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Original poster

I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

277 replies

SunshineCake · 04/05/2019 20:03

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

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thislido · 17/06/2019 20:23

She sounds funny! My cat fetches toys from his basket when you open the lid. I have to shut them away at night sometimes as he goes through phases of chasing them round the flat very noisily in the middle of the night!

I love their chocolate Brazil nuts. I’m trying it eat less sugar at the moment because I do feel better without it, but when I don’t get enough sleep it falls by the wayside and all I want is carbs!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 17/06/2019 20:55

Sometimes carbs are all that will do. I've been diagnosed intolerant to loads of stuff so had to avoid a lot for a while. I'm now able to try stuff again and did well week one but it's gone a bit wrong in week two.

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thislido · 18/06/2019 08:33

Well it sounds like you've thoroughly tested the milk chocolate, hope you haven't had a reaction! It's hard when emotions are running high.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 18/06/2019 13:11

I did have a bit of one but not too bad and I needed it more than the risk was worth.

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thislido · 19/06/2019 17:44

Totally agree, sometimes the consequences are worth it Cake

How was therapy this week?

Original poster
SunshineCake · 20/06/2019 08:32

I went yesterday it went well. From next week we are going to talk about my childhood.. typing that made a little prickle in my eye SadShock.

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thislido · 20/06/2019 11:44

That’s a big step but it sounds like a positive one. Try not to spend the whole week worrying about it! It sounds like you trust her?

Original poster
SunshineCake · 20/06/2019 17:17

I won't worry about it which is amazing for me. This week I had no time to stress about the appointment as had to rescue ds as the bus didn't come then get straight to my appointment, though I dint worry about it normally anyway as I've had a few now and I know things just evolve. Not knowing what we will talk about is fine with me now.

I do trust her and did from the first chat. She seemed to get me and understand me and often says she can relate to things I have said.

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thislido · 20/06/2019 21:17

That’s great! Smile

Original poster
SunshineCake · 21/06/2019 10:35

I had to leave the park this morning as felt very faint and sick and still feel poorly now. This is at least the third time I've felt faint this week. I decided today would be a restful day but I need to give ds a lift then nip to the shop. I'll take it easy though. I'm late too and feel different.

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thislido · 21/06/2019 17:26

Hope you’ve had as restful day as possible.

Were you late last month? (Yes - just scrolled up and checked!) Maybe your hormones are on the move? If you are peri menopausal is it too early for HRT or anything that might even them it a bit if they are affecting you in an unhelpful way?

Original poster
SunshineCake · 21/06/2019 19:06

Half and half restful. Watched a bit of tv after dropping off ds and doing some shopping, then as I couldn't settle I walked my dog for nearly 90 minutes.

I am definitely peri menopausal but had to come off HRT. I'm supposed to be still avoiding a few foods but have been doing rubbish these last couple of weeks.

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Original poster
SunshineCake · 23/06/2019 16:54

I am really struggling today. DD has upset me and annoyed DH and she is feeling got at. I feel like my childhood is having too much of an impact on my parenting and therefore my children now Sad.

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swimwithaview · 24/06/2019 06:56

Sad that’s something for therapy too once you get started on your childhood. They sound like great kids though so you can’t have done a terrible job. You can only ever parent the best way you are able to and everyone’s parenting is affected by their own childhood (and by their parents’ childhoods and so on - you can’t assign blame because how far back would you go, and anyway, it’s not deliberate).

It can also be really subtle and not obviously damaging, in fact it might look positive but still be problematic, depending on the child. For al the things you’ve done that seem obviously bad to you, I bet there’s loads of good things that you sit take for granted and have never really noticed. As an example, I’ve spent a lot of time with a particular mum and toddler recently. I’ve noticed that the mum is really good at letting the toddler decide when he feels brave enough to try something and letting him do it in his own time. The reason I noticed is because every time he hesitated I had the urge to actively encourage him and at first it seemed odd to me that the mum didn’t. But then I saw what unfolded was him coming to it in his own time. On reflection, I spent my whole childhood being jollied along whenever I felt nervous about anything and as an adult I’ve never really got the knack of building up gradually to something and getting confident. I do things that scare me but I stay scared.

(It’s still me, just had a name change)

Original poster
SunshineCake · 24/06/2019 13:30

Hi Smile thanks for telling me it's you. I was confused then! Anyone is welcome to join in but it's nice to know who I'm talking too.

Talking of talking, I had a a chat with DD this morning. I said I need to remember she's 15 as sometimes I think I'm too open with her and talk to her as if she was an adult. She said she's nearly 16, 18 really but sometimes I talk to her as if she's 8. She meant she's fine with me telling her stuff. She wants me to tell her when I'm hormonal, remind her about her jobs and when something is going in as they know there is and they worry more when I don't tell them.

I've told her I'm having weekly therapy, I've explained I know my childhood is impacting on my parenting. I told her I've had tests and are due a brain scan but nothing more. I've not told her I've had tests for cancer. They got more scary than I expected but that one is over and ok. Brain scan is worrying me and I'm not having it until November.

You are very incite-full and I'm still grateful for you sticking with my thread.

Therapy on Wednesday this week.

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swimwithaview · 26/06/2019 14:15

Hope it went/goes well today.

It's nice chatting with you on here!

It sounds like you had a good talk with DD. I think it's right, they worry more when you don't tell them, because they invent something that's much worsen their heads. I don't mean she needs the details, but there's nothing wrong with knowing that you're seeing a therapist.

I'm glad the cancer scare is over, that must have been very frightening. I've had an abnormal smear before and some follow up but nothing that was threatening to become serious.

I'm sorry to hear about the brain scan, waiting is horrible, always worse than actually dealing with something that is happening right now.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 26/06/2019 16:22

Therapy was okay, lots of different emotions, some I don't want to deal with. Felt exhausted so planned a restful afternoon. What actually happened was I did the ironing, had some lunch then walked the dog!

I have therapy again at the end of next week then have to miss a week is I'll have ten days between appointments which is worrying me a bit.

Might be clothes shopping with DD tomorrow then Friday I'll be home alone for at least the morning which will be nice.

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swimwithaview · 28/06/2019 21:11

Hope you’ve had a nice day. Mine seems to have gone very quickly. I’m off to the seaside tomorrow for the day, meeting a friend and looking forward to a swim in the sea. Although I’ve just checked the sea temperature online and it’s 14 which is quite chilly!!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 02/07/2019 12:11

How was your beach trip?

I'm feeling very ratty. Period very late. Dh and dcs annoying me. Lots of early starts so I'm tired too.

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swimwithaview · 03/07/2019 06:38

I didn't go in the end! I overslept and woke up still tired. It was so hot, I did very little at home in the end.

Hope you have a less annoying day today. I woke up angry, not really sure what about!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 03/07/2019 06:45

I'm shattered having had to get up at 5:40 on top of a run of very early starts. Already DH and DS1 have upset me and now DH is annoyed I volunteered to do a pick up at half ten tonight. It's going to be a long day…

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swimwithaview · 03/07/2019 06:54

Not a god start! I think you need to sneak in a nap somewhere!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 03/07/2019 13:01

I planned an after lunch nap but dh is annoying me so8 can't relax enough to sleep. Grr.

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swimwithaview · 03/07/2019 13:12

Have you got a patio you could bury him under? Grin

Original poster
SunshineCake · 03/07/2019 14:49

He's fucked off to do his hobby, without telling me as usual and he'd say he's only in the garage and I'm watching tv, so I'm going to take the dog for a walk and won't say bye. I am petty.and hormonal but also pissed off we've done nothing I wanted really on his last day off

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