Need an outlet and people who understand

[Strugglingalone]

Mumsnet keep deleting my threads and the last one had no reason whatsoever but the only way I am getting through at the moment is with random chat with people on here

Been struggling the last few days without a thread

Hehe

I haven’t tried those, I tend to go with cold packs when I’m like this but that’s not going to cut it tonight

Nothing is working, I’m shaking the thoughts are so strong

I think I am in serious danger of another binge! I'm on my 5th tv episode of the day 🙈

Do you have a tv? Watching anything much?

Do you have friends close by? My nearest friend is a 10min walk away I appreciate I'm very lucky in that respect.

Ooh what are you watching?

I can’t really settle enough to watch anything

No I don’t trust anyone, been hurt too many times, or the people I reach out too don’t have time cause they have their own shit

Nobody wants me here

It's called Line of Duty on bbciplayer. Without giving too many spoilers a police unit called AC12 investigates corrupt cops and there's so many twists and turns!

Im sorry you've been hurt. But if it's any consolation I want you here and I'm enjoying our conversation.

I think you posted about being away from home? Are you with family?

I think I’ve heard of it but not watched any

I’m back at mine so not constantly hiding it I guess

I live on my own so since I’ve been back my head has taken full advantage I guess

Thank you, I really appreciate you being here!

But line of duty if very irritating in that you never find out who H is! I would recommend it as well......

I hope you are okay OP x

Might be worth giving it a go! There's about 4/5 series online atm. Although from the looks of it I'll be finished by tomorrow!!

I'm going to go to bed shortly. Are you feeling tired at all? If you like I could check in with you in the morning?

Night night
Sleep well x

No im too anxious to sleep, I only sleep with meds and I can’t take them when I’m like this or they have no effect

That would be really kind thank you

I hope someone in a different time zone can chat... and that at the very least you get 40 winks... take care x

Hi, how are you today? Did you get any sleep x

Morning Op, checking in as promised.

How are you doing?

I'm still in bed but can hear the rain hammering down- not ideal as I have to leave the house to do some odd jobs today! I think it might even be hail...

I’m really struggling, very upset and can’t really make myself do anything

I’m seeing my care co this afternoon and want to write her something about my distress but I just can’t word it

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. I also saw my CCo this morning, I always get anxious beforehand but it's usually ok.

Do you think she would be open to reading this thread?

I hope it went ok :-)

I don’t know, I guess so but I don’t think it will tell her much, I keep it brief so mumsnet don’t remove it like my other threads which makes me even more distressed!

Yes it went ok- nothing exciting to report.

How did yours go?

I'm just having a flapjack for dinner as I feel like I've smacked all day!!

Don’t think I really got my point across, she was nice but I think because I’m voicing that I’m not ok they think that means I’m ok

I’m really not, I don’t know where to turn now I’m scared

I can sort of understand that if you're saying you feel risky- then you are probably less of a risk than a person that hides what's going on/ doesn't realise they're ill. But and it's a bit but... that doesn't help you feel better. Did they offer any extra support?

I finished the series of my program this afternoon. I'm a serial serious tv binger 😂 in other news I have a very cute kitten on my knee. Do you have any pets?

No, no additional support, I know she really gets me but I’m scared things are just getting worse and they are just telling me it’s a waiting game for things to improve

But being pushed away by other services in the evenings just makes it all worse

I told her about the appts I had when she was away training and the man that kept pushing me and asking why I won’t speak to men and was trying to talk through an appt I’ve got to have later this week with a man

The thoughts are creeping in again this evening and I just don’t know what to do

They shouldn't force you to attend meetings with male staff if that's a difficulty for you- that's not right at all.

I don't want to tell you obvious things you already know- but have you tried a text or online talking service?

I really struggle with self care- but I do feel a tiny bit more together when in do something I should. Like I need to shower more regularly- I'm too depressed to do it daily. Ok try every other day, commit to either morning or evening. Use products that smell nice and spend on myself. Money (nice smelling products) and time (day 15mins)... if I spend the rest of the day doing 'nothing' that's ok because I'm doing some maintenance self care. The same with breakfast.

Is there anything like that you could maybe do?

I sometimes use text services but I get upset by the generic 4/5 responses and they don’t really read what you say

I am struggling with everything at the moment, showers are a huge issue but everyday life as a whole is tricky as I simply don’t want to be here anymore

This spot is with the practise manager so no way around it really, last week it was a male and a female on duty, he promised not to talk then kept pushing for answers

Thoughts are taking over again and distractions just aren’t cutting it

I can relate to that.. there's no service/s that really meet our needs in this climate.

Could you fit in something of a self care/fun thing this week? Although you've obviously got your appointment stuff. Perhaps there's. Nice cafe on the bus route or a doughnut shop?

Self care has always been my hardest part of recovery

I’m getting scared my by thoughts tonight and just don’t know where to turn

What tv series have you moved onto now?

I have one more series of Line of Duty and then I'm up to date- I think there's a new series out soon as they are advertising it. I just watched Call the midwife and which is my soppy indulgence show... do you like crime? I like the real life documentaries andSilent witness... I'm really quite macabre haha.

Don't feel alone- you have us... and if you feel like you need it at some point the nurses and doctors in the crisis services in hospital.

I like silent witness and call the midwife so a bit lost now they are both over

I am contemplating them, I have spoken to telephone crisis team twice and it’s just not cutting it, getting really destructive and can’t distract