Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Happy Sunday - wishing a good day to all!

Bad morning and am now dipping into DS2' s trick-or-treat bag stuffing my face with chocolate to cope. DCs had physical altercation and it's been stressful trying to keep the peace. You know that feeling of defeat? Me right now. It'll pass, I know.

Zoo sounds like a great suggestion about cafe staffing. I live in a large city and we have fair share of homelessness, drug use, and mentally unwell people hanging in our neighborhood. DS1 has low tolerance for them and I try to encourage sympathy. Difficult because it's DS' anxiety that makes him intolerant. Worries what someone might unpredictably do. And to get to most shops in our neighbourhood or to the subway, he has to pass by them.
I work downtown in a building that encounters such vulnerable people on a daily basis. The opiod crisis is real and my employer offers naloxone training to staff. I hope my DCs will learn to be tolerant. That said, safety of staff is most important and your DD should not be put in a position where a vulnerable person can, well, become unpredictable.
Hope DS is ok. Will be thinking about you this week.

Philomena it's so hard when both parents aren't on the same page. Hopefully DS will catch up on sleep today. Is DH usually supportive or does he feel you're too strict?

Viking you are lovely the way you try and leave judgy pants elsewhere- not an easy thing.we all have days like those.they do indeed pass (and we will survive this one and those that follow)

Philomena gah
times like yours I'm glad my DP doesn't live with me as he would be like that.you need someone who has your back,esp when it's stressful.sending support and reminder you are doing what's best for your family and as you do it 24/7 you do know what's best.xx

viking I think he understands better now than he used to, but he doesn't get that DS2 has no lie-ins and neither do I, or that part of being boisterous involves making a mess, which gets tidied up by the DC. He also interprets 2 things falling on the floor as an "almighty crash".

Philomena good job your DH doesn't live here.between DC and 3cats he would think there was almighty crashes all but constantly
As for making a mess,making a mess that DOESNT get cleared away is the only type I'd be bothered about!!

Bad night with D's.combo of fireworks and school night

Hoping as all big local displays were sat/Sunday it's quieter tonight

As for school- this damn flu bug just won't go away and I feel atrocious...there's no cold,runny nose etc.but the aching limbs and exhaustion are relentless and thought trailing 20 minutes to school.sitting in school office until he's done 40 minutes of school work(which could take a long time as being there and panicking doesn't count) and trailing home again...lil zoo can tag along with dd2 as both schools are on the same road(dd2 bottom of hill by nature reserve,lil zoo walks up the hill to top to hers)as an hour round trip might finish me off...she's still not 100% either..was up til gone 11 feeling hot.fingers X she's ok as school photos today and we missed out last year on one as she changed schools before old one did theirs and new one had just done already week before!
Back to D's.theres no one else to take him in today.dads at work til 4pm,did sleep over so already there he will not step foot outside alone.but can I make it there and back?what do I do as I don't want ruin his progress

Did you get him in zoo? No tantrums today until he was actually in the line, because I told him to follow school rules, look straight ahead and keep silent, even tried "you're KS2, show the little ones how to behave."

Getting as far as a playground without any issues is in itself an achievement Philomena I feel awful when the trip to get there's stressful and I'm sure D's isn't then ready to sit and learn anything once he's in a tizzy
No I didn't make it,so on cleaning detail..helping put things away,get washing etc..I basically moving around sitting down sorting and tidying and he's putting it back where belongs and passing me stuff.not exciting but I don't want him thinking be at home all the times just a jolly on computer/phone/doing what he wants

Good idea.

I find that if I try and use the "Mum Tone" he gets angry, but then if I don't he thinks I'm joking.

It's a fine line for some between joking and in deep trouble.is he like it with everyone or just those close to him(as in something defiance? Or upset with himself did something wrong and doesn't want you to think badly of him?)

DH would never use the tone, he tries to discipline by being nice, which doesn't work with either of them. I think he really doesn't like being told what to do. My aunt always says he behaves perfectly at hers, but I suspect that's because they're allowed to fight there. I must ask his teacher how he is with her.

There's a BIG difference between not being told off and allowed to get away with everything!!I really could swing for your aunt.other than respite I'd want wring her neck!!
My dp doesn't discipline either.scared they won't like him...I said they're not ment to like us all the time - we are their parents,not their mates

Everyone was lovely and happy this morning, I think because DD left at 7.30 for her reading booster. 😆

How's everyone else's day been?

