Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

dishingout welcome
We are their safe place and unfortunately that includes frustration venting as part of the job.i must admit once rage has passed I do point out gently it's not actually my fault the way things are and remind him small steps will change the situation (not always recieved well I admit)
I don't look to far forwards,we go day to day and up to week by week.its difficult as a parent to watch them struggling and hard not to compare to others their age
Of you feel camhs are being to confrontational I'd say so.ask to speak to her on the phone and explain the fallout it causes.
Hope the hospital type thing at least offers you a little respite?
My dp has had depression all his adult life and body dysmorphic from teens.hes 50 now and accepts our DC aren't hideous creatures and no one recoils as he passes in street so feels he at least "blends in".he hates mirrors and avoids where possible but he has a job etc.he was very unwell until mid-twenties then doing some occupational therapy at a hospital type thing got him start mixing and he started walking to quiet places and things went from there.i hope sharing that helps?
Also (and I say this often) you can't care for your child I'd you aren't caring for yourself.even if it's hiding upstairs 20 mins a day with a book.if you don't recharge your well ring batteries you will crash and burn too.sending big virtual hugs

rage entirely different circs--.an undiagnosed illness made them think I wasn't looking after my baby and they were all over me like a rash laying blame.never got an apology once diagnosed.id say contact t them.proactive parents wanting help shouldn't be turned away
Sorry your weekend been so shitty.big hugs

Can I join this thread?

Reading some of your experiences I feel like I'm getting off lightly but I'm feeling increasingly hopeless with my dd14.

She suffers terribly from Migraine with Aura (numb arms, blurry vision, nausea and vertigo). It seems to be triggered by stress and anxiety. However we were on once-termly migraines and she would be off for just a few days.
However Autumn term last year she started facing very strange visual disturbances that she described as 'Deja vu attacks'. These would happen when she was feeling fine then out if the blue she would get a rising feeling of dread in her stomach and then have 10-20 seconds of intense 'Deja vu' then it would subside.
Eventually we were referee to a neurologist. A weird form of epilepsy was suspected but now he mostly ruled it out. In his professional opinion he thinks she's suffering a form of panic attack and has what he called 'background anxiety'.

We went away being told that she should use a Calm App to relax and breathing exercises. She's tried these and the actual 'Deja vu' episodes haven't happened since Xmas.

However now she seems to be exhibiting many anxiety symptoms - tearfulness, nervous tummy, increased insecurity and self doubt etc.

She's not the happy confident girl she was. The hardest thing is that she has no idea why. She happy enough at school, has some nice friends etc. She's frustrated at having feelings of anxiety.

She hasn't spoken to any teachers at school about it, but yesterday she said she would go and ask for help at student services (they have an on-site councillor) so I'm hoping that something may happen to help.

I'm at a loss as what to do. She talks to me about every single emotion she has which is good but I think it's overloading me a bit and perhaps making me feel it's worse than it is?

I asked the neurologist about anxiety medication for her and he gave a firm 'no way'. However he's perhaps the wrong person to advise?

Do any of your dcs take meds? Are they helpful? Are they safe?

Thanks

Milicent welcome
I opted not medicate D's based on the unknown effects on developing brains and as a boy risks of suicidal tendencies are much higher(which he currently doesn't have).we have agreed if all else fails it's our last resort option.every family is different and you have to do what you think us best for yours

It's very good she can talk about her feelings with you.how do you respond to that?it's easy to get into a pattern of reassurance (X,y,z is happening,I will be ok won't I?kind of thing)and that can be very draining,and camhs recommend against setting president with that where possible easier said than done I know

Has she started her periods yet?may seem odd question but I've discovered it's often triggered by the move to secondary,puberty of a mix of the two.ds struggled at time switch school but since start get greasy hair and spots he crumbled spectacularly...

If you need help for anxiety attacks I've listed the ones we try back thread,but I can repeat them if you would like

It's very important to take time to secure your own wellbeing.caring for an anxious child is very much harder than other people realise.
Biggest piece of advice I offer is don't think too far in front.things change so there's no guarantee they will stay this way forever(often it doesn't leave people learn to manage it at varying levels) and taking care of yourself.claw in time to relax in whichever way works for you.that could be a bath,read a book,coffee at a cafe,a walk outside,adult colouring,Netflix,meeting friends.jyst keep your emotional well-being batteries charged or you can't help you child

Many thanks Stilllivinginazoo. It's reassuring to know others are going through similar (and worse) iykwim.

