I neglect myself and it's showing

[inmyownworldagain]

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

• I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
• I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
• Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
• Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
• Don't brush hair, even after a shower
• Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
• no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
• Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
• I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
• Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

I slept a bit, not much but better than nothing, hope you're both managing to drag yourselves through the day. Work is in full (noisy) progress in the kitchen so I've holed up in the living room with a mountain of paperwork that needs shredding, think my ancient shredder is actually noisier than all the banging and drilling

Was up, teeth brushed, washed and dressed by 7.30 this morning. Gonna try really hard to keep this up once the work is finished, am actually enjoying being up early and not feeling like I'm in a different time zone to everyone else. Hope everyone is having a good day

I bought knickers today! And new toothbrushes. Jaw still aching from yesterday so I’ve taken some neurofen.

I slept ok, I think, but I still feel exhausted. I often have quite an extreme reaction from going to dentists or hospitals and feel very tired for a day or two. I’m just going to take it easy for the day and be kind to myself. Of course that still means cleaning, shopping, laundry, school runs, swimming lessons, making WBD costumes, battling a sn ds through his homework, making dinner and flipping pancakes .., but other than that!

Tomorrow I’m going to try and make an appointment to see the optician. I’d never let my dc go around with scratched lenses but somehow it doesn’t register as important when it’s me.

I'm still awake. Finished work early, nipped into my dentist and I still have a place made an appointment for a couple of weeks for right after I finish work so no excuse not to go. I feel very lucky to still have a dentist.

I did go to a friends for a cuppa and planned an evening off but my Daughter called me to pick her up after her delightful 'friend' punched her repeatedly and screamed at her in town :(

I managed to brush my hair and teeth, clean clothes and knickers before school run. So it's been a good and bad day so far.

Haha new knickers everywhere. Come on hiding, get knicker shopping! Then you can dance around your new kitchen wearing them

Apparentely toothpaste is good for scratches on glasses...

Hair is dyed, I used tons of conditioner and its lovely and soft and shiny.

Im feeling shitty today as loaded with the cold, snotting and sneezing and chest is heavy.

I plan to paint my nails today and look at my makeup collection as friends coming to visit tomorrow and want to look decent. I have the heat on full blast but still freezing.

The washing up is piling and spilling out of the sink so going to have to tackle that, wash load to go to dryer x 2, stuff to go out to bins and then back in,

Going to work out what I plan to wear tomorrow as it will be the last time for a long time will be seeing one of the friends as she is moving away so loads of pictures so going to try and do teeth tonight and tomorrow morning before she arrives for the day as we are going out for lunch.

On Thursday afternoon I have an appointment with dentist for assessment for removal of impacted wisdom tooth, its the specialist dentist which I have been passed onto by my own dentist as Im complex in many ways medically, I have already been passed on by the other specialist dental clinic they use as too complex for them and if this clinic on Thursday wont help, its referral to dental hospital which is a 2 year NHS wait. The normal dentist says it will keep infecting in the meantime until it's sorted out.

After my appointment on Thursday, it's then around to the vets for the cat, update her jabs.

Im not buying knickers as I have 2 drawers of new ones all waiting. I just reuse the same ones over and over (till they fall apart)

Oh my gosh, lots to catch up on...

inmyownworldagain Nice work with the dentist. It's been so long since I have been. I may pop in later this week to book us all in. Are you just off for a check up? I am also due a smear... actually over due...oh god. Will have to book that this week too.

Well done on all the knickers buying everyone. Fabulous stuff. I bet your bottoms are feeling loved!!

DH and I are feeling the money pinch for the first time in ages, bigger tax bill than we thought and it plays on my mind so much. It's not awful but I do feel a bit sick when I think about it. Solutions constantly swimming around my head and I never get to a clear answer.

Lots of tooth brushing going on though, and clean clothes and just general looking after myself. Except for food...always my downfall.

smurfy2015 dear god, that sounds awful. You poor thing. I really hope they can help you. Tooth infections sound horrible. Much toothy luck to you!

