Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Zoo, I'm glad DS and DD2's anxiety have been manageable. The CAMHS referral was sent quickly. Don't hesitate to call the crisis team &/or go to A&E if you need to, I have done both before when needed for DS1. You could ask school about rest breaks for the actual GCSEs. If DS likes horses look at the RDA, they are brilliant. I have seen children's self confidence flourish. DS can't for medical reasons otherwise it's something we would do.

Katalex, fingers crossed when school resumes DD can make good use of the breaks in lessons, cover teachers should be made aware of pupils SEN.

Anne, I hope the steroids have helped, and today hasn't been horrendous. Well done to DD for the test result. I know it's upsetting for you, but the school witnessing DD's anxiety first hand is helpful. What are school doing to ease her anxiety re incident? She should be on the SEN register and have an IEP.

Some schools are under the impression that a child who is academically able doesn't need support. It is completely incorrect - there is more than just academics and also about academic progress and reaching their potential.

DS1&3 are academically able, but both require support. In DS1's case it's irrelevant how able he is if he can not function in everyday life. DD2 is academically able, didn't have a statement/EHCP, but did have some in school support, and does have support at university. The fact your DD is unable to access lessons anywhere near full time indicates she has unmet needs.

You can make a parental request for an EHCNA. IPSEA and SOSSEN are useful resources. IPSEA have a model letter you can use to request an assessment. The SN sections on here have some knowledgeable posters - SN Chat and SN Children are the busiest.

A mixed few days with DS1. He was really anxious at times, but there were also times he did amazingly. He struggled with the journey to visit some of the ILs at the weekend. But is coping with a family friend staying better than I thought he would. The lounge looking like a Lego shop or book shop (depending on which bit you look at) helps I think. My brother and his family visited yesterday. DS2&3 interact with their cousins but DS1 near enough pretends they aren't there unless it's adult led e.g. a board game, despite two DNs being similar ages. Which highlights just how delayed DS1 is.

Family friend who is staying has offered to babysit so DH and I can go out . It will be the first time whilst DS1 has had complex MH problems that we have left him with anyone other than respite, and the first time we've been out together without DC in a very long time - we normally use respite to focus on DS2&3 and DD2. I'm not sure how it will go.

One-step perhaps this might be the beginning of some couple time for you.i hope it all goes well.half Lego half bookshop describes D's stuff beautifully too.he is mid way building Lego corvette he started yesterday and would rather have sat and done that than go bed tbh,but I convinced him it will make tomorrow more fun if he stopped!!
He sat upstairs with dad watching Godzilla dvd after tea whilst I watched miss congeniality with the girls.was nice.we bought games for xmas,.played whot(like Uno) yesterday and your numbers up.exploding kittens got bit heated as youngest can be very single minded/unkind in games that give opportunity to attack other players,but was ok in the end...

I forgot to mention I had letter on 23rd dd2 refused CAMHS,they've suggested local counselling service that's run by volunteers.im not impressed as school can offer more than that. Will speak to OT when D's has next app and see if we can appeal this decision
She's been a bit better,but still having moderate anxiety.i suspect once school returns she will totally crumble again..

I hope you have/had a lovely time onestep!

Boxing day went well. Dd managed herself through the day and took herself out when needed. Yesterday was a nightmare though. She was meant to have a psychologist appointment (3rd one) and after deciding last week that she didnt like her, refused/wasnt able to go and see her. Completely shutdown and said we werent listening to her. She wants therapy but not with this therapist. I am at a loss but I dont see how I can force her to go if she hates her. We have agreed to look for another but what if she doesnt like that one, and tbh she needs help NOW! She thinks she is a bad person and everything is her fault. Bad things must be happening to her because she deserves it :( She feels guilty for upsetting me, for everything going wrong. I need someone to help us undo all of this thinking and I am really out of my depth.
She is so desperate to change schools too. We are considering it but I want to go and talk to them about SEN provision first and give them a chance.

The main problem Anne is sadly in her own head and all the trying other options won't change that,if you felt the therapist was ok then I'd attempt keep going with it.anyone who challenges her/makes her think about uncomfortable things isn't going to be liked.ds loathes OT with a passion...
I helped dd2 completed reorganise her things yesterday.we did all her drawers(extensive hoarder of make up and body lotions,bath gels etc)masses jewellery relocating earring together etc.2hours.we also sorted under her desk and put all revision stuff together/school books together.i think doing that reminded her Spanish exam first day back(6th) and then round two mocks in Feb.she had mother all panic attacks and couldn't eat tea,nor settle til gone 2am
We finished her side of room today,but was sorting clothes in her cupboard and unserved which houses her box stuffed toys,sewing machine and crafts.nothing to set her off.she seems happy wherever you look us now like for like together and neatly ordered.i find this incredibly satisfying and calming to know exactly where things are but struggle to keep house tidy as have messiest children on earth plus bouts depression mean I am not a constant with tidying up

Anne, I'm glad Boxing Day visit went well. Do you think yesterday was DD decompressing? I do think you have to be able to build a relationship with a therapist, but DS would also use not liking someone as an excuse because he didn't want to engage because he finds it difficult. I don't know how you work through that one. Maybe agree to try someone else but that she needs to give the next person a good try.

