Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

It was better today, mostly because DD's had another day off, she's going back tomorrow though. DS2 was very hyper from coming out of school until bedtime, then crashed out in our bed. I've bought lavender baby bath and ordered lavender pillow spray online, we have the Meet Heckerty app for his tablet, we're waiting for his weighted blanket to arrive, something has to work!

We seem to be going though a reasonably good patch. DD1 is still very anxious but has only been putting up a minimal fight about going to school. This morning she had a proper teenage strop which is obviously annoying but actually quite welcome after weeks of atypical anxiety attacks! She came back from school today feeling very positive because she was able to talk to her form tutor about what was bothering her and she felt it went well. Unfortunately she now has tooth ache and a very low pain threshold! Last time she had toothache her (baby) tooth was pulled out in a very medieval way by a terrible out-of-hours dentist so I don't blame her for getting a bit stressed about this one. She has always hated the dentist but was getting better until that experience. Now she is super anxious about her teeth.

I know it's totally irrational but I end up getting really annoyed with people whose seemingly innocent actions set things back so far. If only that friend had not come with us that day when she was feeling sick!

bigbus it's normal to feel frustrated in difficult situations.hope her toothaches feeling better today.are you UK/due a school holiday?mine break up Friday
DS is surveying school field today(hopefully) and that's going to take a little while so I'm hoping to go for a walk whilst he's in there.his school is a two minute walk from what was ,many moons ago,a race course and is now a park and I can see the autumnal colours tantalisingly calling me when I drop him off so I feel it will be a good use of my time rather than standing like a lemon in student services to have a mindful walk

Viking hope things are under control at yours today

Oh, and I downloaded the Keep Your Cool game on to my phone last night, as DS2 seems to have killed his tablet, and I don't think it's fair to ask DD to give up hers for 20 minutes before his bedtime when she's watching a video. Much better this morning.

Philomena sounds good at yours

Not such a good one here,but you can't expect great days everyday!!
DS got stressed I'd plan leave him and heart was super galloping when we got to school and that freaks him most😢I manage bring him down a little but he flipped out and without thinking said was going to throw fire extinguisher at keyworker.she had to report it as they e had a number of assaults and senior staff came down which super stressed him.he had a huge goliath bird eating spider with him (a special preserved in glass dead one) and terrified poor woman half to death showing her.some would call that karma?i understand the need staff feel safe and they don't know him like I do.he would never hurt anyone he's far to gentle for that.eventually calm down enough to try(40mins in office)he only manage 7mins in the end...
And very down on himself for be unkind...something else to work on step over and step up from negative thoughts(adds to list)
He cry all way home...

Had snack he's now researching spider webs on net

Tom we either try again for jaunt in field(me in office) or into senco to write about the moulted spider he saw yesterday DEP on how he feels

I feel very sad for him.its hard watch him so distressed and being so mad at himsrlf

Got a call from cahms.cancellation tom at 915.frantic rejig organising dd2 get lil zoo to school Che k if so available to drive us or if we are walking.all sorted
Fingers crossed tom we are in the system!!!!

Hi Zoo - very sorry to hear about DS feeling disheartened today. How does he feel about being seen tomorrow by cahms? Perhaps that is giving him some reassurance? I hope so! You've been waiting so long to be seen by them! Best of luck!!

Things a bit calm with DS but I'm feeling antsy and neurotic. Health anxiety has reappeared and as a result I'm cutting something I love - coffee. Now I'm concerned I have symptoms of gastritis which I stupidly googled and apparently chronic gastritis can lead to tumours and stomach cancer. .
Just having one of those days.

OMG zoo that is good about the cancellation

It's bought his app forward three weeks,which is like a lifetime away on lack sleep😁
Viking I gave up coffee after my kids were born as turned me into a nervous wreck.dp drinks it and I LOVE the smell....remember Google is your friend,but Dr Google is evil
Most days here are one of those days at mo!!sending hugs and reassurance

Zoo - it certainly is a lifetime away on lack of sleep! Hope it all goes well - can't wait to hear how it goes and got my fingers crossed!

Thank you for the hugs and reassurance .

Zoo good luck for tomorrow. That's great news. I'm still chasing the referral letter more than 2 weeks after it was promised!

Viking - I just keep googling until I get the answer I want - usually the one that says everything is ok! Unfortunately that doesn't work with DS who when he was younger used to develop the most alarming symptoms every time he had a mild virus - non-blanching rash twice and sudden onset photophobia once - when there was really nothing wrong with him except a mild virus. As Zoo says, Dr Google is not always your friend.

DD2 is the most anxious tonight - there is an almost dead bird in the garden and she is very worried the cat will bring it in. Unfortunately I am also quite scared of almost dead birds so can't move it to safety and DH is somewhere unknown (presumably at work) so there is a distinct possibility that the cat actually will bring it in. I might have to out my big girl pants on and do something.

Never a dull moment I suppose!

Wishing for a good day for everyone tomorrow

Well, the Keep Your Cool game was too stressful (the irony), Jumpy Car was too easy, he's already completed all the levels, I've downloaded Anti-Stress Toys, he loves it! Digital versions of a fidget spinner, bubble wrap, putty, chopping carrots (who knew that was calming?), among other things. Now, if he starts getting hyper, I'll give him that for 5 minutes. He's still pushing the boundaries: I sent him in to say goodbye to DD, he took her hat and said he was wearing it, then wanted a toy, then wanted his cap, all when we were supposed to be going out of the door. I shouted, because everything else gets ignored, and he had a tantrum. He knows the rules about getting hats and toys 20 minutes before we go. So we ran to school, which neither of us likes. I'm having my stress busting time in the Sainsbury's café again. He was also horrendous last night, but that's because his playscheme finishes after bedtime. Is the hyperactivity a fair trade off for 2.75 hours of fun after school?