All this did really come out if the blue, like a switch. The migraines started when she was 10. She started her periods when she was 10 as well (like me). She grew very early. Reached puberty rather early and it's always been commented on by people that she's mature for her years. Her best friend is 2 years older than her.

She started secondary school not knowing anyone. It was hard going for a term, but then she settled and found her friends. She was happy until now. She insists there's nothing 'wrong' she can pinpoint. She admits to feelings of insecurity about everything - her friendships, her appearance, her abilities etc. It's horrible to watch.
She's trying to help herself and finds these feelings immensely frustrating. If they aren't affecting her health so much I'd say they were normal teenage angst 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I will search back through the thread to find the panic attack resources, thank you.

I'm hoping something will happen at school if she instigates it. They seem to respond quicker when its student led.

I'll keep reading here for insights. X

Milicent someone recommended a book called 'My Anxiety Handbook' to me which I read and thought was quite good (but DD1 is stubborn so won't read it at all!).

From my own experience, I do regret taking my eye off the ball a bit and letting things get a bit out of hand without realising it, so its good that your DD is talking to you now and wants help. Looking back to September when DD1 used to eat breakfast and lunch on school days I can't really see how we got to this point of her refusing to. Although part of the problem is that now she doesn't eat or drink before and during school she is much less anxious and life is much more bearable for the whole family. However, she now wants to do loads more dancing classes after school and she really don't think she can do them without at least drinking something all day, so we have come to a bit of an impasse. She thinks I am punishing her for not eating, but actually I think it would be really dangerous to go to school all day, then do 3 hours of drama and dance ending at 8pm without having anything at all the eat or drink since the evening before. I really don't want to get into a food battle, but this seems to me to be a health issue. I don't pressure her to eat at any other times. And she eats plenty of calories - they are just all after school and in the evening!

I really do wish I could go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and things would be back to how they were this time last year.

Hello my people, hope you and yours are faring as well as you can. (That's my mantra - have as good a day as you can).
I am having a with a chocolate digestive and am going to treat myself to a bath later. I am then going to ring the LEA and ask what their advice is for September if we are coming back in August. Once we are back and settled I will look at bringing in external support as I can't have a repeat of Sunday (DS has lashed out before but this was extreme and my shoulder is killing me) If I have to pay through the roof for private healthcare so be it. I have even been looking at the streaming classroom robots but I'm not sure the primary would accept one in the long term and it would probably be nicked/damaged within a week. Chin up.

Hello all, Just read this on a facebook support group I am on and it was good to see someone who really "gets" it.

blogs.timesofisrael.com/when-nobody-knows-your-sorrow-on-parenting-a-child-with-mental-illness/?fbclid=IwAR0XdiWMz0fkhtUD57i0W6agSNONyp8b0Tt4MVq911YJEDoY0KejmAVKai8

Sorry its a horribly long link, when I saw it was from "times of Israel" I was a bit but it is worth reading, nothing controversial. Trust me I'm a MNetter!

bigbus I'd be the same about dancing after no food/drink all-day!if she manages a couple oat based cereal bars/flapjacks (nature valley are nice if she wants something to eat in a wrapper) couple of frozen drives to eat during the day and then a little pre dance snack like a banana and a bottle of water throughout the day is give it a go as long ate lots afterwards,without it.no chance...
My youngest dances and she goes one hour and eats breakfast of cereal before hand then consumes loads after as very hungry and downs least couple mugs water!!

