Support/Chat thread for Panic Attacks, OCD, Obsessive Thinking, Depression, PND, come one come all!

[ibroughtcake]

Hi Everyone

I have been thinking of starting this thread for a while so here goes. I am hoping that it will turn into an ongoing thing where we can all get to know and support each other through whatever difficulties we are facing.

Firstly about me, I am mummy to DD 2 and DS 7wks. I have suffered with panic attacks and obsessive thinking for about 5 years now. There have been times when I have been free from it and times when it has been easier (ie when I was on fluoxetine!). I have tried CBT and SSRI's both with some success, but I am really in the midst of a bad time with it at the moment and noticed many other posts about similar things so thought we could all meet at the same place IFSWIM!

I finally went back to the GP to ask for some help yesterday and she has referred me to the Mental Health team and given me a script for Fluoxetine (Prozac). I haven't started taking them yet as I am breastfeeding. I know that they are safe to take whilst bfing but I have anxieties about that too!!

So please come and join, share your tale etc and hopefully we will be able to support each other and offer our own experiences to help some others.

Elliemac - do you have the prescription? If you do - get yourself down to the pharmacist TODAY and take the tablets You could be me!!! I've been exactly where you are. You ARE suffering from anxiety - and to be blunt, i think that is bringing on your symptoms i really do. I was at the doctors a few months ago because of a list of symptoms which i was genuinely experiencing - tingling fingers, feet, legs - convinced i had MS. She did a range of neuro exams and said, there is no way you have that, i think its anxiety, once i accepted that, the symptoms disappeared, so i found something else to worry about. Pain under your left boob?? i had that - indegestion, brought on by stress no doubt. Dizziness, been there too. Now im not saying you shouldnt have all of these things followed up, and stamp your feet until you get the reassurance you need, but please please please give the tablets a chance - i think my head would have exploded if i didnt have mine. I'm not dissmissing your symptoms, they are real and its a vicious circle, they are going to make you anxious and the anxiety is going to make them worse. Push about the dizziness (mirgraine maybe??) as you shouldnt have to feel like that.

Incidentally, i had my prescription for a week before i got the tablets, then the tablets sat on top of the dresser for two weeks, my marriage was at breaking point - its turned things around, my DP says its like having the old me back. You say you dont have anything to be anxious about, you dont need anything to be anxious about when you suffer from anxiety - i make things up and think, oh wouldnt it be awful if i had this, give it a week, i'll be experiencing symptoms! I do have triggers for mine, but some people dont.

The tablets take a few weeks to work, although mine kicked in after a few days, i felt a bit spaced and a bit nauseous for a few days but after that, no side effects apart from one really strange one, that has gone now whenever i heard music, it didnt matter where, or how naff, i would have to dance, even in the middle of town, how funny.

one day, im going to learn how to be concise and type a short post

Afternoon all! My brain isn't fully in gear to read some of the longer posts but Elliemac, you should start the ADs. I am forever coming off mine and you really notice how good they are when they are not there. I am currently back on mine but do have to remind myself I am not better yet, it's the ADs making me feel "ok". x

Lovely to see new people joining

Elliemac, before I realised that what I was suffering from was anxiety, I spent 4 days in hospital being tested for everything under the sun due to my physical symptoms.

I has a pain in my left arm for months which just got worse and worse. Dizziness, numbness and pins and needles, guess what it was all the anxiety. In fact now I know it is the anxiety all of the physical stuff has pretty much gone away.

It is up to you if you want to take the AD's or not (who am I to tell you to, I can't even get up the courage to take mine!!) but I can say that you really will feel better afterwards. I know the side effects look scary but they have to tell you what could happen, I would be surprised if you didn't get more than the usual dry mouth, insomnia that everyone gets for the first week or so .

Today is going ok for me, I woke up with a panic last night but it didn't last long so the weekend is not bad so far, how is everyone else?

