Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Philomena we were told that melatonin isn't that suitable if your child falls asleep ok, but not sure about early waking.

The support we get is officially for sleep issues (but looking at the wider picture) and months in I haven't really made much progress! DD is 10 still co-sleeps with me, and our support suggests small and gradual changes. When she was small and used to get up at 4am, I slowly adjusted her bed time to later (10 mins at a time) - it meant we has no evening but I thought it was safer option as I worried she might not always wake me at 4. However, many years on I am not sure that that was the right course of action....

First day of half day at school went well, we did maths, reading and RE. I am worried she will see this as an in to homeschooling though - which I definitely can't do!

Hope everyone else ok - will get the coffees on :D

Unfortunately, DS2 can go to bed at 1am and still wake up at 6.30, so a shorter sleep! His behaviour's atrocious in the morning and evening if he's overtired, he even started when we got home from basketball at 4.30 yesterday.

He's grinning, but otherwise it's like a tantrum. If he hits me, whatever I do or say he'll get worse. He doesn't know why he does it.

3.08 this morning.

Oh Phildouble expression for you today!
Is he excited about Xmas,or the change routines/plays at school etc unsettling him

DS is going into I don't want to go phase and is getting harder tootivate to get dressed etc..not helped by fact my depression isn't good at the moment

Oh I needed to find this thread today. DD is 17 and is suffering with panic attacks and anxiety. It is definitely worse the week before her period- when she can totally melt down over things she is usually able to cope with. It's been a tough few years with family illness and bereavement as well as it being A Level year and time for UCAS applications etc. She has been to see our GP who told her to self refer to a centre that offers CBT/ Counselling (no idea what kind of wait time we are looking at) and her Dad and I are meeting with her Head of Year next week as she has expressed concern about DD's 'fragility' I'd really welcome any advice anyone can offer!

It could be the change in routine zoo, at school they tell them what the next 2 things are coming up, he always behaves worse on trips, Golden Days, World Book Day etc. Not as badly as DS1 used to, he'd roll about on the floor of the minibus on trips to pantomimes and things.

He also has to deal with the death of my aunt's dog, they had a special bond. I'm upset too, I bought both dogs a tin of dog biscuits to share for Christmas, DDog1 never got to share them.

pontiuspilates welcome
Is there anything particular that bothers you DD?(school/worrying about health/phobias etc?)
Learning breathing exercises is great during a panic attack.my D's loves the hot chocolate one-- imagine you are holding a mug of hot chocolate.puff it gently to try and cool it to drink.deep breath in,slow long puffs(he finds try count in and out during breathing adds to his feelings of not being able to breathe) try and focus on the heat of the mug,what the cup looks like(colour/design changes each time) and what extras are in chocolate(marsmallows,cream etc)
Talk lots,reassure you love her and help her develop coping strategies.ideas for that include colouring/drawing.knitting,embroidery,crochet(repetitive and calming).walking in park noting thing like colour fallen leaves,maybe frost sparkling,smells,sounds (mindfulness) plus being outside moving is very helpful to release build up adrenaline.
I'm sorry if I'm stating obvious you've already tried they're just my top go to ideas
Please come let us know how she gets on,plus how YOU are.its hard not being able to make things better and you need to feel listened to and supported too
Phil pets offer anxious people huge solace.ds loves stroking our cats and their purr is very soothing.im so sorry for the loss of the dog.it sounds like things are going to be a bit bumpy up til boxing day(assuming routines revert to normal then?) Sending calming vibes and reminding you we're here all year round for you

I had fun and games with school today.theyre trying to break DS excessively tight bond one t.a and by expecting him just interact with whoever as necessary andbthey don't understand why he's becoming increasingly agitated and are concerned he sat talking to an insect(he has a set of insects set in glass and he takes one a day to look at and remember facts of for distraction if he gets too stressed in SENCO)for over an hour and a half.they suggested he needs a psyche evaluation...erm I've been watch this happen over 6months love.its a stress response he's self comfortingif you talk to him he instantly engages and if you watch him he often strokes what he's talking to(favours soft textured soft toys at home)and occasionally rocks if very distressed(usually when I've asked X amount time to eat/do a task and he's become distressed but knows I will expect him to try and ride it out as much as he can til the time elapses I've asked for
He sat curled up in my lap tonight crying he needs me near to feel safe.i said I'm in your heart no matter if you in same room,different room at school or miles away I'm still in his heart he looked thru his tears and declared I love you so very very much mummy...
How can this fragile little thing be 13 next tuesday

