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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
mieow · 27/10/2004 22:56

I felt exactly like this one evening when I had PND, I phoned my GP and his wife answered, she spoke to me and said she would get her husband to come right round after he had finished with his patient. She then phoned me back and said he would be with me shortly, she made sure I was ok and kept me calm. You need to speak to someone honey, and ask someone to come round. Phone your GP, they will be able to help

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 22:56

I have washed my hands so much the skin is nearly see through, shouted at my dh last night cos he fed dd without washing his hands, he had handled a paracetomo; and i was convinced she would be poisened.

marthamoo · 27/10/2004 22:57

I think your CPN is wrong. There are a lot more AD's out there - maybe you need to trial them in a supported environment, like a Mum and Baby unit. SC, I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. You are the only person who can but you can't do it by yourself. Massive, massive (((HUGS)))

Branster · 27/10/2004 22:57

is dh there?

Branster · 27/10/2004 22:59

i'm asking because i think you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, how scare you are...he'll understand you and won't find it trivial, especially as you say you shouted at him the other day, he'll know why you are like this. you must be sooo tired, exhausted. he'll help you and you go and see gp asap.

suedonim · 27/10/2004 22:59

Spacecadet, are you still there? I don't usually read these threads but couldn't help seeing your cry for help. I had puerperal psychosis after ds2 so I can half imagine what's going on in your mind right now. Do you feel able to call your Dr or emergency service? This is an emergency. Or what about the Samaritans? I'll try and find you their number.

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:01

oh god spacecadet I have so much been in your shoes and had those sort of thoughts in the past.

just remember that the fact you are feeling so panicky about things means that it is OCD, and imagined fear, and not real fear. I know it's a mind blowing thing to get your head round - that because you feel terror, and feel that something an incredibly important threat to your baby's safety, it actual means that it is not a real fear.

you need to ask for help honey, and get to see your CPN/psychiatrist asap, even if it means going to A & E. appropriate treatment for OCD is medication and/or CBT. Medication can be SSRIS or Anafranil.

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:03

Dh is going to bed now, he doesnt understan, I tried to talk to him earlier he just said that I had to pull myself together as he wasnt going to stand by and watch me go down the same road I did after ds2 was born

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:05

Here's the Samaritans website and this is their number 08457 90 90 90. It's at local calls rate.

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:05

Message withdrawn

nikcola · 27/10/2004 23:05

oh spacecadet ive just seen this thread and im so sorry for what you are going through you really need to ring somone xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:05

oh baby...can you show him this thread
OR just tell him right this second 'I am going to call the emergency doctor now, I am very, very scared, this is serious, please help me or I'll have to do it on my own and don't think I am able to'

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:06

The cpn referred me for cbt but the waiting list is 18 months long, i cant really go to a and e as i am in no fit state to drive but i will phone gps in the morning and ask for an urgent appt, i just hope they dont think i have ACTUALLY hurt dd

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:07

Message withdrawn

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:07

Message withdrawn

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:08

please don't worry about them thinking you would have hurt dd. I mean they would see her and she looks fine etc. They would have seen similar cases and know how serious it is and how it all works... would you not have a speedier response from doctors if you phoned the emergency number now? don't worry about DH, he'll very soon realise how serious all is and will have to be more supportive.

nikcola · 27/10/2004 23:09

do you want somoeone to phone your doctor for you hunny xxxx

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:09

yes esbee, what a good idea. would you do that spacecadet? get a cab now?

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:10

but you could ring for a taxi to A & E.

is there anyway you could scrape together enough money for CBT - say 12 sessions at £50 per session? i can try and help you find private CBT -have been down this road myself. the advantage of dealing with someone who is very experienced in OCD is that you know that they will understand - i can identify with the fear of people thinking you have done something that you haven't - i think that is also part of the OCD anxiety

am sorry that your dh isn't being supportive at the moment. could your CPN talk to him and try and explain things more to him - that you are ill at the moment, and feeling very unhappy. this is not your fault. you will get better.

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:10

and take dd with you?

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:10

Ii have taken down samaritans number, thanks.Afterds2 was born i developed pnd and i became obessive about hygeine etc wouldnt let anyone hold ds or go near him, worried that people might not hold him properly or that dh might shake him, dissappeared into a world of my own , was working with pnd mums at the time and never realised there was anything wrong with me until ds was 8 months old, by which time I had alienated everyone around me

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:12

Message withdrawn

nikcola · 27/10/2004 23:14

u ok spacecadetx

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:14

He wants someone to wave a magic wand and make it all better but hes not the only one

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:14

Do you want me to call your Dr now, Spacecadet? I'm happy to do that and I'm going to be around for the next 30-45mins or so.