I'm a mess

[mrsbounceisflat]

I've spoken to the crisis team, but everyone's fed up with me. My life is a mess , I can't go into details but I am in a living hell. Things aren't going to change for a while , everything's a fight. I am a bad person.

Do you know anything yet about your next home?

1 exam left on Friday. I'm totally not coping, I've got to start fighting for my sons future and health again, news from the house solicitor and that could mean us moving in the next few weeks.
I feel really shit my son won't get better if I don't start getting out the house more, we're meant to have support for him from social services but don't know when that will start, feel like I let him down.
I'm still a freak and evil, anxiety through the roof but can't talk about it.
Need to send an email but don't know what to say, so leaving it until tomorrow. See the CPN tomorrow, I hope she's prepared.

You have worked for your son’s future and health all along.
Any less-than-great results are because of professionals not doing their jobs properly!
You’re not a freak. You’re not evil.
You are actually a very kind person.
Good luck with your CPN tomorrow.

You aren’t a freak or evil.
You don’t need to start fighting for his future because you already are. With every fibre of your being.
You are in a bloody awful situation and not well.

I can't do this, we've been concentrating on his exams and now we need to look to the future. Will hopefully have a moving date by Friday, scary stuff.
Didn't sleep last night. Saw the CPN this afternoon she thinks I'm doing really well. Why doesn't it feel like it? I need to reply to an email that I got yesterday but I just don't know what to say.

You are doing really well. The exams were your first priority. One thing at a time. Could CPN or someone help you compose a reply?

You are doing really well. Of course the exam period was your priority. Can anyone help you compose a response to the email?

No I just have to do it and stop putting it off.

Many people are very stressed by moving- the disruption & changes of routines, the extra work, any chaos or surprises, etc.
The circumstances of your move are difficult, but I’m sure you have good memories (even of your husband) in your house.

Your CPN thinks you are doing really well.
Maybe you could be kind to yourself & just accept her comment.
She doesn’t get paid extra to lie.

Bloody phone.

Many people are very stressed by moving- the disruption & changes of routines, the extra work, any chaos or surprises, etc.
The circumstances of your move are difficult, but I’m sure you have good memories (even of your husband) in your house.

Your CPN thinks you are doing really well.
Maybe you could be kind to yourself & just accept her comment.
She doesn’t get paid extra to lie.

Bloody phone.

You are doing really well. Of course the exam period was your priority. Can anyone help you compose a response to the email?

It’s a site problem.

It’s a site problem.

Email sent. I do hate change and chaos and my bedroom has been my safe place for a long time
I'm really coming to rely on you guys. It is true I really am in a shitty situation and most people don't understand how hard it is, but if I feel sorry for myself I feel self-centred.
Another busy day tomorrow CBT for my son in the morning and then I have to drive to the leisure centre to meet my support worker for a coffee.

You are NOT self centred. You are dealing with lots and doing brilliantly. It is a shitty situation. Time to make a new safer and happier space my lovely.

Go ahead and spend a bit of time feeling sorry for yourself.
It’s not fair!
It’s not your fault!
Why you?
It’s so hard every day!
(Feel free to use bad words. )

Today has been a mixed day. My son did really well at CBT , then I saw my support worker and agreed to do a course for 4 weeks on how herbs can be healthy. Not something I'm really interested in, but it will be a good challenge for me.
Went to my mums for tea and my son had an autistic meltdown and stormed off. He's now in his room not talking to me and like a typical teenager I'm the worst mum in the world.
Had a bath today I'm getting the hang of it, that's 3 this week, still a chore though.

Three in a week is great. He’s a teen. They ALL say we are the worst parents. You’re not.

Well done on bath number three!
It’s kind of good that your son (despite his difficulties) is doing the typical teen “worst mum” thing.
Nobody ever wins it, but we all get nominated occasionally.
I’m glad you’re game for the herb course. Who knows where it might lead?

He's talking to me now but he's on a real downer. Doesn't bode well for his exam tomorrow. God why is our life so shit. I hate my fucking husband.

Your stbx created some huge problems.

Today it may be shit. Doesn’t mean it can’t be soooooo much better.

It will be better, it can't stay this crap. Son had another meltdown last night and felt really shit about himself. He had felt suicidal during his first meltdown. So I am surprised and proud he is taking his last exam because the frame of mind he was in it didn't look promising. Doesn't think he's doing very well but he's trying.