Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

bigbus yay!welcome back.(and we'll done DD for holding it together)

Rage I've reached don't touch me I'm too hot.ds wasn't impressed with this yesterday.he is very tactile

Got up early and did a load food prep for later as dune burns thru my kitchen in afternoon on hot days.smells of roasted veg,apple and cinnamon loaf and savoury muffins wafting out the windows

Ds has wellbeing cafe today.O.T is coming over to see what goes on there/have time with him and I'm informed I will be expected to "have some time to myself"(on site of course) so shall slope into cool church for a bit

Hope everyone's doing ok

I haven't read the whole thread so I hope it's OK to 'pop' in. Dd aged 13 self harmed earlier this year. Nothing too serious thankfully and I don't think it's still going on. Although I freak inside everytime I see a cut on her she can't account for or the scissors are moved without explanation.

I went straight to the GP who referred us to CAMHS. We're waiting for the results of an ASD assessment. I have mixed feelings about that as she ticks some, but not all the boxes. CAMHS were very keen to have her tested and it does seem like it's the go-to diagnosis for anxiety, particularly in girls.

DD's anxiety is not too bad as she can attend school. She has a small group of friends who she sees out of school once a week. But other than that she doesn't really socialise which worries me. She always loved drama but now refuses to go. We removed all social media which she has now replaced with Minecraft for hours at a time. Or hours alone in her room.
I miss her.

I find it hard to deal with and wonder if she's been pushed down the diagnosis route for something that's 'just' teen angst.

I took her to an event the other day where we were talking to lots of adults who vaguely knew DD, and to be honest her behaviour was very odd and I felt quite embarrassed by it. I know that's awful to admit and I would only do so here.

She refused to make eye contact and mumbled replies. I explained to a few people that she has social anxiety once she was out of earshot as I was aware of all the quizicall looks. There were a load of kids from her primary school there all hanging out together and she just refused to engage with them. I'll admit I felt a mixture of sadness to see all but her there, and frustration as she hung around me like a shadow but was behaving so oddly. She said she didn't want to go home though.

She's always had social issues. The lack of eye contact and discomfort with talking to people is new. But she's always had issues with making friends, to the point that she had none in her last year of school. She does seem to expect people to come to her though. One girl who had known her for her whole life came over and said hello at the event we were at, and DD wouldn't engage with her at all. I tried to get her to see this sort of behaviour is hardly going to encourage someone! The whole thing is so frustrating.

That sounds lovely zoo
My DS (not tactile unless he is in control of it then clingy as) is still fast asleep. Oldest is making Spanish tapas this morning in school so was getting stressed out as to where chilli flakes were, I found them eventually. Second daughter is having a picnic so I was expected to provide a big bowl of strawberries - except local supermarket had none yesterday, the fruit guy on the market sold me ones which I don't think are going to last an hour let alone three, and a stressful time was had by all.
Another asthma attack - I have an emergency inhaler but don't get on with the steroid prophylactic one, so I am going to have to see the lung doctor before I go a) to check I am fit to fly b) to get new inhalers pre Brexit Britain (one more thing to worry about but tbh I don't have the energy to care about Bojo's presumed appointment today) and so I am now lying here collapsed gain in a heap.
I hope the wellbeing cafe goes well today zoo and you get 5 minutes to yourself just to 'be'

Welcome back bigbus. Sounds like dd is doing well

Burnedtoast - welcome. I think it takes time to adapt to what's going on. Sounds like your dd doesnt really know how to interact with others so might need some coaching.

Zoo - I am ok. Dd is alright. Waiting on report from psych and letter so I can increase the ADs. Things generally a bit calmer at the moment as she knows school is finishing. I am worried about the lack of routine in the holidays but we will see...

