Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Oh ABI how utterly wretched for youwell done for escaping to the lake to peace and swans and also congratulations for ringing Samaritans and offloading it all.you can't hold so much stress inside.hold firm about not going to the caravan.i totally agree you can't drive that far in current circs of sleep deprived etc,nor should you be going anywhere whilst exams are still happening

Bigbus we have an old black cat too(and two younger cats cos I'm a crazy cat lady)he/she is adorable😍glad things are ticking along.trying to balance time with everyone is HARD youngest DD barely gets a look in as D's time consuming,dd2 quite strong character who will push in for attention so youngest fades into background..hoping spend more time her in hols before she starts secondary school

Forgot to add my news
DS has camhs yesterday.he did some stone painting with o.t and they start talking about bedtime.hus task for week start practising his breathing exercises/visualisations after completed bed routine before coming straight to me for comfort and to spend the night.his completed anxiety forms show very high levels anxiety in almost all areas.we(DP n I) filled out same form yesterday about him to complete the picture
School need to fill out forms regarding asd assessment as rules here have changed and o.t referral was rejected.she feels they should use pretty much evidence she has drawn to fill it out as they've not seen him in over 6mnths and he's much worse now.she emailed them for a meeting and sent me responses.they basically said we know how to fill in these forms ourselves.ffs my child's wellbeing lies in hands of idiots who don't care as he's not adding to bloody Ofsted stats etc.ive still had no reply to my email nearly three weeks ago about completion of work set by them...meeting is arranged for wed 26th june.i hate them as they always seem to gang up on me,usually have head of year,two SENCO staff,attendance team members and any other tom,dick or Harry fancy chuck in mix despite doing SOD ALL to support him.glad o.t is coming,as she's great at asserting a bit more balance in what's best for his wellbeing!

Oh Abi this is all a bit too much isn’t it? DD2 is being especially cruel given that all the money you spent was to try to make her happy. And I can’t believe she’s turning DH and DD1 against you too. Can you get away for a bit? If DH and DD1 have so much to say about how you are handling things then let them try it. Also you really need a break for your own mental health. This situation sounds horrible for you.

Another suggestion - just a suggestion as only you know the real situation - after the exams could you try moving back with DH (if that’s what you want) - be honest about all the money issues and agree a plan together about how to move forward so that you and DH are a united front, you get support and back up and DD2 sees that she doesn’t have all the power. Get some balance back and some support and perspective for you. As I said this is just a suggestion because this might be the last thing you want. It also sounds like all 4 of you could benefit from some family therapy.

The cat is 14 - he’s got grey hair in his dark hair just like me! We’re hoping to get some more cats in October - I hope he doesn’t get too cross! I agree with all of you - pets are great for the kids mental health.

Zoo this school is really frustrating! Can you threaten to go to OFSTED if they don’t take things more seriously?

bigbus they "achieving" bare minimum requirements apparently
This is scoutcat.hes nearly 9😍

And our little trouble makers - carbonelle(black and white,and only answers to nelly) and cossima (tabby)

The cats are so cute. We have a house rabbit which is a bit like a cat. He follows me around, sits on the sofa and climbs all over me when he wants something. He is DD2’s rabbit and he helps calm her down when she is wound up. He will just sit and cuddle for ages.

His name is bussy-short for Debussy (the composer) as DD’s main interest is playing the clarinet all our pets have musical names. We have 2 other rabbits called Shostakovich and Rachmaninov! ( the vets love trying to call us in !) and two tiny roborovski hamsters called Ravel and Bolero. As you can imagine I have to clean them out but even with the germ related OCD DD is happy to have them climb all over her even when they wee and poo on her bed (for those without pets rabbits and hamsters poo is hard little pellets that don’t leave a mess) At least the animals don’t give me a hard time.

Rage I haven't heard of that book, let me know if it's any good. I have bought a few books about anxiety but DD1 declines to read them. She does find self-help books that are meant to be calming to be useful. She likes lists and practical plans.

ABI😍

Abi those rabbits are so cute. We also have 8 fish and a shrimp but they are less cute!

Bigbus
The pictures are all of the same rabbit. Other two don’t sit still long enough and are not allowed to roam freely.
Just got back from social worker. She has spoken to GP who will continue to support me but any diagnosis for DD has to be done through CAMHS. Here we go again Gp- CAHMS-GP -CAMHS round the everlasting circle getting nowhere. SW has been in discussion with CAMHS though and had explained how things have rapidly progressed and we are a family in crisis and DD is in urgent need of support for her MH. Let’s see if anything happens! SW also says I need time away from DD as our relationship is so abusive. I’m going to try and make it happen.

