I neglect myself and it's showing

[inmyownworldagain]

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

• I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
• I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
• Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
• Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
• Don't brush hair, even after a shower
• Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
• no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
• Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
• I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
• Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

I've been to town, round about 6/7 different shops looking for shoes DD actually likes so I've had a good walk today haha.
Bought some more cleaning stuff as I'm going to clear out each room, get rid of things and have a good clean. Clean house, clean mind as they say.
Been food shopping too so that's done.

Driving lesson tomorrow, trying not to think about it as I'm very anxious, I know it will be OK once I've done it.

Hope you've all had a relaxing Sunday.

You are very hard on yourself OP. Try not to think about "not making a life for yourself" as a failure. Right now your health matters more. Simple things like fresh knickers and brushed hair take time to embed into a routine if you haven't done it for a while. Sounds like you have been doing brilliantly recently though.
With being hard on yourself, you also seem to feel it's a bit all or nothing and beat yourself up. Could you write down the priorities?

Example: everything day teeth must be brushed and new knickers put on.

Every two days hair must be brushed and a wash of some form.

You get the idea. Putting on perfume and mascara is wonderful if you feel like it but it isn't essential.

Hope you're all ok.

I'm feeling ok ish today and have tidied a bit, washed the bedding, washed up, put a stew in the oven and cleaned the window sill which was long over due!

Now sat reading for a bit until the stew is ready.

for us all.

@inmyownworldagain - sounds like you had a productive day. And you sound so much more cheerful than your early posts. Got rid of the cardi too!
I really admire you on the driving lessons. That's anothe rthing I;m too scared to do. Didn't realise how much I live my life through fear. It's quite eye-opening, this thread.
Really icy wind but sparkly sun round here today. DS2, DH and I went for a walk round a country park - only for 30-40 mins but better than nothing. I've made a rhubarb crumble and done some work today - both paid work and my own project.
Also got dressed in clothes I actually thought about, instead of slinging on the first clean, comfortable thing I can find. Not done that for a while. It feels good. And painted my nails with nail strengthener, as they are really poor and flaky, and have been neglected for months.

spendthemoney - I know I'm really harsh with myself, it is all or nothing most of the time. I think the knickers and teeth priority have helped. I've started putting a bit of perfume on most days too. I've got lists all over my house, slight obsession with note books haha.

Well done Batsy, I'm cleaning windows and sills tomorrow! Hopefully

Train - I have done driving lessons on and off for years, this is the first time I made it to taking the test. This time round was after a mental breakdown and I felt I had to prove to myself I am capable, just keep bloody failing but I'll fail more if I don't try. You've done fantastic today, I love rhubarb crumble, well any crumble really haha.

Been awake all night again.

No teabags.

It's nice listening to the rain though.

@inmyownworldagain Thanks to this thread I got dressed soon after i got up this morning, Not done that for ages. I only seem to get dressed if I have to but today I got dressed because it was morning and that's when people get dressed. Have to say, the day went downhill steeply from then, but at least I was dressed while it did!

Anyhow, I'm counting dressing before lunchtime as a good thing and have you to thank for it.

Hop you get some rest today sometime.

It is a good thing, well done to you train! Really pleased for you!

I'm on a roll today, I've scrubbed the carpet on the stairs, cleaned under our bed and all the floors. I even pulled the fan apart and cleaned that. Washed our bedding and 2 other loads. Plus loads of other bits. Just the kitchen to go.

Biggest achievement for me today is - I did my driving lesson, lovely lady teaching me, she said she will see how well again I do next week then can book my test. Wish I didn't waste so much time worrying when it usually turns out OK.

Brushed teeth, clean knickers and clothes on. I have a meeting at school later then I can put my pj's back on. Need a shower and still need to dye my hair.

Hello! Had to do a frantic search for this thread as it had dropped off my list, that'll teach me to keep up my posts Weekend was frantic trying to get new flooring down and my kitchen put back together but have been washed/bathed and dressed every day. Teeth have been done twice today, once with the cat-lick wash I managed before letting the decorator in and again just now when I had my bath ready for DH coming home as we have to go out. Am still barely sleeping but other than that I feel like I'm doing ok.

That's amazing about your driving lesson inmyown, bloody well done And god yes to the wasting time worrying thing, I'm really trying not to do that anymore. Your instructor sounds lovely, think I might do better with a woman if I'm ever going to try again, my last instructor was a creep (not envy)

Well done to everyone still managing even the most basic of basics, doing one thing for yourself is still better than nothing x

I'm having a rubbish day today, not dressed, haven't cleaned my teeth or washed, I didn't get up til 3.30 because I couldn't sleep last night. I'm just vegging in front of the tv and trying not to cry.

