Support/Chat thread for Panic Attacks, OCD, Obsessive Thinking, Depression, PND, come one come all!

[ibroughtcake]

Hi Everyone

I have been thinking of starting this thread for a while so here goes. I am hoping that it will turn into an ongoing thing where we can all get to know and support each other through whatever difficulties we are facing.

Firstly about me, I am mummy to DD 2 and DS 7wks. I have suffered with panic attacks and obsessive thinking for about 5 years now. There have been times when I have been free from it and times when it has been easier (ie when I was on fluoxetine!). I have tried CBT and SSRI's both with some success, but I am really in the midst of a bad time with it at the moment and noticed many other posts about similar things so thought we could all meet at the same place IFSWIM!

I finally went back to the GP to ask for some help yesterday and she has referred me to the Mental Health team and given me a script for Fluoxetine (Prozac). I haven't started taking them yet as I am breastfeeding. I know that they are safe to take whilst bfing but I have anxieties about that too!!

So please come and join, share your tale etc and hopefully we will be able to support each other and offer our own experiences to help some others.

Oh thanks for asking. Fear of sick in anyone, anywhere. So bad that I have got off night buses in the suburbs of London leaving myself stranded at 2am just because there was someone on the bus looking pissed and out of control. Fear of vomiting so bad that every day, every hour, almost every minute, it crosses my mind that one of my dcs might be sick that day. Pretty pathetic.

BTW, I have always wanted to know how to cook sausage casserole but at least now I know one of the most important steps is to actually turn the oven on!

Hello Daphne, sorry you felt a bit stepped over there.

In terms of the valium - I don't have strong panic attack type symptoms, so I've never been prescribed anything like that, only the bog standard SSRIs. Do you think it helps? Have you discussed with your doc how often to take it (or not take it) and/or possible withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking it?

I reckon your CBT person would probably be the best person to talk the medication through with. Is the CBT person a psychologist (in my limited personal experience counsellors can be a bit anti-meds in general).

With the germ phobia - my particular fear in PG (which I don't think is that unusual for OCD and PG) is that if I was insufficiently clean, I would contract listeria or toxo and seriously harm my unborn baby.

Evening everyone

Good good more new people, hello

Wow what a day! so I took my first fluoxetine last night and actually felt ok with it, slightly spacey but ok. Lots more anxiety and panic today but nothing i'm not use to. Heres the thing though, I just can't take them and feed DS at the same time. I know the GP said it was ok and believe me I have read all of the research/studies online but everytime I fed him I was just crying and feeling like I was poisoning him. I was feeling worse with that than with the anxiety so I am not going to take anymore. I have decided to go with the CBT route and spoke with my MIL about paying for it (NHS in our area has no funding ).

There are so many other posts today so I will do a quick overview . I am so amazed at how many of use suffer with this, the hand washing thing seems really common! Daphne, are you finding the CBT is working? I knew nothing about the emetophobia thing before MN, it sounds very debilitating and must be very hard work with the DC around.

Elliemac and NBG, the passing out thing used to be one of my worse thoughts, but my CBT man explained it like this. In all his 20yrs of working with anxious people he has NEVER met one who actually passed out from a panic attack, it is pretty impossible. And even if you did, so what? If you saw somebody pass out in a shop or the street what would you do, you would think they were ill and be worried about them and probably help them up nobody would know you had passed out because of anxiety! and if you passed out on your own at home then what? you would wake up after a 30secs or so, feel slightly dizzy and then get up and go about your day! This rationalisation really helped me with the passing out thought. Morgansauntie, the shop thing is so common with people I think it due to the horrible strip lighting and crowds.

I'm going to go cause this is a HUGE post! Will post back tomorrow, hope everyone has an ok night and at least now I can breastfeed in peace!

I didn't preview any of that so sorry if it doesn't make sense!

lucyellensmum, the casserole sounds lovely! I have always wanted to know how to make casserole so if you don't mind I will get back to you for the receipe

I hope I can help on this thread because:

1. I have suffered panic attacks.

2. They were not related to my phobia.

3. I do not have them any more.

4. I have also fainted, more than once, but again the fainting was not related to my panic attacks.

I would absolutely hate to suffer another panic attack, of course I would, but somehow, I don't believe I will. Which is, of course, why I no longer panic. That's a great feeling. I get very near panic when one of my kids has a bug, but it has never tipped over into an attack. I truly hope that gives some of you fellow sufferers hope!

