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Original poster

I'm back because I can't go one alone right now

84 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:34

Please, anyone who wants to say "I knew you would be back before the end of the summer", please could you bottle it? Thanks.

I am back because I am having such a hard time with my phobia again right now and I need to see some kindly faces.

Please offer me some support now if you know me and know my phobia. I am suffering in hell right now.

OP posts:
mufti · 09/07/2007 10:36

have read before dg, is dh away again?
we are always on the prayer threads..

LilRedWG · 09/07/2007 10:36

DG - I've seen you on posts but don't know your phobia, but here's a ((((HUG)))) anyway.

Welcome back!

codJane · 09/07/2007 10:36

oh please please

Flower3554 · 09/07/2007 10:38

(((hugs))) Welcome back

VioletBaudelaire · 09/07/2007 10:39

nice to see you back, dg.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:39

Get stuffed cod (I assume it is you?) I haven't said get stuffed in ages - funny how the old ones feel nicest!

Yes dh is away again. Dh is away every week, pretty much. I am bad right now though because one of my boys has been ill and another is ill now. Any illness, whether it involves vomiting or not now, sends me over the edge. I feel so desperate.

OP posts:
codJane · 09/07/2007 10:40

i knew oyu d miss me
c an is ayt hat
i knew itd fdriev y ou back

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:44

Sorry cod, I am out of practice, could you provide a translation?!

OP posts:
Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:45

Also, although I did miss Mumsnet, some appreciation of the fact that I have come back not because I missed you all but because I can hardly breathe through sheer panic right now would be nice.

OP posts:
naswm · 09/07/2007 11:25

Hi DG - I am pleased you came back to mn.

I am so sorry you are suffering so much atm. I so wish your dh didnt have to travel so much. I am also sorry that your children have been unwell.

I know how much your phobia dominates your life. I know how debiliting it is for you. I wish I could say something to help you. But there are no words I can offer of comfort at this time. I know because I have tried before. The only thing I will reiterate is that perhaps you could break the week down in to little pieces, and 'tick off' each segment as it passes. Eg, Monday am, Monday pm, Monday evening, Monday thru to Tuesday night. Tues am, Tues pm, Tues eve, Tues thru to Weds night. Weds am, Weds pm, Weds eve. Then dh will be back. I wish I could do something more tangible. But at this distnace I can only offer myself on msn or the phone, sorry. But I am here for you and you can ring anytime. And you know that I mean that. I dont care if it is midnight or 6am. I am here. My mobile is alwasy in my pocket, and if I am at the hospital etc leave a message and I will be straight back to you asap.

You can do this DG. You will do this DG. You are stronger than this phobia.

I know you dont like them, but I am going to give you one nevertheless {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}. I am just sorry I cannot be there in person to give you one.

Nx

Nbg · 09/07/2007 11:27

Hiya DG

Sorry your feeling crap atm
I didnt realise you had gone!

When is dh back?

GooseyLoosey · 09/07/2007 11:37

Hi - hope you're OK. How long is DH away for? Anything at all I can do let me know!

naswm · 09/07/2007 11:53

DGs DS is on the pc at the moment. He is off nursery with a stomach ache

Her dh went away this morning until Weds, but he is also away next week. He has had varying amounts of time away on business over the past few weeks.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 11:57

Thanks everyone. I feel so alone.

Dh is only away until Wednesday night but it is not the length of time he is away that is the issue at the moment, but the frequency (every week at the moment) and the particular timing, with the children being unwell.

It must be completely impossible to understand what this does to me but suffice to say at the moment I feel pretty broken. Dh says the trips are going to temporarily stop after next week, but this is mainly because he is taking 3 weeks off and we are going on 2 holidays. I know when September comes the trips will start again, just in time for when the children go back to school and the autumn comes and the new bugs with it. Dh has said he will try to find a new job with less travel but I know he will not be able to find one that pays as well as this one and we cannot afford to live on less money, so that idea will come to nothing.

OP posts:
GreensleevesSusan · 09/07/2007 11:58

sorry to hear you're feeling so bad DG

HuwEdwards · 09/07/2007 11:58

DG you're not alone woman we are here.

Smaug · 09/07/2007 12:04

Sorry you're feeling so bad atm DG. I wish I could help.

It is lovely to see you back though.

Tatties · 09/07/2007 12:06

Oh DG

It is so hard and so unfair when this dominates your life isn't it? I don't know what to say to help, but I understand how horrid it makes you feel and how lasting the effects of any illness are. Do you have any calming / coping strategies to bring you back from the edge long enough to start breathing properly again?

Nbg · 09/07/2007 12:10

DG I totally understnad how you feel so dont think your alone in that sense.

Just try if you can to focus on him coming home in 2 days and then you have your holiays to enjoy with him and the kids.

In the meantime, could you maybe set up a plan for when he starts to go away again? Have someone round, family, friends etc?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 12:31

There is no-one who could come around. We don't live near relatives and I am a saddo who has no friends - well none locally anyway.

I know I need to learn to cope alone with a situation that most parents cope alone with all the time if they have to, but the reality is a bit harder. I have been to the GP and I have been on a stress management course (not really to the point but the best they could offer phobics in this area ). The course suggested coping mechanisms and some relaxation techniques, but I just fine it impossible to switch my mind off. I live with a constant stream of "What ifs...." going through my brain, and I mean constant. A normal person can have no idea how a phobic person is totally dominated by their fear.

It is some relief though to talk to you people, otherwise I just sit here going through the what ifs and thinking that I will be doing this all over again next week.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 09/07/2007 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 12:45

The thing I can't cope with alone is looking after the children when they are ill, or even looking after the children at all, in case they get ill.

Yes dh understands, believe me he understands. I cry and scream and beg him not to go (not every time anymore as I am used to it to some extent, but certainly this time - all weekend I have been on to him) but as he says, he has to do his job. He has promised to look for another job (the travelling is too much for him too, not just too much for me) but it is not easy for him to job change as he is quite high up the employment ladder iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 12:46

I have told him he should consider my health too. I honestly can't see how anyone can endure this amount of stress and not be affecting their overall lifespan to some extent. But what else can dh do?

I feel even shittier thinking about how I am hindering his career.

OP posts:
Jaynerae · 09/07/2007 12:50

A friend of mine has the same phobia - she has been on several courses and tried different things - she has finally tried hypnotherapy - which regressed her back to her childhood to establish the cause of the phobia (her sister had the top bunk she had the bottom - her sister was sick frequantly and she was terrified it would land on her) this started the phobia off - now she is having counselling to deal with the course and accupunture. She has had to pay for this herself and it is not cheap but she had to do it as she couldn't cope anymore - the phobia was getting worse - her worst time was in the car on long journeys - ie. going on holiday or in a plane and it just ruined the build up to their holiday and she was constantly stressed whilst away thinking of the journey home. Perhaps you could look in to this sort of treatment?

Good luck.

AbRoller · 09/07/2007 12:53

Hi DG. So that you are feeling like this.

I don't know what your phobia is and I probably couldn't offer much in the way of advice even if I did but I do know how it feels to have a debilitating(sp?) phobia.

I had a very bad experience almost nine years ago and I have never been the same. NOBODY understands how I feel. I am terrified of being alone. Our experiences, reasons, manifestations for and of our phobias may be different but I understand how you feel to degree.

Just wanted to say that you are not alone. I'm glad you came back here and I hope you can find some comfort in 'chatting' to us. It has helped me.

Take care