Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

cag I had anxiety for many years that slipped into depression as the treatment wasn't around.its not a nice combo is it?

It's times like this I'm grateful I have anxiety,as I KNOW what it's like,and I've learnt lots tips and tricks to manage it.insight is way more valuable than textbook knowledge...
That said I've learnt it all the very hard way.my life is impacted significantly by it.i still can't cope public transport and I struggle with sensory stuff like D's does (noises,and bright flashing lights.i also have super strong sense of smell)as I child k sniffed a hanky over my hand as sucked my thumb for comfort.when a teacher stop me doing it aged 10 was when I start to go downhill

for you ladies.
I'm another anxiety first, then depression sufferer.

Sending lots of to all of you. I suffered from depression and anxiety in my twenties but now I am very much older things are much better for me but it does give me an insight into what DD1 is going through. I suspect I also rely rather too much on a glass of one at the end of a long day as well (not everyday, but definitely today!)

Zoo it sounds like Camhs got a good example of what your poor DS goes through. Hopefully this will be the start something really helpful for you both and hopefully they will be able to help the school nurse with a bit of education and empathy.

Philomena life sounds pretty hectic. Glad you can get some time to yourself. I work part time but my Tuesdays off are fiercely guarded now all three are at school. Zoo is there anyone who can give you a break? I think the biggest difficulty is having no time to yourself. I didn't realise until I had kids how much I liked my own company!

Cag it's really interesting to hear your story. I suspect DD1 is mildly ASD. She has a very low pain threshold and tonight we are all terrorised by her toothache. Could that be related? All three DCs have very sensitive senses of smell. DH and I once made some buttery popcorn and all three DCs fled the room in tears!!

Viking I hope things are settling down for you.

The bird sadly died and DH finally arrived home at about 10pm and disposed of it. Thank you all for not lynching me for my failure to rescue the bird and call the RSPB or something similar. Honestly I'm exhausted looking after the three kids and the aged cat and the 8 fish and one shrimp as well as working part time and sort of looking after my mum. The poor sad bird was a step too far

All of you here, thanks for being a lifeline in all of this. It's so valuable.

bigbus we found a pigeon once with a hole in its neckwe hadn't nerve it out misery,nor knew if fixable so called RSPCA.they gassed it in back of their van humanely.i was what I can only describe as hounded twice weekly for six months for donations for using the service...never again!!we are not a well off family and I felt intimidated for money as I'd asked them for help.its not like it was a pet either(so put off we use a vet for our feline rabble despite huge struggle to pay)but a wild animal in distress.i know all charity needs income but I did feel that was beyond excessive!!

Unexpected change of plan for today.ds school shut early for half term after infestation false widow spiders was discovered!!
He was really bad evening-so hoping this morning getting lil zoo to school will be a touch less stressful as we aren't then going on to his from there!
Does anyone have experience racing/slow heart beat or racing beats then face flush BEFORE panic starts?he seems to have a pattern building if this and that's new to me as I've always felt panic prior to symptoms like that...

Hi everyone, I would like to join this thread if I may. (I haven't read the whole thread but I do plan to).

Having had parents' evening this week it has become clear to me that my 10yo DD is experiencing some anxiety issues. With hindsight I realise that I have suffered with anxiety all of my life. I would do anything for this not be the case for my DD.
To cut quite along story short she has experienced several losses in the last 18 months. Her last DGP passed away last year (her first bereavement), this followed with her two best friends moving away within the two months of each other.

She had been happy and reasonably popular at school up until this point. Even if she was having a bad day she had these two good friends to help her back on her feet and support her. She was particularly close to one of the girls and they just clicked and seemed to 'get each other'. They keep in touch on Skype but sometimes hearing about her friend's new life seems to make her feel worse and more insecure. Her friend still clearly values the friendship but my DD can't seem to see it. I guess it's just not the same as spending time together. They have seen each other a few times since the move but they live too far now to visit regularly.

Since all of this she hasn't found a new friendship group. Almost everyday is a 'bad' day with a her telling me how someone has made her feel rubbish. She seems very down on life. She has become very negative. She's very emotional and gets angry/frustrated easily. Every task requires a huge amount of effort. She is finding it difficult to get to sleep at night and says that she's awake during the night. The welfare officer at school mentioned that she goes to see her sometimes with a bad tummy but it ends up not being anything. Her school work is suffering. She is going to be tested for Dyslexia but I strongly suspect that she won't be found to be dyslexic. I think it's more to do with everything that's going on in her head.