The valium was prescribed for me 6 months ago, to be taken if I had to deal with a situation when DCs were ill. I have taken it no more than twice since then, once when there was sickness in the family. Once as a little experiment to see how I felt .

The CBT lady is an NHS psychotherapist. She doesn't even know I have the valium stash, but I will mention it to her when I see her later this week.

Totalchaos - you see, if you'd not just explained your issue to me, I would never have been able to imagine that someone could have had it. That is the very weird thing about obsessive/compuslive and phobic disorders. They make no sense to other people. And to those of us living with the problems: we can't imagine life without them. The subconscious mind is capable of an awful lot of trickery, isn't it?

Hello,

I'm a little unsure as to what you class as obsesive thinking! buuut, i have, for ages and ages now "obsessevly" been thinking of something awful happening to dd or dp..in that i will lie there in bed at night and my mind will play out all theese awful scenarios ie: peodophiles breaking in to dd's room and dp and i being powerless to protect her. Even though i am conciously thinking "theese are only thoughts, i am in control I can stop thinking this at any time" it's like i have no control at all, and my mind just plays out these terrible scenes. It's almost like i encourage them by imagining worse and worse scenarios. I have sobbed my way though hours like this!

Er...does this sound familiar to anyone? or am i just a certifiable nutcase?

Ibroughtcake: hello for tomorrow morning. In my very limited experience, your CBT man is right. For instance, my panic attacks have not ultimately led to fainting, and my fainting has been to do with not eating enough and being in a hot stuffy environment, and luckily I have always kept the two issues separate in my mind, so they are not associated with each other.

I sympathise with the drugs/bfeeding issue though. I have reluctantly taken drugs that were not permitted with bfeeding (for yet another issue! lol!) and was told by my GP that I had to stop bfeeding before starting on the course. My dd was 9 months old so it wasn't the end of the world, but I did feel a certain amount of guilt for choosing my well-being over hers. Eternal dilemma for parents, I guess ...

DaphneHarvey I agree with you regarding the subconcious mind, I know when I'm really stressed/emotional because I dream about work and being bullied this was one of the things that triggered my depression but I left that job 10 years ago but haven't work since then due to physical and mental ill-health. I surpose subconciously the anger and upset must still be there for stress to trigger the dreams (but these are less frequent) even though I can now talk about this period in my life without getting upset and angry and that I now know this was a horrendous time in my life but it wasn't the only reason for my breakdown.

By the way welcome and hello I'm new to this thread today as well, I only ever had valium when I first became ill but I have a friend who takes it. I think its good if you need it for one of really anxiety producing situations eg. when your children are ill. I don't think its prescribed so much these days and not in large amounts because I think it can be addictive but not if used correctly.

I've only just realised what the time is so I'm going to bed now as I've just started to do some voluntary work on a tuesday for a charity thats helped me so much so need to be up early.

So good night everyone.

Can I join? Not sure if there are any other insomniacs left now, but maybe tomorrow morning ...

I first had reactive depression 7 years ago after my Grandmother died - I bottled up all my grief and tried to drown it all in work, result time off work with stress related depression. Got through it with a combination of prozac and CBT and, best of all, getting pg

I have recently moved house, kids have moved school, lots of bad stuff is going on at work, my mother (who is emotionally unstable) is really resenting the move and being irrational and difficult, dh is away lots which adds to the stress of working and dealing with the kids alone - I feel trapped in the house in the evening as I cannot even pop to the shops if I am out of milk ... result I think I am pretty close to being depressed again, or there already.

What worries me most is the stray thoughts that jump into my head - previously I came close to suicide - and similar thoughts just appear, especially when i am driving. Also I know that I have 'unhelpful' reactions to things - if my boss does not answer an email or phone message I begin to get paranoid, then i get irritable with him and others at work. I have also started to think about taking a sickie as sometimes i struggle to face going into work

Now at least I have recognised it, and it does not feel as bad as last time, i am hoping I have caught it 'in time' to avoid meds (especially as they can take up to 6 weeks to work and I want to be feeling a lot better before then). I am trying to arrange some CBT counselling through work but I suppose really would like reassurance that I can do this alone ....

eliiemac - the delia thing made me PMSL I have a delia book, i have never used it since i attempted to make her xmas cake one year - it was RAW on the inside!! I'm clearly not up for cooking really.