Thank you, I've already had 2 courses of antibiotics this year since it started playing up

I've sorted out what I am going to wear out with friends tomorrow and have shoes ready, going glam as it's going to be photos all around - hate the whole hashtag thing but making memories and all that jazz

Earache has just started, both ears are blocked with someone sticking knitting needles in them

Well done on the toothbrushing, clean clothes and general self care,

I get it re the food side of things, when Im restricting I do try and tell myself - a car needs petrol so I am a car (vroom vroom) and I need to put some fuel (food) inside me to help me motor on - sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt

Smurfy that sounds awful; I really hope this dentist can help. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
inmyownworldagain well done, and sorry to hear about your dd. Is she ok?
Feelingfullandreadytoclean money worries are very wearing and it’s scary how it can creep up suddenly.

I’m dreadful at the food side of things. I make healthy lunches, cook nutritious meals from scratch and still keep leaving myself out. Even at Christmas I could barely eat dinner after all the cooking. I enjoy cooking, it just puts me off eating. Sometimes I buy myself lunch when I’m out (I’ve no problem eating other people’s cooking!) and then I feel guilty for wasting the money.

Smurfy, I hope you feel alot better for your friend arriving tomorrow if you brush your teeth you'll feel better smiling for the photos too :) Well done for getting everything ready!

@Beguiled she's OK physically, bit sore. She doesn't want to go to school tomorrow but I don't know if letting her have a day off would help, they'll still be there on Thursday won't they..
Did you take it easy today? Besides doing everything :)

Feeling, you just reminded me to book my smear, completely forgot again! They did ask at the dentists if it was for a check up, I mentioned he said he would clean them next time, so fingers crossed. If you get booked in then it's done for 6 months. That's the way I'm trying to look at it anyway, I can either think about it every day or just arrange it and turn up. I need to use that same thinking for the smear too! Get it over and done with.

I half live on peanut butter on seeded bread/toast at home. If I go to a cafe in town with a friend we get beans on toast, simple but filling and delicious, to me anyway! I'm a cheap date, give me some sort of carbs and sauce and I'm happy.

I do try to brush my teeth twice a day but sometimes can't manage it. On those days I chew sugar free gum.

Slept 5 hours last night but so tired. The cat is at the vets .. I hate leaving him, he was very ill as a kitten and has been like my baby since, he doesn't like being separated from me. I know ten is no age in cats really but he had a bad start in life and I don't think he's in great shape (only one kidney, liver problems as a kitten, a bit overweight) so I just hope he'll be ok.

My head is full of all sorts of worries and I can't switch off. I need to move closer to my mum in the summer and am worried about finding somewhere affordable to rent with my cats, finding a job after, the actual removal on my own, the driving there ... It's a nightmare.

But I'm dressed, I've cleaned my teeth and I've had breakfast, the washing machine is in and I'm about to drag all the dirty clothes out of my daughter's room! Go me!

Hope everyone's ok?

The washing machine is on, not in!

I have a doctor's appointment today and I'm not sure if i should ask about changing antidepressants. The one I'm on seemed to help last time but not this time. The thing is I'm not sure if it's depression, or just my situation. I've a lot of stress and I over think, worry about it. I feel if I could sort my life out, take control I'd feel better, but I don't know how. Money is a huge problem. I'm currently off on long term sick and receive benefits, but it was a big fight to get them which made me even more stressed and ill and if I look for a job I lose everything and may not be able to work and would have to claim from scratch - I don't think I'd survive that again. Sorry, not exaggerating, I was close to taking my life with the stress of it all. When I last worked full time i had a mental breakdown and I can't face that. Unfortunately I worked in admin so financially will struggle on my own anyway. I'm not sure I can do it yet but I feel so isolated and on top of that watched all the time - to improve my mental health I need to get out and mix with people when I can but could then be accused of being able to do the things I said I couldn't when having my benefits assessment. My gp says I've to exercise and get out and about when possible, but it's difficult and worrying. These are the things going round and round in my head all the time.