How can DH and I help her? Where do we start? What really works? It's a very small school so the chances of her finding new best friends is very small.

I feel like I've let my daughter down today. Just back from the gp for a follow up after I made an emergency appointment two weeks ago because she was very down again. She took an overdose 21 months ago and at the time all we had from CAMHS was one follow up phone call. She was off school for two months in the time leading up to GCSEs.

The gp has referred her for counselling but she says it's not situational abd counselling won't help. The problem is she'll barely speak to him (gp) , tbh she struggles talking to anyone she doesn't know. She'd like to try antidepressants but he's reluctant because she's 17. I'm unsure because I've taken many myself and am aware that it takes a while to find the right one, they have side effects and can increase suicidal tendencies in young people apparently.

I feel like I should have insisted now. It's what she wants but she's not going to say it herself and I was silly to expect her to.

He's requested a blood test because I've just been diagnosed with underactive thyroid but I understand that the gp will only act at certain levels but that there can already be problems at lower levels

We have an appointment to go back in two weeks again. I just feel like I've let her down and not stood up for her. In my defence I'm not well myself, depressed, anxious and not sleeping so can't think straight. I have a problem with standing up to doctors and any people of authority.

What can I or should I do?

Welcome magnificent beast
A very tough one.does she have any outside interests/clubsto help forge new friendships?my D's only had one friend-year 2 they found each other after he was put in a group with a parent on a trip with school.ironically her own son wasn't in the group and she felt they'd get on and they did after like a house on fire!!sadly year 4 was diagnosed brain cancer and she passed away following year.ds was super support for his friend and I will always feel teary for that,he's such a sensitive little thing.they move away to be nearer dad's family and D's never made another friend like that,nor has he a secondary and it's very hard as he's so anxious to build bridges.i have no answers sadly,just be interested in her life,reassure her and maybe look for out of school persuits
Fish ultimately she's deemed an adult by gp and he takes his cues from her.please don't blame yourself
If you attend with her next app you can offer to suggest it for her(discuss before hand) but she needs to speak out.we all understand how hard that is but as AD stats for teens aren't good it isnt suprising he never suggested it as probably felt that was,like many proffesionals do,a last resort.could she maybe have a phone conversation with him before the app if she finds that easier(some do,less confrontational?)

Hope everyone else hanging in there today!
As we had impromptu start half term thanks to school spider problem I'd assumed today might be a little easier.i should know better as it's not just school he struggles with...a bad night I'd hoped for a nap.he woke me twice within 20 mins of each other other times I'd just drop off again and I snapped at him to let me sleep a bit ffs
I've now had 90 mins extra sleep but at what price?best get up n see.....

Thanks stillliving, I went with her to both appointments and did tell him I thought she might need them but he's reluctant until she's seen primary care team. I asked her what she wants me to do and she d6ays she doesn't know She hates using the phone so a phone appointment won't help.

says Not d6ays

fish maybe she needs the options laid out clearly to her?(if this hasn't already happened)not easy to have ideas if you've no idea yourself what's out there?then talk it thru together and write down a couple she might like as options and if she gives you that you will advocate them for her?
If she's already aware of options then it's a chat about self responsibility,but none of us relish THOSE chats(recap birds and the bees anyone instead?)I've gently been try to explain D's about self responsibility - he has habit feeling his pulse when it races which makes him worse and when calmer he recognises that but in state shouts at me for acknowledges it.hes a very immature 12,near 13 and his embarrassment causes that I'm sure but it's still not easy

Sadly there don't seem to be many options and I think I made her aware of them. I think she wants a magical solution to stop feeling like this and I don't have it.

fish
Not necessarily what happening to you,but some kids find it too much to face whatever upsets them,other are at an age where they just want answers(we can all relate to that)as her mum you are stuck between a rock and a hard place wanting what's best for her balanced with what she is able to manage right now.its very difficult but you sound like you have good communication lines which whilst doesn't solve everything will make her feel listened to and loved

No strops this morning. 😆 Our family coach told me that my aunt had told her that I put DS2 to bed too early though. He needs at least 10.5 hours sleep. He wakes up at 5.

Philomena my youngest(lil zoo) has always been an early riser.shes 10(11end month) and goes up 730 to read an hour before settling.shes up by 6am daily so I ignore anyone telling me she goes to bed too early.i can judge by her temperament if she's had enough sleep or we need bring it forward a little more to accommodate any later nights thanks very much!!
Honestly! Think some people need to undo their judgy pants before they rise high enough to strangle them!!

Magnificent tummy ache is a symptom of stress in children. I got fed up with the "Boy Who Cried Wolf" lecture every time I had tummy ache on a school day.

