Need an outlet and people who understand

[Strugglingalone]

Mumsnet keep deleting my threads and the last one had no reason whatsoever but the only way I am getting through at the moment is with random chat with people on here

Been struggling the last few days without a thread

Does it help taking your mind away by talking on here? Anything mindless. Something you've done, eaten, watched or read?

I tried to attach my photograph of a cheesecake - failure, otherwise I would have bored you with one of my cat. She's called Cordelia and must be 15 in May.

I know in my Area they have a team meeting and discuss all the clients mid-week I'm not sure if your cmht is the same..

Did you get a call op?
I also think it would really help to set some things todo so you are not just hanging on waiting for services x

Ooh I personally prefer vanilla but homemade is next level yum!

Hehe a photo would have been good

I have 2 house rabbits - they are almost 8 +7, I’m not really a cat person but that’s a brilliant name for a cat

A support worker rang and offered to see me later but I couldn’t get the words out as it’s not someone I really know and the more anxious and upset I get the less I am able to talk

Sometimes Mumsnet doesn't permit photographs from me! I don't think it's personal. She is black and white and very long haired. Aw, rabbits can be very affectionate! I have a friend with a house rabbit.

That's good that you are on their call list. Could you write down what you need to say, call them back and read it out? Practise reading it to yourself first.

..... because seeing someone today sounds like a real step in the right direction.

Aww she does sound beautiful

A few years ago I couldn’t even speak on a phone so when I’m really bad I seem to resort back to how I used to be

I just want to speak to my care co, the support worker is nice and seemed to get me when she saw me the other week but I don’t like the nurse who she has to have in the room too.

I just need someone I know

You're also managing to type in a very articulate manner on here. That must be progress too?

I really understand where you're coming from. I imagine that they have procedures with regard to safeguarding that have to be followed, like the nurse being there. (Pesky autocarrot wanted to change "nurse" to "horse"!!)

How have you left it with her?

She’s going to ring back in a little while so I can tell her my decision

I love the correction, that would be a definite improvement on the second person in the room

I have always been able to write if I know it’s going to be seen, I can’t just write for me

Diabetic nurse is also concerned - I might have left a very teary message in the middle of the night - she is also ringing back but what can I say to them, I haven’t been wearing my insulin pump, I’m not eating, not injecting, I don’t want to live like this anymore

Ok, let's try to break that down.

Can you write down, even on here, what you would like to say to her when she calls back? Then you can click on this, read it out and forget that you're on the phone. Could you put her on speaker phone as soon as she calls?

Have you drunk anything? Could you start with a nice hot cup of tea?

Little steps. You don't need to think about anything else for now.

I've been in AA for 12 years and we do one day at a time - if we need to, one hour at a time. Just get through a few minutes for the first step. You're doing fine. You're reaching out, and that honestly is step one, whatever the issue.

I wish it was that easy, I just completely shut down, I can have it all planned or written out but I struggle to make any noise come out of my mouth it’s like I’m paralysed with fear

No no drinks, just made some squash because I thought I should but I don’t want it

Wow well done, that’s an incredible achievement

Thank you! You see, in my dire times my "go to" was alcohol. Quite literally at any hour of the day or night. Horrible dark times. I look back and it feels as I were another person.

In that case, is writing and passing a letter to your support person the only way forward? I do understand that you can't speak (sorry that it took me a while to get that!!) - I'm trying to think of alternatives without being patronising and ignoring what I am sure you have already considered.

In other news, I'm trying via text to explain to my 89 year old mother how to cancel all print jobs and print an email. It's difficult when you are not there .....

Hehe oh dear although that’s impressive that she is using technology

I tried that in my appt yesterday, it was all written in one colour then in another a message about really not coping and needing help, she acknowledged it but said it’s a waiting game

Crying again, not in control today

Can you think back to a time when you have felt like this in the past, and any small thing that has helped a little bit?

She is trying to print an email from a place we saw yesterday - she wants to book it for her 90th birthday party. I suppose that 89 sounds old, but aside from a recent operation, she's incredibly sprightly and active.

I don’t know, Sorry

Wow, my 80 year old grandma won’t touch technology - phones and freeview are a challenge enough

No need to be sorry!

I worked overseas for 10 years, although I've been back for longer than that now, which encouraged her to get first a fax machine and then a computer. The iPhone has only appeared since my father died .... ooh, that's a point. Have you ever tried the Words with Friends app?

You're 80 year old grandma is doing well to use a phone!

I did when it first came out but not played for ages, I’m not very good

She just called back and I couldn’t speak, she’s left the appointment open but I just don’t know if I can cope with the nurse

I just need to speak to someone I know

My parent's won't keep theirs on as they think it will run out of charge, they don't realise that is what they come with chargers for.

We introduced my mother to it when my father died two years ago, as she'd never so much as spent a night on her own. First of all her words were "cat" and "dog" but she's extremely good now! Happy to have a game with you if you would like to.

Ok, that's good that they are keeping it open. Is it the presence of the nurse that you can't cope with, or the fact that she is unfamiliar? It sounds as if your chosen ideal scenario might to be available, but there will be a workaround of some sort. It's how to communicate that to the support worker.

What a lovely thread of support this is becoming x thanks everyone!

Honestly OP I definitely think you should take that appointment today. Even if You can't talk properly can you repeat a word or series of words such as "help" until they get the idea?

What Is the word game? Am I being dim... 🙈

It’s the nurse - she is always on the duty desk and I can’t talk to her on the phone so doubt it will change in person

Having a complete meltdown I don’t know what to do, no point ringing back as I can’t make the words come out

Ok, I'm sorry if the suggestions became too pressured. You don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with.

@PurpleFrames The game is Words with Friends and it's basically online Scrabble.

I understand about the words, I don't like talking on the telephone....it's so difficult isn't it sometimes.

Would you think about going to the A & E department at the hospital? they have to have a doctor qualified in mental health there I believe. I understand that the concept of doing that is probably too much.

It’s not you, it’s my head! Can’t fight this