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Original poster

I'm back because I can't go one alone right now

84 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 10:34

Please, anyone who wants to say "I knew you would be back before the end of the summer", please could you bottle it? Thanks.

I am back because I am having such a hard time with my phobia again right now and I need to see some kindly faces.

Please offer me some support now if you know me and know my phobia. I am suffering in hell right now.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 09/07/2007 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 13:41

Jaynerae, thanks for that post. Dh wants me to get treatment but I have tried and failed and now dont feel like trying again. There are so many therapists out there claiming they can cure phobics, but I am not sure if it is really possible. I guess you can call me a sceptic!

Abroller, I am sorry for anyone with a phobia anything like as bad as mine. Yes chatting helps. It was only on Mumsnet that I could come out about my phobia and now feel much more comfortable that I am not a freak because I feel this way.

Littlelapin, of course it is more important than his career, but the practicalitites of real life are such that dh has to work and earn money for us to live on. We do have a larger house than most I admit, and of course, we have the "luxury" of four children so some would say we could have made our lives easier by not havig so many children and by not taking on such a massive mortgage, but the fact of the matter is, we have these things because we wanted them and now we have to pay for them. I often tell dh that my health and happiness come above the house we live in or the job he does and he does not deny that, but the reality is that nearly everyone has to work and so dh's career has to be factored in to the equation. Even if we won the lottery, dh would still work I know (though not at this job, that is for sure!)

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naswm · 09/07/2007 20:35

bump for DG, because I know she is feeling so alone

bubblerock · 09/07/2007 20:59

DG, good to see you back (but not the reason why, obviously). My life is also ruled by a phobia (agoraphobia), we have actually changed the way we live drastically but it is so much better. You could say that we have let the phobia win by adapting to live with it but hopefully one day I will be 'normal'.

We moved away from Gloucestershire to Blackpool where prices were lower and we could run the hotel together, we now run a shop together and there is no pressure on me to leave the house which makes things so much easier and so far I have been out every day since opening the shop in april.

I am still on AD's for anxiety and have diazepan for situations where I know I will panic - I have a wedding to go to in Glos this month and I'm already twitchy

I really do understand how much a phobia can affect your life and it's very hard to explain to someone else when you don't really understand it yourself.

Keep chatting on here and talk to dh about making bigger changes to your life together so that you can enjoy it more.

Califrau · 09/07/2007 21:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 21:21

Hi guys, I love to see my fellow sufferers calling in, even though I wish we could all be free of our anxieties and phobias.

With regard to your question Califrau, no I did not have any treatment at all. I saw one unsympathetic (or incomprehending I think would be a better word) GP who referred me to counselling but then I moved. My new GP sent me to a CPN who said I was not depressed (I never suggested I was!) and therefore she could not help me. I went back to the GP this spring because I got into such a blind panic about dh being away for 2 weeks, and he put me on a course I have just done for stress management - not to the point at all. That is it - the sum total of help I have had.

I just feel that the GP will have nothing to offer me.

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naswm · 09/07/2007 21:24

give CBT a try DG - I am the world's greatest sceptic where therapist are concerned (having seen so many of them) but CBT does have some real benefits. Our phobias are learned behaviours, and that behaviour can be unlearned. It may not be easy or sraight forward, but certainly worth a try.

Desiderata · 09/07/2007 21:28

Hi, Dumbles. I'm glad you've come back but I'm sad about the reasons why.

For what it's worth (and I know nothing about phobia), a stress management course sounds like a load of pants. It's the phobia, surely, that needs to be treated.

Well, anyhow, I owe you a favour, so if I can help in any practical way, please just let me know.

mummytosteven · 09/07/2007 21:30

could you afford an aupair as a short-term solution.

may well be worth you looking to see a psychologist privately, advantage to that being that you can hand pick one who has plenty of experience of your particular phobia.

mummytosteven · 09/07/2007 21:32

I think that stress management is a part of it, but only a small part - as anxiety disorders feed on stress. And that sort of relaxation type stuff is probably most useful once you are on the road to cure, rather than at the very start IME.