Bigbus - thank you especially for your last sentence. I feel the same .

Welcome magnificient.

fish - don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a great job, which is understandably not easy when dealing with your own MH. Zoo has offered really good advice.

Zoo and Philomena - I'm so over judgy people...no one knows what the other is battling and it's best to just shut up!

With everything going on I forgot I had a dental appointment yesterday . To further my embarrassment I have to take DS2 for his dental cleaning there tomorrow morning. My MH issues certainly come to the forefront when all I am doing is taking take of everyone else.
I go back to work part-time next week. It will make things a bit crazier but also take my overly anxious mind off things.

Hoping all you lovely ladies have a great day! Hugs and

It's ok to drop a ball when you juggling so many things Viking
Isn't it typical tho that's it's something for your benefit that gets forgotten.thats me all over!!I write things down,then misplace diary.....

Hope you can balance your boys needs with part time work next week.hope work gives you a bit of respite

DS has been very challenging today.plans to get loads done as eldest bought youngest home have gone by the wayside thanks to constant needs reasurrance eventually wiping TV unit cause him feel like choking/can't breathe
A someone shoot me and put me out of my misery kinda moment

We have their choir session at church tonight.whilst a battle with D's they let me catawaul sing and I always feel better for that plus smell church is comforting and calming even when he's freaking out

Wishing everyone a good friyay night(couldn't resist a witchy emoticon)

Zoo - oh no, I sympathize with the please-put-me-out-of-my-misery comment! . Hope you feel better during church - I find church and the smell of incense calming too. I can't even have a discussion about anything religious with DS1. His autistic and highly logical mind cannot understand believing in something you cannot see. He calls himself an atheist which does not bother me, but it annoys DH. I look at it as his own path. It may change at some point (as most paths do) but if not, that's fine. I would hope, however, as an adult he would consider being open to it.

Couple of minor things going on with DS1 and I myself need to stop with Dr. Google (apparently I'm a cyberchondriac ) . Amazing how this situation with my DS1 triggered the worst in me! Going back to work should help.

Viking I agree - for me going to work saves my sanity. Although it would be much easier to manage the kids if I didn’t work, I really need to get out of the house and relate to people who don’t see me as someone’s mum or wife or daughter. Also I worked hard to get where I am. I’m lucky though that I can work part time and that I enjoy my job. Good luck for next week.

It’s half term here now. The toothache persists (accompanied by generalised hysteria and catastrophising) but fortunately the dentist says it’s just growing pains so I’m hoping for some let up soon. Poor DD1, she is in pain. We’re going to Portugal tomorrow with extended family (a Christmas present from my mum) so hoping the journey isn’t too stressful. I know we’ll all feel better when we get there.

Sending good wishes to you all

Bigbus ooh have a wonderful trip! And hoping DD1 feels better very soon. Enjoy!

Sorry I’ve not posted. Bigbus I just saw your post, yes the oversensitivity can definitely be a sign of ASD, basically extremes of any of the senses, so my DD is really over sensitive to pain but DS is undersensitive, both are fussy about clothing textures and noises and smells etc

DD has been a bit anxious as baby has hand foot and mouth and I feel guilty as we’ve not been reading to the kids at bedtime and DS keeps asking. Sigh

bigbus bon voyage!!enjoy change if scenery

Thanks for the advice I'm really not sure, she seems to genuinely not know what the problem is or what she needs. But yea she seems to talk to me a lot, which I'm very thankful for. Her dad and me are separated and we're very close now.

So sorry to hear of everyone's troubles. I hope we all have as peaceful as possible a weekend 😙

Viking I have ASD so I have the worst memory in history! Yesterday DS2 had PE (normally Tuesday) and school had a cake sale. I was panicking about not remembering either! Somehow I managed it.

I've just managed nearly two hours uninterrupted time in bed dozing and reading!whoo hoo
DS on Xbox,girls on devices and I was desperate for a break as D's took me the the edge yesterday!

He's off to a bugtopia insect event with dad later.uts an evening event when lots stuff most active so think moths,bats,spiders etc(spiders do most web building at night) he's a bit anxious be out in dark(a distance away too so won't be home til gone 11) but it's limited numbers and I wouldn't expect as finishes at near 10pm be lots supernoisy toddlers etc but he's taking eardefenders anyways)
This means a super rare night off,so me and the girls are thinking pampering,food he won't eat (texturally) and a film he don't like....dare I say I'm a bit excited too?

Hope everyone's having a reasonable day!