Oh dear, that was a novel! Sorry!

Oh Philomenahope you had something nice to eat/drink and a bit quiet time at sainsbo!

Well assessment done.ds freaked out,so they saw him in full panic mode.asked us everything you can imagine and then some.concluded normal avenues of group therapy for anxiety or one to one inappropriate as he can't do crowds not cope with strangers unless im present!
Case reviews are Wednesday's so be next week before they get heads together to formulate some kind of plan.was given leaflets about calm bedtime routines(tried a these obvious ones but heyhoo) and he anxiety he has the full set-generalized anxiety disorders,panic attacks,phobias and seperation anxiety.poor boy is a major worryer!!any hopes they can help are slowly dissolving as it's clear it's complicated and will take a LONG time to unpick,plus they've added needs see school nurse and have school suggested ed psychologist?(nope)as he has number sensory issues

I did thanks zoo, and I can heartily recommend it as a stress buster. A big breakfast: sausages, bacon, egg, beans,tomato, hash brown and toast; and a large caramel latte, and nearly 2 hours on MN. 😆

Sounds like you could do with something similar. Do you ever get a break? 💐

Philomena at present.nope.i try do headspace when D's does,take in surroundings (with a running commentary to engage D's in mindful Ness) on school run and sneak upstairs for 5mins and a bar chocolate if gets too much(longer than that he comes to find me)
Occasionally dad will sit with him for a bit,but I find myself being pulled directions if both girls vying for my time.i love my family,love being a mum but I'd like a big time out sometimes!!!!

*bit of time out sometimes

I think we all need that. I get 6.5 hours every day when they're at school, even in the summer holidays I pack them off to holiday club every afternoon, have a soft drink and a packet of Kettle chips in the Sainsbury's, do the shopping without DD telling me she's tired and DS2 having to be strapped into the disabled child trolley.

Bigbus thank you for that- good advice! Were you able to manage the situation with the bird in the garden last night?

Philomena - it sounds so exhausting for you but it's wonderful you're able to have your me time at Sainsburys

Zoo - sorry to hear the appointment did not go as well as hoped. I agree it's good they saw DS in panic mode. Anything else they can recommend aside from the group and 1-1?
Can school make any sensory accommodations for him (ie. quiet room to work)?

Viking he's in SENCO as quiet as short term measure already
School nurse came out pm with attendance team.shes was a cold hard wench.kept tell D's do 7/11 breathing as panicked.i said have you personal experience!not personal but I do know what I'm talking about.i replied I have not just my own,but others experience and when already in full panic grounding gas to happen before logic brain can try breathe and 7/11 is a long slow breath that's too hard in major panic to achieve leaving you feeling like you are drowning.to which she replied familiar learned habits are quite common in these circs.bkane me all you like live,can't make me feel more guilt than I do as a mum.i can however add insight you will never get in a text book!!
On plus,she access same system as cahms and he has been approved cahms mh intervention and medic intervention due to weight loss.just waiting on letters and then appointment (no idea of waiting lists tho)

God the nurse sounds hard work 😡

Really glad they are going to help at camhs and that they recognise the traditional treatment won’t work for him atm. These things aren’t one size fits all!

Ed psych would be an excellent idea. One problem I find with CAMHS both as a parent and a former service user myself is that it is all too easy to treat the symptoms and not look for an underlying cause. In my case I discovered as an adult that the underlying cause was ASD, but I even spent four months in a teen psychiatric ward without anyone figuring that out. It’s not even that the underlying cause needs to be “treated” as such but more that it brings more understanding about the best way to deal with the symptoms.

Wow Zoo, I really hate this school nurse! You know your DS more than anyone, so I don't understand why she's so hostile??!

Viking I think she's used dealing cast offs cahms feel aren't in need of major treatment and a bossy approach gets her the results she wants...
He's not a simple case(sadly)senior staff learnt this hard way at school and are much more gentle with him now and he responds a bit better
My biggest worry was cahms mention concern such high levels anxiety often lead depression.he has sad moments and hopelessness in increasing amounts so I'm.becoming very aware of pressure on h as that's a place I don't want to be taking a teen boy (13 December).the stats aren't favourable
Nurse said about us he been offered meds
I said I'm under impression that's a last resort and he's so tiny(low weight) it's unlikely solution
Think she's deffo used to quick fix easy cases

Cag, perhaps there is just more awareness about conditions like ASD, ADHD, etc. I don't know how old you are but I'm sure my DH has ADD but that sort of thing wasn't diagnosed when he was a child. Since both my DS's were diagnosed with ASD I have wondered about myself. I've always thought I've had some 'spectrummy' traits (like many people ) but recently wondered if I'm actually on the spectrum. I agree with you that bringing these things to light can explain a lot.

Totally agree viking and I’m not bitter about it really. Especially being female and excellent at masking, I completely understand why it was missed really (there were other major issues in my care both at home and in the hospital but that’s by the by in this discussion).

I have always been anxious first and foremost but was diagnosed with depression before anything else. I think being long term anxious and it not being picked up on and treated is what led to depression. What I mean is your DS is getting help, he has an understanding mum and more techniques given to try and help him. So I do think he stands a better chance xxx