Toast my DD1 sounds very similar except she had always been like that but has gradually got a bit better. On one occasion an adult spoke to her and she turned her back on them! I was so embarrassed because she is very much aware of what is reasonable social behaviour and very quick to take offence at others behaviour. She will write people off if she feels they have been rude to her or let her down and once someone is written off then she really won’t engage with them. She hides behind me in situations she feels anxious in and can get very panicky if she doesn’t know exactly what is happening next. In some situations however she is completely fine! Luckily after years of no friends she made some in yr6 and has now made a group of friends in her new school but social situations still can be extremely difficult (and yes, embarrassing and so frustrating). She is mostly much better at home now but does spend quite a lot of time in her room - I assume this is normal 13yr old behaviour. I was just wondering if this is a change in your DD’s behaviour did something happen to her around the time she self-harmed?

Rage this all sounds quite overwhelming! When do you travel?

Zoo Thank you! The OT sounds great and I hope it goes well. Perhaps the holidays will be better because there is no school to not be going to, if you see what I mean? Might take some pressure off?

Have a good day all and try to stay cool!

Anne you're absolutely right. I feel a bit of an idiot for not thinking of that before.

Rage I hope your asthma improves quickly.

Bigbus truthfully, dd has always had issues making friends. During the recent CAMHS visit she told them she has several anxiety attacks a day which she describes as feeling hot inside her back. She says these started in year 5 before going in the playground. I had no idea. She never really had a group of friends and looking back, her friends were mostly ones I unwittingly engineered though my own friends. However, she does now have a group of friends now but her contact with them out of school is sporadic. Re:the self harm. I don't really know what set it off but she had fallen out with her friends at that time. I'm just not sure if that was before or after the self harming. Does your DD have ASD? I find out next week about DD. I really don't know what to think about it all as I think most of her 'symptoms' are just anxiety and CAMHS do seem a bit obsessed with ASD.

burnt toast welcome
I have dd2 (15) that like hole up in room with computer or DVDs ds could play on Minecraft indefinitely if left own devices!!
Glad you getting some help.its tough

Ds was very stressed today as knit and natter and group staff from nationwide came to help tidy front church ready for local in bloom competition she was fairly busy.that combined O.T dismissed how upset he got over a stack of twigs he was building in the garden(potential insect house) and were knocked over by excited puppy that comes along..
He became very withdrawn/non communicative when I joined end of session(i ended up doing origami.made a frog)on way home he yelled and hot very very angry.he was upset for good 30 minutes (storm to room/refuse to engage) he's eaten lunch now and minecrafting...

Burned, females with ASD can present differently to males. It can present seemingly as anxiety, and many get to teens/adulthood (where social norms/interaction/friendships get more complicated) before diagnosis. Often their anxiety stems from masking, trying to fit in and/or perfectionism. My DS with MH problems doesn't have ASD but I have a DD and DS who do.

Rage, I hope your asthma settles down soon, and you can sort a different preventer.

Zoo, I too think your church sounds very supportive. Sorry it was too much for your DS today. Maybe the church could let you know in future if other people DS isn't expecting are going to be there. I am glad you managed to get some time on your own.

We had an appointment yesterday that did not go well. DS had a major meltdown that ended up with him throwing himself on the floor. Unfortunately, on the way down he cut his arm on a sharp corner of a trolley. The wound needed glueing which wasn't fun.

Burnt toast. My dd has only just been diagnosed with asd. She has had awful anxiety and sensory for a year. Girls mask it much more cleverly than boys and dont display it in the same way

Zoo sorry to hear your son had a bad time of it today.

I've read up about ASD and understand girls present differently. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's not possible. I'm just a bit unsure about it all. Anyway, I don't want to derail from. Anxiety to ASD as it's great to have somewhere to 'talk,'.
Unfortunately, dd chose to confide in a 'friend' about her self harming so it became school gossip. I was on the receiving end of some very unhelpful behaviour from another parent who decided her little snowflake may catch self harming so decided she wasn't to see dd again. I sort of get it, but jeez it doesn't help to listen to it.