But tomorrow will be a new day .. I'll try and get out tomorrow.

Well done to everyone who's managing to get through their day.

A really honest post, I don’t remember what I was like when I had my breakdown, I think I showered but can’t be sure. I still have days where I just get up and get dressed, yesterday my hair was disgusting but I just couldn’t be arsed with it. It gets greasy so quickly. I get up 4 days a week, shower, teeth, clean clothes and go to work because I have to .....not because I want to. I have e come in from work today, I am shattered and have just sat in a chair and done nothing. DH has cooked, I love my job but I feel exhausted every night.

Hi all, hope everyone is feeling ok?
I've been having some issues with my internet and every time I tried to post here my phone would crash.
I've been really busy with daughter's appointments and housework but I've managed to brush my teeth and hair most days. Yesterday I even had a bath, washed and blowdried my hair AND put a bit of make up on.
I've also been decorating my hallway, it was a horrible pale peach, ceiling as well and gets no natural light so always felt really dismal and grotty. I've given it a good scrub and painted the ceiling white and the walls a deep raspberry. It's almost finished and looks fucking AWESOME, I'm taking a day off today though as I'm knackered and aching in all my joints and I just know if I push on I'm just going to crash and end up feeling like shit again.
Have a great day everyone, and for those who are feeling low I have virtual hot chocolate and hugs for anyone who wants them.

Mother that paint sounds amazing. Well done you!

Raspberry sounds lovely! Do you keep going back to have a look? Haha.

You should try a woman, hiding, mine old one was creep too. Told me how he cheats on his wife!

You're all doing little bits for yourself so I think we are still going strong! I've brushed teeth and clean knickers and clothes on today. Brushing my hair has slipped, it's back in a messy bun. It's just ugly and annoying me so I need to sort it out, I can't be bothered today. I slept till lunch time so I've prob messed up tonights sleep.

Not done much today, my friend came for a cuppa which I've been avoiding so that's a good thing.

I'm deperate for some charity bags to come through the door as I've now got two boxes of toys in my room that the kids want rid of plus 2 bags of clothes.

Inmyown, are you hiding in my hallway? That’s exactly what I keep doing.
I fell asleep for about 10 minutes earlier and now I’m sitting in bed wide awake and exhausted wondering if I’m going to be still here when the sun rises. I miss sleep, it was always one of my favourite things.

I miss sleep too Mother, was thinking the other day about when I was young, I used to sleep whole weekends away sometimes, oh how I miss that! Your hallway sounds gorgeous, mine gets no natural light either and I hate it but the council are coming to fit a new front door on Monday and the new ones have a little window in the top, I'm so excited that it won't be dingy anymore I keep going to look at my new kitchen too, it's making me smile every time, my house has been such a source of misery for so long it's amazing to see it starting to take shape.

What is it with driving instructors inmyown? Ugh. Glad you're still managing teeth etc, I've done mine twice today but am still bath-dodging, no idea why Have made a decision about my hair, I'm having the lot cut off, snowman resemblance or not Can't do it yet because (shameful confession alert) I have to wait for the scabs to heal where I pick at my scalp when I'm anxious. It's become a habit now and I'm finding it hard to break (I know I'm weird ) so am hoping the haircut decision will give me the incentive to stop. I do it so badly it gets infected sometimes (not envy)

Hope everyone manages to get some sleep, I'm going to try not to sit here any longer and go and have a quick bath before bed in the vain hope that it'll help me drift off

Been awake all night again, I miss sleep too.

That's really weird, I have a patch on my head I play with every night, the hair feels like it goes in opposite directions and I can't stop touching it. I get the odd scab, not too bad though. I have this fear of having nits and not knowing too.

I think anxiety makes us do lots of odd little things.

Well done for making decision on your hair! You'll love it and no way look like a snowman

I'm going to have to paint something now, I've stopped staring at my tidy knicker drawer and keep looking at the carpet on the stairs that I scrubbed instead

I've noticed I'm bath dodging too, must remember how nice it feels to be clean and force myself to get in.

