I really hope I'm not alone so I can get some advice and give some hopefully

[SunshineCake]

I keep having episodes of not being able to speak. Just had my fourth one but it's different from others. Has anyone else had this?

I often find that happens to me with therapy as well. The big understandings seems to appear a day or two after the session and suddenly something just makes sense or becomes clearer to me. I think it just takes my brain a while to mull things over and work it all out after talking.

Dreams are good! That's your unconscious getting on with things when your awake, logical self can't get in the way! Same as when you were walking the dog - it's space to let thoughts appear when you're not concentrating on anything in particular. Write the dream down if you can remember it, even just a fragment of it and the feelings associated with it, that can be useful to talk about in therapy.

Nothing ridiculous about pets! I've just got one cat but I sometimes think he'd quite like another one to play with, it might stop him chasing me.

Your plan for the weekend sounds like a good one. I cleared my balcony last weekend and planted some things so can enjoy using it a bit more as the weather gets nicer.

I've never had EMDR, I've heard it's good for trauma? I've found talking therapy useful for sorting out childhood stuff - no specific traumas, just run of the mill unhappiness.

I struggle as I can be quite rational and when I follow that path I don't do stupid things. It's when my emotions and hormones come into play that I struggle. My therapist tells me I know my stuff. It's just all a turmoil below the brain.

I have a lot of unsettling dreams and definitely don't find them helpful. Especially if I can't understand why I dreamt what I did. Thinking about it though maybe I dreamt that DS2 was in trouble last night was because I was worried about him getting into bother at school. Some dreams are a complete muddle though. Almost like 2/3 people a have become one.

I had EMDR for childhood sexual abuse.

That’s a lot to deal with then sometimes I think the emotions just have to come out.

I think the muddle in dreams is part of the point of them, to disguise what they are really about. I think Freud’s theory was that you would wake up in horror if it wasn’t disguised. The waking up bit may or may not be true but I can definitely think of dreams where I’ve replaced one person with another when it would have been difficult to think of the first person being in the situation I was dreaming.

The thing I’ve found about talking about them in therapy is that sometimes the therapist hears something I haven’t noticed. For example I once described a scene I didn’t recognise in a dream and my therapist immediately connected it to something I had talked about there and it fitted exactly.

I think it took me a long time to accept that it was me creating my dreams because they seemed so odd and nonsensical, even when they contained familiar people.

It’s a bit like therapists listening to anything you say really - they hear the actual thing you’re saying and also a kind of abstracted version of it. So I might go in and talk about something being broken and the therapist will hear that but might see a parallel with something else that is broken. Or I might talk about someone being angry with me and that will be a true, but at a more abstract level I am talking about someone being angry with someone else and maybe it will turn out that it’s me who’s angry with someone.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense but it sounds to me like your mind is trying to sort some stuff out!

It makes no sense from the point of view that I can't immediately relate but total sense too.

My dream last night was ridiculous. Can't make at sense at all apart from a couple of bits. Don't think relevant to my therapy but to home life in a small part but the rest was wtf?

Hormonal I've randomly wondered if I am pregnant. Which is stupid as I am peri menopausal and dh had the snip but I'm very late and there was a thread... OP was late and everyone stated how they knew people who had conceived years after their husbands had had the snip. Apparently it can reverse itself ten years or so later . I think the OP had the thread removed so I don't know what the result was. DH had his snip 12 years ago.

Blimey, that would be a bit of a surprise! If you’re late then a pregnancy test should be pretty conclusive?

I hope so. I'm planning on getting one this week. Very mixed feelings if it's a positive.

Wait and see what it says before you worry too much about that!

Hows the garden planning gone?

I'm a bit annoyed with myself for losing momentum this weekend and not getting more done, but maybe I needed a rest.

We've done a few bits but not everything.

Currently fallen out with dh. He's hurt me. He's hurt me like this before. He's probably fed up with this situation but so am I. Right now I want to leave him. Normally when I feel I'm upset with him I think leave/would miss him, still love him in the same minute. Right now I just feel fed up that we'll still have this situation in five years time.

A rest is a good idea/thing.

When you say he's hurt you, in what way?

Not physically but in some ways that would be easier to get over.

We have talked. I've stuck up for myself more than I would normally and I've told him we can not have the same situation again.

That sounds positive. Also something to talk through in therapy?

And well done for sticking up for yourself, it can be so hard t advert yourself, especially in a relationship where you’re not in the habit.