Changing schools at this stage may be unwise. DD's difficulties aren't going to disappear, and to me it seems she wants to move because she thinks they will go away. Jumping out of the the frying pan and into the fire springs to mind. Giving the school a chance to support her &/or applying for an EHCP sounds like a better plan. Also, I can't remember how old your DD is, but some schools start GCSE syllabus in Y9.

I am sorry DD2's referral was rejected, Zoo. Did the letter say why? Definitely speak to the OT, and GP. Discussing it at the next TAF would be a good idea as well.

DS' always have to be prised away too. At home insurance renewal time DH always jokes that it's not jewellery, watches or his bike... that are our most expensive items but the ever expanding Lego haul.

Between them DS' got 13 Lego sets and 27 books, including 2 Lego ones - "Build yourself happy" and "Particle Physics brick by brick." Your DS might like them, especially the later which is a really engaging book. If that wasn't enough DS1&3 are planning to spend their Christmas money on 3 more sets and DH got one from DC.

We had a lovely time thanks. Friend said DS1 did get distressed, didn't eat and we returned to him and friend lying on the sofa not asleep. But on the whole I think it was a success, and it was needed.

I'd call that a sucess indeed one-step I hope it's first of many breaks for you
Will look up those books,I suspect D's might like both!!

I got the Particle Physics book wondering if it would too old for DS1, but actually he's absorbed in it.

DS1 has spent all afternoon asking if I'm leaving him again. I suppose that is an after effect of going out.

Sounds like a success one step :)

Sorry about dd2 referral zoo. It would be worth trying to find out more information. Maybe do the counselling advise but ask to be re-referred?

I think I am going to email psychologist and tell her dd is refusing to see her and see what she advises. I dont think I can get dd there again tbh so it isnt simply a matter of me insisting she goes.

I have told her however that she has to go to school or I cant go and kick the senco ass. If she isnt there they wont listen to me. She seems to accept that as a valid argument. We will see.

Good morning I’m sorry I’ve been missing in action. I’ve read back a bit to see how you are all doing. We have had good bits and bad bits. GP referred to CAMHS and I have to call them today. I think it’s a triage call so I’ll have to plead my case. DD1 has been trying very hard - day at the Christmas Dinner table and ate food despite there being 14 of us, some of whom she did a very difficult. I find if she is warned about the situation she can make her own plan as to how to deal with it. On the downside she went 28 hours without food or fluid one day when she was angry with me. It was a school day. No idea how she manages it.

I was just wondering how you all deal with siblings? DD1 can be very cruel to hers, especially DD2 who is only 23 months younger and only one school year. She is nice to her in school (I think because her friends are nice to their siblings!) and can be very nice at home but when she wants to she can be unbelievably cruel - she knows which buttons to press exactly and sometimes it’s because she’s angry or anxious and sometimes it seems to be just for sport. DD2 can be quite anxious sometimes and it occurred to me that much of this happens when DD1 is being especially horrible to her. DS is much younger and understands DD1 has mental health issues but all the same are nasty comments must have some effect. When I spoke to her about it she said ‘you can’t change how my brain works’. How can I support DD1 and also protect the others?

Big, I hope today's telephone consultation with CAMHS was useful. Advance warnings are a necessity here otherwise meltdowns are guaranteed.

Sibling relationships can be tricky when there's MH problems. My DS' have a complex relationship for other reasons, so I don't have any useful advice other than making sure your DD2 and DS get 1:1 time. Though I don't allow them to take out their emotions on others, there would be (often natural) consequences for intentional cruelness, whether it is a result of anxiety or not. While you can't change how DD1's brain works she needs to develop coping strategies - even if that is knowing she needs to leave the room before things reach boiling point.

Anne, would a psychologist who does home visits be better?

Hi bigbus ! No excuse for intentional cruelty imo. Come down on it hard, always. They need to learn how to be good human beings.

Onestep - Home visits would work well I think but it's just finding someone. It's a nightmare. I have emailed the psychologist today telling her dd doesnt like her (slightly embarrasing) and I think I need to stop but if she has any ideas they would be most welcome.

