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Original poster

I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

277 replies

SunshineCake · 04/05/2019 20:03

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

OP posts:
swimwithaview · 23/07/2019 17:24

It’s so bloody hot!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 23/07/2019 18:38

34 degrees here today!

Been busy all day. Therapy tomorrow. Not sure how I'm feeling about it.

OP posts:
swimwithaview · 23/07/2019 18:44

Well that’s your starting point when you get in there then!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 23/07/2019 19:09

Luckily it just seems to happen so I've learnt not to try and preplan what I'll say.

OP posts:
swimwithaview · 23/07/2019 19:17

That’s the best way!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 24/07/2019 14:05

Good session today. Quiet afternoon now watching all the political shenanigans, keeping my dog company and hoping ds gets the bus home..

How are you ?

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thislovelylidowithaview · 24/07/2019 17:44

Good!

Hot! I can’t bear the political shenanigans, I’m barely paying attention at the moment. Just stopped for a nice cold drink on my way home. I had a good session today too, my therapist stops for the summer so that’s it until September. Not sure how I’ll feel with such a long break, I’ve never had that before.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 24/07/2019 22:14

I missed most of the stuff I wanted to watch as I sliced my finger with the bread knife which took a while to sort.

My gap is eight days then I think I might have a ten day gap but I'm not sure about that.

It must be hard to have a long gap but it's also a chance to reassure yourself you've got this.

Off to bed now as have to be up early to walk doggy before it gets too hot.

Thanks for still chatting. Flowers.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 25/07/2019 22:05

I’m happy chatting Smile

The breaks are always interesting, you kind of find out what it means to you.

I need to get up early for the same reason. Hopefully cooler
Tomorrow!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 26/07/2019 13:42

I was awake over an hour in the night due to the storm. It was hot this morning when I walked the dog but we've had two lots of rain so it's cooling it down a bit. Stressing a bit as DH is out until nearly midnight tonight and I'm annoyed as I forgot to buy dinner and chocolate for me. Got to go out in 2.5 hours to pick up my son so if I can be bothered I might get something then

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 26/07/2019 20:26

I love storms, I wish we’d had it here! My dad said they had a couple of hour’s worth where he was. Got my parents here this weekend so I did a big shop, to maintain the impression I am functioning adult who prepares their own food Grin

Original poster
SunshineCake · 26/07/2019 20:31

😂

I'm watching Corrie with 🐕 as dh is out.

I won't be able to sleep until he's home so I'm going to be knackered. Given the kids have hardly come out of their rooms if I hadn't have had the dog I'd have got into bed at 7. Feeling bit fed up but don't know why.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 26/07/2019 22:16

Probably because you’re stuck awake!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 26/07/2019 22:40

Dh on his way home. Just ate too many crisps and a small chocolate bar.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 26/07/2019 23:30

Hopefully you got to bed a bit earlier than feared. I’ve just sorted out bed, inlet my parents have mine and my spare room is a work in progress!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 27/07/2019 22:03

Dh was home a bit earlier but I've been awake since 5:50am as ds needed a lift to the train station to do a days volunteering. Dh took him thankfully. Busy day, walked dog twice, did the food shop, spent a lot of it in the bathroom due to very heave late period, watched some telly and now off to bed. Hope your day has been okay ?

Been emotional today Confused.

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thislovelylidowithaview · 29/07/2019 07:43

That must have been Saturday. I went to Bletchley Park which was really interesting. My period also finally arrived so I’m on my way to work with co-codamol. Fingers crossed it isn’t too bad. I used to get terrible pain when I was younger and it’s must more mixed now, sometimes nothing, sometimes enough to be distracting.

