Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

bigbus I find if you get her to look at logic regarding bugs going around it helps.im not remotely fussed being potentially exposed to flu virus,despite having had it few times and knocked me off my feet.yet I know others that avoid risks of that like it's the plague.all personal perspective!Nairn's ginger oatcakes are delicious,lower sugar than regular biscuits and as made with oats I'd accept as a breakfast food.a possible win/win idea for your DD?

Hope everyone has a smooth start to the week

Hello I was wondering if everyone was ok, it's a bit quiet.

We went to see the doctor today who was able to get us to look back at how far we have come. DD1 agreed to try to have a little drink before school and some biscuits at school, so we shall see how that goes. I'm off to the Isle of Wight tomorrow for one night with work and I think I'm a bit demob happy!

How is everyone else doing?

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone could kindly help me with this survey for my Psychology degree. It is about children aged between 6-16 that suffer or have suffered with issues relating to anxiety or self confidence. It takes 5 minutes to fill in and is completely confidential.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
It asks questions regarding what parents do when their children have issues, where they go to for help and support, what's good about the support that already available etc. It would really help me if I could get even just a few people to fill it in.

www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/PXZJHMC

Thank you in advance x

bigbusenjoy the day away from home
Hope the latest steps forward with D's go well

Not too great here.ds isn't sleeping much and very clingy in the daytime.my batteries aren't getting enough time out to recharge and I'm struggling a bit.heyho onwards and upwards!!

Everyone's been very quiet.
Hope this means lives are ticking over well

Thinking of you all and wishing you a good week ahead
Ups and downs with my situation and no real progress to speak of, unfortunately.
Sending hugs and chocolate x

Viking woman I've been thinking of you recently and wondering how things are

The schoolwork provided for D's is online revision tests...pretty hard to take tests on stuff not learned yet.we have had to buy some workbooks.moneys tight here so £11 a book has ment jiggling so some things won't get sorted.we opted for science,English and maths to start with

Thank you Zoo - been thinking about you too.

Has being signed off school for now lessened DS's anxiety? Fingers crossed that things go well x

Holiday today here (called Family Day). Returned from disastrous family lunch. Behavioural issues with DS2 which are exhausting and have put me in a rut recently. DH and I's relationship affected. Add to that DS1 still not in school. His psychiatrist is working with his school to find alternative location.

Hugs to you xx

Oh lovely,that sounds really hardViking n amongst all that I hope you are carving a little time to care for yourself
He's up and down.we are trying to structure a routine for him,as he asks constantly "the plan" for the day/hour etc and hoping if set things happen at set times might give him. Some Sense of control

Good morning all.

Viking I’m sorry to hear things are so stressful. It certainly takes its toll on the whole family. At Christmas time we were at my in-laws. DD1 refused to leave her bedroom to come home. The only way to get her out was to ask the whole family to shut themselves in the living room so she could exit unseen. Honestly I know I shouldn’t be, but I was so embarrassed. DH and I never really fight but we have struggled with this situation. It took him some time to realise the seriousness of it all I think and he just left it all to me which was really tough but now he’s much more involved.

I try not to think about the long haul ahead of us otherwise I get overwhelmed. I read somewhere that almost all people grow out of their anxiety by the end of their teens so I’m clinging to that!

Best wishes to you all

Good morning I didn't know you guys existed, pleased to meet you - is this the first thread or has it been going for a while now? I will grab a brew and read the whole thread.
I hope it's okay for me to post - it did say kids in the title too - my son is 6 in June.
I wanted to ask you all, those with teens, did your children show anxiety at a very early age and did they go through nursery/school-refusing early on?
What advice, knowing what you know now, would you give to yourself back then?
I am not in the UK but may be returning in the Summer as my son has to start school September and I will be able to advocate for him better in my mother tongue/off roll and home educate if I have to (I have a PGCE but it's not working for us that well at the moment tbh. He knows his letters and is very verbal but his fine motor skills are lacking and he cannot read: He is 5 years 8 months).
He was at nursery for a year and a half before his anxiety made the situation untenable (Refusing to go to kindergarten/fight or flight response/hiding in the bathroom at nursery/withdrawal).
What advice would you all have regarding coming back to the UK?
Do primary schools allow for part-timetable without an ILP/ECHP in place? Can CAHMS intervene early at key stage one? (I suspect DS is on the ASD spectrum but high-functioning - does that count CAHMS out?)
Any advice/experience/anecdotes/tips would be appreciated We don't leave the house sometimes

