Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

My youngest went through a phase of this when he was around 10. What helped was going round the house showing him the smoke alarms and practicing an escape routine in the event of a fire (the fire brigade recommend this), talking about how rare such incidents are, closing his door at night and explaining its just his brain processing other worries from the day. He also fell asleep in out room for a bit, he still does intermittently. Sometimes he brings his mattress in and other times he just falls asleep and I wake him to move when I go to bed.

Witched, I joined the thread earlier this month in search of sleep advice. In that post I listed the numerous things we have tried, some of which may be worth a try - music, worry book, various lighting, various apps etc. DS' MH problems stem from a bereavement which makes dealing with his fears about people leaving him harder.

Thanks for the welcome.

My older girl has had CAHMS support when she was self harming and suicidal. Unfortunately CAHMS is now at crisis point in our region and we've been waiting 2 years now for another session because she's not that bad currently. Even when she was urgent it was around 4 months.
However the school are being great for dd and have arranged for her to be part of a mentoring programme, which seems to be great.

However they are very different. DD is dramatic and tells everyone with embellished detail. Ds tells no one really except me and just acts out, so it's harder to get help for him.

Otoh I am concerned that dd has no resilience because if she ever doesn't want to do something she will just go and find someone who says she doesn't have to do it.

Ds has always been clingy, and always liked me to stay around while falling asleep. If I am not there he'll still be awake if I get back, however long, unless he can persuade one of his sisters to stay with him-which tbf they don't mind doing usually. Even then he'll often be awake when I get home. He has done a few residentials, but will be glad to be home even though he's enjoyed it. He has brief phases where he is fine and tells me to go downstairs and is fine-in fact he had one just before he started this again.

If I go downstairs I would say 9 times out of 10 he'll appear looking for me, saying he's lonely. His sisters would normally be in the adjacent rooms by the time he's going to bed, so it isn't even as though he's on his own upstairs and it's not a big house!

I don't think he knows what's set it off. I've checked he hasn't watched anything, and he says there was nothing at school.

I did talk him through escape in a fire, although at least part of his worry is not for himself but others. Maybe I'll get him a rope ladder for his room. He's usually very logical, not given to talking about feelings, so it rat

Very challenging situations for many of you, and my heart goes out to all of you .

Question: those with DCs on antidepressants - are they positive experiences? Any with DCs that did not do well/got worse on them?

Have two boys with ASD, 16 and 10. Ongoing issues with eldest that I've posted about in the last year. Has a psychiatrist he sees every couple of months. Things had been ok for the most part this year, after being in crisis almost a year ago. Fearing a recurrence based on his conversations lately. Feeling scared and worried and looking for a new avenue that may help him.

Thank you xx

Viking sorry to hear your D's is struggling.no advise here from ADs with teens(I've taken as an adult)sending hugs.xx

Viking Also no advice about ADs with teens although I think 16 is a much different picture to 13. Can I ask what the psychiatrist is doing? We also see a psychiatrist once a month or every 2 months and although I definitely saw an improvement when we were seeing her every 2 weeks in not so sure now - we seem to be stuck. I feel that DD1 would benefit from some psychology but I don’t know where to start and what would be the right thing for her. When we go to see the psych we tend to present our best selves.

Witchend sorry to hear things are so tricky. My DD2 can get very upset at night - she has this thing about needing to get a certain amount of sleep and if she doesn’t get to sleep on time she starts shouting and screaming. Luckily she’s usually a good sleeper but when she gets like this we have to sit in her room until she sleeps. She also appears to have developed an addiction to an app called TikTok so we’ve had to remove it - today is the first day of cold turkey! This is not the DD I usually post about but DD2 is actually struggling the most at the moment - she’s about to start secondary school in September and this is exactly the same time that DD1’s problems escalated. Seems this transition is a difficult time.

Zoo I hope things are getting a bit better now it’s not so hot! I hope you are getting some time for a rest for yourself.