I agree that girls can present with ASD differently and for a long time I thought DD1 had ASD traits but recently I am wondering, like you, Toast whether actually it is anxiety and shyness and need to be in control that has been the issue all this time. She really does understand how people feel, is very aware of what is going on, she has made friends quite easily at secondary school (much to my surprise). The main issue that got us here is severe emetophobia for which she has been having treatment. As she gets older she seems less ASD and don't think it's something you can grow out of really. That's not to say that ASD isn't the issue for lots of girls presenting with anxiety but in our case I'm starting to change my mind.

That's interesting Bigbus. I have feedback session from CAMHS so I shall report back. In my uneducated opinion she ticks some boxes, but by no means all. Never had an issue with transitions or seperarion anxiety for example. But she definitley has huge issues making friends. Her teacher said she behaves very differently with a group she doesn't know when doing group work. She won't make eye contact and doesn't contribute. Yet she's fine with her friends which to me suggests shyness. But I'll see what the experts say. We're just back from holiday and actually her anxiety was OK. We didn't talk to many other people though, but she did order food for herself with my encouragement. I think the need for coaching is right.

How is everyone getting on? It's a bit hot here. 38 degrees later today!

Not coping Bus Am melting! It's still 19 degrees at stupid o'clock, really high humidity and my lungs aren't coping (supposed to be flying back end of August). Hope you guys are faring better.

rage it's currently 29oc here and HOT!!!
put ice cubes in cats bowl and melted almost instantly into their water!!
We don't have blinds/curtains at kitchen windows so I've just spritz the windows and put up foil as sun burns thru all pm,I'm hoping it reflects it a bit.ive got fan on,plan put icy water in front it soon(known as hill Billy Aircon?)and bags rice in freezer have been put into sheets for cats to lay on (acts as ice pack around 30 mins)

Gazebo and paddling pool in an attempt to cool off - it was quite funny when at one point me, my friend and our combined 4 dcs were all in it and it started to rain!

rage wish would rain here..reached 36 here.currently 33 and sooo humid.ds HATES the fan,it's relatively quiet I felt,but he hates the whirring sound and a Dyson is way out of our price range!he's sat on his bed with youngest watch a film with wet towel drape around neck and uncooked rice that was in freezer all day in a bag on his feet in attempt give him some heat relief....

Yep we are continuing to melt - 38 two days in a row and currently 31...at 9.30 at night. None of us are dealing well with it and DS has heat rash.
End of days

I've never been so pleased to see drizzle and grey clouds in my life!

DS aged 7 had a lot of trouble sleeping - we froze water in bottles then wrapped them in t-shirts and he went to sleep cuddling them!

burnt toast ditto
Bigbus good idea

Hi, I've just found this support thread, wish I'd found it before.
I've 3 dc, 2 with anxiety.

I'm hoping for a bit of advice. My 12yo, who's recently been diagnosed has just burst into tears at bedtime and said that he's having bad thoughts about people (esp me) dying and the house burning down at bedtime and if he wakes in the night. He says it's been going on for around 3 weeks. I'd noticed he was wanting me to stay near while he fell asleep but this is the first he's said.
It's quite out of character for him (but would be very in character for my older one with anxiety) and as far as I know nothing particular has sparked it off, and he's not usually a drama queen.
Any suggestions to help here?

witchend welcome
My D's has massive fears around death.im told separation anxiety peaks in toddlers and can rerear in early teens,usually as they start secondary and realise they are becoming more independent.answers?sadly not.its very good he can tell you this,my D's took a very long time to tell me,and he still hates saying it as feels that will cause bad things to happen.
You say you have another child with anxiety,do you have any professional input.
And as I often say,what support do YOU have in RL?caring for an anxious child is full on and you cannot do this without good self care and someone to talk to when it's all getting on top of you

Here's how we roll here-- come brainstorm/borrow ideas for problems,rant and vent out bad days when it's all to much.share moments of bravery and times they've made you proud as we love to hear and share good bits too!!
You will only every get sympathy and support here.a safe space.feel free to dump it all,resolve and move on,pop in and out,or post often

Sorry,I forgot to ask what happens if you send him back to bed and don't sit with him