ibroughtcake - to elaborate on the hospital thing...it was an interesting experience as I said but not one I'd care to repeat.
I was in a really pretty desperate state -I wasn;t being offered things like CBT which I so wish I had as I think it would have really helped. I was functioning but everything was such an effort - to get up,go through a million rituals to wash and leave the house - all I wanted to do was sleep and not wake up. I got it into my head that this hospital was going to be some kind of haven where I'd just be looked after and have the agony taken away (a slightly older friend had been admitted there as a troubled teenager and it was the hospital where my psychoanalyst was the consultant in charge) Anyway, there was a long wait for a bed but eventually I got in and it was a big shock !
It works as a therapeutic community,admitting adults,adolescents and families - you live together as a community managing food/household budgets, and much of the responsibility for the patients is put on the patients themselves - you are all expected to support each other. Each section has 'firms' which meet every morning with their nurses and consultant and there are community meetings too. Twice a week you see your own therapist for a session, the rest of the time is spent in the hospital,some people carried on working (I did) others didn't. There was a huge spectrum of different people there- all classes,levels of education etc and I met some fantastic people - some of whom were very troubled - self harmers, anorexics, suicidal people,drink and drugs etc- one person was a medical student,in fact quite a few students there, a teacher etc. I stayed for one year but some people were there for much longer.
Sorry, that was a bit long - I haven't really thought about it for ages.

MaryAnnSingleton, that sounds really rough, the way you describe it i can't decide if you feel it was of benefit or not. It sort of reminds me of the book - girl interrupted.

I have had an OK day today, had a lovely time with DD2, fell out with DP slightly but we are friends again now, my mother blanked me in the street (im relieved about that actually) and then DD1 came around to work on the computor and stressed me out with her attitude.

I forgot to take my meds this morning, it was weird, i was sort of on a high but once i realised i felt quite anxious - ive taken them now and i feel ok, but i do feel a bit muggy in my head, i think my dosage might be a bit high, the trouble is, if something stressy happens i lose it so i guess i need to persevere. Oh the joys of being mad

Hello (as I know you must all be mighty sick of me)

I thought I'd join you. i have started one or two threads in the "depressed" section before, but got no advice.

I have suffered with mild depression since I had really bad POND after Ds2 was born 7 years ago. A lot of stuff came out at counselling sesions, which had been "simmering under the surface".
I also get anxiety attacks, but I think this and the depression flare ups are partly due to my having Fibromayalgia. It gets me down, and I often cry, either with the pain, ro just feeling fed up. I ahte wehre I live now,a dn know I'm stuck here for 3 bloody years.Sometimes the silliest little thing can set me off.
I take Amitryptiline, to help with teh anxiety, but more as pain relief, as Fibroymalgia can be made worse with lack of sleep, and the AD's help me sleep. I opnly take 20mg, and am reluctnat to increase it

lucyellensmum - ha ! I read Girl,interrupted and kind of thought it was a similar thing !!
I think it was an interesting experience for me but not maybe one which helped my OCD particularly - I think it would have been better (with hindsight of course) to have had CBT then, BUT it taught me to have great empathy towards other people with mental illness and I did come out of it having experienced great highs and lows and made some good friends - am still in touch with one person from there and I also had a relationship while there and for a few yrs afterwards with a fellow patient (the med student,in fact - he is now a consultant psychiatrist !!!) It was a weird chunk of my life,but ultimately it has probably enriched it.

sorry that I haven't acknowledged anyone elses posts - thinking of all this has been a bit weird - but I will read through and see if I can add any words of wisdom...it's a great thread anyway.

Thanks ever so much for the advice. Going to give the tablets a try - got nothing to lose have i? Been through quite a bit these past couple of years and its only when you think about it you realise that you might not be as tough as you think. Had to have IVF to get my precious little miracle which in itself was tough - then when she was 4 months old i had an ectopic pregnancy and was rushed to hospital for an emergency op. Its horrible to be over the moon at getting pregnant naturally then for it to be taken away just like that. It was after that when i started to feel like this. The thing that gets me down the most is that i feel i'm not giving my DD 100%. Everyone else says what a terrific mum i am but i feel that if i was feeling good in myself it would be so much better. Sorry to blab on

Oh I didn't know this thread existed - what a good idea! I did a self help plan a while back when I had recovered from my latest bout of depression. I did a topic here on day to day tips for surviving depression.

What finally pulled me out of this one was anger. Anger that I was frightening the children, anger that I was causing dh a lot of anxiety and worry, anger that I was unsafe and putting my life and the dc's in danger (by driving and 'blanking out'), anger that I was missing out on the kid's beautiful moments, anger that I was messing up their lives. Anger can be such a good tool at times, it was certainly useful in giving me the kick up the arse I needed. If any of you find my thread I linked to useful, then I'll be very happy!