Went to gp tonight. Dd has had aching joints for about 6 weeks. Gp is going to do some blood tests to rule out anything but she thinks it may be since the last sertraline dose increase. It didnt even cross my mind it might be a medication side effect so I feel a bit guilty.
I got her to refer me to camhs as well. Even though it will be a year wait we will be in the system for support. This gp is so nice. Worth waiting to get an appointment with her.

Thanks 1step and Anne for your messages. She doesn’t do the intentionally cruel thing that often but when she does it’s expert level. It’s difficult to come down hard on it because there is not many sanctions she cares about - only her phone really and without her relaxation apps and talking books I don’t think she’d sleep. It does bother her when she knows she has upset me and she’s been trying harder recently. Maybe I need to find another way let her listen to the talking books so that I can take her phone away but I hate the whole phone as a sanction thing.

CAMHS phone call thing didn’t happen because there was no clinician available so they are calling me tomorrow.

Anne - what is the sertraline for? We were offered SSRIs at one point but she was only
12 at the time so I declined but I’m not so sure now. The four hour food rule is very fixed and she has so many rules and so much anxiety.

1step - I agree with leaving the room to cool off and have some space. It really works but when she’s really wound up she won’t do it. I’m hoping she can learn some coping strategies that will help us all.

Zoo I hope things are ok with you

Best wishes all

Hey bigbus lovely to hear from you!
I wouldn't tolerate intentional cruelty.dd2 (as you may have read back) is now at breaking point and she can be vicious when she's upset.she does,however,apologise once calm and is mortified with herself when prompted with what occured

Re Xmas dinner .wow!!dd2 likes advance warnings and then plans strategies too(D's freaks onhis perpetual negativity so he's not given as much prewarning)

We had another rough day dd2.she has silent reflux and it's become unmanageable.i rang pharmasist asking advice meds other than gaviscon advance,which doc prescribed initially but only in aniseed flavour so we paying out over £10 a month(which is a lot to us) on peppermint one..she couldn't give anything else over counter due to age restrictions but said ring doc ask about pills that stopacid production.i didand receptionadamant that required appnot callback and have ring daily try get one.Ffs.i feel a waste app as two min call can she have it or not on a pre-existing condition.grrrr

She's freaki g about spa ish examfirst day back(6 th) and refusing to go 7th ascoach trip to uni 90 mins away is planned and she knows she will not be able eat or drink with stress of that,nor sleep night before
She's taken up sleeping downstairs with me and ds NOT happy he's got nowhere else but his bed.hes not sleeping much/well a d neither is she so there are inevitable clashes with tiredness

Big, I hope you get to speak to someone today. Can you see the warning signs that DD1 is heading towards being so wound up she won't leave the room? If so, pointing these signs out so she can learn to recognise them herself and prompting her to go to her room/dining room etc. should help. If you don't know the signs can you look out for them? There will be signs even if they are subtle. If DD can learn to recognise them it won't feel like things blow up from nowhere quite so much. Finding another way to listen to audiobooks sounds like a good idea.

DS1 takes antidepressants, Mirtazapine, for PTSD. I was reluctant at first, but did notice a difference.

Anne, don't feel guilty! The GP sounds supportive.

Zoo, sorry DD2's anxiety is worsening. I understand the GPs POV. Whilst you may know what it is and are sensible there will lots that have incorrectly self diagnosed. It sounds like she needs a PPI like Omeprazole or Lansoprazole. The Dr can also prescribe an alternative to aniseed Gaviscon Advance. There are other flavours/brands that can be gotten on prescription. Why is DD sleeping downstairs? Has anyone mentioned melatonin for DS?

DH took DS2&3 climbing this morning but DS1 opted to stay with me. Despite knowing DS wouldn't cope and it is the right decision I feel sad that he misses out on experiences.

For anyone in East Midlands this was posted by another poster on a thread in SN section

www.inspirativearts.co.uk/

I thought it may help someone on here.

Despite DS1 not going climbing being a tiny thing it has hit me hard. He wouldn't be able to climb at the moment anyway because of his arm and it's not really his thing anyway (he doesn't like being active) but sometimes when he has been too anxious to climb previously we have sat and watched DH and DS2&3. I think it's the fact we spend a lot of time dividing up rather than doing things together that has got to me.

I can see why you might be a bit sad 1step. It would be nice to just do something all together as a family.

I have heard back from dd psychologist. She has been so lovely, explaining that dd has an unrealistic view of therapy which is typical of ASD children, but also the recent school issues are compounding her issues of not feeling heard. She has sent a report that can be sent to the school with a list of recommendations for them to implement, including support for work with emotional interpretation, a an adult mentor with which she has a weekly meeting to go through an issues, and permanent separation from the boy she had this recent issue with.
I can use this report to kick start a serious conversation now.
She has also suggested we go and see an occupational therapist rather than another psychologist, so dd can do some more practical activities and have a bit of a different approach. I'm a bit gutted dd wont go back to her tbh.

