Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

That's right viking. It isnt available in shops and gps wont prescribe without a paediatrician signing it off.

But you can buy online and it might be worth a try for zoos ds.

Anne I once wondered if you were Canadian given your username .

Hope everyone is having a good start to the week.
Anyone else struggling with their own MH dealing with DC anxiety/mental health? Having a bad blip which am hopeful will improve - returning home now from long weekend out of town visiting DH family.

Viking I'm struggling a bit.i take my eye of my own needs all the time,muddle thru without even eating/just eating chocolate or sugar to keep me going then I hit a wall of exhaustion...
Trying to do better I ate some malt loaf around 10+don't normally eat til at least 1) and had two tuna salad rolls for lunch.ploughing thru mountain chores as housework has gone a bit skewed too
Rage when are you back to UK shores?hoping things are ok as they can be with you at this stressful time

Hope you continue to look after yourself Zoo

We have camhs at wellbeing group today (10am)
DS woke me at one shaking with palpitations.ive not slept since.damn insomnia.going to be a loooong day!

Following

Following

Cahms went ok,D's is seeing her at community cafe/wellbeing on Tuesday next week then and camhs on Thursday as she's going to help me tell him we have ASD assessment week after,plus she's on holiday that week so he doesn't have huge gaps between visits

Zoo - does DS know that an asd assessment will be coming up?

Viking we have said nothing as he will fret himself silly,deciding it's best to only give him one week's notice.time to hopefully get his head around it without giving him too long to wind himself up

that sounds like a good idea Zoo . It's good that you will have support to explain this to him.

I am in UK viking :)

Super stressed here trying to cope with dd, house and work. It's just too much. I dont want to leave my job, I love it. I'm not doing anything very well at the moment though

Anne how are the ADs for DD coming along? Have you seen any changes? Are you able to do any self care for yourself?
I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Do you have any time off from work coming up?

I'm similar with work - it gives me an outlet from of the stresses of home. On the other hand I am regularly questioning how I can continue to manage DCs and working full time. It is very difficult.

We got back from a few days away yesterday. DS' anxiety wasn't horrendous (which I thought it might be based on previous holidays) until we made a detour on our way home yesterday evening to see a family member.

Back to reality with a bump today. DS has had a pretty shit appointment today. Teen DC is having a difficult time at the moment too.

Viking, I take an antidepressant and would have continued with counselling if I had someone to look after DS.

1step I'm considering counselling for myself too but struggling to fit it in as I work full time. But I do need to deal with the source of my fears/anxieties. My antidepressant takes the edge off but won't solve any problems.
Do you get any respite support where you are - for children with disabilities? I'm sorry for asking such an obvious question, as it is obvious you have such a wealth of knowledge already.

Ads are helping dd but she is still pretty anxious tbh. :(
I see a counsellor once a week. I wouldnt be without it as it feels like she really understands, and noone else does

We do get some respite, compared to lots of other families we are lucky in the amount we get. We tend to use the overnights to focus on other DC. Daytime hours get swallowed up with appts/meetings for other DC (I have other DC with additional needs, 1 with an EHCP), special events and providing the occasional extra pair of hands I need.

I understand the ADs not solving your problems. For me, no one can solve things but having someone I could offload to and cry in front of without worrying I am going to upset them helped. Once I have sorted a school placement for DS it will be the first things I organise.

for everyone at the moment.

you too Zoo.

Just read through earlier posts and saw that many of us share a love of cats! Loved seeing everyone's kitties
Here's our tuxedo cat Walter:

Oh my goodness.utterly adorable😍

Viking pics for you of a local beauty spot we walked at today.whilst you are there you cannot hear traffic AT ALL

Ooh how I love your nature pics Zoo. Tall grass, wildflowers, bundles of hay and a lovely river (?) - beats my concrete jungle any day!! I'm actually not that far from the lake and green space, but it's the noise/traffic that is unavoidable! Thank you

Hope everyone is OK.

Can I ask your opinions please?

Someone suggested trying to bribe DS into staying in bed at night alone. We have previously tried a star chart leading to rewards which didn't work. He really wants a big Lego set and is saving pocket money and will be for an extremely long time. I am thinking I can use it as leverage. I could buy it, split it into sections and give a small part for each success starting v small and building (no pun intended!) it up.

I'm not adverse to bribery, but I have never used it in a situation that I'm not 100% sure can be successful. Doesn't mean it always has been, just that I have known DC are capable, and I have never used such a big reward. What if he isn't successful? It could end badly. DS would be devastated. If it could work would it have worked with a star chart? I would need to do something for his brothers too given the size of the reward.

Hi 1step I have used bribery. Felt guilt for doing so but sometimes you are at the end of your tether and have tried 'everything else'. I understand it's not ideal and have kept it to myself.
DS2 (10) would wake up every morning refusing to go to school. Refuse to get up, to get dressed, to eat breakfast. Etc etc. It was a relentless pattern and pushed me to my limits as I had to go to work.
He's well supported in school in his asd class and got along with classmates. It was not anxiety, rather reluctance to certain academic challenges.
I caved and told him if he could go a whole week without complaints in the mornings, and strive to try to learn Etc, he could get some upgrade online on Minecraft I believe.
It worked beautifully. Teacher reported he had a great week, worked well, and not a peep in the mornings.
I do think it is an individual decision - I've never needed to use it on DS1.
Every now and then I use a similar strategy for DS2. ie. No issues at school this week and I'll buy his favourite ice cream tub or an extra dollar for his chores. For him it has been a very effective strategy.

Hi 1st step

I think it can work. The problem will be if it stops working half way through. What do you do? You cant cave and give him the rest of the Lego so he ends up with half a constructed piece.

I would start with a smaller set and see if it works. And dont ever threaten to take away a reward earned by good progress. Our psychologist told us that - it makes them think that the progress wasnt real or worth the effort