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Just when you thought life couldn't become shittier

166 replies

PlsPlsPls · 26/01/2019 05:44

Triggered the crisis team a few days ago when I hit rock bottom after months of trying to cope with my shitty life on my own.

Yesterday I got a letter telling me that high-grade abnormal cells have been found in my smear and I need to go for another examination and biopsy.

I just cannot be dealing with yet another thing to kick me when I'm already down. Anyone here who wants to sit with me for a bit?

OP posts:
Ruru8thestars · 06/03/2019 18:00

Good luck

PlsPlsPls · 06/03/2019 18:36

Thanks both. He actually propped the door open at the start of our meeting (knob), then decided that, maybe, we actually need some quiet and shut it, but then we were constantly interrupted anyway. We work well together, but the spark we once had off each other seems to have gone. We used to inspire each other. Now it seems tedious, although an aggravating factor might be that I didn't take my usual dose of caffeine to work with me, so I was tired by the time our meeting was scheduled.

What concerns me more is that no one seems bothered by a third of my cervical cells turnung pre-cancerous within two months (turning all of them pre-cancerous, effectively - carcinoma in situ), those cells having to be removed now, because they won't change back on their own, but I seems to be the only one thinking there may be something wrong? I talked to my line manager today, who had CIN II or III herself at some point, but she seemed to think it's good news. Or is that just me?

OP posts:
PlsPlsPls · 07/03/2019 19:43

I cornered him today and asked two questions. I asked him why he kept reassuring me and why, knowing what he did, he still went out with me. I said I knew we were never going to be friends, but needed the questions answering. He said it's just the kind of person he is and that he alwys tries to find a common ground and when I pointed out there never was going to be a common ground, he just kept reiterating he wanted to see where it led and whether there was. He also said he didn't like anything too deep.

It was all very vague, but I am convinced now he won't let anyone in, not really, and that must be a very lonely existence, especially knowing that his head is not at all well, either. I will never know the ful truth, but these questions had been circling in my head over and over.

I am actually getting better. It's strange.

OP posts:
littlecabbage · 07/03/2019 22:17

Hey Pls, how do you mean "getting better"? Do you mean feeling better? I hope so.

I'm not really sure how to comment about the CIN 3 diagnosis. I don't know loads about it but I have to be honest that a quick Google made me think it was relatively good news. I mean obviously not ideal as you will need treatment to remove cells, but from what I read, I was thinking the long term prognosis looked good? Please correct me if I have misunderstood, obviously.

Hmmm, I agree that you will probably never know the full truth with the work guy. You can't change that fact, or his behaviour, but you can change how you respond to it. Just keep your distance and bat away thoughts of him whenever they enter your head.

What have you got happening at the weekend?

PlsPlsPls · 08/03/2019 05:44

I am starting to get my assertiveness back, which tells me that I have at least come away from rock bottom. I've also had two days off the codeine now and don't feel the need to add it to the alcohol anymore to make me feel better. When I am healthy I can be an incredibly strong person and I haven't felt that inner strength in months, so it's nice to see some of it returning at last.

It's also been 3 days on a double dose of ADs and while the side effects - specifically insomnia and palpitations - are not nice, the level feels about right now.

The CIN III, for me, is more an issue because of the sudden change, not so much the prognosis for the future. I am just worried that so many of my cells have started to show abnormalities in such a short amount of time. I know they can deal with it quite swiftly.

And the guy... while he still occupies a lot of my thoughts, it is mainly because of unanswered questions. I know and appreciate that the train has departed and there is nothing I can do; he has made his position more than clear. I am very inquisitive at heart and have always needed to be able to understand to let something go and it irks me that, in this case, I probably never will. I felt he owed me an explanation at least, to have gone from constant reassurance and going out with me to turning around and putting a massive barrier up.

What stuck out, though, was what he said about not wanting to go too deep with anyone, although he said it almost as a side-thought. I know I poked the right sort of places, questioned things and deducted them and that he was obviously not comfortable to share any of this; I think, in a way, that was a bit of a threat. My therapist says she has seen many people like this over the years, who end up very lonely once they reach a certain age. He is mid-40s now; he is not too far off.

Ah well. In any case, he would always have been hard work, and I don't need that in my busy life.

OP posts:
littlecabbage · 08/03/2019 21:01

Exactly. You don’t need him creating more hassle for you.

I’m so pleased you’re feeling stronger and more assertive, and that you feel the ADs are working for you now. Didn’t you say before that you haven’t been on them before now? If that is correct, maybe this is your best chance so far of therapy being successful for you.

