Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Counselling seemed to go well last night. She picked up on all the negative feelings DD has about school and said that she would work on trying to reprogramme her brain to think positively about school. when she asked DD why she feels unable to go to some lessons, she said it was because she loses focus after about 30 minutes and then the stress and anxiety rises because she thinks she's going to get told off for not getting on with her work. She also suggested deep breathing for a minute just to calm herself down but DD said that there isn't time for that. The lessons are full on for 1 hour and 20 minutes and they don't get time to stop. I've asked student support if they can get her teachers on board to let her take breaks if she needs them. Hopefully if she knows that they will let her do that, then she will feel more able to attend. We've booked another appointment for 2nd Jan so hopefully I will be able to get her to go to that.

I managed to get her to go in for 2nd period. I'll be picking her up again at 12 but at least she's there. She may go back for 4th period (there are only 4 1 hour 20 minute lessons per day) but we'll see. I'm not holding my breath.

zoo and Anne - that must be so hard for you. I hope today is better for you.

1step - Thanks. I think part of the problem was that we were going to see a stranger in a place she'd never been to before. So that didn't help but she did well. I've made her an appointment to see a GP so we can request a CAMHS referral. Do you have any advice on what to say? I hope you're feeling better today and have the energy for getting some of your admin done.

one-step I posted huge text yesterday,but MN appears to have eaten it(happens often to me) basic just was you must be exhausted after D's accident and added stress of him being in hospital on what is already a huge workload.i hope you managed some precious sleep.the build up to Xmas adds so much stress and expectation on top over already complicated lives.finding a moment for me time gets swept awayignores own advice to self care as to do list gets longer

Katalex sounds positive.fingers X this is beginning of support you all need

Dd2 continues to spiral.no exams today but still quivering wreck.barely slept.striggling to eat as throat feels closed when trying to swallow(also has silent reflux which is playing up on back extra stress)I sent her in still as they're starting mindfulness program today at school.i said I'd contact pm triage team at doctors and she would probably be pick up early to see a doctor.nit sure what they can do bar refer to camhs but at least I feel like we are acknowledging her distress and trying to support her towards professionals as mere parental support isn't powerful enough anymore.i do guided relaxation/meditation with her.run baths with candles.rub her back.encourage her to self care and do things to relax(she has a foil scratch craft on the go at the moment)I'm fresh out of ideas and willing to take whatever helps available.shes fab.way her mind works laying down and droppings not an option but she finding herself increasingly overwhelmed by the sense panic engulfing her...

Katalex, I'm glad last night was OK. Does DD have a time out card? Movement breaks would help. They can be surreptitiously added to lessons - X can you give out the textbooks, X would you go next door to get Y, X please collect in everyone's homework etc. Other pupils need not know. Controlling your breathing is crucial so do mention that to DD again.

I would say you have to be blunt and completely honest to the GP. It's no good putting a positive spin on it. They need to know everything, even if your DD doesn't want them to know. I would directly ask for a CAMHS referral.

Zoo, I think a CAMHS referral is the right thing to do, and asking about an ASD assessment. I hope you get a GP appt.

Sleep is difficult to come by at the best of times let alone this time of year. Since DD1 died I hate the build up to Christmas. If it wasn't for DD2 and DS' I would happily hibernate, but I am determined they have a normal a life as possible.

one-step I'm sorry to hear you lost a child.its very hard with emphasis of Xmas on family those missing are remember more keenly

1step - sorry to hear about the loss of dd1. I cant imagine how difficult that is. :(

Katalex - sounds positive.

Dd came out of school more positive and has had a good day today. Student support have also helped her come to terms with the idea of a STEM workshop in january. I don't disagree they shouldn't have told her I was upset yesterday.

Thanks both. It's nearly 5 years now. Someone on MN once told me that the hardest of times are the times others perceive should be 'happy' times. It is so true.

I am glad today was better for you both Anne.

onestep that's so very true.i lost my mum in December as a teen,brother 8 years and 2 days later.be 3 years on 21st my dad....

I am both fuming and upset.spoke to a doctor on triage ringback.there are 6 at our practise,and another 6 very highly trained nurses(incl amazing paediatric nurse who has worked in a+e) alas last 6months a new one who is useless...gauged dd1 anxious and gave her meds which couldn't take with asthma.decided I had broken arm when damaged a nerve and he had get nurse to do a sling before send me hospital as he couldn't,gave youngest script a drug NHS won't use as so expensive...anyways,I explained situation- not sleeping/struggling to eat etc.he told me self refer to the lowdown which is volunteer run counselling in our area with longer wait lists than CAMHS.said could see her to explain mechanics panic attacks desire me telling him D's has them and she fully aware what's happening.said meds not an option and ADs are not used fight anxiety only depression.i asked referral camhs and he said he would but I've absolutely no faith in him to do it.dd2 was distraught as she was clinging to the hope of SOMETHING to keep her going.she ate one slice toast breakfast,few tomatoes from lunch at break,a ginger biscuit at lunch...trying to eat causes sensation throats closing and panic attack..let her watch tictok videos and got her a little couscous salad and took her an hour stop start panicking to get half it down.lots frustrated tears.managed a few veggies,a slice bread and a long battle to eat veggie sausage.normally eats huge volumes food.i plan ring and book app today with another doc utting forward MH as they cannot refuse help with that.she has ethics exam pm and has psych self up to not be able do it saying won't go school.this mornings going to be fun

