Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Zoo yes of course we use rewards for positive behaviour, not bribes in any way! (Actually the bribes but was supposed to be struck through but MN and my phone don’t get on!). It started because we seemed to be locked in this unhelpful cycle of sanctions - always taking away her phone etc and I felt that I needed to make a more positive plan.

Starbar so sorry to hear things are so difficult. Is she drinking any fluids? Would she talk to childline maybe? Can you check her phone and internet - not ideal
I know when she is so angry with you and likely to make things harder for you perhaps but something may have happened online.

If she's not eating/drinking she needs some support ,maybe crisis teamstarbar?

I'm sorry we can't help you just wave wands and make it better,but we are here to listen so you can offload stuff you might find difficult in RL (or don't have anyone you feel understands you can talk to)and we take any small win as great achievement and congratulate as such,so if you persuade her to eat anything today and decide share that with us, we will be very pleased you managed that

Tough day here.ds is very unsettled.we had pop into town.it was busy he's exhibiting very stressed tendancies still now we home incl following me round,want reassurance and telling me loves me every couple mins.im tired today and pms us lowering my patience levels....

stilllivinginazoo thankfully she finally came around yesterday and had lunch and dinner. She’s only had a glass of orange juice today but at least I know she ate ok yesterday. The main problem that I’m having is that she’s still not willing to engage with anyone. The GP really is willing to help, as are the school, but if she won’t talk to them, they can’t really do anything.
Sorry that you’re having a tough day as well. This is all new to me, I had no idea how exhausting it could be having a child with mental health issues.
It sounds ridiculous to say it, but it would be so much easier if she was just a bit younger. Now she is 14 I can’t make her do anything or go anywhere that she doesn’t want to. At least when she was younger I could have essentially made her go to the doctors

Can't believe I never saw this before today. Place marking to come back later x

I had a letter from D's school.his attendance now below 50% they've" no alternative but to contact the educational and inclusion team and LEA as they've done all possible to improve things"
I am livid.camhs aren't impressed either as we are still waiting for textbooks they faithfully promised her to aid learning in the interim.when I rang school they said is he better?erm no it's not that easy thanks love.we can't go anywhere busy,he doesn't sleep or eat well.follows me everywhere.has anxiety attacks.we aren't sit on our bums having fun thank you very much!!well perhaps he needs learning in a hospital setting.
I have just about had enough for this week

God, I'm so sorry. I wish they could be in our shoes for a week.

Zoo I’m so sorry - what a stupid and frustrating situation. I know I should know this from previous posts, but does your DS have an ASD diagnosis? Maybe he does need a more specialised teaching environment?

bigbus camhs have put him on waiting list for asd testing as he's very sensory driven,but at mo "just" anxiety disorders and attachment (with me) issues

I ment to ask this before,how does DD eat on weekends?

zoo if you think it would help you could use this as a time to get the La to provide the home tutoring they are supposed to after a certain amount of days (I think it’s 15?) school are missed?

Zoo she does eat better at the weekends depending on what is going on. She has dancing right now and she won’t eat or drink until after but today is a more difficult day because she is challenging herself to go shopping with a friend this afternoon so she is more anxious. She does eat better at the weekends on the whole.

I’m not sure that she is less anxious but she is keeping it more in check. I guess this is the behavioural approach - ‘fake it until you make it’ - there seems to be something in it, especially for this age (she’s 12).

How do DS at the weekends when school is not at issue?

Starbar how are things going with you?

Same bigbus that's how we know it's such an issue.anything that causes stress he struggles...this includes lots noise,people,traffic and things like balloons
It's very limiting/challenging
Dd2 had horrendously stressful week at school(GCSE coursework and issues with some very hobby girls in her class assaulting her friend) so I promised new jeans from Primark as she's outgrown hers.no one available to go with her she was very upset.talinv D's was hell on earth for all concerned.but we walked there (45 mind across two park areas) and back and that gave him some solace,along promise substantial time on Minecraft

Sirzy never been told about 15 missed days means entitled home tutoring?

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/269469/health_needs_guidance__-_revised_may_2013_final.pdf after 15 days missed school due to illness (doesn’t need to be one block either) then schools should inform the LA who should then work to arrange for the education to be provided

Thank you sirzy
We have camhs today
Hope everyone else's Monday is as calm as it can be

bigbus DD has gone to school today which feels like a big step forward. I’ve totally bribed her with the promise of an ear piercing at the weekend if she goes all week (she’s been wanting a cartilage piercing for ages). Hope you have a calm day

Hugs and positive vibes to all this week - hang in there xx

Starbar that’s great, I hope it went well.

Viking - thank you!

Things are up and down here. Some days are ok then the next one is really rubbish.

Best wishes to you all

Viking brill meme❤️

Camhs was good.looking at sensory soothing ideas to offer distraction in evening when goes to his room.he put birdsong on Xbox(pictures robins feeding etc)for a while whisk sat colouring and helped a bit.big list of things to try.