One later...
Relax Kids
Baseball Cap
Melatonin
Digital anti-stress toys

Thank you (am on page 7 so far but picking up ideas as I go) If DS hates wearing normal headphones (the big kind) to listen to things (he hates the feel of them) will ear defenders be a complete waste of money? Does anyone have a recommendation for super comfy soft ones? TIA x

rage welcome.this is the first thread.it started as a random question I posted asking for advice and I had lots responses so I asked anyone would like a thread and here we are!
In response to if I knew then what I know now yes,D's was anxious kid.he was the one that fretted over the sun imploding at bedtime,had attachment issues and was generally but more wired by fear.but I assumed (wrongly) he was handling it ok and once got secondary school it all went pear shaped
Regarding CAMHS I am aware they take kids from preteen,but can't offer much else there.on school front I am no help as D's secondary have been a NIGHTMARE.no support if any use,refusing offer anything useful to do at home.we have very tight budget and have struggled work out how to educate virtually for free at home whilst school remains unhelpful and camhs accept hes on a long road before going back to school will be an option
I know some home ed family's in primary that took steps as felt children weren't supported.some contemplating returning to school for secondary as have improved,some don't and plod on at home

Agree relax kids is great.theyre in progress training for a teen version and once available in my area I'm booking D's up for that!

Hoping everyone else ok,school hols here.we find natural environment calms DS so a walk at a flooded gravel pit today which wildlife and nature reserve 30mins drive from us
Viking here's some photos for you

Rage that’s an interesting question. My anxious child is 12, she my eldest so looking back she probably absorbed a lot of anxiety from my and DH as a baby and then DD2 was born just before she was 2. She has always struggled to make friends although she’s actually better at that now, the friendships seem to be quite superficial but this is partly because she won’t meet anyone outside of school or go to their houses or have them here in case they are sick.

I can remember when she was quite young sometimes she would take all her school clothes off in the morning in protest but we always persisted and she never missed school. Don’t be afraid to make appointments to see the teachers as often as you need to. The primary school she went to had special groups for kids who were struggling with anxiety/mental health although she didn’t need it.

Like Zoo things really kicked off when she started Secondary School. She used to scream and shout the whole morning, at how or if I drove her there she would refuse to get out of the car for ages. Zoo gave me the best advice to try my hardest to keep her in school because once she’s out its so hard to get her back in. This really helped me to feel I was doing the right thing even on my (and her) worst days when I had pretty much physically matched her to school. The reason this was the right thing for us was that she actually likes school when she is there and would acknowledge later that she was always glad she went. For other people this might not be the right thing at all. Anyway, since Christmas the mornings have been 100% better (as long as she doesn’t eat or drink anything, but that’s another story...)

bigbus wish we had been able to keep D's in school.we are so worried about how far behind he must be.if he ever gets back in there it won't be smooth transition as he's so far behind.plus school gives a rigid structure,something I've learned is very important with anxiety.wuthout structure and routine anxiety blossoms out if control with too much time to think

Afternoon.
I am not sure what we will do to be honest.
I don't want to set him up to fail.
I don't want him to be more isolated than he is already.
Currently his resistance has been language-related (he did not want to learn the language here) - but I am not sure things will change back home.
He goes to an expat group once a week for 90 minutes - the teacher is lovely with him but there are not the expectations there will be in a classroom and the group is tiny. The teacher allows him time out/to sit on the sofa/to stand up and walk around/ignores his talking out of turn. She is just really encouraging.
A mainstream situation will not manage this. Plus the school is next to a main road - I assume the gates are not locked, will the school be?
(where we are now, the children would have free reign to leave the school whenever they wanted).
My son thinks nothing of taking off/running when he is fed up, he jumped off the bus at a random stop on Friday - luckily I have adapted to be quick and agile even though my nerves are shredded.
At other times I am speaking calmly in a sing-song voice, trying to keep everything together, stopping the incessant cat-dog goading between him and his sister who is 3 years older (but masks a lot at school I think) but underneath that fake bluster and 'oh, look, we're all playing this board game together, it doesn't matter who wins', I am on a constant knife edge.
I had read of those who home schooled at key stage 1 and key stage 2 and their child started school in year 7 - but I am not sure how that could work given him being used to being at home/not being used to school routines/being stressed at everything.
He fits a PDA profile as well as the sensory issues and it must be so bloody hard for him, exhausting really, I don't know what the future holds.

