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Original poster

I'm back because I can't go one alone right now

84 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:34

Please, anyone who wants to say "I knew you would be back before the end of the summer", please could you bottle it? Thanks.

I am back because I am having such a hard time with my phobia again right now and I need to see some kindly faces.

Please offer me some support now if you know me and know my phobia. I am suffering in hell right now.

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Califrau · 09/07/2007 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordPan · 10/07/2007 01:42

Cali - Neuro-linguistic programming..could talk (mistakenly) for a while, but better if you googled it probably....a pretty powerful tool, reportedly.

suzywong · 10/07/2007 02:26

hellod DDG

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 10/07/2007 05:56

Hello

I am delighted you used the swing doors...welcome back.

But you really really need to get this sorted.

Dottydot · 10/07/2007 06:18

Hi DG - good to see you but sorry you're suffering. We've chatted on a previous thread about this because my dp has exactly the same phobia and I recently had to stay away 1 night and she hated it just in case the boys were ill. They weren't, but I know that's not the point when the panic and worry is there for the whole time.

Hope you managed to get some sleep - and only 1 more day now until your dh is back.

Just had a quick look on your profile (gorgeous photos!) - is your 11 year old up to helping when the smaller ones are poorly (or is it your 11 year old that's been feeling ill?).

Good luck for today and keep the thread going so you get lots of support today and tonight.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 09:29

Good morning folks.

I feel a bit more normal today. Yesterday was bad because dh went away when ds3 was clearly ill and it all fell on top of me because he had also been away last week when ds2 was very much ill (not sick, but the stupid thing is, all illnesses get to me now because I know that pretty much any illness can make a child sick even if vomiting is not an accepted symptom). So anyway, after the stress of last week, I had a very bad (depression - boy! does it hit me after any illness in the family) weekend, and then totally flipped when I knew dh was going away again this week.

Now, however, I am back to being calmer. I do not flip like this every time dh goes away anymore (he goes away most weeks so I would be in a mental hospital if I reacted as badly as yesterday every time). Ds3 seems better and ds2 woke up this morning for the first time in 6 days without complaining of a headache, sore throat or temperature. I have got all of them off to school and playgroup. I just have to get through today and tonight and tomorrow and then dh is back (until next week )

OK, so I am more rational today. But the flip side is, I now don't want to go to the doctor again. I have a terrible pride in who I am - Mrs Strong and Capable - and I am the worst control freak you could hope to meet, so I find it really hard to think about putting myself into a situation where I will be forced to reveal myself, warts and all, to a stranger. Is there any way of seeing this differently?

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 09:31

Oh and in answer to DottyDot, no, I don't think the 11 year old would be up to much. He is not very mature and I can think of nothing worse than inflicting the horrible duty of caring for a vomiting person onto one of my children. But that might be the phobic in me speaking.

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filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/07/2007 09:35

morning dg-glad you are feeling abit better today.

pride is a wonderful thing love but you just have to think to yourself..'do i want to feel like this for the rest of my life?'

of course you don't so you must get some help.it won't be easy but it will be so worth it.

as for inflicting it on your son-that is the phobic in you speaking, because although it's not pleasant, it is in the end just fluid and it won't do him any harm.

in fact good for him not see it through your phobic eyes iyswim?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 09:37

Love the addition to your name tmmj.

Not sure about everything you said though!

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Nbg · 10/07/2007 09:41

Morning DG

Glad to hear your feeling better.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/07/2007 09:44

oh well.i can only offer my opinion and hope it helps.

i like to think that if it was me i could swallow my pride and release my grip on my self control and get some help, in order to have a happier life.

sorry if the last bit was too much.x

MerryMarigold · 10/07/2007 09:48

Hi DG

Glad today is a better day for you. How to see getting help differently...

Well, I guess for someone like you (and me, to some extent) it takes getting to the bottom and being absolutely desperate. I was so sceptical of docs, I didn't go for ages, but when my condition (I have CFS) got so bad that I couldn't stand it any more, I went to the doc. Recently I have also started AD's after 8 years of avoiding them, because I was so desperate to try ANYTHING. Especially now I have a ds, and I don't want my illness to affect him more than is necessary. However, I do think it is good for kids to see that their parents are human, and even to deal with some hardship, so I am trying to see this illness as a good thing. Still, I am desperate to try every possibly avenue to stop it affecting my life (and his, and my dh's) too much.

In terms of 'revealing yourself'. It's actually a lot easier with a stranger (I have found) and quite refreshing and unburdening to be able to do that. Also, you know they are professionals and have no doubt seen much worse than you!

Good Luck.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 09:49

No offence tmmj. You have to be inside my mind to know what is going on there (and even I can't work it out sometimes!) I hate my life of fear, no doubt about that, but I can't believe in a cure (OK that is the phobia talking I know) and I can't imagine a life outside it.