In other news,D's tutor did last visit before xmas.head unit saw Iceland tradition book and chocolate Xmas Eve and adopt it so he got gift yesterday
His birthday today(14)

Zoo, I'm sorry to hear about your DPs and DB, especially that your mother died whilst you were so young. A year after DD1 died my DM did. We were close and it was difficult, but it was the right way round. You expect your parents to die one day, you don't expect to have to bury your child. My mother had had a good life - married (and divorced!), travelled extensively, had me and my brother, had worked, bought a house... All things DD1 never got to do.

At least the GP agreed to refer to CAMHS, though after giving it time I would chase it up to make sure it has been done. Sometimes they take things in better when it's professionals telling them something so don't rule out an appt. GPs can't prescribe ADs and anti anxiety meds for children without CAMHS initiating them.

Happy Birthday to your DS Zoo.

I managed to get DD in for a lesson again today. I didn't think I'd get her out of bed (she doesn't sleep well) but she got ready in time (only just) and went in without any complaints. I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow but she's planning to do a full day on Friday because they won't have to do any work, it's an early finish and it's Christmas jumper day. That's her intention anyway, whether she'll go through with it is another thing entirely.

Our student support contact happened to be in reception when I dropped her off earlier and she has agreed to talk to all of her teachers to ask them to let DD take breaks during lessons, not necessarily leaving the classroom but just to stop working and relax for a few minutes if she needs to.

DD does have a time out card 1step but she doesn't like using it because it draws attention to her and she doesn't want other students asking her why she keeps leaving lessons. But she's going to have to get used to it because this can't continue long term. If we can get her teachers on board then she shouldn't have to use it unless there's a cover teacher who doesn't know her situation or if she's having a particularly bad day.

Sorry to hear everyone's having such a tough time and so sorry to hear about the loss of your DD 1step. I can't imagine what it's like for you, especially this time of year.

Happy birthday to zoo's DS. It's my birthday tomorrow but I doubt I will feel like celebrating. DH wants to take me out to lunch on Friday, which is lovely, but when I'm stressed, I can't eat. Even the thought of eating makes me feel sick. Hopefully I'll feel better after Friday, knowing that I won't have to worry about school attendance for two weeks.

one-step I contacted doctors again today and registered my disappointment in handling of us yesterday.lovely reception staff rang us back after speaking to duty doctor of the day.camhs referral has been done and she gave us numbers of crisis team and local camhs building should we need anything in a serious dip,also told should be become very concerned for her MH we can always take her to a+e.shes got blood tests early tomorrow too to "rule out any organic causes".I feel heard,which was what I needed

After wrangling she went to school.had few texts she's struggling,but she's there.exam this afternoon I dare say will hear all about how got(or didn't as case may be) on later!

Katalex dd2 has both toilet and time out pass as she's not bothered by what others will think.if she's feeling that bad she doesn't even register what others are doing!!

zoo I'm glad you had some success with the doctors. fingers crossed they can get camhs to contact you soon. I hope your DD gets on ok at school today. Is today's exam the last one?

I've not had a great day so far. DS was really angry this morning because I was making him go to school, even though he was worried that he was going to get told off for not having done his accelerated reader quiz. He didn't speak to me at all, kept refusing to get dressed and didn't say goodbye when I dropped him off. He was giving me some horrible looks, like he hated me. Then I had my year end appraisal and was told that I had been graded as 'underperforming'. I thought the reason I was given was unfair but I didn't feel able to speak up as I was trying to hold back the tears. Fortunately my manager is in a different country so the meeting was over the phone. She also wants to push me into a senior role next year. With all the stress I'm dealing with at home, I can really do without this.

Friday afternoon can't come quick enough.

On a positive note, on Monday we're going to see a cat at a local RSPCA centre that DD wants to get. Hopefully we'll be a good match for him and we can bring him home early in the new year.

Katalex - they cant tell you on one hand that you are underperforming and on the other that they want to promote you. Ridiculous.
Take some time to breathe then ask them to quantify the areas of underperformance, with examples.
Ask them what behaviours they would like to see from you to address the issue. Make them show you exactly what is required to improve- rather than the onus all being on you to work it out.
Ensure that any objectives are agreed mutually

Are you off for Xmas Friday katalex?
I agree with Anne you can't underperform but suit a senior role..

Dd2 has her final mock today-science.head of learning has been spectacularly good with her this week.shes been sent there 3x/been spotted by her and taken her to her office.fanastic at helping her once in panic with strategies from basic breathing reminders,gently coax her in mock exam to look at questions,even producing a fluffy toy to stroke when totally freaking out.shes arranged for her to be in library rather thanmain hall- this reserved dyslexic and anyone that's overwhelmed in with large group.yesterday she had ethic exam in there along with those doing film studies and was only 8 students.will be busier today though as science a core subject.she doesn't get the extra time like dyslexics do but bonus us sec she's done her time paper is whisked away and she can instantly leave,unlike big hall where all papers collected in then wait for your row to be invited to go.
We have got head of learning Xmas gift after see a mug that says radiate positivity and little box Lindt chocs to sit in it.seemed to sum her up perfectly!

