Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Oh no zoo! Lemsips all round!

We went to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park today, saw Father Christmas DD went ice skating, DS2 went on the Yeti Ride twice, had hot dogs, burgers and hot chocolate for lunch, which we took and ate in the Bavarian Village. DS2 kicked off this morning, in the queue for Father Christmas, while I was trying to book an Uber, in the Uber, and at the table at suppertime. Overall, I think he did quite well.

That's a busy place,I think you all did brilliantly Philomena

It wasn't too busy until lunchtime, when it was insane! The queue for Father Christmas was over an hour long though, but it was the major reason for going.

Just standing outside gates waiting DS to come out
HES JUST ACHIEVED 3HOURS!!!!!!!!!

zooDS!

All fine until DD wanted her tablet back this morning, DS2 wakes up at 5 when DH gets up and gets the tablet without waking me up, DD then has it when she's dressed, this morning he screamed at her, hit her, she snorted in response, as he went out of the room he upended the bag I take with me then wouldn't put everything back.

Oh Philomenajust what you need first thing in the morning not

I'm so proud of D's.he did first school work since September too!!fractions and persuasive text writing for english.his third hour allowed chose curriculum subject.he chose art and was doing perspective drawings.
I've had 3hours peace to start clearing the house up-without my usual routines and him "needing" me most of the day place has descended from bit untidy to bloody mess!
I'm hoping the talk we had after Fridays disasters cahms trip(about we have work together to try and start making changes by ourselves or they will keep pushing him to take meds without any other support currently available)has sunken in and we can work together to slowly inch forwards
Not set too much hope it will be like this every day but I have HOPE and there's nothing more powerful that that sometimes

That's wonderful zoo! 😊

ZOO FANTASTIC!!!

Dad's just gone to collect him after another three hour stint!!
Quite excited,although it's very early days.
He won't be going Friday as had go hospital for a raft of blood tests(which will stress him out so be unfair expecting him to fair well at school after that)
How's everyone else doing today?x

I am so bloody happy to have found this thread and thank you to everyone who has posted here. My dd is 10 (year 6) and is an anxiety ridden little being. Getting to school is an absolute nightmare. When there she is OK but OMG the tears. They are not tantrum tears, they are the silent ones that fall thick and heavy and my heartaches more with every drop. She has had her CAHMS diagnosis (DD selfharmed, but just once thank goodness) and yes she has anxiety...... I feel as if I am on a tightrope of parenting. Balancing needed strictness, compassion, knowing when I am being manipulated, being a therapist and not rocking the boat. It never ends does it? I cant help my dd feel better and it's heart breaking. Thank you all for posting.

May I join you all?

I have a terribly anxious daughter who has been off school for 19 months with anxiety.

We've at last got an EHCP in place and she's just started online education 1:1. She's reluctant and fearful.

The best she's been is texting her tutor for 10 minutes two weeks ago.

We've had three 10 min slots so far. She seems overwhelmed and her anxiety spirals out of her control.

She's on antipsychotic meds which help hugely. She's now 14, and has not set foot inside school since she was 12.

I'm so worried for her future.

catssai welcome.please feel free to join in anytime and share any thing that's upsetting or proud little triumphs.everyond here understands

Talktomegentlywelcome
That sounds very difficult for you.is it the work that bothers her most?my D's finds being in school hardest part(noise,lights etc)but has become more fearful of work as it goes hand in hand with being there.this week is his first attempts at real work since September and I'm so proud of him!he's managed 3hours a day last couple of days.

Can I ask what's her diagnosis/treatment plan? We are at beginning of the fighting for what we need and I'd be interested to know what you have been offered (if you don't mind)

#Stilllivinginazoo, she was recently diagnosed with ASD which had been suspected for a few years. It's taken 18 months to get through the diagnostic process. Cracks had started to show at age 11.

I applied directly to our LA for an EHCP as it's become clear she won't be returning to mainstream. We were given an EHCP (quite quickly) without a diagnosis and we are trying tiny steps to gain her confidence.

She's been put forward for a therapeutic animal course with 1:1 support.

She's also been given 1;1 English and maths online, although we've not been able to access this properly.

It's getting her over her fears. The biggest hurdle is that she is generally fearful about anything to do with school, this includes lessons. She isn't able to articulate what is so frightening . So she shuts down,

We are awaiting specialised CBT therapy from CAHMS to address her anxiety, I am positive that this will help.

CAHMS have been a huge support. She sees a psychiatrist every 8 weeks and therapist about every 4.

All the help and support we could have, has materialised, for this I am very grateful.

We are left with a long long road to recovery. I also applied for DLA and was awarded middle rates, meaning I can claim carers allowance too. This has helped so much.

My expectations have shifted monumentally.
I'm just happy if she manages to eat breakfast downstairs.

My focus is now getting her life skills in place so she might access a college course in a few years.

What is in place to support your son at the moment? Have school suggested applying for an EHCP?

