Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Haven't RTFT but I'm currently sitting in my car, crying over how I can't help my children and how I just make things worse.

CAMHS have put everything back to the school to sort out, but the kids need to go into school to access this and that's the whole issue. We're going round in circles and I can't cope.

Wacadu CAMHS and the whole system is broken. CAMHS decided they didn't need to see DD after she took an OD. Big surprise - she took another one. I don't suppose you are able to afford private counselling? There aren't many therapists that will work with children, but they do exist. I also recommend badgering the GP. We recently found out that a lot of DD's problems have physical causes - vitamin and mineral deficiencies, under-active thyroid, levels of Strep bacteria through the roof. She also has to take a Melatonin spray to help her sleep. It's very early days, but there does seem to be an improvement. Do you have someone IRL that you can talk to? It really takes a massive toll on you as a parent.

wacadoI second all advice from chocolate
Please come vent here anytime no one should shoulder these things without lots support its bloody exhausting

DS had camhs yesterday.occupational therapist refering sleep specialist team in and what used to be autism outreach which will support us as a family as the girls finding things very tough

chocolateworshipper I can't really afford private counselling but I'm going ahead with it anyway. Need to do something. My hormones are all over the place and sometimes I can cope, but other times I can't.

This week has been hell but I've got a GP appointment on Tuesday to try and sort me out. I need to be in a better place so I
can support the kids.

wacadu well done for recognising you can't meet needs your family if you don't take care of yourself.it can be truly hard to carve in time even for a few minutes of something that is important to you.please let us know how you get on tuesday

Hi wacadu, and good decision. Worth finding the money if you can tbh.

Dd appointment yesterday with psych was good.
He has prescribed ADs so she can get some respite and is going to assess for HFASD. When we know what we are dealing with he will devise a treatment plan.

She then had massive meltdown last night as teacher from a lesson she doesnt even attend sent a generic reminder threatening detention if homework wasnt done :(
I think getting to school on Monday will be a challenge.

Anne glad psych meet went well.as we often say and from bitter experience if you can keep her in school so much the better as once out getting back waaay harder.if on ASD pathway I've been warned risks of rigid thinking can increase this difficulty.fingers X you have a good weekend and it bolsters her for start new school week.
Dd2 has majority mock GCSE this week(2a day) and is incredibly stressed.add in youngest in mood as sprained wrist isn't healing and had to go back doctors(can't hold pen/clench fist) be reffered physio meaning no Saturday dance classes rest of term/performing end term show.add D's in and it's going to be fun times here!!planning to do a foot treatment or facial today so I don't go under try balance the needs of all three!!

I emailed HoY last night and thankfully she has emailed dd tonight to reassure her she wont get a detention so that's good.
She started taking the sertraline and had very bad tummy ache. I dont know if its connected.

Could be Anne gut disturbances and dry mouth most common SSRI symptoms

I feel so broken and worn down. This has all caught up with me. It's all so relentless.

Anne please make sure you carve out a few minutes tonight to put on hand cream/have bath or shower,paint nails etc and if you can give yourself a chapter of a book,a walk by yourself etc tomorrow.you MUST put some time into caring for yourself.xxx

Anne I hear you and I really, really get it. It's been 4 years since DD's last OD, but I still get panicky when the phone rings (other self harm and threats to end her life since the last OD which doesn't help). I am now seeing a therapist myself - is there anything similar you can access for yourself?

It’s so difficult to make time for yourself when you seem to go from crisis to crisis with your DC. Someone said to me recently it’s not only DD’s anxiety and OCD it’s the whole family’s. I have to try to remember what she needs me to do so she is safe. Like using handgel every time I take something out the cupboard, take my shoes and socks off when I come through the front door and roll my trousers up so they don’t touch the floor. I can’t have friends round because they bring germs into the house etc.. She seems to think it only effects her and doesn’t appreciate the impact it has on me. Also the constant need for reassurance is draining. If I try to talk to her I get ‘but you don’t have to live with it’ when actually, I do!
I’ve been off work for 8 weeks as I finally succumbed to the pressure of trying to get her to school, do GCSES etc.. My work colleagues are pretty much my only friends so I have been isolated withDD.
We all seem to have trouble making any time for ourselves as our kids always come first. How many of us post on here late at night or in the early hours? Bet that’s because it’s the only time we have a few minutes to ourselves.
I’m returning to work tomorrow with a phased return so just doing mornings this week and starting half an hour later. Looking forward to catching up with people but not looking forward to getting up at 7.30. DD has become almost nocturnal again and although I haven’t reached her level I have been going to sleep about 3am and getting up about 10. Need to re-establish a sleep routine. Dd will probably still be asleep when I get home from work!