Viking, DS is on ADs, but is younger than your DS. He is on Mirtazapine. For him, it and an antipsychotic (that is also used for PTSD) have reduced the rapid swings from high to low and back again. However, I had hoped that they would allow him to be able to engage with therapy better and make EMDR suitable, but that hasn't happened.

Big. We see a psychiatrist every other week who tends to manage the medical side of the MH problems - medication, looking at how DS is responding to different things, research, where we go next, liaising with medical consultants etc. We see a CAMHS clinical psychologist who is currently working with DS to help him recognise that the physical symptoms of his anxiety are from anxiety. DS also sees a clinical psychologist as part of a medical team who is working on his ability to have a scan without needing a GA and works through plans for admissions/clinics/tests with DS. His EHCP contains a lot of different therapies so he gets other provision via that too.

bigbus it seems you are not alone.my youngest(DD known as lil zoo on MN)starts secondary September and last few days she's been a tearful mess over the smallest things.its either a) her periods approaching as whilst only 11 she's had curves a little while or b) wheels of her anxiety are falling off

I'm just not ready to deal with either

DS was miserable/jittery after we attended wellbeing today.he sat with his sisters and a tub of Lego today but he just wasn't that into it
Turns out fret about tomorrow's meet up with O.T.he says doesn't like her/hates the visits..I pointed out she's the only one who can challenge him to make changes and he doesn't like that.he snap at me he knows he has to keep going...he never makes sense anymore.i have no idea why he started the conversation tbh as he got angry then fretful I was mad at him for shouting at me...(I wasn't)

Zoo I'm currently on ADs - resigned myself that I needed them long term about 6 years ago.
Sending hugs - how did today go with the OT? How are lil zoo and DS? I also haven't asked in a while how you've been? xx

Bigbus certainly you can ask . The psychiatrist basically just listens to DS. She also provided a psycho-educational assessment (I'm in Canada) to his school last year, as per the school's request. AD's have never been brought up, but given the stress of this past year I am open to the idea. I agree, it's natural to present our best selves to psychs and therapists. Unfortunately it can thwart the effectiveness of the therapy.

1step has your DS ever resisted taking meds? I applaud you (and everyone here) for managing a complex situation. Your DS is lucky to have you in his corner. Any progress with his sleep?

Thank you everyone

Zoo, I think starting the conversation was DS' attempt at expressing his anxiety to the only safe person (you) he has, in the only way he is currently able to. He knows that he can shout and cry at you because he trusts that you will be there. If he did that with others they would go away.

DS takes a lot of medication, Viking, due to various medical needs, so it's part of everyday life for him. It's not optional, we ignore any moaning. We would force any that we could if he outright refused. He also knows refusing would lead to a medical hospital admission - which he hates.

Sleep is as big an issue as ever. DH is upstairs trying to settle an irritable DS who keeps shouting "mummy, why have you left me?" I should be doing something productive but instead I am comforting eating.

Did you find the psycho-educational assessment helpful? DS' educational psychologist report was interesting. It highlighted a few things we hadn't noticed and shows just how spiky a profile he has.

My dd,12, started ADs about 6 weeks ago and it is helping with the anxiety.it hasnt gone away but its helping

1step I'm not sure how helpful the assessment is, but having them done for both Dcs can be a good tool to get appropriate support in school. That said, a good chunk of DS1's stress revolves around school, and he missed 6 months of it last year.

I'm sorry to hear about the sleep situation. It sounds like you tried everything, but allow me to throw this idea out there: I went threw a period with Ds2 when he'd fall asleep watching these Disney Collector videos on YT (on his iPad). It was his particular type of ASMR that relaxed him enough to fall asleep. Your son may have another interest that could provide a similar result? xx

Thanks Anne - it's nice to hear promising news for your DD

Viking D's is constant state anxiety,doesn't go to sleep til silly o'clock,but has to stay upstairs as I need some time by myself or I just can't cope anymore...lil zoo stressing,either puberty or secondary school in septdd2 about to enter her GCSE year,so she's bit strung out.i need to start looking after myself better as i couldn't care less if I ate or not,and tending to eat junk
One-step comfort eating..only time I eat at mo is sugar or bread related
Anne that's great news!!

