Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Ok,I think,Anne
DS freaked about having her in his space but once was here he was ok as had his favourite stuff toy clutch to chest and some stuff wanted to show her.this weeks homework is to pretend his feelings are weather forecast- idea being like weather,feelings pass and we can't change it so we observe,accept and continue
And taking photos to meet a list criteria she left incl thought provoking,sad,something you love,something that makes you happy

I had big upset with youngest and we are now not speaking,coupled upset D's with shouting who then text his dad rather than tell me my behaviour was stressing him out,and I got a selection of texts from him(dad) that were accusing and unhelpful.grrr

Zoo I hope things have settled and improved over the weekend. So sorry to hear your DDs are feeling the impact as well.

Bigbus when is the next doctor appt? I would agree that addressing anxiety should surely be a part of the treatment?

Hoping it's been quiet cos everyone's ok?
DS v stressed by heat apparently.,.he cannot cope feeling so warmnext few days look set to be difficult then as temps ment to soar
I have meet with school again tommorowwhich I've not even told D's about yet as it will only increase what is already high stress levels.downside is I've not got any plans in place over who will watch him whilst I go

Let us know how the meeting goes Zoo - hopefully you will find someone to look after DS. .
I dislike very hot temperatures too - where I live it can get very humid in the summer. DS1 is the opposite as he dislikes the cold and wants to live in California

Viking older I get less I like heat.think Alaska would be a good option??it's been horrid here last few days warm and humid.ment to be high 80s/low 90s before storms break at weekend

Ugh Zoo - I'm in the same boat. We are supposed to get a heat wave starting tomorrow which I'm dreading. I used to enjoy going to warm and sunny places when I was younger - now my dream climate is the crispy cool air of autumn.

crisp, not crispy

Oh Viking frosty autumn day- red,gold and brown crunchy leaves underfoot.perhaps a hint of bonfires in the air and cold enough to make my nose tingle when I step outside

Zoo - how divine when you describe it!!

Do you have air-conditioning? Do you usually get some reprieve (cooler temps) in the evenings in your area? Hopefully you are managing ok

My dd hates the heat. Has fan on in her bedroom 24/7.
Last week she agreed to meet her social worker. It was a disaster. Sw knew she was reluctant but instead of trying to build a bond apparently went in guns blazing ‘do you know why you’re a child in need?’ ‘Do you care what your behaviour is doing to your mum?’ What happens when your mum can’t cope with you anymore?’ Etc... this immediately wound up dd who became rude and confrontational. Meeting lasted about 30mins. Sw got to phone first telling me how she had never met such a rude and objectionable teenager! Dd phoned to say the sw was a right bitch and cared about me more than her.
Later though dd got very upset. Thought sw had played it all wrong and had meltdown. Ended up sat on kitchen floor, wrapped in a towel from shower, crying. Took 2 hours for her to calm down enough to finish her shower. I’m seeing sw tomorrow so will see what she says.
As a result of increased anxiety the OCD has taken a new development. Every time I make dd some food or a drink she quizzes me as to exactly what I touched when to make sure it’s ‘safe’
Eg making a glass of squash- sanitizer hands, get glass from cupboard, put on clean kitchen roll on worktop, pour in squash, sanitizer hands (so don’t pass germs from squash bottle to glass) pick up glass and put under tap for water, don’t touch glass with the hand that touched the tap, take her the drink to her room. She will ask me to repeat how I made it several times and will question me again if I I say something slightly different each time . Also not allowed to touch her door handle with the same hand I used on squash bottle. She might ask ‘ you had to use two hands to take the lid of the bottle, did you clean both hands before you touched the glass?
I actually make the squash the same way anyone else would I just lie to her. However I am getting so frustrated at her questions that I have said that as of tomorrow I’m not making her any more food or drinks. She’s 16 she can do it herself then she knows it’s done ‘properly ‘
Does anyone else have experience of this ? I know it will lead to meltdown and tantrums but I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not the one with ocd so why am I living like I do? Is that selfish of me ? It just seems like the more I go along with her ‘rules’ the more rules we get.

Hi Abiamber Is this your DD's first SW experience? My DS is also 16 and it was always stressful wondering whether he would open up to someone or not.Thankfully he talks to his psychiatrist but won't talk to any of the therapists or SWs in the youth clinic that his doctor runs. I agree the approach your DD's SW used was awful. Can you see whether you can get someone else?
Also, do you have any time to yourself? Could you find a support group of parents in a similar situation and ask advice?

