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Original poster

Need an outlet and people who understand

455 replies

Strugglingalone · 14/02/2020 19:37

Mumsnet keep deleting my threads and the last one had no reason whatsoever but the only way I am getting through at the moment is with random chat with people on here

Been struggling the last few days without a thread

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 13:21

You are doing so well OP....just by being on this thread and we are all enjoying talking to you.

I'm actually meant to be working, shhh....but I would rather talk to you and the other's if that's okay.

Myshitisreal · 26/02/2020 13:23

You poor sweetheart. Everyone's so great at asking you questions, I'm not sure how to help. I am listening though. I wish I could somehow empower you to eat a little and take a little care of yourself. Your rabbits sound adorable, what are their names. Your surrounded by cat people, 2 fluffy butts here. One particularly chunky cat is crawling all over me trying to get me up (awake to stupid o'clock after working) . She likes to nibble your fingers like a cute kitten puppy hybrid. She also does a mean stink eye when she's in the mood. She was my husbands cat originally and very much his cat. It took years for me to earn her trust and I even get the odd nose lick now which is one of the biggest trusts from her so im Privileged 😁😁

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 13:24

I agree with @bangheadhere40 that you're doing well, OP. It's easy to isolate when you feel low. I used to have weeks where I wouldn't open any letters, or the phone, or the door.

What do you do (roughly), @bangheadhere40 ?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 13:24

Gosh, sorry about the bold!!

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 13:25

Work are cross with me, join the club!

Hehe that’s ok, I think the are sweet but I don’t trust cats, they scare me

My bunnies are Blossom and Albus

The thoughts are so intense I feel sick

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 13:29

I'm in an office @Lobsterquadrille2and should be working! But am more enjoying chatting on here...very bad really, but I have worked hard this morning so maybe I will get away with it.

What do you do for work OP? Your bunnies have adorable names....are they house rabbits did you say? I'm not really a cat person either.....

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 13:29

My cat is the least scary in the world! She has a permanent "I have sat on something sharp" look, and is terrified of pigeons - and probably any other bird, but they're the only ones she sees outside. She sort of tries to walk on her stomach, making growling noises in her throat, as if she's an army cadet on manoeuvres.

Could you contemplate a piece of toast or is that too much at the moment?

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 13:37

I’m a teaching assistant - they want me to tell them what’s wrong and won’t let me return to work till I’ve seen occ health (I can hardly say I have attempted to take my life a couple of times since I’ve been off)

What do you do?

They are, I’m struggling with them as much as everything else, they deserve better

Just tried to speak to the duty team, it was a man, I completely froze, I need to talk to someone, the thoughts are too much

I can’t do food, insulin, anything

OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 13:41

If you call the duty team back and it's a woman, would you be able to speak? Is it worth trying that until it happens, with what you need to say on paper first? It seems as if you're in a place where you accept you need help, and they understand and are ready to give it to you .... I absolutely wish I could pop round and be the middle person!!!! You have us all so rooting for you.

bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 13:43

Wow you are a teaching assistant, that must be a challenging job, how do you manage with all the children?....I admire you doing that, I struggle with my 2, so goodness knows how you control 30 kids...... your job is much more important than mine!

could you try and do 1 of the 3, maybe just the insulin for now, and think about the food later on......that would be a small step.

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 13:45

I so wish I had a middle man, because I ask for things myself that I’m ok

I really struggle to speak to men because of past experiences, he just said I had an apt and to wait till then, I don’t think I can wait

OP posts:
Myshitisreal · 26/02/2020 13:59

Can you try call back and see if a lady answers??? I'm rooting for you. Is there anything people on this thread can do or say thats helpful. I love the bunny names, oddly they frighten me a bit, I got bitten by one when I was younger. So many people scared of cats, my two would lick lick, never ever bite or scratch (only the chunky one and it's affectionate, plus she doesn't get up close to others). I used to be really scared of dogs (2 childhood bites) but then my friend got a whippet and I kind of fell in love. My husband asks for a bloody dog every day 😂. Sending you lots of love and strength ♥

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 13:59

I work with SEN kids that can’t manage the classroom environment and our in a butter environment within infants

Crying, I need to speak to someone

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 14:24

That must be a difficult, but rewarding job :-)

Can you try calling back?

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 14:27

Haha that should have read nurture before 😂

I’m trying a cup of soup but really struggling I don’t think they will take my phone call as they’ve given me a appt

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 14:30

Ha probably should have not butter!

When is your appointment?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 14:30

What time is your appointment? Does this mean that the support worker will come to you?

Myshitisreal · 26/02/2020 14:31

Nice to hear you're eating or trying to eat soup xx

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 14:36

4pm, I’ve got to go to them but they are only about 15minutes away

I’m so scared about the nurse i don’t know if I’ll be able to speak with her there

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 14:43

It's not long then, only just over an hour to wait....

I never like other people in the room, but it is her job and she won't be judging anything you are saying.....so much easier to just talk to 1 person though, more people in situations like that put me off, so I understand. All you can do is the best you can x

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 14:54

That's really good! As @bangheadhere40 says, an hour to go. If you cannot say anything, you are no worse off and you have made the effort to get there and that's another really important part of getting help.

When I knew I needed AA, I walked there and stood outside the meeting room several times before walking away.

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 15:07

I guess so, really struggling, my head is telling me I shouldn’t even go, I don’t deserve to be there, I’m taking an appt from someone else

OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/02/2020 15:09

We are all respectfully telling your head that you absolutely deserve to go and that we will all be there holding your hand in a virtual manner.

Original poster
Strugglingalone · 26/02/2020 15:14

But what if it’s like yesterday and they don’t see how bad things are, last night I was so bad, I can’t deal with that again

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 26/02/2020 15:17

You can see though that as you say it's your 'head / thoughts' telling you not to go, even though you know you need to go. If you can be self-aware like that then that is very positive.

The appointment isn't far away now, and you do deserve to go. Please go and will you go and then come back and let us know how you got on? it's okay if you don't say anything or feel you can't talk much, but it is important to go.