This wont be the trouble it is forever. I have always had this phobia but it did not rule my life until I had children. I was a teacher (not a career many emetophobes would contemplate); I had 4 pregnancies (ditto); I am not restricted in eating out like some; I am not afraid of public transport like some; in fact my phobia is really only directed towards my children who are well on the way to growing up now.

Something I have learnt in the last 2 years: the phobia and the extreme control obsession that is a feature of my personality are linked. Letting go of both will be an issue.

I think I may have lost myself some sympathy now.

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 09:53

MM, what is CFS please? Sorry for my ignorance.

I know you are right in what you say. I did reach that desperate, bottom of the pit, only way to get back up is to ask for help stage that you mentioned in March this year. I went to the GP. He was sympathetic but useless, bles him. I know what you mean about the relief of unburdening yourself to someone who understands, but as yet, the only people I have ever met who understand even part of what I feel are fellow emetophobes.

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MerryMarigold · 10/07/2007 09:55

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

What is emetophobe?

MerryMarigold · 10/07/2007 10:01

I think professionals understand from a professional p.o.v, if you understand what I mean. Doesn't necessarily mean they empathise, but see more objectively. I don't often like talking to fellow 'sufferers' as I can get into a self pity cycle and start thinking I have some of their symptoms! Find the CBT therapist is fantastic and much more positive without ramming 'being positive' down my throat, but I genuinely feel more able to fight.

Your kids will grow up fast, but there's still a fair few years to go if still in playgroup and you only live life once. Wouldn't you rather be free (or free-er) of the things which are controlling you? If you are a control freak, I would imagine you want to be in control of those factors rather than the other way around...

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/07/2007 10:02

have you tried a support group dg?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 10:11

Emetophobe is someone with a phobia of vomit and vomiting (me).

I am confused then is you have CFS, how does CBT help? I mean, isn't CFS a physical condition and doesn't CBT address your state of mind?

tmmj, I contacted a support group but I got sidetracked away from it because the woman on the phone was talking about how they address phobias through desensitisation. I simply can't contemplate that. I watched a series of programmes recently about people being treated for their phobias (did you see it?) It was mainly done through desensitisation. The day they treated the emetophobe, I ran hysterical from the room after 5 minutes. It was too awful to contemplate.

I have alwats felt a bit like MM re support groups, that it would make me worse in that we would all sit around feeding each other's fears, but I suppose it is not really like that.

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MerryMarigold · 10/07/2007 10:15

CFS is physical and mental in that after a few years it starts affecting you mentally and MAY also be linked with perfectionism/ over-achievers etc. Also, the fact you may have to live with it for a long time means you need coping strategies. CBT doesn't get rid of it, but helps with the depression side of things, and has helped me deal for eg. with communicating illness to others, dealing with emotions that come up with it etc. I also have physiotherapy for the more physical aspects.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/07/2007 10:18

i have just been looking at this and reading about a woman with emetophobia having cbt and how much it helped her. maybe worth looking into?

TinyGang · 10/07/2007 10:20

Welcome back

Here's another friendly face to cheer you up

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 10:25

Yes, I have seen that site before tmmj, but thanks for showing it anyway.

So OK, there is NLP, CBT and possibly hypnotherapy to try.

And the consensus seems to be that I go along to my doctor and tell him I want to try one. But which of these, if any, will he be able to refer me for? And if he can't refer me, how can I find a reputable practitioner?

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 10:26

PMSL TG. I knew who it would be before clicking! He looks a bit grim actually, like he is thinking, "Silly woman, she needs to pull herself together".

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ArtichokeTagine · 10/07/2007 11:15

Morning DG

Thanks for you kind words last night. I feel a little better this morning. As you said it is a vicious cycle. Stress leads to nausea, nausea provokes more stress which leads to more nausea and so on. DH left this morning and I really tried to put on a brave face on it. The scarey thing is that normally I know that his Mum would be able to come over if DD or I got sick, but she is away this week . The meditation does help though - I tried it this morning.

It is very interesting what you say about having a controlling personality. I am an extreme control freak. When I had CBT by therapist reckoned every emetophobe he had seen had control issues. He reckoned part of the problem is that when you are sick you lose control of your body. The actual act we fear is the ultimate loss of control. Anyway I am at work today so better go and do something. I should just add that CBT did really help me. Obviously you can see that it was not a cure BUT I used to hate going out at all because of this phobia and now I am out all the time and have fun and even some weeks where I don't worry at all.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 19:24

ArtichokeTagine, glad your funny feelings did not develop into worse. I don't know if you have msn but if you do and would like to chat one evening this week, my address is [email protected]

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