Can I join please? I’ve had a hellish few years. Split up with second husband, ended up with myself and 2 DDs in emergency housing. Became a horrendous hoarder to the point that it took me a year to clear my home of rubbish.
I had to give up work a year ago to look after my youngest DD who has severe MH problems due to childhood SA. My eldest daughter also had leukaemia and spent over a year in hospital an hour away, thankfully she’s coming up to 2 years post stem cell transplant now.
I’m exhausted and sometimes just the thought of getting dressed is too much. I desperately need to go to the dentist but my daughter has major panic attacks if I’m out for more than 10 minutes. I’ve piled on weight since giving up work (I have given up smoking too) so have only got about 4 outfits that fit me, I took all my other clothes to the charity shop.
I’m also in the need new knickers club, I bought a couple of nice bras recently but the knickers I got from Primark at Christmas did not stand the washing machine well and have lost all their shape. I’m going to order some online later.
But right now I’m going for a bath and wash my hair as youngest has an appointment with her psychiatrist.

Today is an action day for me, my friends are coming in the next hour, Im dosed up with cold.

Last night no toothbrushing but I did sleep a couple of hours before waking choking with phlegm after a hot whiskey, 2 spoons of sugar and a half mug of whiskey and heated slightly in the microwave to melt sugar. knocked me out. I managed to throw it back in one go, its the reason why I don't generally drink as I can knock it back if I wanted to and its a dangerous road.

I didn't have the energy for a shower (which wipes me out anyhow), so used a cleansing foam to clean myself off, brushed out my hair, brushed my teeth, put on makeup, smart clothes, earrings and some other jewellery.

One load of washing to go to the dryer and a few random bits in the bottom of the wash basket, I've done a grocery shop for Friday,

Batsypatsy fingers crossed for the cat at the vets,

Yes discuss what options there are in your area to be referred to, social prescribing is becoming a new buzzword and if you are out and about at prescribed activities, it shouldn't go against you benefit wise as its trying to help yourself - also discuss what options you have antidepressant wise as situational depression is very real if that's what you think you might have

MotherOfSurvivors welcome to the thread, that does sound like hellish years, heres to the brighter and lighter years ahead.

I hear you, Im a survivor of SA as well, Im also a hoarder who is in recovery in that regard, Can understand the needs of your DDs and how much this takes out of you and the trying to keep going> You are doing great, good luck to you and younger dd for appointment

Hello @MotherOfSurvivors you sound like a fantastic mum, do you have respite at all? Can your DD go in the dentist with you? Well done on giving up smoking with everything else going on, that is something to be very proud of! If you can do that then you must have some determination you've forgotten about.

What is cleansing foam @smurfy do you need water haha? You are right about situational depression, it runs through my family @Batsy please do ask about new tablets, they can help you clear your head so you can focus on what you need to.

I'm having an action day too, smear booked, new driving instructor found and booked, I have to call doctors back in the morning to up my dosage and I've sorted other appointments for the kids. I tried telling myself I didn't have time to brush my teeth before leaving this morning but I did it, also clean clothes, knickers and brushed my hair. I think once I have managed 21 days with brushing once a day I will go up to twice a day.

I slept like a log last night so feel more clear headed today.

Hope everyone's appointments go well, including the cat

Thanks, I will speak to my doctor about my tablets. It's difficult because I've also an underactive thyroid and I'm menopausal, so these could be contributing towards my depression and anxiety too. I don't think the dose of my thyroid medication is high enough yet and I've just started hrt a couple of weeks ago so it may help more with time. But the situational problems aren't going to go away and I can't find out the information online about benefits and working. The dwp are quick to take them away if they think you've lied to them and me doing something now or in the future that I couldn't do when I claimed them could result in that and being fined too. It's very difficult because I obviously want to get better but the stress of worrying about that is making me worse.

I was referred to an exercise scheme but only attended one session due to anxiety after that. I'm on a waiting list for counselling but have had some in the past and it hasn't been very helpful really.

Well done everyone for getting in with your day.

I'm so glad I found this thread, can I join too please?

I suffer from anxiety and really struggle with self-care. I spend most of my time at the moment feeling utterly, utterly worthless. There are various reasons for this, particularly over the last couple of weeks. I have 3 DC, the youngest is 7 weeks. I have spent much of the morning looking at her and also at my 2 year old and thinking that they deserve so much better than me . It is a shitty time right now. All I want out of life is to feel wanted and accepted and yet it feels like whenever I try to open up to people and take a risk with my feelings, I get rejected. So I have stopped bothering in all senses. I don't eat properly, drink way too much caffeine, never get any new clothes and get really anxious about spending money on myself, even on things like deodorant.