I brought cake, im not really very good at cooking, um, as you can see. I use the word casserole very loosely. But sausage casserole is a peice of cake. This is what i do:

chop and fry one large onion
brown some nice sausages
stick it in the casserole dish with a tin of tomatos and some tomato puree if you have some knocking about.
Add some carrots and mushrooms, some dried mixed herbs. I put some fresh rosemary in mine yesterday but not sure how that was going to go!
Sometimes i stick a tin of posh soup in, or even common heinz veggie soup, or beans of some description (but not baked beans )
Stick it in the oven for 1.5 to 2 hours and leave it there. Oh but one thing is really really important DON'T TURN THE OVEN OFF until its finished cooking

Am actually rotfl that anyone has asked me for a recipe. I am a shit cook but that is actually really nice.

lots of new posters, hello - i have only skimmed through. I notice a lot of issues around cleaning - i am the opposite, i have a serious problem with it, i dont know if it is just lazyness but i just have a mental block with it, i can clean but i just can't keep the place tidy, its awful, im ashamed really - mess everywhere, i couldnt ever invite anyone around to my house. Every day i wake up and i think, right, today, im going to do it. Ive always been messy but not like this, i can just about manage to clean the kitchen and thats it. We really have to get the house finished and move on , but we cant because we cant get past all the clutter and mess Its really getting me down. I'm not sure it is a cleaning issue, more of a motivational one i think,

Good morning to everyone, AutumnMists I just wanted to say hi and welcome some of your post really struck a cord with me especially the bit about work and being paranoid and irritable. I have to go out soon but should be back this afternoon when I will have more time to talk.

Lucyellensmum I am like you with the cleaning. The house was a mess and everyone started to suffer from it - Ironing piled up and I did not know where to start.

So DH got a cleaner in to do a one off clean and also an ironing person to clear the pile. That was the kick up the arse I needed. I joined a Flybaby thread and am now FLYing. I find it does make me less anxious, but I do worry that it will become a control thing

Morning all

Ibroughcake, I can sometimes get my head round to that way of thinking but then as soon as I feel ill or something I start to panic and then all rational thought goes out the window!

Daphne, I'm sure you know but there are alot of emetophobes on MN.
Have you spoke to Belgianbun before? I know she was getting some help with it and sounded as if she was doing so well.

Has anyone heard of ETF (emotional freedom therapy)?
My friend has had it and she says its amazing. You dont actually have to see the therapist face to face as it can be done via email or phone.
I'm really tempted to do it, its just getting the money for it.

Morning all

Feel so much better today, had a huge panic attack in the middle of the night but it was so nice to snug up with DS and give him a guilt free feed that it soon went.

I am feeling very motivated today so have a list of things I AM going to do by the end of the day

1. Call mind and see if they have a list of CBT practitioners in my area

2. Start some exposure work for one of my thoughts (i find this so helpful and it really works)

3. Brush my hair (it's been umm 3 days since I last did it )

4. Buy some build up stuff because I have lost so much weight over the last few weeks.

LucyEllensMum, i had the same thing with the tidying, will get back to you later

Have a good day everyone

Oh and welcome Autumnmists

good morning all - have been reading through the earlier posts just now - I'm afraid I can't remember everyne or their difficulties without scrolling up and down and there's a lot to read.
I was curious about this Citalopram, and whether it might be suitable for me - I am not actively suffering with OCD right now - just the vestiges, in that I have routine and things I must do and hate any disruption to my ordered day - when I work I recheck what I've done quite a lot and sorting washing for the machine takes an age because I've got into the habit of checking all the pockets/loose buttons,threads etc - I fret about things going wrong in the house that I'll then have the responsibility of sorting out - I focus on these things but I think they are a mask for other worries - it comes out in pointless obsessing about 'what if ?' ...a lot is to do with the feelings of responsibility which is why it was appalling during pregnancy when I felt I had to be alert to every possible danger to the baby - what I ate, cleanliness, even seeing dog poo on the street would make me think that maybe I'd touched it somehow,even though I hadn't of course.
My enxieties usuallu surface quite badly when we are going away, and then I have a huge checking ritual for leaving the house safe - dh very patient with me,bless him. Once I'm on my way I'm usually ok and free of the fears, though I try not to think too much in case I remember something I hadn't checked as thoroughly as I should...exhausting and pointless.
Much of the time I'm ok, apart from the thinking that some domestic disaster m ight occur- the hypnotherapy I had a few months ago probably helped in calming me and I'm learning to think rationally and to try to take each day as it comes...sorry to ramble on - I just wanted to let you know my peculiarities in case it rings bells with anyone else !
By the way, I don't handwash obsessively anymore - just fairly normally.

