Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Vikingwoman and *Stilllivunginazoo
*
Thank you for your kind words. It's been a long few years but at least we have something in place at last.

Tiptopliplop, you are doing all the right things. Thank goodness you are aware and can seek help.

We were recommended MIND for advice;

youngminds.org.uk/

Just popping in to say hi - I recognize people from the fledglings threads but haven’t been on one in years!
Dd2 is 15 and was dx with OCD just under a year ago. She’s always found regulating emotions hard and would really spin out with anxiety. She was having intrusive thoughts and was introducing more and more rituals to cope. The rituals and underlying anxiety were stopping her sleeping (counting rituals in the night based on numbers on the clock). She now takes amitryptilene a little before bed. It took a little while to get the dose high enough to help but she’s pretty stable now. She gets good support - sees counsellor every 4 weeks and psych every three or 4 months.
We also provided residential care for one of dd1’s teenage friends who couldn’t live at home. She’d had a really rough few years and we spent some time in and out of crisis care as she admitted suicidal ideation. She was with us for 18 months. Happily she is now in her second year at university and her mental health is much better.
We’re in a good place currently, with good care. Love to all of you having a tougher time xx

Viking, whereabouts are you?

Mamaryllis in Toronto, how about you? Thank you for sharing DD2's story - it sounds like things are under control. Lovely to hear she is getting effective treatment and is stable .

How's everyone's day been?

Good, Philomena, how are you? How's DS coming along?

Had school appointment this morning to discuss programming options for DS1. One is a day treatment program at our local hospital which is a classroom combo of MH treatment and school. Sounds more interesting than the other option.

Do you want to share the other optionViking?
Philomena hope your start to the day wasn't too stressful today

Well DS didn't want go in today as he was up panicking til nearly 2am.dd2 has a truly horrible cold that kept her coughing and spluttering til 1 yet she got up and staggered off at 745 even tho has pe today and still had a fever (I just have to suck it up mum.its volleyball and friends won't forgive me for ditching them to sit n watch/put someone they don't like on the team)
I've let dad to take him in as I feel he goes better with him(less separation anxiety)as much as his shifts allow.
School emailed me he's done 3hours every day of school work this week,and they're making sure he has different staff collect him from the office each day as he's growing too attached to one particular one and having anxiety when she's not around!
He has bloods at the hospital tomorrow so no school as he will get too stressed(which they're ok with) he then has to handle us going to grab a couple Xmas gifts whilst we in town which will be "challenging"

Zoo good luck with the Christmas gift buying . Your DS has been doing so well this week - we all have blips. And your DD2 is quite the trooper!

The other option for DS1 is another school cross town. I'm not sold that it is better than this current school, but we still plan to visit and have a look. Sketchy area of town and DS1 won't like the commute and area - fairly certain about that.

Hmmm.agree plan a sounds better on paper Viking but it never hurts to look at the other option before dismissing it

I agree zoo, your DS has done so well recently! And that's lovely of your DD2 thinking of her team.

viking that combo of MH and school sounds interesting, would it be a good fit for your DS1, do you think?

I think DS2 struggles with mornings, home time and evenings. I'm hoping CAMHS can help us with some strategies. His appointment isn't until January though. 😢

I've no idea when we are back there Philomena I hope they give you some useful strategies.

Can I ask how everyone's DC are about Xmas and the change of routines that brings?
DS is dreading out carols on the green with church and will be a struggle to get him there with it being a gathering(small church so under 50 people but that waaay more than he can cope with) shoppings hideous as everywhere brighter and noisier and busier

It would be a lot easier if DH would play ball. DS2 needs consistency with rules, you can't say they don't apply for Christmas Day, he just goes haywire. This year, because I'm utterly convinced it's ADHD, he'll be going to bed the same time every night.

Hi everyone, hope it's ok to add my story.

My ds,15, has been really struggling with anxiety for over a year. Started after he was badly bullied when he was at the start of year 9. I ended up removing him from school, 5 months later he decided he wanted to go back which was great.

Things were ok for a while but at the start of year 10 he just wasn't coping at all. He has an extreme fear of failure and not performing well, social anxiety and sometimes health anxiety.

He's had counselling through the school which has made no difference at all. His attendance is low, he has only managed about 4 full days in school in the last 5 weeks. Every day he gets up, gets his uniform on but doesn't make it out the front door. It's heartbreaking.