I'm having problems with my dd17 at the moment. She's suffered with anxiety for a while but recently due to school pressure it's got worse. We've been to the gp and she's taking the lowest dose of sertraline but no change so far, after 1.5 months.

This week she's been saying she can't see any point in life, everyone just works hard and then dies, there's no point to it all and the world is awful because of politicians, climate change, drugs etc. We do live in a rough area of a city so what we see here isn't always great. I'm not working due to depression and anxiety so i feel I'm not being a good example to her either.

She's taking A levels this school year and extremely stressed. I split up from her dad three years ago, she seemed to be coping well but obviously she'd rather we hadn't split up.

I don't know how to make her happy. She tried to overdose once two years ago, i constantly worry about her.

Any advice?

She has an assessment with the primary mental health team in just over a week, I'm not sure what they'll offer her.

Are there any books anyone would recommend to make her see life more positively?

Thanks.

imoneaonwhorseopensleighhey welcome
I've no book recommendations I'm afraid.
It sounds like your family has had more than its fair share of troubles in recent years and this may well be the root cause for her.perhaps an opportunity to express herself over what's happened to a trained counsellor might help?
To be honest I'd be quite concerned with her talking like that.can you push for her to be seen sooner?
How are you managing.many of us have learned else of anxiety here and beating yourself up over that isn't going to help either of you
It's also worth pointing out long term anxiety that's not well treated causes depression in many so are you both in need of some support to help with the anxiety side?
I fully understand how hard it is watching your child and feeling so concerned but not able to make it right
Please come talk to us as often as you wish.offload any worries here.we do not judge

*many of us have levels

I just came across this post this morning:) my daughter (15) has suffered from awful anxiety that's lead her to miss pretty much the last two years of school. She was diagnosed with Asperger's last month but no idea how to help her. Tried counciling and that didn't help, tried all the natural things I could find and the Dr is unwilling to medicate. Its frustrating not knowing how to help

bananajuice welcome

I don't know what time he woke up this morning, because he went back to sleep , then he came in at 5. I asked him not to repeat his performance yesterday, that kicked things off, I can't lose it with him or even raise my voice, so to keep calm I just kept repeating "DS2 please stop" over and over in a quiet voice, which he said was just weird. Flash points when DD asked for the tablet and at the front door again. I'm knackered and want to cry.

Thank you stilllivinginazoo it's both comforting and heartbreaking to see so
many of our DCs going through this. It's hard to feel so helpless and to not take DDs anxiety as a failure of me as her parent to keep her happy and safe. We have had three awful years in terms of close family with prolonged terminal illness and their subsequent deaths. We lost my SiL two months ago and my DD was exceptionally close to her. Her DGM died GCSE year. We barely had time to process this death when SiL was diagnosed. That's a lot of grief on young shoulders. Coupled with the usual pressures of Yr13 - I can see how things might be piling up for her. Thanks so much for these strategies- I think she will like the hot chocolate one and will go through it with her later. I saw a good review of this book yesterday and have ordered it for her - not sure if anyone else has read it? I'll let you know what we think of it

Thank you so much for the kind words. Yes we've had a tough time, bereavement, illness, moving home, marriage break up ... I'm really not ok, but battling on. I have counselling, altho not much longer.

I tried to get an earlier appointment for dd but there were none, apparently we're lucky to get the one we got.

I'm keeping a close eye on her. She's always struggled with people. I've often wondered if she's got an undiagnosed problem but the gp isn't interested. Dd thinks possibly add ...

I don't know what else i can do at the moment. My older two suffer with mh problems too, so it seems to never end... and all i ever wanted was for them to be happy :( I can't seem to help them and it makes me sad and frustrated.