Anne she sounded lovely.glad it gives you more to work either school
One-step we divide a lot these days.it makes me sad too
I spoke different reception staff today and they agreed a callback chat with go.2minute call and we have meds.can take up to two months then need a break and can return if nec.she agreed it was pointless going in,as we all know why just can't fix it ourselves.one thing if the to do sorted!!

Anne, it's a shame after the first appointment was positive. Does DD want a quick fix? I hope school listen to you. Applying for an EHCP may help. You could request an OT assessment during the needs assessment. I also think DD would benefit from seeing a SaLT and EP.

Would you talking things through with this (or another) therapist help? They might be able to guide you on how to help DD. I often discuss meltdowns with DS' CAMHS nurse or clinical psychologist or when I see a counsellor to get their opinion on what we could have done differently.

Glad you got meds sorted Zoo.

Hi all. Sorry I've been AWOL over Christmas. I did really want to be around but I only have access via my work laptop (I hate using Internet on phone) and, after my last, very negative, conversation with my manager, I was so down that I couldn't face looking at anything to do with work.

I've read all the updates and it sounds like everyone's had good and bad times. Sorry to hear about all the set backs.

We had a nice Christmas but I didn't ever really feel Christmassy. I've been feeling anxious about the return to school and it's made me feel nauseous for days. Dd has seemed ok. She was very quiet over the weekend (normally she doesn't stop talking or singing) but she seems more herself now and she's talking about a fresh start for the new year. I haven't yet asked her how she is feeling about going back to school yet but I will do today or tomorrow, just so she can start getting herself mentally ready. She's finally finished a history homework booklet that her history teacher kindly gave her an extension to finish. I was so worried that she wouldn't get it done and then she'd use it as an excuse to miss a history lesson (or not go to school at all). She is a master procrastinator and normally leaves everything to the last minute and then gets really stressed about it, but she got on with it last night and I told her I was proud of her. That's one less thing for me to worry about.

She was supposed to go for a follow up session with the counsellor today but she told me that she hated it and would not be going back. She didn't like the whole 'you've got to do it (school) so just get over it' aspect. I know she needs the counselling but she's not going to get anything out of it if she feels so negative about it. Anyway, she's got the group therapy coming up this term at school so hopefully she will get on better with that. Fingers crossed.

I'm taking her back to the GP on Thursday to request a CAHMS referral and autism assessment. I've been in touch with DH's cousin who has two children and a husband with ASD. Her DD had very similar problems at the same age as DD. She provided me with book recommendations and links to useful sites and I'm pretty much convinced that both DD and me both have autistic traits.

I hope everyone's having a good day.

Sounds really positive katalex :)

I have just fired off an email to the school with the psychologist report for them to review, along with a request that dd starts going to learning support rather than student support, that she gets an lsa to help her, that she gets moved (or the boy who hit her does), and that we request an EHC needs assessment. I am sure they will say 'funding' but I guess I have to wait and see...
I am not hopeful that Monday is going to go well as she is already incredibly anxious and is now seeing student support as an unsafe space, but time will tell.

Katalex, good luck with the GP appointment. DS hates any form of 'therapy' (other than Lego therapy) because he has to deal with his feelings, which he finds difficult.

I hope you get a supportive reply, Anne. You can make a request for a EHCNA, it doesn't have to come from school. That way you also know the request has been made, especially since school seem slow to provide DD with interventions and support she needs.

We are supposed to be going to a wedding this weekend. After getting DS' to try on their suits DS1 is adamant he's not going. We have booked a room where the reception is so if DS1, DS3 or I need to escape we can. I'm not looking forward to it.

Wouldnt it be lovely just to go somewhere without advance planning 1step?

I know I can request an EHCNA but I want to give the school the chance first. My older dd leaves after her GCSEs so we have a timeline of may tbh to sort this or we will move her.

It would! I would love to turn up somewhere without having planned every inch of the visit. Spontaneity would be even better. Not weeks of planning and explaining. Alas, I can't remember the last time.

Just wanted to make sure you knew.

one-step my eldest DD gets married June 13th..she's arranged a bolt he room for D's.we plan take him there to look around and take photos in coming weeks.he loves bow ties,so will wear one of those.dd2 flapping about wear bridemaid dress.sad they can't just be excited for dd1 and the wedding...
Anne being proactive is sometimes only option.eell done.i triggered ds ECHP. as school wouldn't.LEA had no choice in our case as he had received no education in a year,they had agree to assess.go chase up caseworker today see what going on.think was due to go to panel 16 th Dec...