With the CIN 3, I get that you are worried about the speed of change. Do you feel worried that there could be a another swift transformation at some point in the future? If that is statistically more likely, I imagine they would put you onto regular checks (i.e. more often than a 3-yearly smear test)? Might be worth asking about to put your mind at rest.

PlsPlsPls · 13/03/2019 12:14

Another day, another consultation. We are looking at a laparoscopy and then likely a hysterectomy next. To be honest, I just want the thing out now anyway.

I did ask about the change from CIN II to III and essentially got told it's down to interpretation bias. Which is interesting, because I thought medicine was more adavnced than that. I have to say, one scientist to another, I actually quite enjoyed the chat with the consultant today (it's the same one throughout) and I imagine he did, too, knowing that he could actually discuss and be challenged on some of the things we talked about.

So, some more interesting talk with work is due as they are a minor and major operation to follow.

Therapy yesterday almost felt too short after two weeks.

The meds are good in improving my general mood; on that level I almost feel like myself again. But I am utterly lonely.

OP posts:
littlecabbage · 13/03/2019 14:21

Hey Pls, good to hear from you. I’ve been wondering how you are.

Loneliness is a horrible way to feel, I know from experience. What do you think affects you the most - lack of a partner who you feel is on your side and on whom you can rely? Or lack of real friends? Or both?

Wow, a hysterectomy is a big op, but then at least everything is out and the bleeding and pain will stop. I know it’s awkward having to have more time off work, but you are not being at all unreasonable. This could happen to anyone and you cannot help ill health.

How did therapy go this week? I know it was too short, but was what you covered useful?

I didn’t realise you were a scientist (although obviously you talk knowledgably about your condition etc). I am one too Smile

PlsPlsPls · 13/03/2019 18:42

My DH is fine, it's the lack of friends that really gets to me. I always care, always ask, always try to arrange, but it's all so one-sided. None of my "friends" have asked what has happened with my health since, but I have asked plenty of questions about their broken heating/ missing pet/ husband's illness/ mother's death. I always make time for people and it seems like no one gives a damn about me.

Therapy was okay; I cried over the guy again - I didn't realise how deeply my feelings of rejection ran with him, but it was more intense than I thought. He knows I was in hospital today, not that he cares, either.

What's your science/ field?

I was okay today until I got home and the only one who enquired about my hospital visit today was my therapist.

I really don't know why people don't care about me the same way I care about them. I know everyone's birthdays at work and hand-make them cards, ffs. But my own isn't even on the calendar.

OP posts:
PlsPlsPls · 14/03/2019 19:14

Now work are piling on the pressure... and I am still awaiting a reply from my father on a sensitive question.

I wonder if I can catch a break at some point...

OP posts:
littlecabbage · 16/03/2019 11:18

I can't answer why people don't seem to put as much effort in as you do. Maybe some of those people are not worth the effort any longer? Maybe it is time to seek out some new friends?

PlsPlsPls · 05/06/2019 18:54

I know it's not normally the "done thing" on MN to update, but maybe someone has been reading this...

OPs are done; turned out to be rogue scar tissue from a previous OP as a child causing my issues - none since removal.

They also stopped my ED as I couldn't purge when in hospital... so while I have gained about a stone in weight, I am healthier than I used to be. I am working on this.

My confidence is sky-high - the medication/ therapy combo has worked well for me and is keeping me on the sane path.

I have found my hobbies again and I am prioritising them when I can.

I have taken tentative steps towards a career change; it will take a few years, but hopefully be worth it.

My marriage is repaired, as is my relationship with my children. Yes, they annoy me, but I don't take things personally anymore.

And, best of all, the guy has agreed to give me a second chance on getting to know each other, so long as we take things very slowly. I can live with that; I am quite a force to be reckoned with when healthy.

I am also building and re-building friendships and relationships with the unknown side of my family.

It's all looking good; I have escaped the dark hole. There is light.

OP posts:
Tessalectus · 05/06/2019 21:05

@littlecabbage Just in case you have NCed and moved on long ago...

littlecabbage · 05/06/2019 21:12

Thanks for the @ *Tessalectus.

Wow, Pls, I am so very pleased to read your update! I have been thinking about you every now and then, and kept wondering whether to post here again to see how you were, but wasn’t sure whether you wanted to continue engaging here (which is fair enough).

It really does sound as though you have been working really hard to improve all areas of your life, and I’m so glad you have found a medication/therapy combo to facilitate this.

All the best for the future. I think it’s really helpful for any lurkers who feel similarly that you have posted an update - it will give them hope. Do @ me any time if you want to.

mustdrivesoon · 05/06/2019 21:41

What a lovely update.

Backhometothenorth · 05/06/2019 22:05

So pleased to read this. I relate to a lot of your struggles Thanks

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