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Original poster

Can depression be a life long condition?

53 replies

notolerance · 28/09/2007 09:12

Have been suffering depression on & off for over 6 years now (think it's been longer but only really accepted this then). Came off ad's (for about 5th time) in August but am now again reaching that point in life where every-thing seems just too much and life is one big chore that I'm not enjoying. I have 3 dd's (1,4 & 7) who are very full on, dh works v.long hrs and by the time he gets home in the evenings I'm just too tired to talk to him and consequently our relationship is suffering. Just feel like crying the whole time. Have booked to go back to doc on Tues as think I'm gonna have to be on ad's all my life. This in itself is v.upsetting as it makes me feel a failure. Have had counselling & CBT but outcome was I just need to relax more - yeah right - how do I fit that into my life.
Sorry for rant but just feel so low.

OP posts:
HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 19:43

Hi. Just seen your thread. Wanted to offer you some support. I've been on and off with depression but not so bad as you. Admitting it is a brave thing. I was off work for 3 months a couple of years ago I thought it was stress but turned out to be depression. Then I got PND after my DS was born. I did councelling both times. I found it helpful even if just someone to talk to. I am about this evening if you are still online and want to talk and will be tomorrow morning.

commotion · 28/09/2007 19:52

I think it can be a life-long condition quite easily. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have had it since childhood on and off, but only really realised it a few years ago.

I have tried counselling but it didn't really work and I think I really need to give it another go. I had bad pnd after dd was born, which was when I realised the extent of my problems, and if I get it again this time I will seriously have to go to the dr and get myself ads to start me off.

I feel I have wasted enough of my life with this now.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit - love your name, reminds me of my student days!

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:02

I am also an on and off depressive. I am not depressed at the moment (which is nice). I think sometimes depression is hereditary and life long. My dad has it and my gran did.

Thanks Commotion. The name came to me in the shower. Kind of apt.

sfxmum · 28/09/2007 20:07

I think for me it is certainly something I am prone and is always more or less on.

this does not mean I don't have very good times and consider myself quite happy iyswim

I feel that it is something I have accepted and have learned to manage (more or less)

to be fair since my very bad clinical depression thing nearly 20yrs ago it has not been so bad.

I seem to reach the edge of the deep dark pit and somehow hang on. this is also something which runs in my family.

I can see the roots sometimes and try hard not to pass it on. was actually one of the main reasons for me not to want children until my mid 30's

but building/ having a good support network helps managing this I think
sorry long post

BitTiredNow · 28/09/2007 20:12

I love your name too hmhb. I have been depressed for years, but only being treated for it for the last 2, and I am still amazed at how much the drugs can help. I have gone from awanting to get away from my children at every opportunity to actually enjoying being with them and choosing to do it. I would like to stay on the Ads forever if I can feel this much better.

You are so NOT a failure - your brain's just wired a bit wrong. Would you think someone with a thyroid problem was a failure? I think its often the worst thing about this illness - it makes you into your own worst critic. Big hug.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:17

What amazes me is that there are so many of us dealing in our own way with depression. Go girls.

I hope Notoleramce feels supported by this. Her first post was at 9am this morning! And I hope everyone else feels the better for it. xx

sfxmum · 28/09/2007 20:18

I would second that on drugs it was like fog lifting.
but I did have counselling first 1:1 then group for 3yrs it helped a lot, eventually

I also make sure I have time for myself, which seems to be an issue for you.
and I need to do regular exercise otherwise I can feel the clouds gathering almost immediately.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:23

Excercise is supposed to be fantastic. I am rubbish at doing it though. Pilates once a blue moon. If you can manage something endorphin releasing that is good. Just going for walks helps. Winter here though so ma be difficult.

sfxmum · 28/09/2007 20:28

that is true I like running but it is easier to do in summer as the best time for me these days is early in the morning before dh leaves for work.
and winter is harder in every way to keep the mood up anyway I find.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:34

More difficult in Winter. My way is to make sure I have things to look forward to in the month ahead. Meal out with girlfriends, go to cinema, see my mum etc. If these are in place I feel better.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:36

More difficult in Winter. My way is to make sure I have things to look forward to in the month ahead. Meal out with girlfriends, go to cinema, see my mum etc. If these are in place I feel better.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 28/09/2007 20:40

sorry girls live in countryside. Broadband being sporadic. Will be back online tomorrow. Goodnight

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 29/09/2007 10:32

Hi am back online. Hopefully the internet will be a bit better today. How are you today Notolerance?

