Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

We are seeing a dietician tomorrow. Our first appointment. I'm a bit scared about it tbh.
She has psychiatrist initial appointment on Friday. Huge week for us.

Good luck Anne - is there anything in particular she will eat? Is it about timings of eating, particular foods, textures? The psychiatrist told me to stop worrying about a balanced diet for now and just let her eat anything she is willing to eat, whenever she is willing to eat it, even if that involves chocolate at midnight! I don’t know if that’s the best advice although she is an eating disorder specialist and it certainly helped take some pressure off.

I think the pressure is often half the battle bigbus I gave up fighting D's over eating later in the day as once teatime comes he's revving up his nightime anxiety.he often just has snacks bits.perhaps a small piece of cheese and couple crackers.maybe apple or banana.he might have a biscuit a bit later.we offer him more earlier in the day now,but mainly what I know most likely eaten(anything banana flavoured so I often make banana bread and butter slices of that.hobnobs or other oaty biscuits.certain cereals)
As I teen I had anxiety and clearly remember that awful knot in my stomach as my mum was getting very angry and frustrated I wouldn't eat my food which made me want to eat even less!!
I often don't even sit with D's whilst eats I trundle back n forth from kitchen and living room(just a doorway) doing little "jobs" pottering so he doesn't feel I'm even noticing what he's eating or not.inutially he would say I can't eat any more and it was hard biting my tongue saying if you have had enough that fine,just let me know if you fancy a snack or milkshake later.he knows now and sometimes at 10pm he will appear in doorway saying he's nibblish and may he have a biscuit etc
It's post hard though I ama born feeder,love to feed people.enjoy watch them eat things I lovingly make for them and I took it horribly personally initially as we as the nutritional worries!!

Over the course of a week she eats a balanced diet.

Spag bol
Cereal
Cornetto
Oranges
Pasta bake

But that is all she eats. Cereal mostly . Doesnt eat at school or if she is anxious. Textures, tastes and anything new is a problem

They often say over a week in terms of variety.she does eat a mixture it seems
You also have to factor in I found be anxious burns more calories,so need more to begin with...

Can you get the most calorific of all the things she’ll eat? DD1 eats croissants for breakfast so I always buy the premium ones that have twice the calories of the others and I always get her juice or ice tea rather than diet drinks.

I tried switching to full fat milk but she stopped eating the cereal. I couldn't risk her cutting that out.Her palate is so sensitive. She can tell when I change brands of stuff.
I guess i need to see what the dietician says.

She says she wants to be vegetarian, and not eat anywhere dirty. She has no control in her life so i do get this but she is so tiny it is a worry. She is 4 stone at 12.

Granola cereals have more calories if she will eat them.dietetics told us meat and cheese together is good(think lasagne/Bolognese top cheese)does she like cheesecake/premium ice cream etc?

She wouldnt eat granola zoo. She has weetabix minis, weetos or coco pops. The chocolatey sugary crap. :/
She will eat spagbol with cheese but not lasagne. Sometimes a meal can have identical ingredients but be presented differently and she wont eat them

She wont eat cheesecake or ice cream. She 'doesnt like' ice cream but she will eat the flake 99 icecreams and chocolate cornetto so I have been buying those.

That sounds very hard Anne
Remind me is she ASD?
I hope this week's appointments give you ideas and plans to help you move forward

I have been drafting a summary to take to the psychiatrist.

Sensory issues
Social anxiety
School refusal
Eating issues
Ocd
Phobias
She is incredibly intelligent. I am thinking possible aspergers but I just dont know enough about it. So I will flag to the psychiatrist on Friday and hope they can work it out. We feel like we are playing whack-a-mole with issues

Anne snap!(to whack a mole)
Good idea to write it all down.i get flustered and forget stuff then kick myself afterwards with all things could've added!!

For some reason lately we’ve been presenting our best selves to the psychiatrist. I don’t find it easy to say everything in front of DD1 and she won’t let me talk about certain things. I was also thinking of writing a letter. This is an example of some messages DD1 sent me (for context I was in sight almost all the time). I though it would be useful to show the doctor but DD1 didn’t want me to.

I think it's wise to show the side otherwise unseen bigbus
Bad night here.ds fret about school doing home visit today.was up til gone 1230.i was awake at 4 so got up and started cleaning.going to be a loooong day!!he's already in a tis

You have to show true picture bigbus or they dont know what they are dealing with.

Our dietician appt ended up being with paediatrician due to a mix up. She listened :)
Our 10 minute slot ended up taking about 30. She asked if it had ever been suggested dd might have aspergers. I said no as noone has seen her other than gp for this referral and a psychologist who dealt with her a few years ago for a specific phobia. She said not primary school? Of course not she is clever and compliant....
She is concerned about lack of sleep and agitation (especially the scratching) so has prescribed melatonin.
Dietician came in part way through and is going to send some build up milkshakes through the post to us that we can try which I am to email feedback on.

Basic feedback though is that this is an issue with the mind, and we need a psychiatrist, so the appointment on Friday is going to be key. But for the first time today I felt really listened to and like maybe somebody actually understood. I really hope the person on Friday is as understanding, and that I can get dd to take the melatonin tablets - she wants to, but has never been able to take tablets before.

Anne I'm so pleased you felt heard today.paediatrician sounded wonderful.ds has had those milkshakes,they come in quite a few flavours so hopefully she will like some of them(he is banana obsessed so that was his one true love)

Really have everything crossed for you for Friday

School came with ASD parent pack and basically said we don't really need talk about things this is a "safeguarding" visit so once saw D's were happy to gohe was very distressed they were in his space.i am tired.very very tired and feel like world and his wife are against at me

That doesnt sound particularly helpful zoo :(
Try and take some time out for you.

Dd had her first good sleep in a very long time night before last. She wasnt so stressed in the morning and even took a packet of pom bears to school. She slept again last night. The melatonin has made a difference overnight. [Shock]
Clearly it isnt a fix, but it makes me realise just how much sleep was an issue and I just hadn't seen it

I have had 2 meetings with social worker in the last week. She seems really helpful and supportive but DD refuses to meet her or talk to her. SW is finding out if DD could be put on child protection register if she won’t cooperate. She doesn’t meet the usual criteria of abuse, neglect etc.. but for her own good (and mine) they may need to escalate it.
Any ideas how I can get DD to meet her. DD has tried the ‘make it worth my while ‘ but I’m not going down that road. I’ve spent 1000’s over the last few years trying to ‘persuade ‘ her to do things. I could try withdrawing pocket money but not sure that would make the difference.

What would she do if you said she needed to meet them or you were going to have to consider sending her to live with her dad/stepdad (sorry I cant remember), because you cant cope any more?

Abi does DD know about the suggestion that she might be put on the register if she doesn’t engage? What does she want? Does she think there is a problem and can she visualise how she would like her life to be? How does she see the future if things carry on as they are? Would she meet someone who isn’t also seeing you, so they felt more like ‘her’ therapist. Although I do think that family therapy would be good eventually, the first step is to get her to see someone and then move on from there. I hope you can get to the bottom of it and we’ll done for not giving in to the requests for more things.

Annethat's good she's getting some rest.lack sleep us anxious persons worst enemy.but don't beat yourself up over "not seeing it" I didn't spot D's was sneaking mobile up to his room in night as was too anxious to sleep.be kind to yourself!!

ABI try spelling out just what the consequences of child protection could meanshe is old enough to grasp strangers won't stand for any shenanigans and it might spur her to engage so at least she maintains some control of what happens to her?