I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

[SunshineCake]

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

Hope you're feeling better.

I can't think how to word it without being more specific than I want to be, but it was kind of like starting to find out something about myself but in way where I could be interested and wonder what might come out rather than thinking 'oh god, I don't want to know that about myself!'.

Hope you're feeling better.

I can't think how to word it without being more specific than I want to be, but it was kind of like starting to find out something about myself but in way where I could be interested and wonder what might come out rather than thinking 'oh god, I don't want to know that about myself!'.

Hope you're feeling better.

I can't think how to word it without being more specific than I want to be, but it was kind of like starting to find out something about myself but in way where I could be interested and wonder what might come out rather than thinking 'oh god, I don't want to know that about myself!'.

I totally get what you mean. I had the biggest reaction at the session and I think more later plus a big one an hour ago. It's scary and interesting and exciting all at once.

How are you doing today ?

I feel really bad today. Really annoying as it's dc birthday but I'll fake it when. They get home from school.

Are they still ploughing through exams?

Just stay with the feeling whilst you can, they quite often pass quicker if you let yourself feel them rather than trying to get rid of them.

I'm ok thanks, a bit annoyed with myself that I'm not getting enough done this week and that I keep going to bed too late, for which I only have myself to blame!

One child has finished and another has three left.

I've felt weak and faint all afternoon and now have stomach pains and feel sick.

Dd upset me and ds went and told her off. She came to apologise.

I'm feeling overwhelmed today. No real reason why that I can say. everything.

Sending hugs. Some days are like that. Your children sound like a good pair?

I've got three. Eldest is incredible. Middle one is great but challenging and worrying. Youngest is either a total love or a total nightmare.

That doesn’t sound like a bad hand!

It's not. My kids are the pride of my life. My biggest and best achievement and gift to the world. Two of them have already proved themselves to be amazing and one has already benefited the local community .

That's great! So many horror stories on here, sounds like you've done a good job

Just had another unsettling dream. I catastrophise everything and it gets out of hand. Something others wouldn't really register for long has me wanting to take my life.

Do you want to say a bit more about the dream or the catastrophising?

I can't remember all of the dream. I know the kids were being naughty. Dh was leaving me. I woke up, upset by the dream so then felt I didn't want to live so sad again so take my life.

Oh dear, I’m sorry, that’s a horrible way to wake up was it the kind of sad that just feels like it will never get better?

How are you feeling now?

It's not too much

The sex sounds very difficult. I can't remember, but have the two of you ever had any counselling together? At some point it might be helpful? Just to make that kind of communication easier, so your husband doesn't take it personally. It's ok to say you need to stop at any point, no one's orgasm is more important than you feeling safe.

I understand about the children being at home. When you've got a lot on your mind it's so much easier to have the space and to not have to arrange your face so that no one else is worried. Lots of long dog walks by yourself, perhaps?! Are there any things you all like to do together that would be fun?

Re the being sad, I expect I've said this before, but it can change - in fact I think in some ways it has started changing for you - but it just won't do it in a nice gradual way, it will be a few steps forward, another few back. It's hard. I want you know that I am feeling hopeful for you, because I know what it's like to not be able to be hopeful for yourself.

Thank you. I e asked for my post to be removed now you've replied as freaking out about how personal it was.

This morning I woke early and hid in the bathroom for an hour as I couldn't face seeing dh. Feel rubbish about my 14 year old went to school without me seeing him. I messaged him but got no reply.

Dh and I have had marriage guidance but it didn't help as I could feel with the woman and I felt she was bossy, unrealistic, unkind and actually it made it worse. I couldn't face counselling re the other thing as feel were so far apart and there's no real compromise that there's no where to go. It's just all dh choice. When, how. Not all his fault..

Had a lovely walk with my dog this morning. Met a two year old the same breed who was adorable then mine had a play with one of her friends. Was out a bit longer than normal but it was nice. My friend didn't come as we couldn't make it work with my dc responsibilities and her time restraints but tbh it suited me as emotionally I wasn't feeling sociable.

Thank you for having hope in me. I'm feeling very low today but I also know a lot of it is hormones and emotions. Maybe they are the same?

I think hormones can affect emotions but it varies from person to person. I never really notice PMT these days but think I did when I was younger. One of my friends had to take testosterone as part of IVF and her partner thought it made her more aggressive!

I’m glad you had a nice walk. I’m about to go for a swim and I usually go with a friend but I don’t feel like talking to her tonight so I’m going to sneak over by myself and hope I don’t bump into her. Something I had planned to do hasn’t quite worked out as I hoped and I’m not ready to talk about it with her yet!

Marriage guidance can be very tricky I think, I’ve heard a lot of people who’ve had horrible experiences, often with Relate (which might just be because they are a big provider rather than because they are crap!). I hope your evening is going ok and being around DH is manageable.

My friend popped round and upset me then I pulled up a beautiful flower when weeding which made me more upset. Took forever to find a new tip as ours is shut and nearly cried when I got lost but I did buy two new plants to replace the one I lost.

Quick stop at supermarket then home to walk the dog before back in the garden. By the time dh got home I was shattered. Hadn't had lunch, I'm hot, had hot flushes as well as hot due to weather and was starting to feel like I would faint. Luckily I'd put potatoes in the oven so dh just made toppings and I feel a tiny bit better but I will have some chocolate later and an earlier night.

Hope your swim goes well and if you want to talk I am happy to listen. Take care.

One of those days again!

I got to the end of my cup of tea and decided I couldn’t be arsed to swim, also going to have an early night. The cat is giving me a cuddle and I will FaceTime a different friend if she’s free when I’ve had some food.

My dog has sulked and gone to sleep on the rug as kitten is in her spot on the sofa.

I'm going to have a detox bath at 8. Will get dh to sit in the room, or near by, in case I faint.

Ooh a bath, that’s a good idea! I’m doing the same! Thanks!

I've just tipped out all the dogs toys and she couldn't decide what she wanted and after offering five I'd had enough. She's now showed me her ball, sulked over the kitten and gone to sleep . I've just eaten a whole pack of m and s chocolate raisins, my first milk chocolate in over two months so I might regret it.