So sorry to see so many people and their children suffering here :(

Hugs to everyone and thanks for the thread.

Oh dear,seems for everyone today(and matchsticks to help Phil keep eyes open)

Well all go here.CAHMS rang me today to check in.ds is on the anxiety pathway with one to one unit.theyve no current places but will be expecting some soon and are assessing who has most need.by way he spoke D's is priority as he has no real life to speak of as no friends basic things are so hard for the poor little fella.school acknowledged his seriously struggling and are going to ring me tomorrow as he spent most today talking to his insect and only did 10 mins of maths

Pontius I'll check out the book too.

That was a shit afternoon/evening. He was fine all the way home, the first flash point was DD running to get the tablet before him, because that creates a malicious race, then half stripping off when I'd asked DD to get ready for bed, I'm then trying to dress him while he's fighting me, again grinning all the while, he gets 5 minutes of TV because he's wasted the rest of it, I have to hold him while DD checks if he's got spellings, he crashes out in our bed, wakes up but fakes it so we think he's still asleep, then can't fall asleep until 7.45, then DD can't fall asleep until 10. I can't even talk about his behaviour without him starting, so it's unsolvable.

DD has CAMHS today, she'll miss her last ever Christmas lunch at primary school.

Aw Phil that's a shame,but let's hope worth it in long run?hope this morning is a bit less fraught for you

Pontiuspilates do let us know how you get on with that book.we are all looking for tips and ideas that might help

She decided to have Christmas lunch instead. We've rebooked it for the 19th, one of the few days when nothing's happening at school.

DS2 was mostly okay this morning, a couple of flashpoints, DH is off work and didn't help when he told me off for shouting at DS2.

DH thinks the world revolves around him.

Sounds about right Phil

Well we've had a callback from CAHMS this morning.the man that rang spoke to colleagues and D's has been earmarked occupational therapist when her next available appointments open up.we are told this will be around 3rd week of January so there's a sprinkle of hope in the air here today,which is just as well as D's was cry and rocking from 7am..I managed get him to school and had brief chat with head of SENCO.id had call from CAHMS on the walk in so I updated her and she was talking how much they appreciate D's efforts as they can see he's really really struggling.theres talk of a reduction to two hours for last four days of term next week.shes going to email me later how he got in this morning then we will make a firm decision but I suspect we all know that if we don't reduce hours he's not going to be able to cope and we have been warned that last day of Xmas term SENCO gets quite busy/noisy as lots kids will be in there bouncing off walls excitement/changes in routines so it's doubtful he will last long that day,but as last day of term im sure they will ring and let him out as soon as he's had enough!!

Took D's to carol sing yesterday.he struggled a little as few screing toddlers
There was a party after and whilst he found it a struggle I'm proud he hung in there.mostly older church members,and handful kids so not busy and too loud he had a go at pass the parcel curled
Up in my lap passing to lil zoo and he did the kids Xmas quiz and won some chocolate.very very proud of him for pushing himself to do it.we left before the end but I'm happy with what he did achieve❤️

Yet another for zooDS! He's doing so well!

DS2 was on a mission to wind up DD today, we went to the Tolkien Society Yulemoot, it's in a Wetherspoons so we had supper there, DS2 behaved for a while then attacked DD, rolled about on the floor and screamed, got an Uber back, yet again he used my trying to order it as an opportunity to misbehave, then kicked DD awake several times on the way home.

Oh Phil
Well Sunday wasn't so good for him.a quiet day at home with a walk so he doesn't get into I never have to leave house on non school days.couple wobbles
Really bad panicking attack at bedtime
He's dreading last four school days and fearful he will get upset on his birthday(tomorrow) and that will somehow be unlucky....

Is he superstitious? Tell him people are always lucky on their birthday. I'd tell him to take 1 day at a time. Concentrate on getting through today.

With DS2, he wanted to go yesterday, but he can't handle not being in his safe, reliable routine. At weekends: up, play on tablet, multivitamins, advent calendar at the moment, get dressed and washed, Sainsbury's for breakfast. It's when he's bored too. He has an attention span of about 10 minutes.