Abi it might be worth you reading up about PANS / PANDAS - www.panspandasuk.org/pans-pandas

Thanks
I have heard of it and tried to find out more in the past but couldn’t find out much. This’s website looks really good thanks. Not sure how to follow it up. GP just keeps saying she has to be seen by CAMHS. DD won’t see anyone but CAMHS. We are somewhere on camhs waiting list!

Abi there is a Facebook group with lots of knowledgable people on there. PANDAS is easier to diagnose if you can get a GP to test for levels of Strep bacteria. Have you also asked GP to test for vitamin & mineral levels and thyroid function?

Hello

I was wondering for advice as to how to move forward as we seem to have met a bit of a wall. DD1 is managing her emetophobia and anxiety by pretty strict controls on what and when she eats - she's actually really good at hiding this and I had actually thought things were getting better until on day when we were going to the cinema at 4pm - she had thought we were going later and had eaten at 1pm - which resulted in a big meltdown. However, she did manage to get there as long as I drove (adding expense and inconvenience but nevertheless I guess this was progress). On the surface things would appear to be much better but I really don't think that any of the root causes are being addressed (or even assessed). Her thoughts and obsessions remain the same. She's not learning any techniques to deal with her anxiety other than her self-taught eating behaviour!

Last Friday she was given a very small line in the whole school production (she's in yr 7) - something which she had wanted, but when she got it her anxiety levels went through the roof. I was out dropping DS at a party and then dropping DD2 at a class. She phoned me more than 20 times, screaming and crying down the phone about her costume - which is not needed until next week. The situation was not helped by the fact that she had not eaten or drunk anything all day since the evening before because she slept through her 4am breakfast and then conveniently forgot to take her juice to school. I refused to speak to her again until she had eaten and of course she felt better after that.

My concern is that the focus of the treatment she is having is always the eating - the doctor explains that to treat the anxiety we need to challenge the anxiety - but I don't think we are going to move much further with the eating and actually I think the eating is a symptom and a means of control, and the main issues are different - the phobia, the anxiety, the obsessions and possibly ASD traits.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I think perhaps I'll try to say all this to the doctor next time we see her.

Thanks for listening!

For emet bigbus it's a challenge strategy I'm afraid.bloody hard too as you need to ride out the anxiety of doing/not doing whatever compulsion tell you will avoid meltdown thinking.its incredibly hard/stressful.i can pm you in more detail if you like.x

For my dds phobia a few years ago it was exposure therapy that was the only way to resolve it. It had good effect. You have to tackle the fear but the child has to be engaged.
There could be other things going on.
I would raise it all with the doctor.

Thank you Zoo and Anne - of course you’re right about the phobia but now I think that is just one part of it. Currently she won’t drink at school in case she needs the toilet and now this consumes all her waking thoughts instead of the emetophobia! You cut off one head, and another grows! I do totally see that the phobia is a massive issue but I’m worried it’s masking something more and this is not being explored completely.

Anyway, this are most certainly much better so I will embrace the 4 am breakfast! She used to have 7 alarms for the morning so she wouldn’t be late (bizarrely they all quacked like a duck!) but now only 3 and instead of getting up at 5.30 now it’s 6.30 (breakfast still 4 am but small steps!)

Sadly DD2 now losing the plot! Oh well.

bigbuswhat's happening with dd2 then?my youngest is in year 6 and starting to unravel too.i genuinely think we all have ASD...youngest has never coped well noisy eating,D's very noisy as big tonsils mean often eats mouth open she refused eat breakfast yesterday and sat crying hands over her earstie needs to be just so in the mornings,hates feel certain fabrics.loads things set her off on "tantrums".sadly as only D's is "extreme" I'm confident we wouldn't be seen for the other two.dd1 currently having mocks and has leg twitches,lots OCD type habits and not sleeping with added stress but she is much better at self regulating than D's and sees things very black and white so am confident once exams are finished her issues will ease off again
If it's not one it's another!!

I would be inclined to ask for asd assessment
I think you are right that the anxiety and phobias may be stemming from this

O.t doing a home visit today as I couldn't be there on time due to school run picks ups.ds bit wobbly about having her in our space.wish us luck!!

How did it go zoo?