ABI I'm glad you have a diligent social worker who is deffo on your side.i genuinely believe a brwak,even a few days in the caravan alone,would do you the world of good.dong take your phone etc- leave it locked somewhere DD cannot get at it and agree in emergency husband can drive to you.the solitude would be so restorative for you

abi so sorry you had such a rough time of it yesterday, hope you get a break from it all, it's relentless. My roborovski hamsters buggered off ski - so blinking fast.
zoo feel for you - cannot believe an OT's observations and findings are not deemed good enough, the arrogant useless tossers
I am LOVING all the pet pics - that is one hopeful thing on the horizon. I love cats - one I used to have used to paddle me with her paws bless her.
I haven't invested the 20 quid yet bus It did say it had a manual with it which is why I thought it might be an investment as I don't know how much these courses cost or whether I will even be able to access them.
I have done lots of insets as an ex-teacher and taken up the offer of various parenting workshops in Germany but will only be able to do such courses in the UK if they are inexpensive, have childcare on site or take place when children - touch wood - are in school.

rage scoutcatis a HUGE stamper.he stamps when you give him tuna and purrs whilst eats it❤️his brother (not sadly still with us)was a huge fluffy black and white boy who used to do a variation whilst drinking that made him look like he was moon walking Micheal Jackson styly!!

Pets are so much easier than kids., especially teenagers. They didn’t say that at the IVF clinic! Perhaps they should 😁Just joking-even though DD is currently a right pain in the arse I would still go through all the embarrassment and discomfort of having lots of people doing things to my fanjo. Here’s hoping this current nightmare doesn’t last for ever.

DS school emailed today saying they doing a home visit Monday at 12 regarding D's add assessment.he hates "strangers in the camp"(anyone not well known in his safe haven of home ) so I'm really hoping he's fully on one on Monday and they can see I'm technicolour glory how unwell he has become as they have no idea having had no contact in over 6MONTHS..I used opportunity to remind of previous email sent two weeks ago about homework that we cannot access and they are going to try and see what can do about that on Monday morning before the visit
House a tip as lots going on here..I had physio for dodgy shoulder today and looks like I'm going to need an MRI as damn thing is weakening despite better range movement and almost no pain now just tightness.dd2 in throws on mock GCSE stresses.youngest had accident at school Wednesday and hurt hand.bedn rest ice and elevating it but worsening so off for a+e x-ray today- bad sprain.feels like one thing after another and I'm mentally past struggling.i just want sleep and gave retreated to bed in afternoon past two days.plus out has come my favourite fluffy comfort jumper.thus is not a good sign
Must start try pull up sharpish...

DD been off on one all day. Not meltdown but bitch mode. Constantly sniping at me etc.. she told me to get her onesie from the kitchen-I told her to get it herself. Said she couldn’t because it would make her feet dirty. Latest OCD is the floors are all dirty and so she doesn’t transfer germs she walks around wearing socks but changes them as she goes room to room. She just drops them where she takes them off. The house is covered in socks-about 15 pairs a day. I still wouldn’t get the onesie so she started throwing things in the lounge. Only small things like hair bobbles and packets of tablets. I used my walk away tactic and went to my bedroom. After a few minutes she came in and continued having a good. Because I didn’t react she got really angry saying ‘ I really want to punch you’ I told her I would call the police if she did. She then started throwing things from my dressing table at me -hairbrush, moisturiser etc... she then got a large bottle of talcum powder. Sprayed it on my furniture, my clothes and the door. Then squeezed it hard so huge cloud went into the air. DD saying hope you breathe that in and it’s bad for your lungs. The reason for her mood is because I’ve been out without her twice today. I photographed all this and sent it to the social worker! I hope she finds something to do in September.

ABI well done for walking away/refusing to engage over the onesie,and for taking evidence for SW when it must've been unbearably difficult

DS is ment to be doing self soothing exercises at night now.he does 9-10 on Xbox with something he streams off u tube- it's like watching a giant fish tank,or you can do rain forests ets...he has that I'm background whilst colouring..anyhoo after he's supposed to be starting to practise breathing/stop monster/visualisation stuff rather run straight to me.dd2 was desperate for some of my time last night and after he came down in under 3minutes,we sent him back and told to try for 10.hysterical he was down in under 4,calmed him down and sent him back to do ten mins.3minz was shaking and hysterical again.dd2 got annoyed and said I'm going to bed FFS.i said I need loo and D's wanted come with me screaming don't leave me.i made him stay with dd2 and I came down with a heavy heart for another night on sofa.i feeling defeated and suffocated..