Last day of term for both girls today.ds bit stressed as dd2 best friend(who is also anxious and great advocate for dd2,but who has awful parents that are uprooting her as they fancy a move in February to Scotland,thus she will be losing her friends etc and find herself different educational system where will have to go back a year,but that's another story)will be coming home with the girls before they head into town as her mum's refusing let her be home aloneand she has no where else to go.hes not good with "strangers in the camp" and it's first in long time we have added in a friend visiting,but as she's anxious herself and aware of DS being way he is hoping it'll be ok.they won't be here that long as she's expected to go home for 345(school finishes at 12 and they will want couple hours in town) will be last time probably dd2 gets send with her our if school hours as her mum's wierd with her doing stuff,unless it suits her..she's stressed idea going town,but keen have last devious time together.its breaking all our hearts and if we had room is take her in to finish exams etc,but we don't have space

Hope last day term for you all and things quieten without daily struggles with that

Are many of you having any festive fretters?dd2 saw a pin time to move from regular anxiety to festive anxiety the other day on Pinterest and found that amusing....but so true

*sorry for typos
Last precious time with her

Dd had a meltdown at school today. Locked herself in the toilet. They threatened to get maintenance to come and take the door off. She came out and calmed down it I think they will have finally seen what we are dealing with. It all stems from the trauma of this recent incident a she is fixated on it and still very scared.
She saw the psychologist tonight and decided she hates her so not sure I will get her back there.
On a positive note psych asked us wtf the school are doing, is she on sen register, what learning support is she getting as she clearly needs it? Is said none really, just student support... So I have emailed tonight and told the school I want a meeting in january with the senco to find out what the autism plan for the school is and can we work through it for dd to make a personalised plan. I have asked psychologist to send me any questions I should be asking. I am tried, sad, angry.....

Dd is saying she is never going back to school. Sigh

And then she tells me she wants to enter a school photography competition :s

Anne maybe this meltdown will be the catalyst of progress?

Dd2 has been moved permanently o to library list for exams.the invigilator in there are fab as it's anxiety and dyslexia students only she freaked yesterday and they allowed her out for ten minutes and then added ten minutes to exam time to give her same as everyone else.shes pleased and hopeful of this move
She seemed a little easier tonight,ate more than had in past week for dinner which pleased me
Hoping break from school will do her good

You're up early too zoo. I've been up since about 4. Good to hear about the progress with dd and her exam room... I think our problem is that despite dds issues she is so smart. Despite her issues she got top of the year in one of her recent tests, her attendance is now good as I am making it so although she is spending increasing time in SS. I have been reading up about the EHCP so will ask the school what I need to do to get her assessed for that in the new year. I am so tired of all this. Had to start taking my stash of asthma steroids last night as not feeling great at all and need to boost to get on top of it :(

Anne I don't sleep well anymore,and big to do lists that whizz in my head don't help!
Blitzed kitchen before everyone got up
Been horse sanctuary as belated birthday treat for D's.our first outing in a long time.he was very happy there.dd2 struggle a little in car but was able use strategies to manage it(earplugs with music.coat overself like blanket and shut eyes/rest)
Was nice/rare going somewhere and everyone had fun.he adopted a horse and bought toy version of him to cuddle.hes very very happy

Me neither at the moment due to night sweats/insomnia. I am going to go to doctors soon as I am not sure what to do with myself.
I am so exhausted being in high alert all the time and dealing with the meltdowns, I am also in chronic pain.
I had talking therapy last year with a private counsellor which has been helpful. I dont feel depressed, just stressed and tired so dont think meds are the answer. I dont know what is but I dont feel like I'm in a sustainable position :(

Anne so common in mum's coping stressed children,more than you realise.personally down time helps and any help with sleep.you would be surprised what a difference that makes!I was awake at 230,head whirring with growing to do lists.my other half isn't off again now til Xmas Eve night so I'm full on by myself.if I find myself at breaking point tired in day I ask kids give me 20 minutes then wake me.its enough pull me up without feeling groggy(I'm so tired I can fall asleep in under a minute- they've timed it!!)
On plus side getting up at 430 am I've cleaned oven and empty clean and reorganise all kitchen cupboards

Dd2 was up til late,school ending for the hols was not the panacea she had hoped it would be.she did eat lunch pretty well but as day went on slid quickly back towards anxiety/highly stressed state.i suspect she was on a bit of a high from our outing/that she coped so well and that helped with lunch.

Hope one-step and everyone else lurking is hanging in there.xx

Hope everyone's having as good a day as possible
DS has had couple wobbles,dd2 too.beike gifts into 3goes so not overwhelming and they stayed injammies all day.been quiet and simple.alternative by others standards,but for us it's been just right!

Good day here. Just us. No pressure.
Boxing day at inlaws may be a different matter.
Merry Christmas

Hope today goes smoothly Anne