Zoo thank you so much for the lovely compliment - made my day . I hope you start to feel better soon - your flu sounds nasty! Hopefully you had a good decent sleep/rest last night.
Did you have enough energy to bring DS in today? If so, hope it went well

Philomena glad to hear your morning was good!

Back at work full time and quarrel with DH last night (or rather, DH started it and I couldn't be bothered was too tired to engage. Fun times .

Wishing everyone a good Tuesday! xx

Viking oh dear.hows D's getting on btw?
Philomena funny how quiet time with no siblings irritating them makes SUCH a difference isn't it?!

Well DS went today.not only was it a 45 mins slot but left there(not waited in office for him)I drag self along as he was freaking pretty bad at notion and he's most anxious leaving me so I felt I needed to go with dp or he'd associate be left by dad,not me!he didn't do any work but stayed the time expected.i was exhausted once got back so dp picked him up and will take n collect tom as shift allows.
Dsore clingy and anxious now,but I'm proud of him

That's brilliant zoo! for your DS!

How wonderful for DS today, Zoo ! Yay!!

No progress with DS1. Can't see him finishing high school so looking at other ways to obtain his diploma. There are college courses available but you have to be 18 so a couple of years away for that. Here we also have standardized tests you can take that are the equivalent to a high school diploma. Called a GED (general equivalency diploma) - I like the idea of DS1 preparing for these.
Then he can get into college and hopefully get a diploma or certificate in computer software/programming/this sort of thing.

Over here, to complete high school through to grade 12, he needs 30 credits, and I don't see it happening. The funny thing is the classes he finds the worst are Art and Phys. Ed.!

I have accepted that my boys do not learn 'traditionally' (as capable as they are). Because of where they are on the ASD spectrum, I've learned to think practically regarding their futures. I've accepted this and am content with it. The anxiety and behaviour DS had this year brings home that their mental health comes before anything else - so I'm ok with looking for alternatives!

Viking when you have DC that don't fit into other people ideal boxes you learn to think outside the box!love idea of prepping for tests that'll allow for college still so he has opportunities for the future
I'm uncertain as to where D's will end up.i told dp I'm giving it a few more weeks allowing school to dictate the pace of return but if I feel it's impacting him mentally to much I will stand up and say so(not something I'm good at it/ will find way to do)I don't want anxiety to escalate to levels depression sets in hard.i know how bloody hard depression us to handle,add in teen hormones to that mix scares me tbh so keen to try and head that off if I can
I asked cahms who takes responsibility for deciding what's too much for him and was firmly told i do,so I will
I rang them and asked where my letter confirming outcome of meeting was.apparently it's in a queue to be signed off and sent(if letters are in a queue lord alone knows how long be for the appointments!!)
She outlined gist of it.referals in place for anxiety specialist team and also with consultant.
School takes care of and health assessment support(social care)
Gp to moniter his weight,poss screen bloods to check vitamin and mineral levels as his apetite down

Perhaps I painted a simplistic picture of equivalency certificates - at least in DS1's situation. Big question mark if he's actually up to task and capable. In my province, when he turns 16 (8 weeks from now), we can no longer force him to go to school so we lose control as parents. DS1 not aware of this but he may find out and then what? The goal is to not get him stressed and anxious to the point he gives up entirely and starts talking about harm/self harm again.

Zoo - you are level-headed and have a wealth of experience with your DS that school does not have. You are gauging things well and are on top of things even though it may feel like the opposite. I dread school meetings/issues too but our only choice is to get on with it as no one else will advocate for your child. Still, not easy and I'm not always confident with my own decisions . Been many low points and many tears shed but our skin gets a little thicker each time.

Viking

One scream this morning, DS2 accused DD of pushing him off the bureau, which I doubt. She'd spent 45 minutes getting dressed, which after everything else left her 5 minutes on the tablet, so I suspect she told him to move quickly. I told him to shift his bum because she had so little time, problem solved. 😆

Not too bad today then Philomena
DS wasn't great on way there.manages his 45 mins tho but isn't in either a calm or good mood now home.hes snapping and shouting at everything....think stress of its coming out.at me.oh the joys!

Because you're safe. DD does that to me. DS2's equally angry at everyone. He's just come off a behaviour sheet at school, he was back on another one in a matter of hours.

Philomena
I've sent DS upstairs to his room with a dvd.desire to strangle him was getting too much-needed rant at me/being clingy.aaaargh
Might bake a cake for stress relief(and comfort eating) purposes

Sounds like a plan. 😆