Can depression be a life long condition?

[notolerance]

Have been suffering depression on & off for over 6 years now (think it's been longer but only really accepted this then). Came off ad's (for about 5th time) in August but am now again reaching that point in life where every-thing seems just too much and life is one big chore that I'm not enjoying. I have 3 dd's (1,4 & 7) who are very full on, dh works v.long hrs and by the time he gets home in the evenings I'm just too tired to talk to him and consequently our relationship is suffering. Just feel like crying the whole time. Have booked to go back to doc on Tues as think I'm gonna have to be on ad's all my life. This in itself is v.upsetting as it makes me feel a failure. Have had counselling & CBT but outcome was I just need to relax more - yeah right - how do I fit that into my life.
Sorry for rant but just feel so low.

[MorticiasMother]

It's not simple, trust me. Trouble is that no-one can help you but yourself. I got angry with myself, angry that I was worrying the kids, frightening them too at times, I was worrying dh and I was missing out on the nicer things in life. I got really really angry about all of that and that's what spurred me on to get tough. Read the self help plan again in the link earlier down, do those little things because they are only little things and they are achievable. I guarantee that doing those little things will make a huge difference in how you feel and every small achievement that you make spurs you onto to try bigger challenges.

[Spink]

be as kind as you can to yourself Sometimes a good way to tell depression to p* off is to try not feel guilty that you are not doing what you think you "should" be doing (getting out, doing exercise, giving yourself a kick up the arse etc etc). Guilt is one of the strategies depression uses to make you feel bad, after all, the bugger.
it helps me sometimes to give myself permission to stop putting pressure on myself to 'get better' ... there are days to push yourself and days to rest.
xx

[notolerance]

MorticiasMother - that's exactly what dh says to me but I really believe when I'm at my lowest it's not that simple, I really do wish it was - believe me! I don't enjoy feeling so crap & low the whole time & do wish I could rise above it, it's as if there is this horrid barrier around me that's stopping me enjoying life.

[Anna8888]

Hi Ruby - I read you on some other threads... sounds like you are overwhelmed/too busy/too tired to enjoy life .

What can you cut out?

[MorticiasMother]

notolerance - you can be like that. Everyone can. You have to be firm with yourself much as you would do if you were listening to a friend tell you all of this. Kick yourself up the arse and get out there and start being that person you want to be.

[ruby7]

Hi Anna

Thank you! I've found a fab therapist who says it is beatable if you take steps and think about it in the right way. Balls to all those psychotherapists and their gloom and doom. xxx

[Anna8888]

Ruby7 - so glad to read that you are feeling so much more positive .

You can beat depression, you can.

[notolerance]

Ruby7 & Rhubarb thanks for your positive thoughts! I wish I could be that, I really admire them!

[Spink]

I guess I think that it can be a long term and recurrent thing. But I don't think this is me being negative or 'giving in'.. In fact I think it can be positive to be realistic with what you are facing.

Ruby7, this doesn't in any way mean that I think you're wrong to NOT see your depression as life long. I don't think depression is life-long for everyone. But I do think that it takes time to work out what kind of depression you are dealing with.

As far as I can make sense of it, for some people, depression is clearly linked to stuff that has happened and is happening in life, and therapy, or medication which can help deal with that stuff can help get rid of the depression. For other people though I don't think it is the same - the depression then can be like a chronic physical illness, say, diabetes... that can be pretty difficult to manage, and that can 'flare up' for reasons that aren't always clear. The trick, then, is to work out, over time, what seems to trigger flare-ups, and work out how to cut those flare-ups short. Be it medication, or exercise, or a course of counselling or whatever. If this means you return to counselling several times, fine. It doesn't have to mean you are 'failing' because the counselling doesn't get rid of the problem! That is like expecting a good diet to get RID of diabetes.. it DOESN'T, it just helps keep it manageable.

I guess what I am saying is that tho I think depression can be life-long, it doesn't have to become your life.

hmm. hope that makes sense
x

[TheMadScaryHouse]

Xanthipi

This is something I have been covering in my CBT. I never realised just how bad I felt about my mums depresion until I have my wonderful children.

As I have grown older I have come to accept that my mum can be very negative and me me me, but when I do think of my childhood which was happy overall (I didnt know any different), I realise that some of the coments she made made me and do make me feel as though I am partly to blame ie "Mummy whay are you upset" - "You never sleep, you are always fighting. If you were better, then I wouldnt cry". Also once in a very bad low she told me that if she had her time again she wouldnt have bothered having children.

Sorry for the essay, but to sum it up I thought it was my fault and I do not want my boys to think this is any way their fault, as it is not.