ArtichokeTagine · 09/07/2007 21:32

Hi DG

I have the same fear as you. Usually I would follow that statement by saying I had CBT and now cope loads better etc etc etc. Tonight I won't. I feel funny since eating dinner and I am sitting here sweating with fear that something might happen. I am not telling DH because I have had several "relapses" recently and I think he is getting fed up. My feelings tonight may not be totally physical, DH is away for 4 days from tomorrow and so stress may be at the bottom of it (I hope so). Anyway I just wanted to say that I know how you are feeling.

Have you ever tried meditation? I bought a book about managing fear and stress through meditation. It can really help when i get in a panic. At least I feel like I am doing something. It might be worth a try .

Desiderata · 09/07/2007 22:16

Are you OK, DG?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:18

Thanks for all the positive feedback. I so appreciate talking about this once in a while.

I can't respond to all now as I am only supposed to be here to shut the computer down so I can go to bed, but I just wanted to say one thing to ArtichokeTagine: I so feel for the way you are feeling right now. I do hope it is nothing physical. I have spent the last few days feeling sick through stress and it is awful as I know it is stress causing it but the nauseous feeling only serves to panic me more, so the stress deepens - what a stupid phobia it is! Anyway, fingers crossed for you and I hope you feel better soon.

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:20

Oh hi Desiderata, yes I am as OK as I can be in this situation. Just off to bed and hopefully oblivion for 8 hours.

The only help that would help would be if you came and took my 4 children for the next 2 days, and as I dont know you, and you are not quite near enough to do that, it isn't going to happen. But I do appreciate the offer, both from you and from GooseyLoosey earlier.

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BeetrootHeidi · 09/07/2007 22:24

DG - you have to seek help. As an ex panic attacker I recomend you go straight to your GP and discuss it with him/her. if now joy then see another one. There is so much to offer for phobics now. We talked about NLP - have you tried that road?

why do you not want to go? Surley you want to get better?

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/07/2007 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:27

No I am deeply sceptic if you want to know the truth - I honestly can't imagine being phobia free - not this particular phobia anyway. But you might be pleased to know that dh has found out about NLP and regularly says I should give it a go. The trouble is, I went to my GP (I have been 3 times in all - see below) and I have never been offered any of these great cures. Dont GPs know about them? I am waiting to have the great medical profession recommend something that has a proven track record.

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:27

Sorry that post was in answer to Beety.

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Desiderata · 09/07/2007 22:28

OK, DG ... but if it gets too bad it's a short train journey for me, and I will look after your children if you need to escape/book an appointment/get some professional help.

No need to respond

BeetrootHeidi · 09/07/2007 22:32

NLP will not be offered on the NHS you will have to pay for it.

Read Frogs into princes the book about NLP -

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:36

Desiderata - bus, no train station nearer to me than Bristol Parkway

Beety - so how do you know you are approaching a reputable NLP therapist?

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Mercy · 09/07/2007 22:36

DG - have just seen this. Glad you are back but sorry for the reason why.

Can you change your GP? I know it can be difficult to do but dh has just arranged for us to see a different doctor (fortunately the surgery has vacancies but we were prepared to go on a waiting list)

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/07/2007 22:40

This new GP was actually very sympathetic and I would not want to change him for that reason. (It was my old GP in my old home that was not very understanding). But the new one, sympathetic though he is, does not seem to have a list of therapies he could recommend which puts me off rather. I appreciate I might have to pay for private treatment but I still expected a GP to know what treatment to recommend.

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Mercy · 09/07/2007 22:53

I think you're right - a GP should know how and what to do. Are there any support groups outside of MN which could recommend the best form of help?

DG - you will be free from fear one day .One day at a time.

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2007 22:53

Hi DG

I don't have alot of faith in GP's either. I had an undiagnosed illness for 5 years, because GP's kept dismissing it till finally stumbled across a GP who had direct experience of it, recognised the symptoms and referred me. I think these days you really have to TELL the GP's what you want. Mostly they seem quite accomodating, they are just not great at diagnosis or worried about costs or whatever, but if you say "This is what I want...". I understand it is difficult to work this stuff out if you are feeling paralysed but on a 'good day' maybe you can find out more info about various treatments and then go and try and get at least one of them out of the GP.

I am having CBT at the moment, and it is really good. I think just talking things over with someone who understands (because they have seen lots of others like me) helps massively and I don't feel so weird. I would definitely recommend it, but am sure other treatments could help too, even if it is just 'taking the edge off' it.

Take care. I hope you are sleeping well right now - that's what I should be doing...