Oh Zoo ....i understand. I try to eat well/have healthy BMI, but yesterday I downed a whole box of cookies for lunch . On bad days it's my only coping strategy.
Hoping to hear some positive news from you soon

Now if I can only stop autocorrect from typing "healthy bum " instead of "healthy bmi "!

Zoo - is yours on melatonin? It has made big difference to sleep with mine?

We are making progress but also taking steps backward in other areas. You know how it is. I am totally wrecked tbh. Crying every couple of days because I'm literally at the end if my tether.

Viking, until now we have avoided resorting to screens. Partly because I don't think it would solve needing me with him and partly because it goes against all advice. I am thinking of giving it a try though. Lego is DS' obsession, we could open a Lego store.

Zoo, I hope the OT visit wasn't a bad as DS feared. I have a bad habit of eating all the rubbish meant for DSs.

Viking healthy bum instead of BMI made me laugh.thanks for that!!

Anne not been offered melatonin.ges ok once asleep,it's just getting to that point we find hard.i abandoned trying get space between us at night.ive pushed and pushed for a couple of weeks and I cracked and let him sleep near me last night.i felt his pulse galloping and felt so utterly wretched as he's nowhere near as stressed at night if I'm nearby.we on waiting list for sleep solutions...
One-step Lego obsession here too.i have made use of my Xmas chocolate tubs binges and he has smaller sets in those
I enjoy see his face concentrating as clicks it all together and joy of completion but the storage of it all is a nightmare!!

O.T at library was challenging.was a tots group on so quite busy and noisy.amazed he held it together tbh.was irritable all tjo,but I've learnt now not to "bite" and accept he is venting where it's safe to!next week it's at wellbeing again and they're planning on making a bird feeder for the church garden(lucky enough that doors of hall open up onto decent sea of grass and it's all fenced in)

My house has some worrying cracks around windows forming.had subsidence before.suspect returning (clay soil and live on a hill)thankful it's a rented council property to any problems I'm not liable for cost but have brickie surveying it pm today(which D's ain't going to like) and if we need underpinning againworkmen out back/noise etc won't make for a relaxing summer

Sea of grass??I put area and it said area when I check it pre post!

The paediatrician gave it to us zoo and it made a massive difference overnight. Went from taking about 90 mins to get to sleep to about 10 and now if she wakes up she goes back to sleep rather than lying awake for hours fretting. Worth asking paediatrician about it if you are under one.

Lol Zoo you make me laugh...sea of grass actually has a poetic ring to it . I vote for church garden to be renamed Sea of Grass. .
What did the brickie say about the house? I would love to live on a hill.

Know I've said this before but melatonin was a godsend for us too, Anne. DS1 would take hours to fall asleep when he was younger.

We aren't under one Anne
Viking he didn't show up-had a job that "was bigger than expected" then didn't follow protocol if ringing to let me know wouldn't make it.been rescheduled 13th aug....

In other news church has opened up mum's n tots group to allow for older siblings to attend in hols.as part of our TAF we are ment to go to build D's social exposure.i couldn't Goa's had waitfor builder and dd2 knee deep in Spanish homework so she drop D's and lil zoo and told lilzoo watch him and bring him back gets too much(note I can see church from my front garden gate and lil zoo is 12 in October)
They managed 30 minutes!!I was so proud of him

Our psychiatrist told us you can buy melatonin on the internet and didnt seem to have any qualms about telling us that. It might be worth trying. It is a sleep aid that regulates your sleep cycle.
My dd was prescribed 2, 4 or 6mg per night depending on what she needed. She takes 4mg.

Zoo - 30 minutes!!! That's fantastic!!!

It sounds as though melatonin isn't available over the counter in the UK? Where I live it is shelved with the vitamins in the shops. They are inexpensive and can be found in flavoured gummies format too.