Goood evening

Having a bit of a funny one today, I was fine earlier on but feeling slightly anxious around tea time. Does anybody else find that there anxiety is worse around 5 6 o'clock? I am kind of eyeing up my ad's from the corner of my eye and still trying to make a decision I think I have read every resource on the web re fluoxetine and breastfeeding lol

MAS, thanks for telling us about your experience sorry if it has dredged up stuff you didn't want to think about. I only asked because I think that when we have fears about things happening ie being admitted to a hospital we tend to fall back on unrealistic images/ideas of how it would be, or on things we have seen on the tv. So it is interesting to hear a first hand experience.

Elliemac, sounds like you have had a tough few years, i too had an ectopic a few years ago and I can really relate to feeling like you would be so much better at everything if you could just sort your head out! At the time I though I may need some fertility treatment in future as I lost one tube and the other was fecked, but here I am 2 DC later, so really lucky really. Let us know how you get on with the AD's, you may even convince me

Welcome saltire and NAB (no need to whisper we are very welcoming here )

MM, It is interesting about the anger thing, I found myself getting so pissed off with my panic attacks the other night, I had all these thoughts in my head that were scaring me and something just snapped I think, I was so tired of being frightened that I found myself shouting in my head 'oh come on then do your worse, i am sick of you' etc etc and what do you know the panic went I suppose it is true what they say that you have to face up to your fears!

Psychobabble, love the name

MM, just looked at your link, the tonic idea is really good! When I get like this I find it so hard to eat as my stomach feels all tied up and I lose a ton of weight (no good when I am bfing too) so I will remember to get some tomorrow

Aye, anger is a very very useful tool. Luckily I can get very angry and like you say, once you challenge it, it does seem to get better. Where you get the energy from to challenge it I don't know, but like you, something in me just snapped, I think it was when dh accused me of frightening the children and being an arsehole. I knew he was right and I was angry with him for being right, but I directed the anger onto myself for allowing that to happen.

Mine will be back though. Just like Arnie. I'm on a high atm, but I do expect the down to start, usually after Chrimbo.

It is a hard time after xmas though, all that excitment and then nothing........

just 4 mths of rain and cold to look forward to

ibroughtcake - no, I didn't mind talking about the hospital thing, it's just that I hadn't really thought about it for ages !

Yeah, 'tis my birthday in Feb too and I'm always always down and depressed on my birthday.

It can be hard to manage and if I let it get out of control, because I have a particularly vivid imagination, I can get quite delusional and in turn, that can get dangerous. Luckily I do have a supportive dh, but one thing I do not want is to leave my depression as a legacy for my kids. That is my biggest incentive. I remember my mum when she was depressed and I hated her for it. I never want my kids to look at me that way. So I do my utmost to hide it from them or to stop it in it's tracks. The self help plan is from years of trying different things to prevent and contain it.

It's funny what you say about your mother, I feel the same way about my Mum, she was so panicky and never wanted to do things when we were little and I hate hate hate the thought of being like that with my DC, to the point that I go out of my way to do things which make me very anxious so that I can prove to myself that I am being normal with them IYSWIM lol

God I need to get back into therapy

< Waves at MAS >

Isn't it amazing how many people actually have problems like anxiety, depression etc. I remember telling a friend about how i was feeling one day and she said she was exactly he same after having her DS - You would never have guessed it either.

My mother has blighted my life.

Hi, can I join in?
I have 2 DS's, 2yrs&7mths and 13mths.
I've been suffering from depression for 6 years and anxiety for about a year and a half.
I start to panic when I know I have to go out, especially when I have the boys. Due to this anxiety it triggers off IBS, but I can't relax enough to go to the loo until both boys are ready and waiting for me outside the front door! I have got a bit better and sometimes manage before they are outside, but only if I know we can go straight out. Then when I'm out I start panicking, triggering IBS so I'm on the constant look out for a loo, so forever in a never ending circle.
I have got better since going onto 75mg of Imipramine.
My depression comes from a past abusive relationship and debt problems which was in itself a vicious circle. I am now in a very happy marriage with the father of my 2 beautiful boys. However, I can't seem to shake off the depression and life still gets me down. So much so that I have little motivation to do housework etc, that just adds to my big ball of depression and anxieties.
I am an extremely paranoid person, so much so that if anyone starts to speak to me I automatically think I've done something wrong or that I am in trouble. I apologise for everything even if it has nothing to do with me.
I have extremely low self esteem & confidence and don't like myself in anyway shape or form.

Sorry for a humongous post.

It looks like a lot, but so trivial compared to so many others out there. I feel like I shouldn't be moaning about me