It is such a relief to find this thread.

Have you tried Age UK as they helped my friend with her disability benefits? It must be so hard wanting to get better but being scared to try incase they take it all away before you're ready.
She also has the same thyroid problems and upping the dose really helped her, she usually gets a weird feeling when she needs a higher dose.

Just looked back through this post and I have brushed my teeth once a day for two weeks, I would normally avoid rushing them for two weeks! Other than the damage I have caused they look OK, I've got receding gums now so I'm going to google if I can fix that.

I find it helps if I get everything ready the night before and then put times on when you are going to do things so 8.00 brush teeth 8.30 put clothes and underwear on 9.00 brush hair. Write it down and stick to it. By 9.00 you'll then feel you've achieved something because you've done your list and the rest of the day doesn't matter. It takes the pressure off. Try not to overwhelm yourself and give yourself plenty of time.

@inmyownworldagain

I am amazed at how well you are doing and to all the other joiners too. I think this thread might just be the kick up the backside I need!

As a SAHM with2 toddlers my house is a huge challenge. I like things cleanish and pretty tidy and to keep on top of it all I do is bloody housework, tidying up and everything the kids need.

I have no time for anything else. I used to wear proper clothes everyday, nails done, make up, hair done etc but now I'm lucky if I shower every other day. I wear pj bottoms or old maternity leggings all the time and a sweatshirt. I get so messy I don't see the point in wearing anything nice.

Help me get out this rut!

Aww Honeybee, you must have a heart full with 3 DC, you're the whole world to your little people but that is exhausting despite how cute they are.
How much caffeine do you usually have? That will feed your anxiety. Do you get any adult conversation?
I get what you mean about feeling rejection to the point of not saying anything to anyone, it's turned me a bit mean though because I no longer pay attention fully to certain peoples problems. Works both ways doesn't it.

@inmyownworldagain I drink about 4 cups of strong fresh coffee a day and a few cups of tea. I know it doesn't help, but it's just an old familiar crux. I think I might try to get down to 2 cups of coffee a day.

Very little adult conversation. Well, I do talk to other adults but it is mostly to do with things related to kids, if you see what I mean.

I just feel like I am letting my kids down at the moment.

Interested to hear about other people's plans to get to the dentist etc. I did actually manage to get there when I was pregnant and have been told that I absolutely must make more of an effort with my teeth as have gum disease. Am due an appointment with the hygienist, which I hate as I find it painful, so maybe that is something else I could start off with. The last time I went they told me to floss every day. Don't think I have managed flossing once tbh.

Hi Honeybee.

I'll try Age UK, inmyown, thanks for that suggestion.

I'm back from the doctor's, I've got a thyroid test booked for next week to see if they need to increase my dosage. She prescribed fluoxetine, but I've to take a lower dose of my current AD first for two weeks. I can't take hrt yet until she's spoken to the menopause clinic as she wants to check with them first.

I feel a bit more positive having done something about it now. I need to shower - can't remember when I last did but I've had a bowl of porridge for late lunch.

My cat's just coming round and I've to collect him in an hour

Honeybee I'm meant to floss every day too as my gums are receding, but I've managed it once since December! I'm considering myself lucky if I brush them every day right now.

Have you tried decaff coffee? I can't taste the difference but I do buy a good one. I drink a lot of coffee, probably at least 6 mugs a day, but only decaff.

Yay for all of us doing all the things. Look at us go.

This is the cleansing foam - www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vernacare-Senset-Skin-Cleansing-Foam-300ml-3pk-6pk-12pk/263591225912?hash=item3d5f42ea38:m:mqLXfq6Ikd9_AnoTANHyEWA&var=562644773612 - no water involved.

Im meant to floss as well, it's a great idea tho in theory its the practice is the hard bit.

Im home from friends being here and in bed, as wrecked, took photos I look so fat in them, it doesnt help friends are skinny minnies but we went out for lunch and had lovely fish, chips and mushy peas.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/employment-and-support-allowance/while-youre-getting-esa/working-while-getting-esa/ - thats the link for permitted work / supported permitted work