*frubes not drives.autocorrect got me when I pressed post.grrr

I'm guessing they just felt uncomfortable posting a hitherto unknown link rather than say, the guardian. Same as if I posted something from The Local in Germany. Many MNetters are suspicious of links full stop, even you tube. Doubt it had owt to do with Israel full stop.
Read the article dishing - related to the isolation/avoiding social situations part - wish she had given specifics of what helped her child though, whether it was a specific medication or whether it was CBT etc that said, I am not on FB

I had that come up on my news feed.it had lots of things I could relate to,again wish she had added what helped in her family's circs

Had take lil zoo hospital for check up today.was busy at children's outpatients and despite ear defenders and his phone for distraction D's was bordering having be taken outside by dp.luckily just as a noisy toy was activated pushing him right to edge we were called into a consulting room,then do chat quiet to him whilst I concentrated on lil zoo issues.uts so complicated trying to give everyone what they need when anxiety consumes us all

SamG76

Sorry I got really confused I thought this was a support thread for people whose kids had anxiety but hey clever you seeking out racists like me herein. Yeah I think Israel is evil that's exactly why I said it. You got me bang to rights, I wish I was as clever as you.

It would be pretty low for someone to come on a support thread for parents of children with mental health issues to do anything other than to discuss that topic don't you think SamG76; you know, if someone regularly used the advanced search facility to find certain words ... I wonder why someone would do that?

But anyway, why not tell us about your child's struggle to function from one day to the next?

dishing let it go lovely.ive nothing to add to samg76 comments as she's clearly not here in position as the rest of us inviting her will cause her slither back from whence she came.this thread is for the support of parents with children with anxiety and I don't want it to become a mouthpiece for arguing.if she's rattling you privately please report it

How has everyone been?

*ignore,not invite

Thank you Stillliving; we had DD's psychiatrist appointment yesterday always a struggle and I get pretty low afterwards - I'm not usually one to get drawn in but I appreciate you coming on this morning giving me a grip

Like I said,it's about supporting one another.x

Hi - this is my first post, hope it’s ok to join you. My 14 year old daughter seems to be struggling with anxiety and I’m feeling at a loss as to how to help her. She’s always been a bit anxious but it has really escalated over the past couple of weeks - she’s started having panic attacks and hasn’t been to school for the past couple of days. I’ve spoken to our GP and to the school but the problem is that she refuses to speak to anyone about it. I tried to get her to the gp but she had a panic attack and wouldn’t go. She currently isn’t speaking to me because I spoke to the school to let them know what was happening. I don’t know how to help her and I’m feeling really down about it. To make it worse, I’m supposed to be on a phased return at work after having a hysterectomy in January

Place marking so I can find you again. DD16 is an anxious mess

Welcome Starbar and RockinHippy.

Starbar maybe you could go to the GP yourself and explain the situation? My DD1 was very reluctant to go to the GP but actually -I bribed her- I rewarded positive behaviour by promising her something she wanted in return. We actually have a nearly-teenage version of a star chart to get us through the week and it has worked to some extent. When there is a clear tick for each morning she has a drink and each school day she eats something she seems to respond. Before eating became the main issue we did this for going to school (one tick for going, one tick for going without a fuss!) but we are a bit further along than you and this probably wouldn’t have worked in the early days. She’s not anorexic, she eats at home. She has massive anxiety about vomiting and so she doesn’t eat because she thinks she won’t be sick if there is nothing in her stomach.

Is there another trusted adult DD might talk to about this? Or could she write it down for you? Does she have a history of anxiety? If it’s come on very suddenly it does make me wonder if something has happened.

Sending you best wishes

Hi Bigbus thanks for replying. Yes, I’ve tried speaking to the GP myself but unfortunately there seems to be very little that they can do without actually seeing her. I suspect that something must have happened at school for this to have come on so quickly. She’s always been a bit anxious but nothing like this

starbar and rockinghippy welcome

Starbar is there pastoral care at her school/a counsellor you could approach?
If she's not able to get to school I'd class that as deffo affecting her daily life and warranting gp attention.is going out generally causing panic attacks,or just got super stressed at thought going to the doctor?if she's having them trying to get outside maybe request a home visit?

Bigbus we need words my dear.bribing us such an ugly phrase.in my house we use incentives

Stilllivinginazoo unfortunately the GP doesn’t seem to do home visits and she isn’t unwell enough to get a visit from CAMHS. She’s now refusing to get out of bed and hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. DD is still really angry with me for speaking to the school but I will carry on talking to them to try and work out what we can do. I’m also speaking to the GP again tomorrow morning. It’s so frustrating as I know that there is help out there but she’s not currently in a state to accept that she needs help.