Maybe. It's not something that will change. It's my feelings towards it that must change.

Dh gone to sleep without saying goodnight and while we were watching tv. It annoys me when he does that. Have to admit I'm looking forward to everyone being at work and school tomorrow!

That should obviously have been ‘assert’, I’m suggesting you advertise yourself! What can’t change? And how do your feelings need to change? (Don’t say if you’d rather not.)

I suppose he just nods off rather than doing it deliberately. Sounds a bit lonely though.

It's a physical thing and while I think he could try and be more positive he disagrees he could do more. This morning I've woken up anxious with chest pains and I just know I won't be able to talk to him again. Like the day last weekend and today I already know I won't be able to talk to him before I try, whereas all the other times it came as a shock, does that mean I'm doing it on purpose? Even when I tried hard last time nothing would come out. I wonder if it's a subconscious thing, not to protect myself but to show him how hurt I am as telling him seems to have no real last effect.

This morning I was already awake when he woke up but I just pretended I was still asleep so I didn't have to talk to him, or try to.

I don’t think it means you are doing it on purpose. Maybe you are just getting quicker at spotting the feeling. However, I suppose if you stop trying when you get that feeling you won’t find out if you can or not, although I can totally understand pretending to be asleep! I think it’s an unconscious thing rather than deliberate. Some part of your mind and body have cooperated to prevent you from speaking, you’re aware of it, but you can’t make it happen.

There’s probably lots of reasons it could happen. You could try and show him you’re hurt by being silent, or you could try and protect him form how hurt and possibly angry you are by staying silent, or you could show him how futile talking feels by staying silent etc etc.

When he’s gone, what happens if you imagine he’s there and try saying something?

I tried to talk to him when he came in to see if I could but also so he could see I tried and didn't get annoyed. I sent him a text telling him what I needed from him and how I was feeling. Walked dog with friend but was quieter than normal. Said I felt it was the beginning of the end on the way home. About to go out to get a test kit and feel very very shaky so don't know what to do. Dd is on study leave so feel I need space. Feel like I don't want to be here when dh gets home but I think I'll just go to bed. He's getting takeaways but I'm getting my own as can't eat it.

Sending a virtual hand hold on the testing. In my experience it’s always easier to deal with the fall out of something like that than to worry about what might or might not be there.

Completely understand about the space. Could you go to a cafe or even supermarket or garden centre or something?

Beginning of the end of what, the relationship?

It sounds like it needs to be a one thing at a time kind of day. Find somewhere to test first where you can gather your thoughts and think about what comes next after that?

I started to shake at the thought of going out so I just went before it became an issue. I've got a test but I'm wondering if I should wait until the morning?

I've written to my friend, ironed and put out the washing and I'm tempted to go to bed but will try and Hoover first.

Dh has messaged asking how I am and saying he's sorry he's caused my anxiety.

Yes, beginning of the end of our relationship. While I was in shock I'd think about the reality of divorce and then think about the kids and realise I couldn't of it to them. Now I don't feel that.

Well done at just getting straight out, that’s s good tactic (which I need to start applying to just bloody doing things!!). See what the test instructions say about first morning urine? I don’t know if it matters.

I love that you write to your friend! We used to write to each other when I was at university but then it all turned into email and now it’s WhatsApps. I do FaceTime a friend abroad a lot though and I love those conversations.

Re the relationship, maybe just let the feeling sit for a bit and talk to your therapist about it. It doesn’t sound like you need to make an urgent decision?

I hoovered and then took doggy for a walk so I could go to bed without feeling guilty. I'm currently trapped under her on my bed . We got lost on the walk and I was scared in the woods but also didn't care if someone attacked me .

I had a penfriend of twenty years but when I told her she had upset me and would she mind not doing X again, while acknowledging that I may be over sensitive, she dropped me.

I will talk to my therapist and won't rush to file for divorce. I'm just sad I'm thinking about it and that my kids aren't making me think more when usually they would totally put the block on considering it. Dh has messaged to see if I want gluten free take away. He's trying I guess.

She clearly thinks going to bed was the right decision

It is sad thinking about the possible end of a relationship. I'm not sure staying together for the kids is always the best idea though, not from what I read on the Relationships board!

A shame about your penpal. Sometimes things don't work out when you start asking for what you need. I lost a very close friend a few years back when it turned out that once I was no longer prepared to just be part of her adoring audience she wasn't interested. I was really hurt and angry for a while but never actually missed her - I guess because it was actually all about her, I wasn't getting that much from it.