MellowMa · 29/09/2007 10:37

Message withdrawn

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 29/09/2007 10:42

Its wierd. When you are down you really don't want to do the things that you know will make you feel better! The motivation just goes at the time you need it most. But somethimes an underlying force makes you get your act together and go to the gym or whatever you need to do to start to feel better? Do you think?

MellowMa · 29/09/2007 11:18

Message withdrawn

sparklesandwine · 29/09/2007 11:21
Webdiva · 29/09/2007 11:58

Hi sorry to also chip in my 2pennyworth, but also wanted to say what a fab name halfmumhalfbiscuit is - really made me chuckle

You are so right about that underlying force though - wish we could bottle it and have it on tap!

Webdiva · 29/09/2007 12:09

notolerance - do please rant on if you like I've just done a huge rant on another thread - it REALLY helps, but it's so easy to go off on a tangent . How are you feeling today?

Dior · 29/09/2007 12:12

Message withdrawn

sfxmum · 29/09/2007 12:40

where is notolerance? wish she popped up.

it is good to know you are not alone and others feel the same and can keep you company.

the underlying force is quite true unless you are really really clinically depressed in which case chemical intervention is the best to give you a chance to keep going, find strategies to try and cope.

sfxmum · 29/09/2007 12:41

and {{Dior}}

Original poster
notolerance · 29/09/2007 19:06

xxHi every-one I am still around! Thanks for all your replies; they have really made me feel not so alone in this horrible way of life.
Sorry to be nosy Mellowma but what AD have you found that suits you? I've been on 4 different types & none really did the total trick, although all but 1 really did help.
HMHB (yep agree cool name!), my dad & gran also suffered v.badly & I think my bro is also depressed but I haven't yet the courage to admit to my own depression.
Still feel crap today but weekends are bit better in that dh is around to help manage the children & I can escape more easily.
It really rang true Bittirednow about your comments with not wanting to be near your children - that's me all the time, I just can't stand being in the same room as them at times which is just so sad.
Thanks again every-one, your support has been really great & I hope you?re all ok at the mo

OP posts:
Original poster
notolerance · 29/09/2007 20:35

Hope u lot r still about, you gave me so much support earlier

OP posts:
wurlywoo · 29/09/2007 20:37

Hi, just seen this thread, I have been busy last few days so not been on site much.

I, like many others on this site, feel this is very close to home, I have been depressed most of most of my life, but have lived with it so long its become just as much as part of me as being deaf all my life!!

I think I have become institutionalised with it if that makes any sense at all, maybe you or others feel the same, I know no different and I cant really remember a time I was ever really happy for a long period of time.

Even if I am happy for a day or two I am able to shift into my same black hole by focussing on bad shit, instead of anything good in my life or indeed anything good about me. I am very self absorbed.

I relate very much to crying a lot of the time and feeling so empty.

I havent tried any AD's as I think I am so chemically imbalanced that it woudl tip me over the edge. ( I have also dabbled in narcotics so think my brain has never recovered from that!)

I honestly dont know what to suggest to you. My heart goes out to you no tolerance. I do think you need to look at more options as this by the sounds of it may get worse. Get help as soon as you can there is alot out there as I am sure know.

One question though, has anything happened to you in your past that you are unable to let go of?

Sorry that this isnt much help but I do understand, and I hope that you do not feel so desperate that you think there is no way out... you have realised that you are like this and that in itself is a break through at least you are not in denial.