I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

[SunshineCake]

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

Two nice days thanks. Now scrabbling to do everything I need done before Monday! Hate it when Sundays are like this!

Sunday's are always so busy and it's not like I do nothing the other days. I think part of it is the extra washing as I change all the beds. I just feel very sad all of a sudden.

It's ok to feel sad

Sometimes it's best just to let whatever feeling it is fill you up rather than try and get rid of it.

I used to do my bedlinen at the weekend too - I've shifted it to during the week now to decontaminate my weekend!

I feel I catastrophise things. I think I probably always have and do now realise why but I didn't have a name for it before.

It’s hard not to when you haven’t had the kind of experiences that encourage you to trust that things will work out OK.

Nothing was ever okay until I met dh but he's the one who's stopped things being okay more recently. He's going out tonight and I'm feeling fretful.

I've got therapy tomorrow. Just feeling scared that it might be helping. Not used to feeling okay ish / not happy but nearly happy .

Talk about that when you get there!

Hi. I was shaky on the way and rang dh twice but his phone was on silent. The session was good. I'm still scared about things but I can talk fully to her so that gives me hope I will be okay eventually.

Sounds like you coped well even though you husband wasn't answering.

Very insightful to be worrying about it working! I don't think most people realise that however much they want to change it's really hard to be different, even if it should in theory be better!

Last week was difficult as dh needed a prompt to come upstairs with me after dinner to talk about my session. So this week I decided I wouldn't remind him. I was putting dinner on the table when he came in and then he and I came into the lounge. We sat for a bit and I was getting a little anxious that he wouldn't ask but thankfully he saw my face and we went to talk. I told him some of what was said and then he read my notes and we discussed it. What is strange for me is I very much stand my ground these days. I will tell him if I disagree or think he's out of order etc. I'm not scared of his response.

What you said latterly reminds me of when I was discussing the sunk costs fallacy. I'm worried I'll have regrets on my death bed but I'm also worried about regrets now if I do cope better .

That was a massive thing for me for ages. More specifically regretting not leaving a relationship but also regretting not changing other more fundamental things sooner. It’s ok now though, I just somehow came to conclusion that it’s taken the time it has and that’s ok.

I’m glad you got to talk. I think I said it before but I’m really impressed you're managing to make changes in your relationship, I don’t think I could have done that.

I'd rather not be making changes as they all come from dh hurting me.

Yes, I was overlooking that and thinking that more generally it’s good to be able to assert yourself in a relationship. It’s sounds like the hurting you is a newer thing?

It is good that I am feeling stronger at times. Though I also feel very insecure and sacred at times. It was 3-4 years ago that he hurt me and I really don't want to get into a situation where I feel that it was a good thing as I am getting therapy, help and therefore feeling stronger.

No I don’t think being hurt is ever good, whatever comes of it!

Thee was something in the paper today which I asked dh to read which led to a conversation. It did take me about three attempts to get a part resolution. I feel I'm getting a bit stronger and even that worries me. I think dh is listening and hearing me better.

Is it just potential regrets you’re worried about, or the unfamiliarity of the feeling, or something else?

Both things really. I'm not good with change but then I'll randomly move furniture around, dye my hair or paint a room without telling dh.

For the third night running I've dreamt that dh is planning to leave me. Last night I also felt he was trying to hurt me so I wouldn't be here. I told him this and then he went to feed the dog and I followed later to put a wash on and couldn't speak to him. Feeling very on edge.

Have you got therapy today?

The dreams sound unsettling Although if it feels like things are changing it’s probably natural to worry about the relationship being ended - by either of you.

Are you a reader? I just thought of a book that was quite good on relationships and how they change and adapt or don’t.

I had my therapy today and we focussed on my dreams.

I would like the book recommendation though goodness knows when I'll get time to read it. Things are so hectic at the moment.

I feel very odd tonight. Can't describe it. Just not right.

Kind of unsettled?

The book is this one: www.amazon.co.uk/Bewitched-Bothered-Bewildered-Couples-Really/dp/1855756501/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?s=gateway&keywords=bewitched+bothered+and+bewildered&sprefix=bewitched+bithered+and+bew&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1559246471&sr=8-4

It makes it sound like it’s just for therapists but I read it ok also lent it to a friend who really liked it.