A lot of my feelings are me projecting the way I feel about my mum and my fear of gentics. I want my children to be happy - they are the best and worst of me and I want to ensure that they enjoy life. They are not me, they do not cause my depression and I really want them not to be aware of it.

[Rhubarb]

I struggle with it on and off, when I'm ok I feel as though I can cope with anything and I have bundles of energy, I challenge myself, I'm confident etc etc. When I'm down I can hardly move, I forget things, I lack enthusiasm, confidence, I'm scared to go out of the door, I'm paranoid, etc.

Last time this happened I managed to pull myself together with a bit of positive thinking and I formulated a plan which I posted here. It really helped me get back on track, so I'm adding the link in the hope you may get a few tips too.

[ruby7]

i refuse to accept that depression is a lifelong condidtion. I've posted that question a number of times and always had really positive answers back. There are lots of things we can do - meditation, proper counselling (there are millios of really ineffectual cousellors out there who were trained in the 60's and have no idea how far it's come) and the belief that it can go. I think the medical profession has a lot of responsibility for people thinking this is forever. They band about statistics and scary stories. I've had depression/anxiety for 7 years and believe that with teh right treatment I can beat it once and for all. So there! X

[DastardlyDior]

Well, I have put on weight, but it is the comfort eating rather than the ADs. I have started a diet and have lost some weight, so it CAN'T be the ADs. I think, if you eat normally and still gain, see your doctor. Be honest with yourself though. Also, I found that Prozac killed my appetite for ages, but I managed to still eat the unhealthy things .

[notolerance]

Thanks DD, definitely don't want sleepless nights on top of everything else! One other question (sorry) but did Prozac make you put on weight? I've been on 3 other ad's & they all did which made me feel even worse

[DastardlyDior]

Oh, and I would recommend taking them in the moring until you get used to them, or you may have a few sleepless nights. You may feel like you have a rush of adrenaline when you first take them and that is not nice at night.

[DastardlyDior]

Not hugely. I get a dodgy tummy on them, so have to take something for that every day, but my tummy reacts to anything, so don't worry about that . You may get dry mouth and feel weird for a few days. I was surprised how lightly I got off actually, but I have been on various ADs, so knew what to expect anyway.

I was deeply depressed and 20mg did not work for me, but I noticed within a month of increasing that improvements in my mood were happening.

[notolerance]

Hi DD, am about to start this evening as haven't yet collected prescription. Have been put on 20mg to start with.I'm glad it is making a difference to you. Did you have bad side effects to start with?

[DastardlyDior]

NT - I am on 40mg of Prozac per day. It is making a difference and I have been on it for about 5 months. If you want to know more, please do ask me.

[calebsmum]

I'm also worried about my ds and future child (am pregnant) seeing me when i'm having panic attacks, will try and reassure them as much as I can and put a brave face on and let them know I love them and that this will pass.

[Xanthipi]

theMadHouse:

i was interested in your post because you said you didn't want your kids to see you depressed and feel about you the way you felt about your mum.

How did your mum's depression make you feel?

I'm fine at the moment, but get depressed/suicidal and go through periods where I can't stop crying for weeks or even a couple of months at a time.

My kid are reassured by their dad, who says "mum cries over nothing! Don't worry" But I my oldest, 7, is sensitive and switched on. . .and it can't be easy for him to see me in a state.

I want to avoid my kids growing up with bad feelings about me, so it might be helpful to hear about your experience.

Notolerance, I don't know if it's a life-long thing. I don't think you can make a generalization. The psych who is treating me thinks that circumstances in my life are seriously contributing to my depression (in addition to a chemical predispositon) . .and that i wouldn't be this bad under other circumstances.

[notolerance]

Hi calebsmum, your absolutely right in thanking mumsnet for being here! I was back at docs again tonight & have now been given Prozac! To me this is serious business, any-one else any experiences of Prozac?

[calebsmum]

Also just seen this thread, have suffered from panic attacks and depression since I was a child, so only 20yrs then! Mine tends to come and go although the anxiety seems to have made itself at home which is annoying. My mum suffers from anxiety and depression and i'm really hoping my ds and future children don't suffer.

At times like this i'm so glad mumsnet exists as it's so bloody lonely coping with mental illness, nice to know your not alone.

[MellowMa]

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[HalfMumHalfBiscuit]

Morning all. Hope we are all bright and breezy this morning. One good point that came from my counselling was to make sure to notice when I am actually happy. At the time I thought - huh rubbish what's she talking about. But its a good point and I am often happier than I think I am (IYKWIM?). I am feeling happy today in fact!

[MellowMa]

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