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Original poster

I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

277 replies

SunshineCake · 04/05/2019 20:03

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

OP posts:
Original poster
SunshineCake · 07/05/2019 11:27

Last year I had therapy for something that happened 33 years ago so I agree time isn't always relevant. For me it was the first time I'd been offered therapy for this (that) trauma. Tbh I'm not 100% sure what my main focus is with this lot of therapy, what the issue is. I just want to stop feeling sad all the time.

I've had three big tangible traumas. Had treatment for one which worked brilliantly. While having that trauma 2 came up but the dh related one never did. Confused.

The therapist I have now is good and I am happy to see them. Just stressing as it's £40 a time and I can see I'll need lots of sessions.

I can talk to the workmen normally but dh is coming home and I'm stressing about it.

I truly feel I've been in shock for 3 years and now I'm not and while I feel different I've no idea how I've come out of the shock.

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PowerBadgersUnite · 07/05/2019 14:43

It does sound like you've had a lot going on that still needs to be worked though and I'm glad you're seeing a therapist you like. If you don't feel you have a focus with them already maybe make the DH related trauma the focus for a while and see if that helps you work through things.

It's good you have been able to talk to the workman. Maybe you can write down a message or messages for your DH for now and take the pressure off yourself a bit while you work it through with your therapist.

thislido · 07/05/2019 14:54

Don’t worry about not having a focus for the therapy, Sunshine, you don’t have to know what cause you’re trying to get over, it’s not normally as simple as just one cause, one effect. Stick with it if you can manage the £40. I always think about it as an investment in the rest of my life. If you prefer, think of it as a commuting cost - you’re paying to hopefully get somewhere else!

I thought of selective mutism too. Sometimes it can happen because you’re trying to stop something getting out of yourself.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 07/05/2019 16:37

PBU - DH came home as I was outside and I said hello really quickly before I had chance to get worried. We talked normally except for me having chest pain. Anxiety I guess. Then new workmen arrived but they were lovely and I felt okay with them which was good as dh had to leave. The kids got home in the last half hour and thankfully I can talk to them. I'm worried again about dh but I'm going to take a friends advice relating to something else and just go with it. Thank you.

thislido - thank you to you too. Dh has no issues re the cost. It's just me. I'm not good at spending money on myself. I wonder if that comes from my father and his new girlfriend wanting to pay less than the 25p he had been paying for me 💡

Investment in me and the person I should have been might be a good plan 🌟

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PowerBadgersUnite · 07/05/2019 18:39

Well done Sunshine. You've done really well to speak to you DH and deal with workman, even if you are still feeling some anxiety.

I think of my therapy as treatment. I need it to keep me well and if I don't have it I won't be well enough to work and look after dd and do all the things I need to do to have a good life. I think there is a tendency to think mental health things somehow aren't as worthy of time and money as other issues, but they really are.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 07/05/2019 19:29

I've just felt hopeless. I've been sad for so long and it's just been one thing after another. Some things still make me cry and it's been decades. I've come to the end though and realise I have to give it one more try. DH and I haven't talked about how I tried to end my life at the weekend.

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thislido · 08/05/2019 06:08

Oh Sunshine, you sound like you’re in a really difficult place Flowers

As my therapist said to me once, there is something else, another way to be, it doesn’t have to be this hopeless forever. (He was right.) Have the therapy, in fact have even more if it helps, I found it easier to go more than once a week for a while because it was so hard to open up and then pack everything away for a week again. If it doesn’t seem to help then you could try a different kind. Keep talk to us here if you’d like to.

Hopefullyberidingsoon · 08/05/2019 06:21

Hi OP, it may be something called functional neurological disorder, it can present with different symptoms in different people but I have known people with prinary speech issues. It woujd need to be disgnosed by a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist but all physical causes need to be fully excluded first if course. This is not ‘the menopause’. I would push for a neurology referral and take it from there.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 08:32

Thank you thislido.. This thread is a real comfort to me so I'd appreciate anyone still willing to talk to me. Thank you Flowers. The therapist offered once a week or fortnightly so I went weekly.