Hope you all have a good day, do just one little thing for yourself

The one thing I am scared in life is the 3 am ping, when I wake up and start churning ‘stuff’. It is awful, more so than all the trauma I’ve been through
I tried to ignore it but in the end I drove like a lunatic to the GP surgery one afternoon saying I can’t do this anymore, I need help.
I got given sertraline, which was a godsend. But I also asked for therapy of some sort, because the medication would only help as much.
I did all the courses they threw at me: wellbeing, sleep hygiene, CBT.
Out of all of them, CBT gave me the tools to deal with it.
We all worry. It’s not a case of: oh, you must stop worrying as much. Anybody who’s been through that will laugh in your face, it is not how it works at all.
So the naice CBT lady suggested I allocate a time for worrying. Whenever is convenient for me, take 20 minutes and think about what worries me. I do this in the mornings, my mind is ‘fresh’, I write everything down for 20 minutes.
So, if at night I ping up again, I just tell myself: I’ll worry in the morning, now it’s not my allocated worry time.
It works for me.
Insomnia is the pits!

I'll give the 20 minute thing a try, I do write down lists of things I need to do so that I can try forget about them but it's like my brain isn't satisfied, I just need to do them.

I know Mirtazipine? knocks me out but I feel iffy the next day, if I still have some I might have one a night for a few nights to see if that helps with some sort of routine.

I worry about going to sleep as I know it will then be morning and a new day of things to do and get through.

I've brushed my teeth and hair. Clean knickers but not leggings, I took them off, changed my knickers then put the same leggings back on. I slept in them after wearing them yesterday Got my big cardi on too. I'm letting myself have the cardi today because.

Been to the shop and chemist then dropped library books off. It's super windy here I daren't hang washing out incase it flys away

Why is everything always so much worse at 3am? The wind, the rain, the fucking seagulls tap dancing on the roof and using the velux as a ski run? (My flat is an attic conversion, another reason to avoid going out is the thought of climbing 80 stairs when I come back.) Headaches and indigestion are always a brain tumour or heart attack as well!
I do need to go out so I’m off to have a wash etc and get properly dressed (I love my lounge wear, as soon as I get back in I change back). I have a bridge that I hate wearing as it’s so tight and is actually painful to put in and out. Whilst I’m out I’m going to see about getting some cushion stuff for it and try to wear it more.
Comfort food for lunch is cheese and beetroot sandwiches and Heinz tomato soup.
Have a great day all💐

Mother can you not leave the bridge in all the time? I used to have one but it just stayed in. Although maybe yours is a different kind .. not sure but might be worth asking your dentist about if you can face going.

Still pretty rubbish here and dd is struggling too. I can't remember when i last showeted and washed my hair but I think it's probably been a week I need to get my act together. Especially because I keep waking up soaked in sweat, even the duvet is soaked.

I did manage to call the doctors first thing for an appointment in two weeks to look at my blood test I'm having tomorrow and review my medication. Then I went back to sleep.

Everything's worse in the middle of the night isn't it? I've decided I have to start turning off my phone and leaving it in another room because I make terrible decisions in the middle of the night and send texts I wouldn't send during the day

Beetroot and cheese sandwiches soinds lovely Mother!

8Fencing I keep meaning to try the 20 minute worrying, I've read that a few times. Sadly when I start over thinking in the middle of the night I'm not thinking rationally and don't seem able to stop it.

I too pick at my scalp, I have a skin condition that makes it itchy and scratch until it bleeds then pick the scabs. I'm also obsessed with worry that I've got lice, although now dd is older it's not as bad but I used to spend a lot of time combing it over the sink looking for lice.

I've finally managed to shower and wash my hair and am wearing clean clothes, albeit still leggings and a long jumper.

Batsy I just read back and I don't think I've had a bath since the 4th! Maybe I've missed something as I don't feel like it's been that long.

I have a weird thing about my nose, eyes and ears too, I'm always checking them.

I'm in bed now, feel and look like a zombie. Hope everyone drifts off and stays asleep tonight, it would do us all some good.

Well, I'm up and dressed, about to clean my teeth. I've got a doctor's appointment and then hope to go to craft. I showered and washed my hair last night, at last!

Good morning everyone. Hope you’re doing ok today? I managed 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. That’s the best I’ve slept in months.
I’m up, dressed and brought my shopping delivery in and put it in the kitchen ready for putting away. But first I’m going to have a coffee.
I’ve not had a wash etc yet. Coffee first, then the shopping then get me sorted.
Batty, yes, I’m supposed to wear my bridge all the time, but it’s so uncomfortable and tight that I can only keep it in for a short while. It’s four front top teeth and it’s a pallette that fits between my other teeth to hold it in place, it’s really difficult to get in and out and has actually caused damage to one of my back teeth. I was mid treatment last year when my daughter had another bad breakdown and I just haven’t managed to get back. She only leaves the flat to see her MH team and has major panic attacks if I’m out for anything more than a quick run to the shops. This is something her psychologist is working on with her, so hopefully I’ll get sorted by the end of Summer.