Need an outlet and people who understand

[Strugglingalone]

Mumsnet keep deleting my threads and the last one had no reason whatsoever but the only way I am getting through at the moment is with random chat with people on here

Been struggling the last few days without a thread

@strugglingalone hi there how is family going. Hope you're looking after yourself as best as you can

Are you getting any support or socialisation from being with your family? Could you perhaps take yourself off for a nice bath and early night if not? Take care x

@Myshitisreal yes counting really does help, and finding something for each letter of the alphabet - both amazing!

I am taking propanolol regularly and also now been prescribed more diazepam so I can use more frequently and when I’m less severe so I don’t escalate too far if that makes any sense?

@PurpleFrames was at uni all day, had 2 panic attacks, one when propanalol was wearing off and the other in a safeguarding lecture which hit a little too close too home 😕 but otherwise being with people was good

Left meds too late this evening and getting anxious again :-(

hey struggling sorry to hear things are so bad still.

if it’s any consolation, being inpatient doesn’t help anyone very much. it’s literally just warehousing. i’ve done it twice and it was horrible.

i guess the only thing to do is keep trying with your care co. i’ve been trying to get back with secondary services but appear to be on some sort of naughty list and am getting nowhere.

just so people can appreciate how bad it is in this area, i had 3 emergency referrals within 2 months to the Access and Assessment team who are gatekeepers for secondary services. each one listed all the ways i was in crisis and not coping, the last one noted that i was suicidal and that i had presented as such on all 3 assessments. the answer: you don’t meet the threshold for services, here’s the number for the samaritans.

it’s like turning up to A&E with 2 broken legs and being sent away with advice to try and go for a walk. the mentally ill are charged with doing all the work to try and get help that just doesn’t exist.

keep on trying, OP. never give up. you can do this, i promise.

Well done OP- to go to uni when you're struggling this much is a huge achievement - I don't say that lightly!

Please just be very careful with the diazepam as I'm sure you know it's very addictive and you don't want another thing to try and deal with..

Tried to speak to the crisis team and after about 10 rounds of them putting the phone down as I said hello, I got rushed off the phone in all of 30 seconds to have a bath and a hot chocolate 😩

I really need to talk, can’t get my panic under control and tbh they have made it worse by forcing me off the phone, what’s the point in being here if even they won’t speak to me!

I hope you are sleeping atm OP.
I thought you were on the list of people to talk to! Why are they hanging up :(

@PurpleFrames I am - the crisis team are a law unto themselves, hence why I was getting more and more anxious and upset!

I hope things are ok with you

Thanks @aWeaponCalledtheWord - that is so accurate and I’m sorry you are having to fight their incompetence too! Being inpatient was a request because I am desperate and have no idea how else to get the support I need!

Hi @strugglingalone and everyone else on the thread.

Im glad you're taking the tablets as you said they really help. Have you tried setting medication reminders on your phone to see if that helps, then you don't miss doses etc. Or can be daunting especially when you're on a range of tablets. Or those medication boxes your can get in pound shops?

Are you home now or still with family?

Hope you're looking after yourself as best as you can xxx would love to hear something nice you've done for yourself today

@Myshitisreal no back home which is generally better

I am having a panic attack, diazepam not stopping it and crisis team got me off the phone rather quickly (although actually this phone call was really helpful)

Struggling to settle

Hi OP, just popping back to see how you are, I hope you eventually got some sleep last night. It sounds like everything is still monumentally shit but you’re still here, which I’m very pleased about.

Im glad the call last night was helpful, what was it that made a difference?

She actually talked to me like a human and was interested in what I had to say, not just pushing me off the phone

I’m incredibly anxious today, sleep meds seared off earlier than usual and that’s unsettled me too

Spoke to duty, which was my mental health nurse and very explicitly said what I need to do, she responded with the date of my next appointment

I have no intention of being here then

Completely on self destruct, I can’t fight these thoughts anymore

Things have gone from bad to worse, I can’t fight this anymore

Have you heard any more from the nice diabetes nurse?

I took an overdose yesterday to try to kill myself - it's a lot harder than it seems.

Please keep telling them you're not safe and don't leave it until last min like me.

@PurpleFrames no unfortunately not but left the nurses a message to reach out for help

Oh I’m sorry, I hope you are ok! That’s what I’ve been doing repeatedly since end of January so you would think being explicit with my nurse would trigger something :-(

There are so many ways you can ask for help before wondering what’s the point. If people wanted me here then they would help

Please @Strugglingalone and @PurpleFrames you matter, your thoughts/voices are wrong. Eat, go for a walk if possible, reach out. An internet hug to you both ❤️.

Great advice @MrsBeeluga thank you 💕

I’m trying but failing at the basics let alone anything else!

Really not coping but don’t know where to turn. Diabetic nurse returned my call but didn’t really know what to suggest

Really not coping and don’t know what to do, so scared of my thoughts again

I can’t do this

Oh please you can, I'm here, I don't know much about your situation, but we can talk.

Can you breathe deep into your stomach three times. Does it help to acknowledge your thoughts and ask them to go away?

@MrsBeeluga talking is good

Unfortunately not, as I want to act in them not make them go away

Better start with a disclaimer I'm not native to English, so if I express myself clumsily or offensive (I really really hope not) just tell me or correct me.

I have a relative who has suffered intrusive thoughts due to ocd, so I'm not very experienced apart from this, but I would love to help.

I saw your bunnies, they are adorable. Do you have any other interests? I'm afraid I'm a total bore with TV programmes. I still think Midsomer Murders is great, even though it's rerun after rerun .

I couldn’t tell at all, you are doing very well! Far better than I could in any other language

Hehe I used to watch it occasionally but struggling with any tv programmes at the moment as juat cant concentrate

Not really, I’m too anxious to go anywhere or do anything so doesn’t leave me with much room for interests

I find it hard to concentrate on TV programmes too, admittedly for other reasons. But I used to watch a programme and that was it. Now I watch a programme while checking the phone and being on MN and playing soda crush .

Do you play any online games? I find they can distract me quite a bit if I'm worrying. Just started playing solo backgammon, but the game cheats .

Do you embroider, draw anything like that? I used to knit.