Can I join, too? It's 4.35 am here and I've been up since 3:00 b/c of a panic attack. Minor OCD and previous PN PTSD. I've been through CBT and am on SSRI's. Stupidly ran out of my meds about a month ago, thought I was doing fine without them. Then after a couple of weeks I got a lot worse, had to get a new prescription sorted and am afraid the whole family suffered a bit until I got back on them

Was very interesting about the cleaning thing, lucyellensmum as I am the same way! Have always just wondered if I am incapable of being neat and organized, yet desperately want to be and feel anxious about not having things that way. I have always thought it was very odd as looking at myself from the outside, so to speak, I would imagine that I would be just the opposite. Does that make sense at all?

Hello, can I join too?

Am a bit embarassed but have acute health anxiety (believe I am going to die every time I have a twinge). I go through periods where it dominates my life and I spend each day in a state of terror. I have been diagnosed with "a major depressive disorder", although I do not actually know what that means and have tried ADs but they were no help. Also tried CBT but not much help either.

I also know that I have some OCD type rituals which I go though to keep illness at bay and I am obessively tidy (oddly just at home - not at work) and get immensely tense if things are not put away.

Ds 4 and dd 3 and sometimes I think I have ruined their lives!

wow, alot of posts since I last posted! Going to take me a while to get through them...

HI, haven't been back for a while - only get the chance to get on her now and then. I'm on of the 'Cleaners'! I also have major problems with any one being ill in case they are sick. I can cope with cleaning sick up after the event but I get very anxious when some one says they feel sick - especially the DC's because I panic they will not get to the toilet on time. But it's weird because I can clear it up after. I also struggle becasue I can not bear to hear or see some one be sick - because it will make me sick and I HATE being sick. I get really stressed about it. I manage a pretty normal life, except I won't sleep anywhere except my own home and my tent! I get what I call 'Itchy' in restaurants - not physically itchy as in scratching but like I want to make myself as small as possible so that I touch as little as possible. I can't sit on ripped seats as they would be germ infested, I have to wash my hands after shopping - touching the food in the spermarkets makes me feel dirty. I wont go on buses or trains. I won't touch hand rails on stairs and escalators, I won't open toilet doors with my hands or flush toilets - have to use tissue so I don't have to direclty touch. I have only just let DS(8) go to the loo on his own without me lifting him on the seat when we are in toilets in shops etc, still wont allow DD to do this - and I cover the seat in toilet paper before I allow her to sit. I won't let her / him touch anything in there - they have to wash hands and I open doors. I carry wipes everywere. I don't know if the cleanliness is linked to the sick fear. I have always been obsessive about cleanliness and tidiness - I think I got it from DM as she was/is the same. Trouble is DH says I have passed it on to DD. She insists on wiping her mouth after a drink or anything to eat, and insists on using a wipe to clean her hands. She will not tread on dirty floors and insists on wering flip flops to the edge of the water at the swimming baths then she steps direclty in the water. And she puts them on whilst feet still in water when getting out.

Talk about history repeating itself.

I have never actually thought I was that bad, never thought I was that obsessive - but know I am more than most - I have always thought I was just particular - guess it has always felt fairly normall to me as I grew up with DM like it. But reading what I have just written!

Have never spoke about it to anyone really - only DH and BF jokingly. Well I always thought DH was joking when he says DD and I have OCD!

Sorry for long post!

Can i also join please x
Just got back from doctor and have been diagnosed with PND. My ds2 is 7 weeks old and im feeling a big fat failure to him as i never suffered with my first son. I have never had depression of any sort so feeling like im well out of my depth. It all came to a head yesterday when in Tesco's i couldn't cope and felt like the walls were coming in and just grab kids out of trolley and left shopping, then having major panic attack in the car on way home ( gods know how i didnt crash ), it been like this for a few weeks, me crying alot, not feel well and having Really bad anxiety about my messy house! Doctor had prescribed me citalopram but have to wait until i get my bloods back before taking them.

Someone tell me that i will feel normal again soon x

Hello

can anyone tell me about their experiance of CBT. I have just had a session and really find it get be emotionally and phyically draining - is this normal???

Emotionally draining yes - the first time I went, I could think about nothing else for a week afterwards. I think it was having to focus on what I regard as the least pleasant elements of my pysche and the person I went to see wanted to talk initially about why I might feel like that which was not at all what I wanted to do.