I'm a mess

[mrsbounceisflat]

I've spoken to the crisis team, but everyone's fed up with me. My life is a mess , I can't go into details but I am in a living hell. Things aren't going to change for a while , everything's a fight. I am a bad person.

Well done on the bath!

If you had cancer or MS, would you think you were bad?
Medications often help with mental illness because there is truly something not working right in the body.

It will be a busy week- and you know some things may go surprisingly well.

Your dh was probably typical- very secretive about the bad stuff, while trying to appear normal/good. Many people have been tricked.

I'd hoped to go out with a friend for lunch this week to break things up a bit, but she can't make it. Maybe in half term.
The ex phoned and I told him he could phone the solicitor about the house as I know the people buying ours are now staying at their sons.
Ex told me he is having a night away next week, lucky for some. I'll just deal with or the crap he's left behind.

You could miss it because he was likely a practised deceiver and liar. It’s not you. It was him.
I went out today. Tomorrow I will struggle to walk. That doesn’t make me a bad person. Struggling mentally isn’t any less real than struggling physically.
He’s a shit. Your son is lucky to have you.

I hope you're managing ok today, after going out yesterday. I'm having another I can't be arsed day today, I seem to have to many of them at the moment.
I don't know why I believe I'm a bad person, my son tells me I'm a good mum which is something for a 15year old.

Your son has had 15 years of evaluating your performance as a mother- he is a bit of an expert on the subject!

I guess he is, I'm feeling a bit lost today, I've not done anything and I don't feel suicidal which is always a positive. I'm just confused, getting used to life without my husband, but there are so many changes and uncertainties ahead it frightens me. I have to start taking on some responsibility for household chores and stop relying on other people. I need to grow up.

You are dealing with things. Plus trying to get your head around what’s happened and support your child. That is plenty grown up. You need to be kinder to yourself. Give yourself credit for what you do. And support for what is tough right now.

I think the next step is actually more self care, not household chores.
Maybe you could take a bath every other day this week?

Thankyou both of you, your so positive. I never give myself credit for anything I do and don't accept praise and compliments maybe that is something I can work on when the time is right.
Better self care would be good it just feels overwhelming.

It does when you look at the big picture. Choose one thing. Just do that one thing.

When something “feels overwhelming”, that it often close to the time of some big effort and success.
Giving birth is one fine example of this.

I wish I could just do one thing. I'm really feeling the uncertainty of the future ahead and it's not made easier by incompetent people. I was saving myself to get it all off my chest with my social worker this afternoon she phoned after I'd been sat waiting for an hour to say she couldn't make it. I like her but it's not the first time she's done this.
,y divorce solicitor sent me a long complicated email about sorting out my finances. The house selling solicitor is crap and doesn't seem to be doing anything. So my email to the divorce solicitor turned into a rant about him, my mum said I shouldn't do that but they work for the same company.
I've had no reply again from my email of complaint about children's social services and my son post 16 worker was supposed to phone yesterday and didn't.
My mum thinks I do nothing but complain but I'm fed up with this. I'm feeling really stressed out. I'm glad I can rant here with no judgement.
My head is a mess, I'm tired and physically exhausted. I've had enough of all this.

It would have been nice if even one person had done their job properly!

Did you eat well today?

The one thing doesn’t have to be sorting out your finances. That’s a big thing.
It could be eating one healthy meal. Or having a shower. Take tiny tiny steps.
It’s crap when you’re trying your hardest and feel others are letting you down.

In answer to the question did I eat well, I've eaten way to much chocolate.i will try and have a bath tomorrow night. There's just so much needing sorting I don't know where to start. The GCSES I find really hard to deal with as well and my sons really down tonight, which effects me.
I don't want to wake up tomorrow although I'm seeing my OT.

You “don’t want to wake up tomorrow” to another bad day .

But you know there will still be troubles.
So you try to set up something good for tomorrow- plan something to look forward to. A cup of tea outside in the breeze. A (chocolate?) croissant for breakfast. Wear something summery you haven’t worn since last year.
You can make parts of the day good.

You sound completely overwhelmed. Sometimes doing one lovely thing for you helps you to tackle the other stuff. I went to a social thing last night that I hadn’t felt able to go to in ages and ages. Today I hoovered and painted my toes and washed the kitchen floor. Might not sound a lot to some people but tonight I will sleep soundly.
A cup of tea and a chocolate croissant sounds lovely. Hope you manage that bath OP.

I'm determined to have a bath today,I've got my son on the case and he won't let me get away with it. The next time I meet my OT we're going to go for a walk . I know I have to start doing more to help myself because I had given up trying. I have to keep fighting. I won't do it for me but I will do it for my son.
Summery clothes made me chuckle, I think they'd section me if they saw me in a skirt. I do own a skirt though,it is the only thing in the wardrobe everything else lives in the chest of draws.

I've had a bath and I've had enough.

But you did it. That’s brill!!

Thankyou, I also phoned the Samaritans, it was good to talk. I don't know where I'm heading, god I'm so confused again but I suppose at least I'm clean.

That’s great. You need to give yourself credit for what you have done. There were days I couldn’t have spoken on the phone. Just do one day at a time.

Congrats on the bath!
We know it wasn’t easy- but you did it!
And a nice chat with the Samaritans!
Well done!

I'm feeling crap again, won't even phone the mental health team. My mums here doing stuff for me, stuff that I should be doing but my achievements are much smaller and don't count for much for example i put a load of washing in today.
We took my son to his CBT appointment, that's 3 hours out of the day. I'm just knackered now.

Spoke to my CPN she was really nice, says I need to be kinder to myself.