Hopefullyberidingsoon - I have a neurology appointment in November. GP thinks my daily headaches which have lasted a year were menopause linked. Nurse took me straight off HrT when I told her about them. GP asked what I wanted to do and I said have a look so she referred me.

Sorry for short and abrupt message. I need to go to my therapy appointment.

Thanks again.

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thislido · 08/05/2019 08:40

Hope it goes well this morning (which in therapy terms might of course mean a very difficult session!). I’m happy to talk, we all need other people, that’s why mumsnet exists.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 12:04

Hi. I'm back. I'm feeling hyper. Don't know what to do first.

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thislido · 08/05/2019 13:14

It probably doesn’t matter! Maybe go for a walk if you can’t settle to anything else.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 14:27

I've been a busy bee. I've read my post, finished off a letter, folded washing, walked the dog to the post box and now I am hungry so I'm roasting some courgettes and cherry tomatoes for lunch. I'm having to follow an elimination diet at the moment and need to get organised with food. Tea is sorted for the next two days, I'm just not organised with lunches.

Dh rang. I was emotional as I'd just seen Baby Sussex and his parents on the television and I'm soppy but was also still all over the place after therapy and talking it over with my friend via finishing writing her a letter. I feel like I want him home to talk as don't want to do it on the phone but then at the same time don't want to wait to tell him and feel braver on the phone. We'd fallen out over text this morning but we've talked and I think we're okay. Theory will continue and I'll be hard but I am hopeful it will be worth it.

I am so appreciative you guys are talking to me still Flowers.

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TheAnswerIsInABookSomewhere · 08/05/2019 14:34

I just want to say I’m still here, just quiet now there’s knowledgeable people here. Glad this morning has gone well!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 15:08

TheAnswer your contribution is just as important and very much welcomed.

I feel emotionally shattered. Just want dh to come home and give me a hug.

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PowerBadgersUnite · 08/05/2019 19:29

Therapy can be like that some days. I had my session this afternoon and feel wrecked from it. Hope you got your hug!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 20:12

We fell out instead. I'm just so tired.

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thislido · 08/05/2019 20:32

Sending you a virtual hug, Sunshine. I cried properly for the first time with my new therapist today and feel kind of emptied out, but in a good way.

Original poster
SunshineCake · 08/05/2019 21:53

Thank you thislido.

I'm glad your session was productive.

I got a bit teary talking to dh.

I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts. I don't like it when dh and I fall out as we never used too and it takes me a while to get over it.

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PowerBadgersUnite · 09/05/2019 08:28

Oh dear. I'm sorry things are touch with you and your dh, sunshine.

I've been doing a lot of crying with my therapist at the moment. It's exhausting but it does help to go.

PowerBadgersUnite · 09/05/2019 08:28

Touch = tough. Blush

thislido · 09/05/2019 09:29

How are you doing this morning, Sunshine?

Original poster
SunshineCake · 09/05/2019 21:09

Hi, thank you for checking in with me. Had a very busy day and barely sat down. It's still weird talking but I'm trying to be normal with dh. I'm just so tired.

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thislido · 10/05/2019 06:31

Hope you got a good night’s sleep. What have you got planned for the weekend? Are they generally more difficult for you, or was last weekend just exceptionally difficult?

I’ve got up to do some course work but the cat is insisting that his cuddles should take precedence!

Original poster
SunshineCake · 10/05/2019 09:40

I did sleep all night which is rare but had a horrible dream which unsettled me. I felt very anxious this morning when driving to the park with my dog. I rang dh and we talked for a bit and I felt better. This weekend we plan to spend time in the garden and plan what we need to buy and do.

I normally really look forward to the weekends as it feels like the only time dh and I get any decent time together. I think last weekend was hard due to the therapy and then not being able to talk but the weekend before I just wanted it over with which has never happened.

While walking with my dog this morning it suddenly came to me that my feelings of worthlessness come from my mothers actions. I guess that's called processing things after therapy. I had EMDR which is reprocessing and I physically know what is happening but with my current therapy it's just talking so feels different. I don't know why it came into my head but I guess processing is subconscious.

And obviously, cat cuddles come before everything! I have two cats and a kitten. Plus other pets too. Ridiculous.

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