Can I join please? Found a suicide note tonight from my 9yo. I’m never going to sleep tonight.

It’s dated 8 weeks ago, but she’s denying writing it, saying it was a friend. But it was on her laptop and she didn’t have any friends over that date. Also found a video of her showing off what looked like a cat scratch and saying she had done it herself.

I’m phoning GP in morning for urgent appointment, what can I expect? I feel utterly destroyed.

tiktokliplop words cannot convey the sympathy I feel as I read your message
I'm so sorry things have become so urgently in need of addressing.has she had problems in the past/there been any little hints she's been feeling unhappy or stressed
I'd definitely start with gp,andidprobably speak to school to see if there's anything going on there.gp should push to be assessed.either thru cahms or a+e if concerns are for imminent well being.should you feel she is in acute crisis during the night tonight go to a+e.i was advised of this when my son wascrashingand burning with acute Panic Attacks.
Feel free to offload here and we are around to listen
Let us know how you get on

Talk it's heartening to hear a positive cahms experience.and that you seem to be getting some external support.whilst im sure in your heart you cant help but feel somewhat helpless see you child like this (we all do)you sound very well organized and focused where you need to concentrate your efforts and what needs to happen to help her move forward.shes very lucky to have a mum that supports and advocates so well

Yes there’s been signs and I feel like the world’s shittiest mum for not acting sooner. I didn’t think she was genuinely depressed. She’s previously said she feels dead inside, and that she doesn’t belong on this earth. When I’ve asked what she’s meant she’s laughed it off or denied it and said she’s fine.

I was going to take her today anyway as yesterday morning she was very tearful refusing school and saying that there’s nothing good in her life just now ☹️, I think she tried to make herself fall down the stairs too but not 100% sure as she says she tripped.

For a while now she’s shown signs of anxiety but it’s been worse the last few months, and since she was around 3 she’s gone through phases of OCD behaviour.

I took her to the Gp once when she was 6 and having a prolonged episode where she was paranoid about spiders, she wouldn’t enter a room (even toilet) without me going in with her, even when I checked it first for spiders & bugs, and she slept in my bed each night, randomly screaming out in her sleep. GP said she would refer her for CBT or similar if it continued but she stopped it soon after the visit so I didn’t follow it up.

I’m keeping her off school again today, and have managed to get an appointment for 9.30 this morning.

tiktokliploplet us know how you get on
Please remember hindsight is a great way to beat yourself up s a mum.in hindsight my D's has always had anxiety but we just kind of accepted it as "way he is" and assumed he was ok as didn't spot anything major ....until he had this full on breakdown please be kind to yourself

Hi, just saw this thread & thought parents might be interested in this workbook I use for myself, which is also really great for teens & young people. I was recommending to a parent of a teenage boy on another thread, when I saw this thread.
Here is very good, succinct review of the book by an American therapist, who uses it with her young patients..(I use the book alone without a therapist & it works really well, very easy)...

I'm also autistic & it's really effective for me.

Nobody could get to sleep last night, then DS2 was in our room on the tablet before 5am, not woken up by the TV room light, as it was before DH got up.

Thank you. GP was very concerned and called CAMHS there and then. Couldn’t get them so left a message for them to call me back which they did this morning.

She isn’t deemed high risk and doesn’t think she needs a referral urgently. She’s emailing me workbooks to go through with her to help her anxiety. If I feel she needs to speak to someone (dd has said she will not talk to anyone!) then I’ve to get in touch with this person and they’ll do a proper referral to see someone.

I’ve to send her to school tomorrow and I’ve messaged teacher to arrange a meeting.

She’s full of life this afternoon and so happy, hopefully it’s not just a mask so I’ll drop things.

tiktokliplop at least you're mindful of potential masking.
Not sure how they can seem her not high risk,but at least you have a plan and point if contacts

talktomegently

oops sorry about that - posted too soon!
talk to me gently Our situation is somewhat similar....hugs and for you. My DS has been away from school for 2 1/2 months - he is 15 and also has ASD. We struggle to get him to open up and articulate his feelings. I spent the last month or so looking at alternative ways to obtain a high school certificate or equivalent (I live in Canada), as his refusal/anxiety to return to school is so strong I cannot see it happening. I also understand struggling to cope with your 'new reality', especially now when you are in the thick of it. I agree with Zoo, you sound like a wonderful mom and the perfect advocate for your child. I see better days ahead .

Tiktokliplop I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Was she not deemed high risk because she had not actually attempted self-harm? Even with the video? I'm not sure what criteria is used to assess high-risk, but perhaps it may be previous attempts or a pattern of self-harm. My DS was assessed as a high risk for self harm and medium risk for harming others a couple of months ago. He is getting better (because he is getting help and his anxiety/depression has lessened). There is hope, and you are a wonderful mum - your daughter is 9 and she will be getting help at her young age when it is most effective. Please keep us posted. Hugs xx