School haven't been very supportive, but f he manages to turn up then he's allowed to go to the medical room to work from there if he's feeling anxious. I sent a desperate email to his head of year last week asking for help, it was completely ignored.

Took him back to the gp this week and he's now been referred to camhs.

This morning whilst I was at work I get a pho call from ds in years telling me that an EWO turned up my house ( my mum lives with us so she was there) and said to ds that he isn't ill so should be in school and that I will end up going to court because of it. She also told ds that he needs to go to school tomorrow, no excuses.

I've been in tears on and off since then, so so angry at what was said to him. My mum ( who's in her 70's and doesn't like confrontation) was upset by the whole thing. Ds has also been very quiet and tearful since then.

I have a meeting with EWO on Tuesday morning and I'm dreading it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and apologies for the long post!

Sorry for typos. Ds was in tears not years

*Chippy
*
What a pickle.

I really feel for you.

There is an extremely good Facebook group called 'Not Fine In School'. Its closed so you have to request to join. Because it's closed other people on your friends list cannot see if you comment.

They have up to the minute legal advice and a clear pinned notice on exactly what to do if you find yourself in this situation. It's all to do with keeping yourself within the law. Then, God forbid, if you get taken to court, you have your defence.

Usually once you use the strategies they recommend things will change for the better.

School have to remain lawful, often they are unclear on this point when intervening.

This group will support you every step of the way. It's worth a read.

I've attached their logo so you can find them more easily.

Thank you so much I appreciate that

chippy I'm disgusted by heads attitude tbh.i have 3kids in different schools at mo and in past 6months all have had wellbeing lesson and awareness of looking after yourself
As for EWO I found explaining I wanted an education and was open to ideas as to working together worked wonders.i think they assume you aren't "bovvered" if he's not going
My D's is currently in SENCO as it's quieter,staff are used handling anxious children(they ring me if it gets too much to fetch him) and he's doing reduced hours as attempts to do late start /early finish in SENCO to reduce mad rush in and out of school failed miserably.
What particularly upsets him?the building/noise/busy/work? This helps formulate a plan.my D's struggles with the noise,busy and laterally the work a bit.he starts at 9 now(school begins at 840) and is out at 12.he stays in SENCO at break where only SENCO kids that don't cope with the stimuli/noise are allowed
They were a bit prickly at first but I stood my ground reiterating I wanted work together and there are days D's arrives crying and upset and days they've had to ring me to fetch him early but we plod on the next day and they accept we are doing best we can.its better now he's in the system too(cahms) as this backs up he has additional need.

Ps we also asked for specific requirements of EWO,which for us was a doctor's note proving he had been seen with anxiety.they are also sent copies of his letters from cahms(school nurse can see his treatment plans etc)
Our school policy is to offer to do an assessment to ask for social care support too.i refused that as I felt uncomfortable involving social worker distrusting of them but did say I felt we were hanging in there but if circs changed and I felt wasn't coping I'd ask for referal

Thank you Zoo (sorry don't know how to do bold) that's very helpful.

My ds also struggles with noise, work (especially tests and exams) and crowds. I stupidly took him to parents evening with me last week where almost every teacher told him he's behind and needs to catch up,and that he needs to study hard for his mocks. His anxiety was through the roof after that.

Yes I'm bloody disgusted with the head of year too.

I too would be uncomfortable with a social worker being involved so I understand your decision on that.

either end of names,no spaces between makes it bold chippy*
If he's allowed sit in medical room there may be room to work from that?
I'd send a letter to the head,keep a copy and if it's not addressed I'd complain in writing.im told governors are privacy to written complaints and heads don't like the "interference"
I'd say your situations quite similar with how he copes with school to ours so at least you know it is possible for a school to accommodate and work with you.at the end of the day we all want a good education for our kids but not at cost of wellbeing and as long as school are supportive of that it's possible to work together

Sorry autocorrect changed privvy to privacy

Thanks zoo yes working from the medical room has been ok, if he manages to get to school.

I did think about writing a letter but I just wasn't sure what to put in it!

chippy I'd put something along the lines of how disappointed I was that I got no response when I had attempted to flag up concerns about my son(add copy of email)and that my GP has now referred him to cahms and as he is within the system of professional help and support I am expecting the school to support this process and provide whatever help is deemed appropriate to enable him to continue his schooling

zoo you're amazing thank you

chippy letter writing is one of the only things I consider myself reasonably good at