as I tend to get there in the end. Elliemac I find going for a walk helps me to relax as well just need to avoid the sweet shop though. I'm going to the Norfolk coast hopefully some long walks on the beach will help, well as long as they can be as I have a fairly serious back problem.

Morgansauntie, hope you have a good holiday, being by the sea always helps!

iboughtcake (if it was me it would be iboughtchocolate ) just read your last post so wanted to send you good luck vibes for tomorrow.

ibroughtcake I previewed my post and still got your name wrong, the tv's on in the other room so I'm typing one thing while listening to Kirstie and Phil - confusing.

Message withdrawn

Evening.
Just trying to catch up with the posts.

I had a bit of an anxious do yesterday when I went shopping because I started to feel sick in the car. But I managed to get my head round the fact that I was actually hungry and me feeling anxious was not helping.
Anyway when we got there I forgot about it and had a nice time spending money.

When I got home I realised that I have actaully not taken my ad's for 5 days
hence why I probably felt anxious.
[stupid person emoticon needed]

I'm doing ok today and I know tomorrow will be ok as dh is off and will be at home plus I have actually remembered to take my ad's!

Elliemac, this is the website I used to get hold of my local EFT person here.
My friend who has had it gave me the link just over a year ago and she still nags me to go and have it as she is convinced it would make such a difference.
When I got in touch with our local therapist, he quoted me £35 a session but he likes to have a chat first for about 15 mins just to see if your comfortabel with him and he doesnt charge for that.
Have a look and see what you think.

With regards to CBT, I was refered through my GP to a lady that does sessions at our surgery. I saw her within 2 weeks, had 3 sessions but had a huge panic attack in my first one and it put me off going back and didnt feel strong enough to carry on with it.

Hi everyone, thanks for all your supportive posts. I am feeling bit better today, not quite so hopeless - am serioulsy wondering if it is SAD related as today the sun was shining whereas yesterday was grey and VERY wet.

Having read other posts glad to see everyone seems to be doing well, gives me hope that it can be done ... LEM I read your post about the bank etc - hope you get it sorted OK - chase that guy for the money and don't forget that you can charge interest on late paid debts.

morgansauntie - thanks for your support, I think you were right, I was so low yesterday that it was a risk altho not one that I consiously recognised at the time.

Ibroughtcake - i really want to avoid telling HR as i am not sure what they will do or what long term effect it will have on my job, same reason I do not want to go to GP, i am pretty sure he would sign me off work and I am not ready for that, besides which it is half term next week and i am the only one of my team in so i have to be there.

stupid really i have accepted myself that I am depressed again but am not ready to admit it to the outside world in RL ...

elliemac - I DID IT AGAIN!!! cooked a roast, went to mash the sweede and dish up the cabbage and brocoli (all in steamer!) - used the water to make the gravy (wondered why it was lumpy!) - it was all raw - yep, you got it, i hadn't turned the hob on!!! FFS!!! what is wrong with me, then THEN when DP was out, i managed, calm as you like to get a monster spider out of the house, safely and alive, inside a pint glass that i had to manipulate over the giant fuckers legs so huge it way, i even showed it to DD and said, oooh look at its huge teeth!! Say, bye bye spider and flick it out the back door. THat was surreal, before my medication i would have been hysterical. There is even a huge spider who lives in the crack of the back door, ive called him morris!

I remember once, not so long ago but before my medication, showing DD1 how to make cheese sauce - i was chatting away, and i said, then you add some milk, added the milk, she said "mum""that was fabric softener!!!!"

Now, what did i do with the number of the indian??

Had a bit of a meltdown earlier but im ok now, i think.

IBC - i hope all goes well with your friend tomorrow if you get anxious, just think about plumbers!

Hello, can I join you? I have read some of this thread and would love to.
I am lone p to ds 12, I have been depressed on and off for years and am on 75mgs imipramine.
I've just started at a new group and am concluding one year of individual counselling.
no phobias, but lots of stress, a bit panicky. Told ds off yesterday because he was 10 mins late from school and I panic!
Then was mrs. irritated at the deli counter because staff were carrying on a conversation while serving me! Later felt really silly and realised it was probably stress from going to first session of new group.
I am off to one to one now. will cycle there today (my challenge of the day)
Ellimac, You are the first other person who I have heard of to experience the pressure in the face. And I cant explain it to my gp. I go to sleep when this happens and it goes abit after a nap.

sasquatch - welcome i dont know where the others are today.

Tell me more about you what is the drug you are on? i take citalopram, an SSRI

Sasquatch just wanted to say hi and welcome and off course you can join and I hope everybody else has had a good or as good as it can be day. I'm going on holiday tomorrow so haven't had much time to talk - sorry.

I have had one of those panicky days as well I like to be organised and know what is happening - today has felt like the opposite and all people have done is irritate and wind me up.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and a social phobia (this is a lot better now) 10 years ago - I take amitriptyline 150mg for my depression and 9 other medications for a variety of chronic physical illnesses.

I have also participated in a variety of groups run by local community mental health centre and found they did help I also attend some social groups and go for days out with them, at the moment I see a psychiatrist every 6 weeks. I have also attended 2 courses run by a charity called TOAST and I now work for them as a voluteer on a part-time basis. My sister is a single parent with one DS aged 14 so I know how hard it can be.

Have to go and get some dinner now but will try and look in later.

Hello Everyone

Welcome Sasquatch , it must be difficult raising a son on your own. Can you tell us more about the group you go to? My gp offered to find out about some support groups near me, but I was slightly worried I wouldn't want to discuss my issues with strangers (she says typing this on the WWW!)

LEM, just realised I don't have a casserole dish so I feel the sausage casserole may be a no go

MA, hope you have a good holiday tomorrow, I always get so stressed and panicky before I go away too.

Hi everyone - sorry for disappearing last night but had loads of housework to do.
NBG Thanks for the link will def take a look.
MA Hope you have a nice time - try to chill out!!!
IBC Hows the pills? You getting on ok?
Sorry to all those i've missed but i haven't had a chance to read through the posts properly.
Finally a message to our very own Nigella Lawson Lucyellensmum FFS woman - Turn the cooker on!!!!!!!