Happy to hear camhs was positive Zoo. X

Hows everyone's week been?
DS has been keeping lil zoo awake as not ment interrupt my time with dd2 in evenings so he's using her for distraction instead practising self soothing techniques and thus means she's tired and grumpy in mornings

Crappy zoo but thanks for asking, lovely
Following on from previous meltdown records for ''wrong top'', ''wrong pencil case'', ''wrong conveyor belt'' and ''wrong bus stop'' we have had this week ''I said I didn't want a drink'' ''You should have made my sandwich first'' and ''What do you mean, I can't have screen time as I've broken all the devices and chargers in the whole house''.
Joking aside, it is clear to me that my son's needs are more complex than just sensory or anxiety-based issues.
He is self-aware enough to know that he has difficulty in waiting for things but he cannot self-soothe. He is very much nocturnal atm which is making it harder on all of us. I took him to a ball park on Tuesday to try and reverse his body-clock but it didn't work, he didn't stay long and had his hands on his ears as it was surprisingly busy.
He needs a haircut but it's a two-hander and invariably looks bad done at home.
He has taken to screaming when he wants to show frustration and hitting/kicking when he wants to show anger but it also seems to be a control thing. He is very verbal and can express himself so the latest behaviour is a setback.
He is obsessed with pokemon and minecraft but does not have the literacy to be able to play the latter and I am not a gamer.
Add crappy weather, sibling rivalry, teenage hormones of older DD, illness and everyone being knackered....it's all a potent mix.
I handed over most of his parenting to other half this weekend and binge watched stuff with my other two in duvet mode while wasting time on here. Not exactly self-care or productive but enough self-flagellation...it looks as though I will be lone parenting my youngest two from August onwards.
Roll on a new week tomorrow.
Hope you are all as well as you can be. Hugs to you all. x

Rage your duvet weekend sounds like excellent self-care and just what you and the other two needed. Well done for setting the boundaries and letting the three of you have some calm time together. I’m very much aware that the circus that goes on around DD1 at times has a big impact on DD2 and DS. When DD1 has had a good day or done something to challenge herself, DS (who is 7) will say ‘Didn’t DD1 do well today?’! But I’m also very clear with DD1 that any outbursts towards the other two are not tolerated at all and she knows it.

Sorry things are so crappy at the moment. Is the August thing something that’s good for you or something unwelcome?

I’m just about ready to give up with the eating at school thing. Planning to focus on drinking fluids because chronic dehydration is more of an issue as she does consume enough calories, just all after school. School seems to be the major issues because she did eat much better this weekend and came on an outing to the British Museum (only two panic attacks!). Her current plan is to wake up at 4am and eat and drink then so as to keep to the 4 hour rule if she’s going to leave at 8 for school.

Anyway I hope everyone has a better week. Take care of yourselves

bigbus of she can get up and eat at 4,let her get on with it!well done on the outing
Rage that sounds super hard.is it your choosing to lone parent from August(don't have to answer of course).you don't need to beat yourself up over having time out and bring with the other two.its very difficult sometimes balancing everyone's needs.i often want luck myself when I fall asleep that I didn't get one to one with youngest or eldest had interrupted time as he wouldn't self soothe
Camhs has rung today as they know he likes to know what's coming.student a occupational therapist in tomorrow.half session all together,then me and dp head off to another room with therapist to talk school,how he's doing and students doing stuff with him alone.hr is already not happy with this but he's like glue and I am becoming very irritable he's there 24/7 and swallows up every minute he can if my waking hours (then I feel bad for feeling like that)

*kick not luck

Rage sorry I didn't respond to an earlier post about lashing out. How old is your DS? DS2 is 10 and lashes out occasionally - he kicks. We've tried with moderate success to get him to lash out at a sofa or soft piece of furniture instead of a human (or himself). Hang in there - it sounds like a very trying time for you indeed .

Bigbus I agree with Zoo - if she's ok with eating at 4am and meets her caloric intake by the end of the day, it sounds like progress indeed. Good luck .

Zoo how is your DD2? Hopefully things are alot less stressful this week for her (and all!) .

March Break here so no school this week. DS1 has been approved to attend the high school across town (the one in the shady neighbourhood we initially rejected) . Turn of events was that we found out we could get bused instead of taking public transit. His friend also goes to this school. I am relieved but very cautious - he has so much ground to make and I don't think he realizes it won't be easy.

Viking how much has he missed?

We had camhs today.dp and I chatted separately whilst D's was with student for a bit then we regrouped
She's unhappy with school still not supplying any work.we have shelled out for quality maths,English and science workbooks but on a very limited budget it's been very hard and we cannot afford other subjects.today we realised how long this process is going to take and the need to educate in the meantime is now pressing as I fearful of how much he's missing
By all accounts our local ed authority tends favour very small hospital based groups for those unfit attend school which at this time us out of the question for D's....