Spacecadet - I hope you managed to get some sleep. Are you going to go and see your GP today? You're right - you have to be completely honest about how you are feeling and how bad things are. It is so hard to do that - our instinct is not to let down our barriers so much that we show others how bad we are feeling. But you know you need some help - you have to do it. for your children, if not for yourself.
I found it so hard to tell my doctor how I was feeling - what a wreck I was. She did ask me if I felt I would hurt my ds - and luckily I was able to say, truthfully, that I wouldn't - and she didn't question that or doubt I was telling the truth. Being frightened that something is going to happen to your dd is not the same as being frightened you are going to hurt her.
I can sympathise so much with your dh's lack of understanding. It hurts, doesn't it? My dh just could not grasp why I was in such a terrible state. It must have been quite frightening for him: a heavily pregnant, fairly cheerful, only slightly crazy woman went into hospital - and what came home didn't bear much resemblance to that person. Instead of the happy Mum of a new baby he was expecting he got a person who would wail and rock back and forth, refuse to go near the baby, and not speak, sleep, eat or wash for days on end. He pretty much left me to it - he told me much later that it was his sink or swim theory: if he left me to cope I would. I didn't though - I sank like a stone. Perhaps your dh is the same - he thinks by not acknowledging how bad things are, you will somehow come back from all this by yourself. You can't - I don't believe it's possible to do it without help. Like mine, your dh needs a wake-up call - he can't stay in denial, you need him.
You have NO REASON to feel ashamed. That's like saying you're ashamed you have flu, or a broken leg. You are ill - it isn't your fault, and you need help to get better, it's as simple (I wish!) as that.
MTS knows far more about OCD than I do - can you afford to see someone for private CBT, as she suggests? If not I think you definitely need to see a psychiatrist - someone who specialises in OCD and/or PND. It's just another name for a doctor - and it's what they are there for. PLEASE be honest with your GP about everything - don't be brave. If you think you won't be able to get the words out, write it all down beforehand and give him/her the piece of paper.
I wish I could make it better for you. I wish the support here on MN would make it better - wave that magic wand. It just isn't that easy and the person who has to get through it is you. You can do it though - I came back - and so have many, many other people. Life doesn't have to be like this - you are entitled to enjoy your baby daughter. I wish you strength to get through this. Please let us know how you get on at the GPs. Take care.