What sort of emotional? (If you want to say). I had my parents here for the weekend and I always miss them a bit when they go. We have a pretty good relationship and I’m very aware they are getting older and I don’t spend that much time with them.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 29/07/2019 15:27

Hi, I think it was more hormonal than emotional as my very late period had turned up and for two days was very heavy. Today my eldest has gone away for five days and I've felt tearful but I also felt like I was having a mini breakdown. Once I couldn't eat for a few months unless dh was here and it felt like that today. It's taken me until 3 pm to eat anything and I just feel so tired. I really want to go out with my dog again but it's hot so I'll wait an hour and see if it has cooled enough. Kitchen is a mess as no one has emptied the dishwasher and they are just adding pots to the pile. Both kids would empty it if I asked but I'm sick of asking. I want them to think for themselves and help.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 29/07/2019 15:40

That sounds tough. I can’t think of an easy answer with the kids but I totally get what you mean, you just need someone else to think beyond themselves for a change and if you have to ask it’s already not happening. Could you try a sort of rota during the holidays?

Can you let yourself be sad about your eldest? It is sad - maybe not so much that’s he’s away for five days but because it’s the start of him growing up and moving out with his own life? I think lots of mums are sad about that. Flowers maybe if you can be sad for a bit then it will gradually turn into another feeling?

If it’s too hot to go out can you sit in the shade or lie down for a bit? Do you read?

Original poster
SunshineCake · 29/07/2019 19:34

We used to have a rota and tbh I can't be bothered with that again. Dinner was slightly late as I walked the dog and I told dd she has a cheek when she said she was starving and she got what I meant and emptied the dishwasher. I'll carry on letting it pile up until they get the message.

DS is my pride and joy. He's done some amazing things and has made a brilliant life for himself. I'm proud of me too that I've raised him and he's turned out like he has though it's all him, not me, really.

Just ate dinner an hour ago and dh brought me some pie and cream. I couldn't eat it as he was not in the room so he's sat next to me while I've eaten it then gone for a run. I'm worried about why this is happening again.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 29/07/2019 20:40

But you did raise him, so of course it’s partly down to you, which, given how difficult your own childhood sounds like it was, is no mean feat.

The eating thing is interesting, one for therapy. It’s a bit like the talking isn’t it, not being able to do something that you know is physically possible.

It must be a clue to something. This might be a stretch, but can you take a kind of emotional step back and be curious about why it’s happening rather than worrying? Think about what feelings you’ve been having and what comes up when you think about eating, and what was going on when it happened before? Food is the very first thing we can control coming into us when we are little and the first thing that fills us up and makes us feel satisfied, which is probably why it’s so common to ‘use’ food in emotional ways.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 30/07/2019 15:01

I've utterly convinced myself I have food issues as I wasn't fed as a kid. From 8-14 I lived in a situation where I never felt I was able to help myself to food. They would go out for dinner and it was a relief when there was an opened almost full loaf of bread as I could make a margarine sandwich without them noticing a couple of slices had gone. It was implied I was greedy if I wanted seconds at Sunday lunch. I just thought I better eat while I could..

I went three months without eating unless dh was here so just had one meal a day. I even went shopping and decided I would just buy all the cheese and chocolate I liked just to eat something. I came out with a couple of things and ate nothing. I don't really know why I couldn't eat yesterday but just felt anxious and emotional.

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thislovelylidowithaview · 01/08/2019 16:21

That’s awful - the childhood stuff I mean. And bound to cause issues with food. I’m feeling tired and headachey today because I’m trying to ditch sugar again. I feel much better once I get past this bit but it does me realise how much like an addiction it is.

Just waiting to get my hair cut. Really want a nap but I need to get some more work done later too. On holiday soon which I’m really looking forward to.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 01/08/2019 17:11

I sympathise with the sugar withdrawal headache as I had that when I gave up coke in the run up to my wedding. It's hard but is worth it if you can get passed the Difficult days.

Did you get your hair cut? I need mine done but don't know where to go.

Therapy today. Really really hard. Can't post it in public. Trying not to cry atm.

OP posts:
thislovelylidowithaview · 01/08/2019 17:33

Hair all cut. I’ve been going to the same place for years, I think I googled for recommendations originally. It’s short so I have to go every five weeks. I’m on my third hairdresser now as they’ve left over the years but they’ve all done a good job. When it was long I was less bothered because I wore it up a lot anyway.

I’m sorry it’s so hard at the moment Flowers. Is there somewhere you can go to let yourself cry? Has the crying happened in therapy yet? PM me of there’s anything you want to say but don’t want to post, but only if you want to.