ABI you are doing the right thing saying get herself food/drinks.anxiety causes need for control and more has more needs you will never do it to her satisfaction,there will always be more proviso on the horizon if you do it for her.hope your meet aw is more fruitful

Viking no aircon.some nights cooler than others.we bit scared get fan out in case noise freaks him then we are screwed in terms of cool down.he has a paper fan

School meet today.they basically saying nothing can do.obvs not fit for school,if o.t provides medical proof of illness affecting attendance they can try a longshot for a home tutor but rules are very tight and it's unlikely.they are offering me the topics sept and up to me to teach him it.they won't mark anything done.
Been given loads advice til head swam and felt overwhelmed about asd assessment- taking plenty evidence in xy,z in case he freezes and they see nothing to assess
Feeling tired and worn down.hes been out of school since January

Hope everyone else having better day than me!!

Abi - you are doing the right thing to get her getting her own food and drink.she is controlling you and that needs to stop.

Zoo - sorry things are so hard. The school dont sound that helpful. :(

Dd is 2 weeks into melatonin and a week and a half into sertraline and we are seeing a difference already :)
She is less anxious and tired so we are not treading on eggshells so much

Zoo - sounds like this school has been adding to your stress from Day One . If the asd assessment is anything like the one here, it will be thorough and may take place over 2-3 days (ie 2 hours each day). Your feelings about it are completely normal, but it will be a pathway to getting him the services he needs. Where I live you need a diagnosis to access support. I've been through this twice and unfortunately it isn't easy, but necessary x .

Anne such good news! Melatonin saved us when my DS was younger and couldn't sleep.

Viking in think it's 10 visits total here over periods of about a month apart

Please don't worry about DS freezing Zoo. I felt the same way. My Dcs were younger but I feared they would refuse to cooperate. It sounds like a very thorough process- should have added that the two-days I mentioned were in the psychiatrist's setting, but they also visited the Dcs in school setting and separate visit just for parent input. I'm sure they will gather all doctor and school info as well. Should be a fair bit of paperwork. But wow...appts a month apart . I'm sure someone will let you know the process in the UK- try to remember almost all kids with asd struggle with anxiety so the professionals should be well qualified to handle DS well x

viking it was DD first SW experience. Her perception of a SW is that she is someone paid to be a nosey cow and actually told her that. DD went to youth club tonight and asked youth worker how she got SW name (youth worker had emailed SW to ask if she was ok as she had overheard the exchange between DD and SW) youth worker said she had logged into the ‘system ‘ to find out . DD asked what was on the ‘system ‘ about her. Youth worker said she couldn’t tell her but only SW can add to it. Dd now upset that SW view of her is available for other people to read and she doesn’t know what it says about her. Dd says SW doesn’t like her so could have made up lies about her.
DD irate that she can’t find out. Think it’s because she can’t control the situation. DD now says she won’t see SW again or go to the camhs ocd support group that starts next week. It’s like she feels she is punishing them by not going when it is her that’s missing out.
DD has instructed! me to tell the SW that everything is fine at home and we don’t need her anymore.
In spite of the meeting SW is still trying her best to help. She is arranging for someone from camhs who has experience of ocd to meet me so I can start some strategies whilst still waiting for DD to be allocated a support worker. Turns out that SW is moving jobs at the end of July so we will get a new SW. DD will think she’s scared her off.

How did everyone cope heat yesterday?(UK)
DS hated it and spent most day panicking,add to fact he bit down felt a crunch and we discovered he's snap a moalr in half.means trip emergency dental app tomorrow.hes not great at best times with dentist and they will do nothing if he's not agreeable,so this could all end in tears!!

Oh dear Zoo - how stressful. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping the dental work gets done. I've been there with my DCs and dentists.
Here's hoping the heats subsides soon as well x

Viking thanks!cooler now(back to low 20s)dreading dentist.he was anxious about going before his anxiety etc ramped up so expecting it to be very stressful😔

Been quiet here a few days.hows everyone doing?do school holidays being peace or chaos?
Hoping everyone's ok

Hi Zoo how did the dentist go? Are things somewhat settled otherwise (as it is school holidays?)

Minor blips with the DCs right now but time off from school certainly helps. Frustrated with DH right now grrr.

Viking he was very scared,bless him.but he let the dentist take out the broken baby tooth.he did shed few tears but I'm very proud of him
School ends 24th July here for summer
What's going on with DH?(don't have to say,or can pm me if rather not say on public forum)
Nothing but rows DP here.he doesn't help,doesn't see that's a problem and I'm fed up battling it by myself and unpicking bad habits he allows D's to do

Oh bless your sweet DS - you have every right to be proud of him!
DCs have summer break - so no school until early Sept. DS1 had me looking at possible alternative after saying how much he disliked his school and had falling out with friend there. This morning - thank goodness - he said he will continue to try at his current school in Sept. How long it will last - who knows? But for now that is good enough for me (until the next crisis ) !
Will send a pm later about DH (at work now). I too worry about the DCs picking up bad habits!
Hugs