Zoo it’s so hard trying to give other DC attention when one DC is so demanding. My older DD says she always felt pushed out and everything was always about accommodating DD2. I really hate that she sees her childhood this way. DD 1 was born after 10 years of infertility treatment and she had a twin brother who sadly died shortly after birth. She is so precious to me . Has always been totally compliant and thoughtful and I feel I’ve let her down. She feels thatDD2 has always had too much of my attention and now I’ve moved out DD2 gets me all to herself 24/7. She is home from uni for the summer next week and I’m going to make sure I spend quality time with her even though DD2 will protect. Even with all her issues DD2 is perfectly ok to be left on her own. She can/will do things for herself when I’m not there. Only seems to be helpless when I’m on hand. That’s why I want to get back to work possibly next week. We get a break from each other, I get to talk to other adults and DD has to be more independent

Abi - well done for not reacting and not bowing to her demands. I think the more you do this the more she will come to realise it is pointless so she will do it less. She needs to unlearn the behaviour.

And I know what you mean about dd1. My therapist yesterday talked to me about how me, dh and dd1 cannot allow ourselves to be consumed by dd2. We have to make sure that we try and maintain some normality and let dd1 have a fun and happy home life.

Dd2 let DH cut the chicken while she was cooking our dinner last night as it was less bad for her than her doing it (she didnt want to touch the raw meat). He was supervising and didn't make a fuss but we felt like it was progress. We are trying to navigate as best we can.

Sorry you are in a slump zoo. Try and get some fresh air and some time for you.

Zoo I'm sorry things are getting to you. I also feel quite down at the moment. It feels like no one here really thinks about me at all - they only see me in relation to what I do for them. No one ever says thank you (DH included), there is so much to do and none of it is fun. I tried talking to a friend last night and he tried to tell me I should realise how lucky I am. I work in a prison so I am well aware that I am very lucky compared to lots of people but really that's not how depression works. In fact, that just makes me feel worse for feeling shit. Even though DD1 is quite a lot better, life just seems overwhelming at the moment. It really isn't how I thought it would be. It feels like I'm trapped.

Abi well done for staying calm. Do you find that when you stay calm, DD2 gets worse in order to provoke a reaction? I find that with DD1 when she is determined to create a storm - if I don't respond she will just get worse and worse until there is some kind of reaction. It's hard to know what to do.

Anne I agree that it is really hard to balance things with siblings. DD2 is having a bit of a tough time with the end of yr 6 and I find myself a bit worn out with DD1 - I feel I have not really managed the DD2 situation very well. DS is only 7 and really sweet - he's the only one who does seem to be care about me - but I really don't want to fall into the mum-and-son trap! I feel like I need a break but then I worry that the kids will get the message that I am not able to hold them and that feels really damaging. When did it get this difficult?

Anyway, I'm sure I will feel a lot more positive soon. Things are much better so I should be more cheery. Thanks for being there

Thanks guys

Bigbus sorry it's all a bit crap.my youngest in year 6.irs a rough time doing SATS then getting ready for a bigger school and girls at this age can be awful one minute/best mates the next.mines having issues with this and some days kips in happily,others she's a screeching angry nightmare which sets D's off
I am a bit worried tbh she's heading to crack upon entering secondary,but time will tell.
The "perfect" life wouldn't stop depression and anyone who says you have no reason to be depressed needs poking with a sharp stick tbh.ignorance of this kind gets my goat

Saw dd1 yesterday.always a ray of sunshine and adds positivity.shes getting married next summer and currently doing battle with a dominant mil to be who wants X,y,z as traditional..she is firmly saying at this point my mum cannot commit anything for my brotherand I want him there and not to be uncomfortable.shes offered take him (multiple if nec) visits to the venue and told mil to be one of allocated overnight hotel rooms there be kept back for him so he has an escape to quiet place option

Another night of dd2 desperate time out with mum and dad not having any of it.everyone end up going to sleep(D's on sofa opposite as usual) and dd2 resign self that can't have that bit time she needed

She's struggling GCSE mock revision,stress D's and her dad's not being overly supportive.started not sleep well and has now got all but constant leg spasms which NHS website says most often anxiety/stress related.bloody marvellous...

Anyway,after my essay if gloom.onwards and upwards everyone!
Hope a calm day on cards for us all

*desperate from time out with mum and ds
Not having any of it

Took a photo of my dd yesterday and can see just how thin she has got. She weighs exactly the same as she did a year ago.

Anne D's is tiny,he has always been skinny and we have had dips and stops but he has gained in last year-not much,but a little.maybe speak to gp?