Sorry - I didn't even ask how you guys were amongst that venting!
Hope you are all as good as you can be. I appreciate the thread being here x (I am on page 15 but will catch it all up eventually)

Zoo It sounds like it was an impossible situation and he was so distressed you had no choice. I hope you don’t think I meant that you should have been able to keep him in school.

bigbus I never intended to make it sound like I was upset/offended by what you posted.i wish we had been able to keep him on site,but it just wasn't possible..

Rage UK schools are secured.its not possible to exit without going thru a secure locked reception in most buildings.visitors have photo taken and wear lanyards with this photo,date and visitor stamped on it with who they're there to see in all three of my kids schools

Zoo thank you so much for these beautiful photos. Gorgeous and very spring-like! We get a lot of snow and dull grey skies during the winter .
Hang in there with DS . As my son's principal told us last fall, try to focus on him getting better, then tackling the education. I've had to work on accepting that the timeline for my DS' education will be different than his peers. But he will get there eventually.

Welcome Rage. Unfortunately I am not in the UK so I cannot offer any suggestions regarding schools and services. I have two DS with high functioning ASD - they are 16 and 10. We saw a lot of school-related anxiety behaviours when my eldest was 5-6. We can look back at it now with some humour, although at the time it was SO stressful. On two occasions he stripped off his clothes - at school - when his anxiety went through the roof. He was a fight-or-flighter as well. Thankfully his school was well prepared and understanding.
From my perspective - don't panic thinking about the long road ahead. Your child will grow and mature like any other child. He will find some sort of self-regulation that will help him manage his anxiety. For my son it was keeping a small toy in his pocket, a baseball hat to block out unnecessary stimulation, and we invested in a good quality indoor trampoline that he still uses daily at home to calm his nerves. It will be different for each child. That said, the biggest improvement came when he was approved for the school's ASD program. It meant smaller classes, and partial integration. He was able to manage and function so much better.

Hi Bigbus happy to hear your DD is managing better since Christmas. I'm sure her confidence has improved as well .

Progress on getting my eldest back in school - we have a visit next week to see the high school across town with the ASD support. Initially it was a flat 'no' until we heard DS would get busing to and from school. Furthermore, his childhood friend who he still keeps in touch with goes there. fingers crossed!

@viking
urgent question: have your sons ever physically lashed out at you - if yes, at what age/was it repeated/sustained, how did you handle it/what would you advise and did it get better as they got older?
I have just been used as a human punchbag
All I had done was broached the idea of an English-speaking school when we returned to the UK and DS completely flipped out.
@zoo I don't want to bring up bad memories but iirc early in the thread you mention social services but it not having worked well for you. Do you know what support or interventions they could offer me besides a parenting course (I have been on one but it was for NT not ASD) and what are the pitfalls of me contacting them directly on my return?
Hope you are having a better Sunday. At least I have the Oscars to look forward to later.
Thanks again in advance x

Evening all. I had no idea you were all here. My DD is 15 hasn't been to school since May 2018; I feel she has body dysmorphia, anxiety and depression. She's on fluoxetine, week 10 I think, side effects are getting worse. She's gone back to being entirely nocturnal sleeps around 18 hours a day, doesn't engage with anything, no tv, not much conversation, never leaves the house except previously she'd let me drive round a bit or sit in the car for a while, that's stopped now. We've got see her psychiatrist on Tuesday but this woman is so confrontational (CAMHS) I am dreading it.

DD is meant to start doing a few hours a week at our local "hospital" type school this week as well. When she goes out she masks completely, until she gets back then takes it out on me, its all my fault. Its hard to remain positive. Well, impossible really, I am thinking will she ever recover; can you recover from that sort of thing or just get it under control and hope for the best?

Anyway, its good to have found you.

Hello Dishing and welcome. I totally get the feeling of gloom about the future. It’s half term here and so we have had a bit of a better week. The psychiatrist did mention fluoxetine to us but my DD1 is only 12 and actually still managing school, does show an interest in things. I also get the taking it out on you thing. DD will save all her angst especially for me, it feels like I get all the shit really. It’s exhausting.

Rage I’m sorry to hear that you got hit. I have been hit a couple of times when DD was extremely anxious. Last time was about 4 months ago after I had made noodles for dinner - she hit me really hard on the top of the head (she was standing above me on the stairs). I was shocked. Looking back she was in the midst of a blind panic and I have become better at reading the situation. I think she also shocked herself.

Back to school tomorrow. Hoping for some progress with eating and drinking but will try not to get frustrated if it doesn’t work out.